Title: Towards the Sun
Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion
Note from author: inspired in Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen.
I dont own naruto
.
Perhaps life is just that... a dream and a fear.
Joseph Conrad (1857-1924) British novelist.
.
.
.
.
That night I could not sleep.
My mind returned again and again to what had happened hours before. The festivities had lasted all day. On the way home, the only one really lively was Neji, who seemed not to be aware of the general mood while chattering about the fireworks, the people and the food. My mother smiled and nodded but it was obvious that her mind was elsewhere. My father, taciturn, had not said a word since we had left.
"Well children, it's late and it's bedtime." My mother declared shortly after arriving.
"You won't read a... story to us, daddy? " Neji asked stifling a yawn.
"No, Ne-chan. Today was a long day. Your father is tired. " She answered as she tried to put the pajama top over his head.
"But he always reads to us." He continued ignoring her. "Won't you, Daddy?"
My father, who until then had his back to us, turned to him.
"No, Neji," he said quietly. "Not today."
"But…"
"I said no!" He shouted, alarming us all. Neji stepped back with eyes wide open. My father never raised his voice.
Hizashi leaned on the wall and sighed. He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands.
"I'm sorry child. I'm too tired now. Tomorrow. " He muttered before leaving the room.
My brother nodded numbly and did not insist any more. My mother tucked us in and hurried after him. Soon after we heard voices. I turned to my brother's futon, he was also awake. I closed my eyes and tried to conjure the sleep that refused to come
The events of the day were too much for me. For starters, my preconceptions of the world around me were shattered. Now I was not even sure if I was in Japan at all, present or past. Oh! There were many similarities, starting with the language, from the style of the houses to clothing. Within our compound, in spite of the houses having some foreign elements in their construction They could pass as a traditional Japanese village. But, for a moment, beyond the walls delimiting it I saw a very different type of buildings.
While some roofs were similar, the only building you could find in medieval Japan with so many floors would be a medieval castle, a fortress or something equally monumental. What I had seen had all the earmarks of being flats. They were not the typical modern construction either. It was nothing similar to what I ever saw.
I felt lost.
The relative feeling of safety I had found in believing to know vaguely where I was now gone.
Nor could I forget the attitude of the clan towards me and my parents' reactions. The eyes full of pity or contempt, as if ... I did something very wrong or was some kind of victim... Was I really a disgrace to the family? Why? I was not old enough to have committed some felony. I just couldn't understand. It could not be by my parents, they were respected. Neji obviously was not whatever I was, but rather the opposite. Even the head of the clan had praised him in public.
It could not be for being female as the heir of the clan was a girl my own age. Despite all this my status had become very clear. It not only by the harsh comments of the old man ... Was he my grandfather? The man had called him father and addressed my father as brother. If I was her granddaughter then why ...?
And there was something I Hiashi-sama expresion... was it pity?
I shook my head, frustrated. Too many unanswered questions. I thought that I would find out that some answers when I got out but I found only more puzzles. There was nothing I could do but wait and see what happened.
I hated it.
During the hard winter I resumed my little project to make me literate, but I was unable to just move forward. I had reached a point where, alone, I could not go on.
After winter, spring arrived.
It started as a simple flu. A cold, typical of the time of the year in which we were. It was quite normal to be sick in the first days of spring. People with the good weather often went out dressed as if It was summer. Naturally, this was not a big problem for most, being shinobi, but it was for civilians. Unfortunately these conditions were highly contagious. As a result, a high percentage of the population, regardless of their occupation, ended up being victims of this annoying setback.
My clan was no exception. That year we all went through that stage. The first was Neji, who must have caught it of one the children with whom he trained with. The older ones went to the academy and, as every school, it was a hotbed of germs. Next to fall was my father. One positive thing was that having to stay home during those days meant we saw more of him, on the other hand, not that he was in high spirits. If it's funny to see an almost three years old child sulking about having to stay in bed for a couple of days, seeing a man in his thirties doing the same thing was downright ridiculous. A little more and my mother would have had to tie him to avoid his escape. Fortunately both my mother and I only suffered a simple sore throat, though hers did not seem to disappear completely.
With the good weather Neji began to spend more time in training, not just the few hours in morning from before. Apparently, despite just becoming a three year old, recently Hoheto-sensei had already seen fit to begin teaching him the basics of Juken, the combat style of our clan. My mother was very proud of him. Even my father began to employ more time with him. During the evenings Neji demonstrated what he had learned that day and father corrected, commented and gave him advice.
I admit I felt quite jealous and, much to my regret, I missed Ne-chan a little bit. As irritating and annoying as he was, the brat! Not that I longed for our fighting or our arguments. I just had gotten used to him. Humans can get used to almost anything.
Maybe my father noticed that I felt a little displaced, or for any other reason, but on the 10th of August, although it was not celebrated in any special way, he gave me the best birthday present he could have thought of. He began actively teaching reading to Neji, and therefore me.
It started with games. Matching drawings with symbols or identifying the sign with the correct drawing was one of them. My father made us compete with each other. That added it interest and made Neji learn quickly as he couldn't let his baby sister win at every turn. To my joy, he advanced very fast, and apparently a good photographic memory was a family trait.
All the cards were handmade. Watching my father work, sitting on the floor with his kimono sleeves gathered to avoid staining was quite a spectacle. With his bamboo brush and Chinese ink on rice paper he created true works of art. Each stroke firm but delicate. Simply beautiful.
To my delight, when he saw that I showed some interest he was more than willing to let me try. Neji, as one would expect, couldn't be less and we were soon each with our brush and our own piece of paper. My father did not know what he had done.
"Top down before." He said taking me in his lap and guiding my hand. "Left before right." Continued. "From side to side before crossing" My brother and I were so intensely looking that we barely blinked. He smiled.
"Now me! Now me!" exclaimed Neji. Still smiling, he sat Neji next to me and continued.
"From the center to the sides and from outside to inside. Always in a square. Now you."
Excited we got down to work, but we soon realized that the thing was not as easy as it looked. When my father tried his hand was fast and accurate, however for us it was ridiculously difficult to make a single line without filling the role of ink droplets or, achieving it, not blotting it all. Somewhat frustrated after several attempts I looked up and took a look at how Neji was doing. Apparently my brother did not have much more success than me. It was beginning to form a stack of stained papers by his side. Ne-chan seemed deliciously concentrated, frowning slightly tongue out, eyes without leaving the paper. I smiled slowly.
I wet my brush and, with a quick movement, I drew a line on his cheek. Interestingly, my best attempt thus far.
Neji looked up with wide eyes. His gaze on me, the brush and from the brush to me. Before I could defend myself I found myself with a nice tattoo all over my nose. I let out a battle cry. That was was war! Our battle began laughing.
My father looked at us funny.
"Children, do not think ..." He said calling our attention trying not to laugh. That was his mistake. We exchanged a look as Neji and I wielded our weapons. To our surprise, before the first drop of ink fell on his person, his energy just flickered and he disappeared in a small beam of smoke. Almost immediately I sensed his presence behind me at a safe distance. I looked at him stunned but before anyone could say anything my mother burst into the room.
She looked at us up and down noticing the ink stains on the floor, our clothes, face and hands. She was livid when he turned to my father.
"Hizashi! Can you explain what are you doing? " She smiled. It was not a pleasant smile.
"Just was teaching them to use a brush…" My father mumbled.
"Ah! I understand." Her voice was soft, but underneath there was an edge sharp as steel. "And that requires filling the floor, walls and clothing of ink ?
"They are starting. You cannot expect their first time to be perfect." He shrugged sheepishly.
"Hizashi!" That one was a scream. "No-" She was suddenly interrupted by an attack of dry cough.
My father frowned in worry and approached her. She shook her head feebly trying to reassure him but kept coughing.
"Are you okay?" He asked. "You should go see a medic. This is not normal."
"Yes." She said, once recovered. "Do not worry..." She stopped, staring at the hand with which she had covered her mouth and tried to hide it. He grabbed her wrist and examined it. His face darkened.
"Neji, why do not you take your sister with you and go to wash up?" He said trying to smile and failing miserably. That worried me even more. "Your mother and me to have to talk things over" something in his voice was off.
Neji doubted for a moment before getting a hold of my hand and do what he was told. He may only be a little boy but it was obvious to everyone in the room the sudden change. Something was incredibly wrong. I was too shocked to resist. I was almost sure I saw a glimpse of red in my mother's hand…
He dragged me to the bathroom. I cleaned the ink stains from my face and hands, my entire body was like an automaton, trying to process what had happened. When we left and reached the hall, we heard them.
"... How long have you been like this?" A silence in reply. "Please tell me that not since the beginning of Spring." There was a desperate note in the voice of my father. "And You hid it from me, why?"
"I know how worried you've been lately, by the clan, for the children. The tension between you and your brother and father... The last thing you needed was one more concern, especially for a simple cold that took some time to heal. "
"This is not a cold. I'll get Tadashi-sensei."
"Hizashi."
Ignoring her, my father jerked off the door and stormed out the room only to stop to see us standing in the hallway.
"What is it, Daddy?" I asked uncertainty.
"Mama is sick?" Neji said in a whisper, barely audible.
"Nothing. It's nothing, I just leaving a moment. Stay in your room and, Neji, take care of your sister." Again the same smile.
Neji nodded and we stayed in our room, waiting like obedient children. After a while, we heard him return followed by Tadashi Hyuga. Spying from the door, we saw them pass heading towards the room of my parents.
Tadashi-sensei was a friendly man advanced in years, wiry and of short stature. His brown hair had some gray around the temples and his dark kind eyes were surrounded by wrinkles. He was a medic-ninja of some standing who had married my mother´s elder sister, giving up his last name to become part of the clan, with all that that entailed. Now a widower with a teenage daughter, he was retired from his post at the Konoha hospital but many clansmen still came to him – preferring being seen by him than by a stranger. Since my furthest memory, he was who my family always relied on, only going to the hospital for the serious issues.
Neji and I waited in silence what it seemed like hours while the three adults were locked in the other room. Finally, with the sound of a door opening, we stood up and exchanged a look. The sound of two pairs of steps trailing away to the main door was all that followed.
Concerned and frustrated by not being able to find out what was happening I approached the window. From our room on the second floor you could see the courtyard and the front door. After a few moments the figures of my father and the doctor appeared on the doorstep. I tried opening the window, hoping to hear something of the conversation but was too high for me even standing on a chair. It was Neji who appeared behind me who, through stretching, could open it.
The breeze carried snatches of conversation.
"... If that's what I think it is there is nothing I can do. I'm sorry."
"There must be something …"
"Hizashi! This goes out of my area of expertise. I'm just a modest retired physician. You have to take her to hospital. I have neither the means nor the knowledge to properly diagnose. You need a specialist."
"I understand. Thank you for coming."
"Do not mention it. You know if you need something, anything, you can turn to us. My house is always open to you. Hotaru-san will be more than willing to stay with her grandchildren as long as necessary. "
"Thank you. Truly, thank you. "
"So, do I tell her to prepare the bags and come?"
"Please. At least for tonight." He nodded before leaving. I saw the two figures disappear from view, one through door, the other, inside the house.
Soon after, my father came to fetch us. He approached and knelt beside us to be on the same eye-level. He took our hands in his and looked at each one of us in the eyes for a long time before speaking.
"Tadashi-sensei came to see your mother because she is sick." He said.
"Like when I had the flu?" My brother asked in a trembling voice.
"Yes, Neji. Like when you were ill," He answered with a sad smile. "I'm going to take your mother to the hospital to get her well." He continued seriously. "I do not know how long I will be out but your grandmother will come to take care of yourselves meanwhile, okay?" He paused and we nodded.
"Good," he mumbled to himself. "Hotaru-san will soon be here. I want you to behave. "
Hotaru-san was my maternal grandmother, who apparently I had met when I was young but that I don't recall ever seeing. However, I knew that my mother took Neji to see her from time to time after training.
My father picked up some things that they might need if my mother was to spend more than a night in the hospital, until someone called to the door. I bit my lip trying to calm my apprehension.
The newcomer was a tall, thin, severe-looking woman. She moved in an unhurried, regal way. There was a quiet dignity and grace in each gesture despite her years. Even just standing there she exuded a commanding presence. She was one of the tallest women I have ever seen, able to look my father in the eye. She was very different from my mother, who was small and petite. Intelligent, sharp eyes dominated a heart shaped face. She had very fair skin and lustrous black hair with a few grey streaks that was pinned up into an high bum. Her petite mouth and high cheekbones were the only features that reminded of her youngest daugther. She must have been a great beauty in her youth.
Her voice was clear and strong when she spoke in a warm soprano.
"Hizashi-san" She nodded in greeting.
"Hotaru-san" He responded in kind, while stepping aside to let her pass.
"Neji-kun and ... Hikai " She said looking at us. She lingered a few moments examining me, her face blank, before turning back to ask my father. "Where is my daughter?"
"Here, mother," said a voice behind us.
"Well, I will stay with the children. You may go."
My father nodded.
My mother turned to us for a moment, "behave" She mouthed before leaving.
We were left alone with her.
"Well, it's almost dinner time. You cannot sit at table with those clothes " She interjected pointing the black spots that still adorned our Kimonos. "What do you waiting for? Come! " She said authoritatively to our hesitance
I soon realized that Hotaru-san, Grandmother as she had insisted that we called her, was a woman as strict and with little patience for any nonsense as her appearance indicated. It was clear that she was not someone whom to cross.
She make us change, wash our hands and finish all the food in our dishes before sending us straight to bed promptly without admitting complaint.
Needless to say, that although I felt exhausted, sleep was hard to obtain. It was the first time in my short life that I had gone to bed without feeling the presence of either of my parents at home. I not only missed the protective and soothing presence of my father who was absent at times, but also the familiar one of my mother. In their absence, there was a stranger, even if to some extent the signature could remind me of my mother´s, it was still an unknown. Beside me I could hear Neji spinning fitfully in his bed.
Suddenly I found myself alone in the dark. A darkness that was not only the absence of light, but something almost tangible, thick, suffocating and claustrophobic. I was alone and had to find them. I could feel them in front of me, my father, my mother, Neji, but I could not reach them.
As much I ran and shouted their names they remained getting away until finally all disappeared. Lost and anxious I stopped a moment before I felt the ground under my feet giving way. I awoke with the sensation of falling and took me a time to realize that I was in my bed and the shadows around me were my room and not a continuation of my nightmare. Because that was what had been, just a nightmare.
But when I looked towards my brothers futon and saw it empty, I started to panic. I closed my eyes trying to calm down and to think rationally. I took a breath and attempted to mentally look for my brother and to convince myself that it was all a silly dream. To my surprise I felt him very close.
Trembling and hesitant I threw the blanket aside and got up. As I turned to the window I saw him. He was sitting on the sill, wide awake, his face turned outward. The pale moonlight that filtered through the window illuminated his small form curled in a ball, his hands clasping his ankles, the chin resting on his knees. I must have made noise or he noticed me otherwise because he turned his head and looked at me. I stood there for a long time until he moved slightly to the side and turned his attention to what was beyond the glass. Without delay I crossed the space between us and got on the ledge with difficulties to curl up beside him. For a second I felt him stiffen before relaxing and leaning slightly on me.
We spent the night like that waiting for the morning and our parents' return.
.
Ah! I have to thank my two wonderful betas: BluebellsandLavender and hot chocolate mess
Without them this would not be possible
