Chapter Two: Winter

What the fuck was happening to me?

Either my insanity was to stretch to new peaks, or my life had met a junction where I knew not of the direction I should take. I knew that something was wrong, and that I had no influence over that something. I knew that I should have been more aware that something was happening, and I might have actually been more aware than I knew, but my mind seemed to protect me from all those obvious signs.

I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Watery angst was spilling down my stained cheeks as my feet stumbled along the cobbled street in the darkness. Rain was clouding my vision, making the dark that little bit scarier. The cold was harsh against my skin, but I could hardly notice it; my body was a burning rage that melted the icy droplets as soon as they fell upon me.

I needed to organise my thoughts. For possibly the first time in my life, I had stood up to Jacob, to Jasper, to anyone. I had never been so assertive before.

And I loved it.

I had a strange thrill burning off the rage, like fire versus fire. The kick that was buzzing through me seemed to have me elated, despite the almost horrific day I'd had. There was something about the experience that made me feel as if everything could go back to how it was if I tried hard enough.

My legs were wearing tired, and the limp was becoming evermore painful. I needed to find somewhere to go, to sit down… just for a little while; it wouldn't be giving in.

I spied a lit-up window in the distance, about a hundred yards away, and began to walk toward it. Our houses were in the midst of nowhere; there were many surrounding homes, but the closest thing to civilised town was about two and a half miles away.

I continued to stumble toward the light, remembering that it must be Ricky's diner. I'd walked to Third Street—from Twenty Second? How long had I been out?

I shook my head as I started to see silhouettes form in the window of the diner. I stopped attempting to run and slowed down, letting the much needed air fill my pained lungs. The rain was almost deafening now, and I couldn't hear myself think—not that I really wanted to. I'd hear the constant affirmation of realisation. I'd hear the reason that he'd been 'promoted' and why he had spent so much time away, claiming office work. I'd hear the reason his phone was constantly off.

I didn't want to hear it. I didn't need to.

As the light neared me, I noticed that the blur wasn't fading. With that, I dragged my hand around my eyes in a manner harsh. However, the action may well have been left undone, for the tears sprang back and spilt out again.

The glow from the window was slightly warming, and I revelled at that fact. I quickened my pace again, anxious to get inside. I didn't mind the rain, but I needed to go somewhere quiet enough to organise my mess of a brain.

The sudden heat was almost uncomfortable as I stepped through the stiff door. An ugly yellow light was swatting down on me from panels on the ceiling and the garish red digits on the wall-clock were glaring at me, telling me it was way past my bedtime.

"Hi, ya'll!" A sugar sweet voice came from beside me. I turned around, to find a short girl with risen cheeks and smiley brown eyes. I look about to see who 'ya'll' was referring to. Just me. Must be force of habit.

"Um, hi," I muttered, searching for a name tag.

"I'm Alice." Well that clears that up…

Her voice was so upbeat that I found it hard not to smile at her. On second glance, the waitress was very pretty. She was short, undoubtedly, even with the three or four inches that the generic roller skates added. Her dark, almost black, cropped hair matched the tone of her eyes. Short tresses fell over her face and other locks were flying in wild directions on the top of her head. Shiny, silken strands of hair were framing her square face; she had a perfectly, almost painfully straight nose, and her dark eyes were possibly the biggest, most beautiful things I'd ever seen; she had narrow lips, but her mouth spread into a wide smile. Over her short frame, she wore a black miniskirt, although it actually nearly reached her knees, and a black t-shirt. Also, she has an unstained bright yellow apron wrapped around her waist, making her look more like sunshine.

I realised I must have been staring when she jutted her head forward. I shook myself free from my trance and extended a hand. "Bella." I tried my best, once again, to paint a smile onto my face.

Alice took my hand and shook it as I looked around the room. The walls were panelled in the traditional ice cream parlour blue before meeting a white and black tiled floor. All in all, it was a little too bright for my liking, but I supposed it would keep me awake.

"So, is there anything I can get for ya?" Alice asked me, the smile almost glaring at me.

"Um," I contemplated. "Coffee?"

She smiled a toothy grin at me and glided back to the counter. I sat on a stool, watching as she poured me a cup of coffee. I played with the milk sachet as Alice skittered around behind the counter, putting mugs on their shelves and wiping down the table top.

"Aren't you cold?" She asked me suddenly.

I blinked and shook my head a fraction, trying to regain my composure. She'd broken the almost silence that the room was left in (other than the almost muted music on the stereo). "Um," I glanced at my sodden dress. "A bit."

Alice scoffed. "C'mon, I'll lend you a pair of jeans."

I shook my head at the absurdity. "I only came in for a coffee…"

"And I don't want you to catch your death in those clothes!" She tutted and escaped into a room behind the counter. I raised an eyebrow into the empty room, only to have Alice poke her head through the curtain of the door again. "Well c'mon!"

I smiled shyly and walked around to the opening in the counter. "Really, I'm fine, there's no nee-"

"Nonsense," Alice interrupted. "I should have something in your size here…" She led me into a room at the back with about ten lockers and a bench.

I raised an eyebrow. What kind of diner has staff changing rooms? I ignored the questions in my mind as I was directed to what I assume was Alice's locker. She opened the red door and revealed a colourful array of clothes, strewn on hangers across a pole. I shook my head. This girl obviously liked her clothes. T-shirts and blouses and other such tops were squashed up very tightly on one end, while jeans and skirts were pushing against them on the other. On the floor of her locker, she had several pairs of shoes: a pair of orange flip flops, black flats, red heels, blue Converse, white sneakers and metallic ballet shoes.

"Whoa," I muttered by accident. She had a lot of clothes.

Alice scrutinized me before turning back to the locker. "This should fit you," she told me, handing me a pair of beige Capri pants. After another visual examination, she handed me a white tank top.

I smiled at her. It was as if she actually cared. "Thanks, really."

Alice smiled back. I hesitated before undressing, and she noticed. "There's some underwear in the top drawer." She spoke in a quieter voice now, with discretion, and smiled at me. "I'll be out the front. Leave your clothes on the radiator."

Once again, I smiled at her. She turned away and left the room, to which I used as my cue to look in the drawer. I pulled out what I needed and also grabbed a towel. This girl had everything in her locker. It was probably better stocked than my wardrobe.

I finished slipping on the pants, with some difficulty because of the cast, and looked down at my top. Huh. My bra was sodden. I wasn't going to ruin Alice's clothes by getting them wet, although I felt pretty awkward wearing just her top. It was as if I'd just defaced her clothes. And worse yet, because of the cold and the rain… well, let's just say that I was incredibly cold.

I slipped off my shoes and placed them beneath my clothes on the radiator. It seemed as if I'd be pulling an all-nighter here, or at least until Alice left. I walked back around to the front, careful to cross my arms over my chest.

"I got you a donut," Alice told me with a small smile on here face. She seemed to have toned her eccentric exterior down a little, and her internal characteristics shone through.

"Thanks," I smiled at her. "Seriously, you're too kind," I murmured and looked down.

Alice shrugged. "So," She diverted her eyes from mine, fixing them on a spot of the countertop. "What are you doing out at…" she looked the clock, "two AM?"

Shit. What was I supposed to tell her? I suppose I could tell her that I got in a fight with my boyfriend. That was normal. I'd just leave out the part about Rose. And Jasper.

"Um," I began. "It's complicated…"

"I have time," Alice pressed in her almost whine of a voice.

I shut my eyes, trying to organise my mind. I could do this. Make something up if I needed to…

"Well," I pinched the bridge of my nose before snatching my hand back down to my lap, clasping the cast tightly. "I couldn't stay at home." I paused, but Alice wanted me to continue sooner rather than later.

"Why?"

I smiled at her. She seemed like she cared, but that was probably just her job. "My husband." I answered simply, hoping that I wouldn't have to go into detail. Maybe she'd think I was the one who was… no. I don't even look like the type.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, Bella." They way she said her name with such a casualty was almost startling. She was treating me the way that I would treat only very close friends. This Alice must be very overbearing at times…

"What about him?" She finished, eager.

I hesitated before I answered, "Um, he was late home from work and I got a call from him."

I didn't want to retell this story. I hated having to live it through the first time, and I was still a long way off from the road to recovering from the event, so I can only imagine the strain reliving it all could bestow.

Urgh.

I just wanted to get to sleep now. I seriously, couldn't be fucked to tell the story all over again, but I persevered. I told her what I heard on the phone, and I phased from being the numb, detached being that I was into a teary eyed, emotional wreck that overtook me by the end of the conversation.

At some point, Alice came over to my side of the counter and wrapped a friendly arm around me. I wasn't sure if I should have trusted it or not. Everyone who I had found a way to trust before had somehow found a way to betray said trust. Why should she be any different?

But, before I could object, the full force of my evening slammed into me. I lost my breath and found it hard to do anything other than cry. I couldn't. So, I just sank unto Alice, praying that something good would come along soon, just muttering 'why's and 'how's.

***

At some point during my emotional breakdown, I fell into a slumber. I half expected to be woken up by Alice, to be turfed out.

But, awoken, I rubbed my eyes and felt my rough tear stained cheeks. As my gaze wandered around the room, my mind registered that there was no one else here. The lights were still on; someone must be here, maybe in the kitchen.

I wandered around the dining area aimlessly, inspecting the cracks and wearing in the faux leather of the chairs. The place was eerily empty, making me geel slightly uneasy, uncomfortable even.

As I neared the opening for the kitchen, a bright white light blazed through. There was Alice, tottering around in her yellow apron, carrying with her, toward me, two small plates and cups.

"Hi," She said in a small voice. I suppose five in the morning does that to you. "I thought you'd like some breakfast."

I smiled politely back at her. "Thanks, really," My tone was what I hoped was sincere. "But you really shouldn't have. I didn't even bring any money…"

The waitress scoffed. "Bella," She said sternly. "Don't worry. Now eat up."

She laid down the plate of toast, bacon and eggs. I hadn't had a proper breakfast in over a year, usually settling on eating a granola bar on the way to the store. The food was extremely hot as it slid down my raspy throat, although that was partially my fault; I should have been prepared.

I could sense a tension in the air. I assumed that Alice wanted to talk about something or other, not being quite as comfortable with silence as I was. So I spoke to her. We chatted absently about the upcoming holidays. She told me about a dress that she saw in some shop or another, and that she'd be spending Christmas with her brother. I told her that I didn't quite know what I'd be doing, but it would most likely entail Jasper.

Alice asked about him. She had repeated, "Jasper?"

"Yeah," I nodded slowly. "He's my next door neighbour," there was a pensive pause. "And he's my best friend, too."

Alice smiled at me, her risen cheeks looking curious. "Tell me about him."

My cheeks tinted a slight red for some unknown reason as I began to describe Jasper. "Well," I needed to find my words. "He's my age: I met him in school when I moved up here." Alice quirked an eyebrow, so I explained. "I used to live in Phoenix, but I moved up here when I was about five." I made a hand movement, trying to dismiss the topic. "Anyway, he's probably the best friend I've ever had. He really cares about me, and I care about him."

Alice smiled at me, so I continued. "I really don't know what I would do without him. He's like a brother to me."

Proud with the summary of one of the most important men in my life, I smiled a small, smug grin. Alice continued to ask about him, and my other friends. At one point, we touched on Rosalie. I didn't really want to discuss her. Nonetheless, I explained that she was Jasper's twin sister, although they're nothing alike, and I clarified my reluctance over discussing her in the briefest detail I could.

When six o' clock eventually rolled around, people were seeping in for their breakfast before work. Another girl in a similar uniform to Alice's came in, her long dark hair tied back on the top of her head. I never caught much more than a glimpse of her face, but when she did turn in my direction, she wore a toothy smile and her full pouty lips stretched over her face. I always smiled back at her, shyly.

Alice told me that the waitress's name was Kate. "And," she was talking to me in between serving other customers. "She's a real fucking bitch."

I quirked an eyebrow; the girl seemed nice enough to me. Maybe she and Alice had a bad past. "Oh," was all I said on that matter, before I changed the subject.

"What time do you get off work?" I had realised that she must've been here all night.

Alice pursed her lips for a brief second. "About twenty minutes ago." I quirked an eyebrow. "Night shift, been here since ten."

I nodded slowly; why hadn't she gone to get changed yet? She'd finished her shift, so she should have started to at least get ready to leave, not continue to serve these people. The poor girl needed sleep.

"I never finish on time. Poor Kate can't cope on her own." She added the latter in a sugar coated nasal whine, obviously not caring for her at all.

I nodded at her. "If there's anyway I can help…" I half-offered, fairly sure there was nothing I could do without actually getting a job here. And that definitely wasn't an option; Jake needed me to stay at home while he was at—

Oh.

The simple fact that I had just thought his name was enough to make me lock up. My shoulders stiffened into a position that made me look like I left the hanger in my shirt.

This realisation meant that I was free. It meant that I was fine to do what I

The realisation stung, despite the confused euphoria that I was soon tumbling towards. It was so blindingly obvious that I felt a little embarrassed for not getting it before.

I wasn't going home to Jake tonight.

***

The tight, smug grin was hard to wipe from my face as I glided around in a yellow apron, swiping empty cups from the table. I'd just got my first job since babysitting when I was fourteen.

Which was a total farce; I never really did anything with the baby, other than throw a hissy fit when she woke up. I had no experience with kids before that, so I didn't know what to do. Much to my pleasure, she was a very placid baby, which occasionally worried me. But it did mean that I didn't have much to do. So I spent my time at that house reading and watching Will & Grace on my iPod.

So when Alice told me that I could cover for Gianna, another waitress who allegedly phoned in sick, I was both elated and worried: anxious for the fact that I'd never done a day's work in my life, but jubilant at the independence that it offered me

There was always my conscience nibbling away at the happiness I'd built up over the last couple of hours or so, though. Something was telling me that I was too happy, given my circumstances. I shook my head inwardly at the accusation and concentrated on not falling with my too-small roller skates.

I glanced up at the clock; I was off-shift in an hour and a half. The flow of people coming in and out of the diner was wearing thin after the breakfast rush. For the moment, I was comfortable with where I was right now. As I scrubbed at the stains on the table, I did let my mind wander slowly. I didn't want to dwell on that anymore, so I thought about the little things: what were today's specials again? Was that Jasper's cousin at table four? Looks like him; same hair… I'll go take his order.

As I neared the guy, I noted that he definitely had the same hair. The hair was something unique about the guy, It constantly looked like the dye was coming out. The locks were brown with a blond tinge; in the right light, it would glow a beautiful coppery colour. The disarray of tresses was constantly a mess and rarely looked like anything had been done to it, except that time I braided it.

Approaching the table, I attempted an aura of anonymity and negligence to attention. I murmured in a "distracted" voice if I could take his order?

I never made eye contact with him, but I noticed through my peripherals (I was glaring down at my notepad passionately) his emerald eyes boring up at my face.

Blushing slightly under the scrutiny, I lifted my gaze, "Sir?"

He opened his mouth, snapped his gaze down to the menu again and pointed to a dish and asked if it came with onions.

Obviously, being new here, I didn't know and told him I'd go and ask. I went and met Katie behind the counter. I asked, but paid no attention to the answer; instead, my hearing seemed to fuzz up and the only thing I could manage to do was pore over the man at the table as he looked down at the menu. By now, I was about 75 percent sure it was Jazz's cousin.

It was those eyes that were telling me the most, but other than that, there was his chiselled jaw, his straight nose with the little kink below the bridge, the fact that his eyebrows looked almost plucked…

I was brought tumbling back to earth by Kate, snapping her fingers and calling my name. It was all a little cheesy-movie-esque, but her voice seemed to echo in and my vision seemed to fade back, allowing me to concentrate on something other than the possible stranger before me.

In a monotone, I asked, "What? Sorry, could you repeat that…"

Kate told me the specials, the allergy and customer advice about the menu and the special deal about something or other again, and suggested that when I had a moment, to write it in the back of the notebook.

I nodded, and headed back to table four.

Without thinking, I spoke.

I spoke to his face, looking into his vibrant green eyes, distracted and mildly amused at my own stupidity. Of course it was him. It was so obviously him; no one else had hair like that, no one else had those odd hands with the long (mildly femininely) long fingers, and still maintained his masculinity. In my opinion, anyway.

"So, what can I get you, Edward?"

***

Fuck it; I can't be arsed with length no more. No matter. I think we'd all prefer quicker updates, huh?
Any questions, queries, qualms (that's a lot of 'q's?) or comments, please, please review. It's like love.
This chapter's song was
Winter by Joshua Radin. Different sorta song, but generally I think the mood fits in here.
There is a lot more build up I want to do about Jacob and Bella's past together; Jake's not all that bad you know. He just had a bad upbringing. Then again, they said the same about Hitler. But yeah, I'm going to do some more development on Bella and Jacob. I'd like to state now that I'm not anti-jake, I love him as much as the next random fangirl. BUT, I needed a bad guy for the story.

PEACE & LOVE,
~TASHA.x