"Alright guys, you know the plan?" My eyes shifted back and forth between the two boys in front of me, pleasantly surprised when they both nodded in confirmation. The giant purple Hair Hunt base known as H-Block loomed ahead of us, the sky naturally darkening to create that foreboding affect that every evil building needed. According to Don Patch, the fat cat that kidnapped Beauty was a member of this base by the name of Tarashi so it was likely that he had taken Beauty there to scalp her and create fabulous merchandise from her hair. Of course, that'd only happen over our dead bodies! Well, their dead bodies. I actually enjoyed living, thank you very much!

….. Buuuuut I guess I should make sure their bodies don't become dead otherwise mine would end up that way, too.

Looking over at Don Patch, the orange sun man having two huge streaks of blue paint going down his face and donning a brown kilt and a flowy brown wig, I nodded to him. "Alrighty, Patchy. Do ya thang!" Don smirked before taking off towards the base and setting off the first step of our plan.

"YOU CAN TAKE OUR WASABI BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE…. OUR SUSHIIIIIIIIII!"

"Don Patch!" I heard collective gasps, cupping a hand to my ear to better hear the commotion. Yep, Don Patch may be off his rocker, but he sure new how to confuse the masses in just the right way. Shifting my gaze over to Bobobo, I indicated for the man to climb into the giant wooden, hollow badger on wheels that we managed to build in the short amount of time between chapters. As soon as he was in and settled, I closed the hatch and kicked the supports out from under the wheels, jumping on the back of it in time for the thing to begin careening down the hill towards the base and the mass of confused Hair Hunters.

Holding aloft a giant celery stick, I shouted, "FOR BEAUTYYYY!"

"What the hell is going on!?" I heard shouting, several voices crying in shock and pain as the wooden badger all but ran them over. I smirked, jumping off as the badger and landing next to Don, watching as it was about to hit the side of the base and unleash our final attack!

But as fate would have it, that never happened as the wooden badger just barely stopped in front of the wall, it's nose just a hair's breadth away from touching it. "Aw, COME ON!" I shouted angrily before crying out in pain when Don Patch decided to beat me up for my failed plan.

"This is all your fault! If we just went with the stick horses, we wouldn't be in this mess now! But no! We had to go with your plan instead and now we're going to dieeee!" Growling, I kicked the angry Don Patch off of me before standing up and wielding my giant celery stick like some badass video game character would wield their sword, glaring at the Hair Hunters in fancy wigs that had managed to evade our attack.

"Well, well, kiddies. Looks like your little ambush will have to come to an end!"

"Too bad, it was getting interesting for a while. But now your split ends here!"

"Diego… Just… No. Just no. That joke sucked and so does your hair style."

"Well, your mom sucks!"

"What's the matter? Ya gonna cry!?" Several of the Hunters laughed, taunting us before creating our untimely demise. I felt Don's spikes dig into my legs, the orange sun going back-to-back with me and I looked down at him before glancing at the badger.

"Dammit, if only I hadn't welded the hatch shut!" The Hair Hunters were advancing quickly and I had to think of something fast. I couldn't just abandon my badass character pose to create the right hand formation for my Spirit Bells Fist and I didn't know of any attacks that Don could do other than acting like himself.

"Me and my dumb ideas." I growled to myself, readying myself to beat some Hair Hunters senseless with my Celery Stick of Terror (Because Doom was Overrated).

"Ding, Ding! First stop, Hair Hunt H-Block Base: Hair Hunters, Wig Makers, Gift Shop. Grab your umbrellas, folks, because it looks like there's going to be a slight chance of PAAAAAAAIN!" My eyes snapped to see Bobobo burst from the top of the badger in time, nose hairs whipping out to put the beat down on the Hair Hunters in only two seconds flat.

"Phew, that was close. Thanks Bobobo but uh… WHAT THE HECK TOOK YOU SO LONG!?" I yelled at the taller man when he landed next to me, nose hairs flowing back into his nose. He looked down at me with a face set firmly in a 'no nonsense' manner, almost shocking me into being quiet. He then pointed to his head and I looked up to see a bus driver's hat sitting on the top of his afro.

"I was doing my duties as a working class civilian to transportify people to their destinations!" He grinned, making me raise a brow for a moment but then I just shrugged and accepted it. Nodding, Bobobo tossed off his hat then turned towards the entrance to the base. "Now let's get Beauty before I miss my shows."

Nodding, I wandered up to the massive doors of the base, thrusting them open with Bobobo and Don Patch quickly joining my sides. "Well, well. So nice to finally meet you, Bobobo." I squinted, peering into the darkness to see some dude in the regular Hair Hunt armor with flowing green hair. What caused my bells to jitter anxiously, though, was the red eye that sat on the front of his chestplate. Now why does that strike a chord in my thinking brain?

"I'm Maitel, commander of H-Block." Hm… Nope, still doesn't ring a bell for my ringing bells. Immersed in my own world of trying to figure out why that eye was familiar, I didn't have a chance to stop Don Patch when he practically flung himself at the commander.

"So you're the leader! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!" Maitel's eyes widened, although not for the right reason. His eyes flashed bright red and the next thing we knew, Don had turned to stone! Talk about a stone cold stare. Still didn't explain where I knew that darn eye from though!

"Oh no! What did you do to Don Patch!?" Bobobo yelled, unhappy that his friend was now no better than an ordinary lawn ornament. All attention was drawn back to Maitel when he began laughing smugly, smirking darkly. "Ever heard of Medusa?"

"…. THAT'S IT!" Everyone's gazes shot to me at my outburst. Jabbing a finger at Maitel, I snapped my head towards Bobobo. "Now I know why that eye's been chapping my hide! This guy is Medusa's third—"

"Medusa's third cousin? The third cousin of the same Greek monster that turned people to stone with just a glance into her eyes? My, my, I didn't think I'd see you here. By the way, Alma, the Czar's pretty angry at you. What are you doing with this rabble?" I glared at Maitel, careful to avoid eye contact as I assumed a casual stance, crossing my arms behind my head and leaning back on one foot and ignoring the look Bobobo was sending me.

"I ditched that low end salty meathead and I'm helping with these guys to stop him now. Tell Baldy that the next time he sees me, I'll be putting the beat down on him!" I responded, my eyes narrowing when Maitel began laughing. "What's so funny, ya prima donna?"

"Oh nothing, nothing. I'm just thinking about how fun it'll be when I'm watching the Czar rip every single strand of hair out of your head when I drag you back there myself!" The guttural growl that left my throat could have been likened to that of an animal's when I suddenly tensed, glaring hard at Maitel while readying my hands to create my Fist formation but Maitel had different plans. "But first, I'll have to take care of this guy!"

"Bobobo!" His eyes glowed red again as he set his gaze towards the afro'd man. I flinched when I heard Bobobo's screams of terror, shutting my eyes so I didn't have to watch him turn to stone. Only when his screams didn't cease did I look to see what was taking so long, and almost fell face first with shock.

"You turned me into a carrot! WAHHH!" Bobobo cried, the man now actually a walking, talking carrot complete with his sunglasses. Well, at least I wouldn't have to build a garden just to put him in it.

"What!?" Maitel was also in shock, his eyes bugging out of his head at seeing the Bo-Carrot. "Why didn't my Medusa trick work? Let's try this again!" His eyes flashed red again and this time, Bo-Carrot became a head of Bo-Lettuce. "Will you stop messing around with produce!? Why won't you just turn to stone already?"

"It's cause Bobobo eats a lot of vegetables that your Medusa trick isn't working." I pointed out, resting an arm on top of Stone Patches head. Actually, that was a lie. I had no idea why it wasn't working but it sounded smart at the time. Forgetting about my attempt to sound intelligent, I watched as Bobobo produced a small hand mirror to look at himself.

"NOOOO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A CABBAGE!" Huh… Could'a sworn he was lettuce. Bobobo sobbed, pounding the ground angrily.

"Don't worry, Bobobo. With my culinary expertise and you're… Cabbageness, I'll make you into a meal suitable for at least somebody with no taste buds!" I smiled, a crock pot on top of Don Patch's stone head already steaming with cooking corn beef. Bobobo looked at me for a moment with, what I presumed, was hope filled eyes and I just smiled wider with the promise that Bobobo wouldn't have to live his life as just some starchy old lettuce-lookalike.

But then I got a face full of foot when Bobobo took a flying leap at me. "I'm a vegan!"

"Fine! If my Medusa trick won't work, I'll just have to destroy you with my bare hands!" Fixing my jaw from Bobobo's kick, I looked up in time to see Maitel running at us, his face wild and his eyes wide like a savage animal. Glancing at Bobobo, I was expecting to see him getting ready to defend us but that hope flew out the window when I saw him painting his toenails. With my blue nail polish, no less!

First my smoothie, now my nail polish… Oh HELL naw! "Bobobo! Stop taking my things!" I then hefted the statue of Don Patch using my comedic timing skills and swung it at Bobobo. Except, you know that thing where something's too heavy and, if you don't hit your target, it just keeps going? Yeah, well, Bobobo easily dodge my Don Patch statue attack and, instead, I ended up spinning around and hitting Maitel hard enough that the statue of Don cracked. I blanched, watching at the cracks began to spread their web like seams all across his head and spikes.

"Now look what you made me do!" I yelled at Bobobo, the cabbage-man humming as he looked up at me from some girly magazine. I opened my mouth to chew him out some more like an angry honey badger but was cut off instantly when I felt hands wrapping around my neck and someone whipping my head back and forth like some song from a prepubescent little girl.

"What do you think you're doing!? I'm not a weapon you can just toss around! I have feelings, dangit! You could have dented my spikes or worse you clumsy oaf and then where would I be!? I have to maintain perfect spike formations if I want to keep my position of main character! STOP! TRYING! TO! RUIN ME!"

Growing annoyed, and just a little sick, I pried Don's hands from my neck and drop-kicked him into Maitel, who recovered in time to dodge him and Don went flying into a nearby low-fat tapioca stand.

"Wh-what?" Maitel gasped, likely confused over how Don Patch could be just fine after being turned to stone.

"C'mon, Don! Stop fooling around and help me take out this guy!" Bobobo shouted, finally springing into action instead of filling out one of those cheesy matchmaker quizzes and together, he and Don unleashed a flurry of fists and miscellaneous objects upon the H-Block commander. I sighed, deciding not to call Bobobo on the fact that he'd been goofing since the time we walked into this building and decided to just sit down criss-cross applesauce on the floor and play my Gameboy until the next plot moving development.

"Don't stop moving to that funky, funky beat! Don't stop moving to that funky, funky beat~" I raised a brow at the sudden sound of outdated music, looking up at the source to see Maitel swiftly pull a small pink flip phone from his pocket and answer it, doing his best to dodge Bobobo and Don's attacks as he spoke to the person on the other end.

"Hello, H-Block commander Maitel speaking. Who's this?" He dodged an angry wet cat thrown by Bobobo. "Oh! Cathy! Heeeey…" Ducked under a beluga whale courtesy of Don Patch. "Wait, OUR DATE WAS TONIGHT!?" Got a face full of silly string just because I didn't want to feel left out. Maitel suddenly sunk to his knees, his expression that of horror as the phone slipped out of his hand and clattered to the floor. "Ohh, what am I going to do? I forgot all about my date tonight with Cathy and I have no idea where I'm going to find three hot guys…" Nevermind the fact that he commanded a group of the hottest guys in the Hair Hunt army.

"You have me!" Bobobo piped up, no longer Bo-Cabbage but now Bo-Eggplant.

"I'M NOT TAKING AN EGGPLANT TO DINNER!" Maitel shouted furiously.

"Hey guys! Hurry up! It's not nice to keep ladies waiting." Don spoke up, combing his spikes in front of a vanity.

"Will you get real!? Besides, there's only three of us and we need FOUR guys!"

"What about Alma?" I jumped to my feet at the sound of my name, looking over to see Bobobo pointing in my direction. Aw man, I knew where this was going. Shaking my head, I sighed and pointed to my chest. "In case you bird brains haven't noticed, I'm not exactly lacking in the femininity department."

Suddenly, my vision was darkened as something jumped on my back and there was tugging on the front of my jacket. "Hey, hey! Watch the hair!" I yelled, trying to pull of whatever was attached to my face now.

"Hold still! Just do as we say, keep your mouth shut and maybe you can pass as a moderately nice looking guy." I heard Don say and I could only assume it was he that jumped on my back when the weight disappeared and I felt the front of my sweater being zipped up.

"I'm pretty sure the girls will notice that something's out of place." I said, looking in the direction that I thought Don was. I couldn't tell since I couldn't see and I was guessing that he snapped some sort of mask over my face.

"You ever been in a high school host club? Trust me, they won't notice anything." The orange sun replied confidently.

"Well, I guess it'll work. It's not like we have any other choices." I heard Maitel speak, though he sounded not the least bit convinced that it'll work.

"Alright! Let's go woo us some ladies!" Bo-Eggplant cheered. I sighed, slumping forward. This was gonna be one long dinner date. Guess Beauty's just gonna have to wait a little longer.