Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See Chapter 2.

I'm still not really sure about posting this because there is no real plot and I'm probably not going to add some exciting new storyline to it, either. I'm not really into contrived plots, this is more like a journey into the characters' (Summer's) emotions, a study if you will, more or less following the events of the show. I have fragments of similar things started for other times of the show, too. I'm only telling you now so you won't be disappointed about it later. It's like putting into written words what I've always thought the characters felt while watching.

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She just didn't get him.

Not that that was something completely new.

She had never gotten certain things about him. Like his music or those stupid shark movies.

But she had gotten him. They had gotten each other.

Or so she had thought.

Then she had thought that it had all been part of her imagination. That it hadn't been special. That it hadn't been real. That he hadn't liked her the way she had liked him.

How else could he have gotten over her like this?

He had only been looking for an easy way to get away from her. So he had left.

She had been fooled.

He had always prefered blonds.

And then he had to look at her like this. Like maybe it had been all true after all. He had felt the same way about her. And he remembered.

And she couldn't stop thinking about that fucking look for almost a week now.

And then Marissa had to come over with this story. About how Alex was gay and her and Seth had broken up. Gay. She was gay. And they had broken up.

Was she happy? Was she gleeful?

Well, that's what she had told Marissa. And herself. She was. She was gleeful.

But she was also disappointed. She wouldn't say that, though.

Deep, deep down, somewhere in the darkest corner of her heart, she would have secretly wished it had been because of her and the look they had shared.

Obviously, it hadn't meant the same for him. Like always.

God, she was so stupid.

She needed to stop looking for signs in everything he did. And he needed to stop looking at her like that.

Her head really, really hurt from thinking that much.

She was going to spend the evening with Zach. He was the one she was going to think about. He was great. He was popular among her old crowd, he was good looking, well mannered, he came from a good family, he played water polo, he treated her perfectly, her dad loved him, he…

Yeah…

If only she didn't have to kiss him.

Summer Roberts didn't enjoy kissing some random guy.

Someone should have told her that one and a half years ago.

Though, she had never really enjoyed that kissing back then, either. It had just been part of the game. Or whatever. But this boy wasn't even random. He was her boyfriend, for God's sake. She was supposed to enjoy it. Kissing your boyfriend was something that was required from the public.

And he didn't even really try to press her into doing anything else. It was almost weird. Not that she had complained so far but still.

What was wrong with him?

She was hot.

Well, she could ask the same question about herself.

The kisses they shared seriously weren't that intimate most of the time. But when he did tentatively shove his tongue in her mouth, she just didn't feel anything. It didn't feel like anything. Like forgetting everything around you. Like forgetting your name and everything else you ever knew. Like being completely lost.

With Zach, there was just like a tongue in her mouth. Which was kind of gross when you thought about it.

She didn't feel anything else anywhere else.

She was pretty sure that that was supposed to be different.

No, she was completely sure that that was supposed to be different. She knew.

It wasn't that she thought he was gross. But still. She just didn't really need to kiss him like that all too often.

She remembered that she had once read something about "kissing somebody and meaning it". She actually thought that she understood that.

It was pretty much the same with the touching. Again, she wasn't grossed out by him or anything. But she didn't really need his hands on her bare skin, either. She didn't care to feel his skin.

She had to sleep with him eventually, though.

She had told Marissa she was ready. Which was ridiculous because only the thought of…

But she had to.

Everybody did it with their new partner.

Obviously.

But she was not going to go into that.

She was going to spend the evening with Zach. And she was going to enjoy it because he was her boyfriend and he was great.

That's what she had honestly planned when she had gotten out of the house and into her car. She had been almost half the way to his house when she had made a wrong turn and ended up here.

She parked in a shadow and watched what was going on in the driveway. She observed Lindsay arriving and disappearing into the house.

They had made it work. The break up. They had moved on. And they had been "so in love". But Ryan was obviously happy with Lindsay and Marissa didn't seem to mind at all.

So, what was wrong with herself? What the hell was she doing here?

She didn't seem to mind at all, either.

And as the hours moved on, Lindsay left and more and more lights went off inside the house.

Only one person didn't seem to find any sleep.

He was probably mourning over his break up with the bar chick.

She had to drive home.