Here's the next chapter of my "Dad's Army" fic. Enjoy
The next afternoon, Captain Mainwaring sat quietly in the vicar's office, looking at notices, when Sergeant Wilson knocked, walked in and saluted. "Jones' van has just pulled up outside, sir." he said, calmly.
"Very good." said Mainwaring. Wilson expected him to stand up immediately, but he still remained sat. Finally, he said "What are we going to do, Wilson?"
"I don't think I follow you, sir." Wilson replied.
"This business with Walker." said Mainwaring, firmly, "A simple funeral, is that really how we should respect our men?" No honourable parade or speech? Walker's action was a prime example of the sort of chaps Britain is made of and we should commemorate that."
"Well, if you want sir, you could write something for him." suggested Wilson "You were his commanding officer, so it would make sense to come from you."
"Well, thank you, Wilson." said Mainwaring, standing up from his desk, "You know, the more I look at you, I begin to see that under all that Public School, carefree attitude, you can be just as out-spoken and brave as any of us."
Wilson said nothing to this, he had got used to Mainwaring's remarks about their different upbringings. Just then, Jones' voice echoed through the hall on the other side of the door. Mainwaring and Wilson walked out of the office to see Jones standing to attention, with Frazer and Pike carrying a stretcher with a white cover over a figure that Mainwaring knew was Walker. Before he could ask where Godfrey was, the old gentleman came waddling into the hall, "Do you think I might be excused, sir?" he asked Mainwaring, and after he had nodded, he quickly rushed over to the men's lavatory.
"Well done men." said Mainwaring, proudly.
"Permission to speak sir!" said Jones quickly, "We have brought Private Walker from Eastbourne, sir."
"I can see that Jones." said Mainwaring, rolling his eyes. He went over to the stretcher, peeled back the cover a little and looked down. He then slowly lifted his head, eyebrows raised and looking at Pike. "Would you care to explain why he's wearing your scarf?" he asked him, with a suspicious tone in his voice.
"My Mum says it can get cold underground." Pike answered, looking as if this was the greatest deed he had ever done.
"You stupid boy." breathed Mainwaring. He waited until Godfrey had returned, then he addressed them, "Now I want you to have Walker placed…"
"What's going on here then, Napoleon?" came the voice of Chief-Warden Hodges. The men groaned and rolled their eyes, as he walked in to the hall, grinning smugly at Mainwaring.
"Would you please leave?" asked Wilson.
"I'm entitled to enter this hall, whenever I please." said Hodges as he looked at the stretcher, "So what's all this, trying to mess up first aid as well as the army?" he chuckled as he gave the lump under the stretcher a hard tap. Mainwaring and the men all looked at him in horror.
"How dare you." Mainwaring growled, "That happens to be Private Walker."
"Oh, are your men really that out of shape, you have to drag up to action?" Hodges laughed again slowly pulling the cover off, "Come on, you lazy…" he then stopped and quickly looked up at everyone, glaring at him. He put the cover back to how it was and stood up straight, "Well… I can see that you are busy, Captain Mainwaring, so I'll just get back to the grocers." and with that, he had quickly ran out of the hall.
"The very cheek of that man." Mainwaring growled to Wilson.
"Yes, he really has absolutely no manners, has he sir?" Wilson answered.
"Anyway," said Mainwaring, resuming his military authority "I would suggest that we have Walker's body placed here, on the stage." he indicated the part of the stage area where he and Wilson would stand in front of to address the men. So Pike and Frazer carefully lifted the stretcher onto the stage, and Jones had even found an old table to put the stretcher on, so that everyone could see it.
"What about clothes, sir?" asked Godfrey.
"Beg your pardon, Godfrey?" Mainwaring answered, distractedly.
"What are we going to bury him in?" Godfrey replied.
"Well, in uniform of course." said Mainwaring, proudly.
"Do you think that's wise, sir?" Wilson asked.
"Why not?" said Mainwaring, for he always detested Wilson's constant questioning, "The regular army do."
"Yes, but we're not exactly the "Regular army" are we sir?" chuckled Wilson.
"I will not have this discussion with you now, Wilson." said Mainwaring, pointing a finger at him.
"I could, possibly, iron one of his suits." suggested Godfrey, "My sister Dolly does like to keep an old iron handy, just in case of these circumstances."
Mainwaring looked at Godfrey's kind, old face and said, "Very well, Godfrey. We'll have him in his best suit for the service".
The next day, as Mainwaring waited for the men to come out on parade, he was surprised to see that Godfrey was the first one to arrive.
"Excuse me, sir, but I do believe that I have something that may interest you. It's something I found while I was taking Mr Walker's suit." and he showed Mainwaring a letter with his name on it.
"You think I should read it?" asked Mainwaring.
"It's for you sir, so I would happily say that you are allowed to." smiled Godfrey, just as the men marched into the hall for Parade.
"Platoon, attention!" called Wilson when all the men were aligned.
Mainwaring saluted Wilson, then he turned to speak to the platoon. "Now before we start men, I would just like to say, that today, I have just been given a letter, written by Walker." he turned his head to the empty table; Frazer had taken the body to measure it for his coffin, "Now, I feel that as we are all united as friends to him, I believe you are all entitled to hear what he has to say." With that, Mainwaring opened the envelope, unfolded the paper and began to read.
Dear Cap,
If you are reading this, I've most likely kicked it, or the police are using this as evidence. Either way, I would just like to say that if I have died, I want you to say thanks to you and the chaps for putting up with me, and so, as a token of my gratitude, I thereby leave some of my goods to those select few that I have had the most respect for. To Pikey, I leave him with half of my coupons as I hope that will help him and his mother. To old Godfrey, I leave a selection of tea rations for him and his sisters to enjoy. ("Well that was nice." smiled Godfrey) To Taffy, (Frazer rolled his eyes, mumbling) I leave him some special polish for him to use on his coffins, or on mine, if he wishes. To Jonesy, I have left him three fresh rabbits, now before he starts thinking anything dodgy, I have kept them in a cool compartment, so they should still be fresh. ("Well, that will be helpful if the meat rations get short" said Jones, looking up) To Sergeant Wilson, I leave him two glasses of vintage champagne for him and a certain lady to enjoy, (Wilson turned away, embarrassed as the men sniggered cheekily) and lastly, to you Captain Mainwaring, I would just like to say, that despite all the jokes I made about you, your plans and your strategies, I have always considered you a fine Captain and friend, and for that, I will leave you three bottles of your favourite whisky. I hope that everyone will understand that just because they haven't been given anything, they are happy to take what they would like from my stores when they wish, but it was you six that I felt should get yours in a personal way as you chaps were the closest to me. I hope that this will help you to see that I was more than an average spiv, but as a man who was loyal and helpful to his friends and as someone who wanted his country to live on.
Sincerely,
Joe Walker
The men stood in silence as Mainwaring finished the letter. "Well, I think we can all agree that Walker clearly was a man who really did put our needs before his."
"Wait, Mr Mainwaring," said Pike suddenly, "there's some writing on the back."
Mainwaring turned the paper over. Pike was right, there was more writing on the back. He scanned the second message quickly, and by the end of it, his expression had changed to a more frustrated look. He handed the letter to Wilson, who also read it and gave a slight chuckle.
P.S. if you're still reading this, then kindly leave £16, 9 shillings and 6 pence for your gifts, they weren't easy to get.
