Forks, Washington, Earth.
5,000 light-years from the El Chupacabra Cantina.
The sun was shining brightly in the sky, almost matched by the diamond shiny skin of one Edward Cullen as he frolicked through the snowy fields (or whatever it is Meyerverse vampires do. I dunno)
It was a beautiful day, he was surrounded by beautiful, crisp snow as he pranced through a beautiful meadow. Edward himself was feeling pretty gosh darn beautiful (think Disney levels here) as the birds flew high in the sky and ickle wabbits hopped thither and yon. He was feeling so beautiful, in fact, that he could feel the irresistible urge welling up inside to burst into song. Alas, before he could inflict his trilling falsetto voice upon the meadow's animal inhabitants, he was interrupted by Jasper Hale.
"Eddie, I love you, but have you ever heard the term 'perpetuating a stereotype?'" asked Jasper.
Edward gave a high pitched laugh that could only be described as 'tinkling.'
Or annoying thought Jasper.
"Why brother, dear," said Edward, with a flutter of his eyelashes. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Forget it," Jasper said. Ugh, I actually preferred it when he was silent and broody.
Jasper turned away to hide a yawn, but Edward saw it.
"Why Jasper," he trilled, "You seem positively exhausted. Are you not sleeping well?"
"I am NOT sleeping well," said Jasper. "Alice is having psychic nightmares again. She keeps me up all night with her crying and screaming. She's nearly punched my lights out three times already in her sleep. She won't tell me anything, but I've never seen her so scared. She's been on edge for the last five days and she won't leave the house. Sometimes she talks in her sleep, moaning 'He's coming for us, oh Lord somebody stop him.' Whatever it is, it must make the Volturi seem like a flock of lambs by comparison."
Edward, who'd tuned out at the mention of nightmares and turned his attention to a monarch butterfly flitting past, turned back at the mention of baby sheep.
"Little lamby-kins?" he asked. "Where are they? I wish to pat them."
Jasper rolled his eyes and said nothing. That was when he noticed that the animals were oddly active for winter. Not only that, but instead of digging borrows or looking for food, they all seemed to be high-tailing it outta there. He swore he even saw a bear and her cubs all the way over in the forest, emerging from their cave. It was as though the animals knew something horrible was coming.
"Eddie, I'm going home now," said Jasper. You ought to do the same."
"In a minute," replied Edward. "I'm going to pick some pretty posies for my darling Bella."
I'm SO glad we're not related by blood, thought Jasper.
None of that would matter soon.
