A/N: I would like to mention that I am a Chair shipper, and this story will most likely end up in that general direction. The only reason it isn't classified under those two characters is because the whole story will not be about them. In the flashback, in Blair's letter, the 'quote' is from 'Legends of the fall'.
Chapter Three- Questions You Didn't Want to Ask
Flashback
Blair sat at the desk of her new dorm room, the silence surrounding her. In her hand, a single piece of paper. She brought it up to eye level and reread the words she had written.
Dear
Chuck,
of all the things I've ever done, letting you go was the
hardest. It pains me to think that everything we had and everything
we were is now a faded memory. It hurts me even worse to know that I
never heard those three words from you, and I have now come to
believe that you may have never been able to say them. I now know,
you never felt them, at least for me. I've never been one to dwell
on things in the past and I hope that when we eventually cross paths
in the future, you understand that there are no more hard feelings
for you. Charles, 'I have nowhere to send this letter and no reason
to believe you wish to receive it. I write it only for myself. And so
I will hide it away along with all the things left unsaid and undone
between us'.
Blair
It was more than a letter. It was her ending. She needed him to be behind her, locked away in some box and left there. If she looked at Chuck as the person; the walking and living thing that could instantly come back into her life and heart, she'd never be able to move on. If she could allow him to be this letter; a piece of paper she could lock away, then he could never hurt her again.
End Flashback
Blair's eyes opened slowly and adjusted to the light in her room. She scanned the room and her eyes settled on Chuck, his head in his hands, and slumped over in a chair. For a brief moment, she entertained the thought that he was worried about her well being. Quickly, she shoved the thought back into her own little mental box of things she kept from thinking about. "Chuck," she managed to say.
He looked up and for a brief second, she saw the relief in his eyes. He was worried about her. "Blair," he whispered.
The air was thick between them, of all the things that needed explaining. She could practically see his mind whirling with what to ask her about first. "What are you doing in here?"
"Your husband is being accosted by his family. It didn't sit well with the Humphrey clan that he married without letting them know." He raised an eyebrow at her and leaned back in the seat. "I thought I'd be more interested in the answers I got in here."
Blair sighed and sat up slowly. "I don't have to explain anything to you Bass. Get out."
He laughed, "Oh no Blair, I think you do. I think you have a lot of explaining to do."
She sighed and stood up out of bed. He watched her like a hawk and she knew that he was expecting her to spill her guts. He didn't know her at all anymore. "You aren't in any position in my life to make demands from me Bass. Now, I'm going to join my husband. He shouldn't have to explain all this alone." She reached the door before he grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Bass…"
"You will explain," he said in a low, almost terrifying voice. "Start," he pulled her over and sat her in the chair he had just left, "with Jack."
Her eyes got big and she looked anywhere but at him. In all these years, she had forgotten her biggest betrayal of all. "What do you want to hear Chuck? That I slept with Jack, you should know that by now."
"I want to know why," he said quickly. He leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. He seemed so casual, but inside she knew he was fuming.
"When Jack showed up, I asked him to find you. He was content with letting you kill yourself with drugs and whores, and why not when he had everything to gain. But I asked him to find you and bring you back. And Jack's price was steep." She said it all without looking at him, because even Blair didn't have the courage.
Chuck stared down at the brunette girl and debated forgetting all about everything else she had to explain and pulling her to him. "You slept with Jack so he'd find me?"
"I had to," she said quickly and pulled her eyes up to his. "You were dying out there, somewhere you were all alone with nothing but drugs, alcohol, and whores to keep you company. You needed to be back where people cared for you, you needed to be back with…"
"You," he finished for her. She could only nod in response and suddenly Chuck felt like an ass. It was shortly after Blair left for Yale that Chuck got the letter from his uncle. In it was everything from the weeks leading up to Jack finding him, including the revelation that Blair had slept with him. Jack had painted the picture in quite a different way, and Chuck had been so angry. "I am sorry to mention it," he finally said.
"No," she said in response, "you needed to know that I wasn't the whore I'm sure Jack painted me to be. You needed to know what your uncle asked for in return for bringing you back." She didn't add that he needed to know what she had sacrificed for him. It went without saying.
"Why Humphrey and when?" He tried to make his voice calm, but even to him it sounded angry.
Blair sighed. "No, if you want to play this game of questions, you will have to answer too Bass. What happened to Nate?"
Chuck could have sworn his jaw hit the floor. He didn't expect her to ask that, he didn't expect to have to answer. "Well…"
Flashback
Chuck and Nate were sitting in his room, watching the doctor pack his things up. The monitors were beeping as a signal that, even though he was still alive, Nate's fate was no longer in his own hands. The doctor nodded to the two men and left quietly. "You really did pay top dollar for me to be here," Nate said in a quiet voice. All of the boyish charm that he had was faded and in its place was his sickness's hard presence. "Thank you," he said to Chuck.
Chuck only nodded in response, his eyes fixed on the monitor that followed Nate's heartbeat. Even to him, he couldn't understand why she wasn't here. "I'm sorry she didn't come," he said.
Nate turned to look out the window of the penthouse apartment Chuck had settled him into. "It isn't your fault she isn't here," he said quietly. "She might come if she knew, but damn it, I don't want her to know. And I'm kind of glad she isn't here, I don't want her to see me like this."
"If you would ask Serena…"
"No," Nate said firmly. "The reason she isn't here is not because of you Chuck, and even if it is, I don't hold you responsible for it. You've told her I wished to see her. She sent her answer. Nothing can be changed now." Nate turned to face the dark haired man he had been friend with since childhood. "I always thought you would die first," he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.
Chuck smiled, but it was a weak smile, of a man seeing his friend give up. "If she had come, would you be fighting harder?"
N ate shook his head. "I am not giving up because she isn't here. I learned long ago that she loved you more. I accepted that. The truth is Chuck, I'm tired. I am tired of fighting a war against something that can't be changed. One day Chuck, you'll get tired of fighting against fate, against you and Blair." Nate reached out and took Chuck's hand. "I'll miss you," he said softly.
Chuck cried then, the first time he had cried since his father died. "I'll miss you too Nate." And before his eyes, Nate Archibald took his last breath.
End Flashback
Tears were streaming down her face when he finished telling her. "I didn't know," she said softly. "I never even knew he had gotten sick."
"I wanted to scream at you, tell you that while you were stuck in your own little world, Nate was dying. But he didn't want you to know how bad it was, he didn't want to force you home when you didn't want to be there. Even in the end, Nate was thinking more about others than himself." Chuck turned away from her and looked out the window. "Why did you marry Humphrey Blair?"
Blair watched him with curious eyes. It seemed that he was willing himself not to look at her, and she wondered if she would see disgust in his eyes. After all, Nate had wanted to see her and she said no. "Dan and I started being friends almost immediately when we started Yale. Something about him made me think of all the things I had left behind. He bridges the gap between what I was and what I was becoming. Somewhere along the lines, he fell for me. We started dating and at the end of our junior year, he proposed. I said yes."
He didn't turn back to her, instead he found himself wishing he could fly out the window. "Do you love him?"
She never got the chance to answer. The door flew open and her mother entered with Dorota. As they asked of her well being, Chuck slipped out the door.
