"Daniel Radcliffe," Majesty read the celebrity's name from the list. She looked at Peachy with dismay. "You want me to kidnap Harry Potter?"
"He's NOT Harry Potter," Lemondrop told the Unicorn Queen. "He's merely a short guy who wears a robe and waves around a wand to collect a paycheck."
"So he doesn't have magical powers?" Majesty's forelock curled about her horn skeptically.
"Nope," Peachy said confidently. "He's just a British actor."
"Alright," Majesty whinnied. "Where can I find him?"
Peachy pulled back a large curtain. Behind an array of colorful ribbons and barrettes and beside her collection of pony hats - there was an intricate computerized GPS system. An array of multi-colored dots moved about the screen.
"There," she pointed with her hoof. "New York."
Majesty then closed her eyes and concentrated. The horn on her head began to magically glow, in preparation to teleport her to The Big Apple.
"Expelliarmus, Harry Potter."
Chapter Five – Daniel Radcliffe
Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. Daniel Radcliffe, however is up for grabs.
Daniel Radcliffe sat alone in his posh Manhattan penthouse. It was close to 1am on a Friday night and he was relaxing with a few drinks and a certain (illegal) herbal substance.
He was a feeling a little melancholy since the Harry Potter series was over. It had been his trademark (and basically his entire career). He hadn't done much else – unless you count that play he did completely nude (ew!) – and now his Broadway debut. (Though "How to Succeed in Business without Actually Trying" had more words in the title than people sitting in the audience)
Anyway, Daniel had bigger things to worry about. Such as his love life – or lack thereof at the present moment. He opened the People Magazine and stared at her picture. She was beautiful. He wanted so much to get to know her better. But that was easier said than done. She hadn't returned any of his calls or texts.
He picked up his cell phone and dialed his old chum, Emma Watson. She'd been his eye into a woman's mind for as long as he could remember.
"Ello Daniel," she said when she answered her phone.
"Ello Ems," he replied.
"She hasn't called back yet, has she?" Emma asked, getting right to the point.
"Am I that obvious?"
"Give her a few days. I'm sure she's very busy."
"Do you think I should send her another text?"
"How many have you sent her?"
"Eleven."
"I think that's more than enough."
"But I want her to know it's me, Harry Potter and not Harry, Prince Harry."
"I think she knows, Daniel."
"But from what I'm reading in People Magazine – she's…"
"Put the tabloids down before you do something stupid," Emma told him sternly. "If it's not already too late."
"Very well," Daniel agreed, folding over the page so only her photo was visible.
"Now get some sleep. It's got to be past midnight for you."
Daniel set his phone down in front of him then picked it back up scrolling through his speed dial. He wanted so much to talk to her again; to hear her sweet voice. He brought her photo to his lips and kissed it.
"I love you, Pippa Middleton."
Yes. Daniel Radcliffe had a wicked crush on the sister of the new Princess. He certainly hoped the rumors about her and Prince Harry dating weren't true. Because, honestly – how do you compete with a Prince? Granted Harry was the second in line and unless something catastrophic happened, he would never be more than a Prince. But still – he was of Royal Blood, with land and power and …
"It's no use," Daniel muttered sinking back into his leather recliner. "Being one of the richest people in England isn't enough! In order to have a chance with Pippa – I'd have to be a Prince." He took a long, long puff of a certain green substance rolled in a white paper and then exhaled slowly.
When the haze cleared, a small white unicorn with a teal blue mane and tail stood beside him on the arm of his chair.
"Harry Potter," she spoke authoritatively. "I am here to kidnap you."
"What the?" Daniel blurted. Was there seriously a tiny talking unicorn in his penthouse?
He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes.
When he looked again she was still there, tail swishing side to side expectantly.
"Are you real?" he asked.
"Of course I'm real," she snorted indignantly.
Daniel swallowed and looked at the baggie he'd nearly emptied through the course of the evening. "That's some strong effing shit," he proclaimed. "I'm bloody hallucinating." He made a mental note to NEVER buy anything from Chace Crawford again.
"You're not hallucinating," the little unicorn declared. "I'm just as real as you are."
"Okay," Daniel nodded, tentatively reaching a hand toward her.
"What are you doing?" she asked disappearing from site – only to reappear a few feet away.
"How did you do that?" Daniel asked.
"I'm Queen of the Unicorns," she told him. "And now you're coming with me."
That was the last thing Daniel remembered.
-o-
When he awoke he was crammed in a very tiny room. There were no doors – just a miniscule window – barely large enough to fit his arm through. He walked the room several times – which equated spinning in a circle – until he was dizzy.
"You've been kidnapped." A strange voice said. "As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go."
"Where am I?" he asked, head beginning to clear from the earlier rotation.
"You're in the tower, where you'll remain our prisoner until we receive the money."
"Tower? As in a castle tower?"
"Yes."
A wild thought went through Daniel's mind. "See here's the thing," Daniel rubbed his palms together. "I need a castle and you need money. So how about I just buy this castle? Five million pounds sound fair?"
"You want to buy the castle?"
"And everything that goes with it," Daniel bartered skillfully. "From the furniture to the paintings. I want it all, including the title of KING."
"You really want to buy this castle?"
"Absolutely," Daniel said as visions of himself and Pippa dancing in the grand ballroom filled his mind.
"SOLD."
-o-
"Sign here and here. And initial here," the lawyer told Daniel, who happily scrawled his name on document after document without reading a word. All he could think about was the golden crown he was wearing on his head and the fact that in a few short moments he would officially be a King.
"And that's it," the lawyer gathered up the papers and pushed them into file folder. "You'll receive the deed in about 72 hours, Your Majesty."
Daniel grinned from ear to ear. He eagerly sent out a TWITTER to his fans about his new title as he walked through the large wooden gates. He crossed the drawbridge and held his breath as he spun around, about to take in the sight of his new castle.
His eyes bulged from their sockets.
His new castle was VERY brightly colored with dozens of velvet flags flying from atop its turrets.
YIKES.
He hoped Pippa liked Neon Pink.
-o-
"I can't believe he paid me five million pounds for the Dream Castle," Majesty grinned as she admired her account balance on the screen on her new laptop. "Even MIB (Mint in Box) on Ebay it only goes for about $250 – and that's on a good day."
"So who do we kidnap next?" she asked.
"Well," Peachy and Lemondrop exchanged a worried look. "We weren't planning on kidnapping anyone else," Peachy told the Queen.
"Since we have all the money we need," Lemondrop spoke up. "We were just going to quit while we were ahead."
"You can never have enough money. Never." Majesty informed them. "Now where's that list?"
"Uh-oh," the ponies looked at each other. A power-hungry unicorn was never, never a good thing.
"How about this one?" Majesty set the list down on the table, drawing an imaginary underline with her horn.
"Baby, Baby, Baby" Peachy sighed when she saw the name.
"Ohhhhhhh - Baby, Baby, Baby," Lemondrop added.
Majesty lowered her head; her horn began to magically glow again. "I think I feel an acute case of BieberFever coming on," she told the ponies just before she disappeared.
Chapter Six – Justin Bieber
Owned by the labels: Island and RBMG. Discovered by Scooter. Mentored by Usher. Borrowed by me.
"Cramp! Cramp!" Justin Bieber yelped, the sharpie fell out of his hand and onto the floor. "Mom, help!" he whined, holding out his hurting appendage to his mother. She immediately began to massage her little boy's writing hand.
"How many more?" he moaned, looking at the sea of guitars piled up in the room. SONY was donating autographed guitars to several charities as part of PR event. And Justin was one of just three celebrities voted by their fans to sign them.
"About a hundred," his mother answered.
"A hundred," the teen groaned. "Can I take a break?" he asked his manager.
"Go ahead. Ten minutes."
"Thank you," Justin got up from the table and went into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and took out his phone.
"Hey JB," Selena Gomez said in a rather sultry tone as she answered his call.
"Hey," he replied, his own voice mimicking hers. "So where are you?"
"In my bedroom."
"What are you doing?"
"Looking at those pictures you sent me."
"Which ones?"
"From Sean Kingston's house."
"Oh, yeah," he grinned.
"Why don't you ever invite me out with your friends?"
"Uhhhhh," Justin stammered. Her question caught him off-guard. Apparently she didn't know about the unspoken "No Girlfriends" rule when a guy hangs out with his crew. "I thought you were bowling with the Glee cast."
"Nope."
"Oh. Next time," he told her.
"Promise?" she asked.
"Promise," he lowered his voice just enough to be PG sexy. "You know you're my girl."
"I know, but it seems like you always ditch me for your R&B friends."
"I'm sorry, Sel," Justin told her. I'll make it up to you."
"You will?"
"Next time we go out on the yacht – I'll let you give me a massage in front of the paparazzi."
"Even TMZ?"
"Even TMZ. But I gotta go sign a bunch of guitars."
"Text me later."
"Yeah."
Justin quickly hung up the phone with Selena and called his best friend and mentor, Usher.
"My Man!" Usher said enthusiastically. "I was just about to call you."
"Oh yeah?"
"How would you like to fly out to Vegas tonight and party with Beyonce?"
"Beyonce?" Justin could barely fight the drool. "I would LOVE to go."
"I thought so. My jet will be at the airport."
"OhmyGod," Justin gushed after he'd hung up his phone. "Beyonce." He felt a tremor of nervous energy travel through his stomach. "My hair has to be perfect," he said to his reflection as he ran a fingertip across his brow. "And what should I wear? OhmyGod," he jumped up and down with excitement. "Tonight I'm hanging with Beyonce!"
He sent a text to his BFF Jayden Smith.
JB: BIG PLANS 2NITE
Jayden wrote back immediately.
JS: ?
JB: BEYONCE
JS: NFW
JB: YFW
JS: HAVE FUN
JB: I WILL ; )
The anticipation pulsed through Bieber and he signed the guitars quickly – all the while thinking about what he'd be doing the remainder of the evening. When he'd finished with the autographs, he went back to his hotel room to shower and change.
Two hours later, he still wasn't sure his hair was perfect – but his mother, his two body guards, and his stylist (who he'd brought in on an emergency SKYPE) assured him it was.
His bodyguards escorted him to the limousine awaiting him in the rear of the hotel – as that's where most celebrities sneak in and out. There was a very small crowd waiting and JB hastily signed a few more autographs and posed for a few pictures before heading for the airport.
The streets were busy at this hour, and the limo stopped several times and waited in traffic. Justin was getting impatient. He wanted to be on the plane NOW! He wanted to see the lovely Beyonce NOW!
"There's a detour," the driver told him and his bodyguards.
"Whatever," Justin rolled his eyes. A detour just meant it would take that much longer to get to Vegas. He pulled out his phone and started messing around with one of the newest apps he'd downloaded.
A few minutes later there was a horrible jolt as the limo had obviously run over something. The driver brought the limo to a screeching halt.
"Shit," Justin cursed (OMG!). That's all he needed was to get in a stupid car accident right now.
"Why are we stopping?" One of his bodyguards asked the driver.
"Hit something," the driver replied.
"No shit," Justin cursed (again!). "Go see what happened," he said to his bodyguard, who obligingly got out of the limo to look. The front door opened as well and Justin heard the driver get out of the vehicle too.
Several minutes later, neither had returned.
"What the hell?" Justin muttered in annoyance. "Go see what they're doing," he told the other bodyguard.
"I'm not supposed to leave your side," the bodyguard replied.
Justin sighed heavily. Having bodyguards sucked sometimes.
"Fine, then I'll go too." JB opened the door and stepped out into the street.
That was the last thing Justin remembered.
-o-
When he awoke there was nothing but sand for miles.
SAND!
He sat up and ran a hand gently over his perfect hair.
SHIT!
There was sand in his hair. And in his clothes. And in his shoes. Hell, there was sand EVERYWHERE!
"ARGHHHHH!" he screamed getting to his feet, dusting himself off. "This sucks! This sucks! This sucks!" he chanted. "This really, really SUCKS!"
And then, when he thought no one was looking; Justin Bieber threw a mini-temper tantrum. He kicked the sand, swung his fists at an imaginary opponent and screamed the dreaded "F" word several times. When he was finished he tossed back his head, placed his hands on his size 22 inch waist and breathed deeply.
"Are you done?" A strange voice asked.
"Who are you?" Justin looked around him in surprise. He had no idea that someone else was there.
"You've been kidnapped." A strange voice said. "As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go."
"Kidnapped?" Justin asked. "Are you serious?"
"Yes. We will not let you have any food or water until we receive the money."
"Yeah, well – there's going to be plenty of people looking for me," Justin told the voice. He took his phone out of his pocket and tried to dial his mother.
NO SIGNAL
"Figures," Justin groaned. "Look I have to be somewhere important. How much money did you want?"
"One million dollars."
Justin frowned. Was hanging with Beyonce worth one million dollars? He reached for his hair, which still contained remnants of sand. He couldn't go like this – he'd have to shower and change again – and by that time… it would probably be too late.
"I'll just wait it out," Justin decided. He laid down in the sand and looked up at the stars. With his hectic schedule, it wasn't often that he got a chance to appreciate some downtime.
"Well how about this?" the voice said. "Either you pay me one million dollars or I'll put the video I took of you on YouTube."
"What video?" Justin asked.
"The one of you sleeping with a My Little Pony."
"I never slept with…,"
"Never say Never, Justin."
With those words Justin's phone buzzed with an incoming message (which was strange considering this whole time his phone had no signal). He opened the attachment and was shocked to find a video of himself, sound asleep with a giant pink stuffed pony tucked under his arm.
"This can't be me," Justin played the video again. But it was him.
As good as YouTube had been to him in the past – he knew better than to risk something like this getting out. While the hoards of pre-teen female fans might not care (they might even think it was cute) – he knew Usher, Scooter, Sean and Jayden would care - and what if he got dropped from the label because of a My Little Pony scandal. It would be humiliating!
No!
JB was not going down like that!
"FINE!" Justin scowled. "I'll get you the money. BUT – you have to destroy all copies of this video."
"Deal."
JB put his cell to his ear and dialed.
"Mom, I need an advance on my allowance."
-o-
Back at the Pretty Parlor, Majesty had covered the floor with dirty cash. She rolled about in the greenbacks laughing hysterically. Bills clung to her mane and tail. Her unspoiled white hair shone brightly against the sea of deep green. Her horn illuminated the room, casting eerie shadows along the Pony Wear that lined the shelves.
"Mine," she cackled evilly. "It's all mine!"
From just beyond the doorway Blossom, Blue Bell, Butterscotch, Cotton Candy, Minty, and Snuzzle all watched with horror.
"It's like she's caught Mad Cow disease," Butterscotch whispered.
"We have to do something," Blossom told the other mares.
"Like what?" Cotton Candy asked.
"We could ask her nicely to stop kidnapping celebrities," Minty suggested.
"Or we could help her find a hew hobby – like chasing butterflies," Snuzzle offered.
"Or sliding down rainbows," Cotton Candy smiled.
"Or catching falling raindrops!" Blossom whinnied.
"What about running across a flower filled meadow…"
Peachy and Lemondrop looked at each other with deep concern. Clearly the Original Collector Six had no idea how dire this situation was. They had no idea that nothing could stop Majesty now.
Nothing except:
The Magic Mirror.
Dun Dun Dun….
FIN
Thank you to everyone for reading this. I hope it gave you a few laughs along the way.
-Gemma
