Trainwreck on Kamabakka

Chapter 3: The Puffing Engine Gives a Sigh

Zoro ignored the giggling of the okamas as they peeked around the corner from the dining area. He could have easily figured out on his own where Sanji would try to duck out from, but it was important that they witnessed what he planned next, or the cook would just weasel out of it. As it was, Sanji had frozen in mid-step a mere foot away from crashing into him, a look of dismay on his face.

"Is your shift over already? That's great; I'm alone and was hoping perhaps you'd show me around the island…" He trailed off in a questioning note, an innocent expression plastered across his face. As he'd hoped, a chorus of squeals erupted from the corner and the "girls" rushed in to surround Sanji.

"Oh, of course she will!" they gushed, more to command him than to reassure Zoro. Sanji gave them a glare that could have dissolved metal, but they shrugged it off like it was nothing. Understandable, Zoro thought, considering how they had managed to get him dressed like that in the first place. "Oh, aren't you lucky?" they stage whispered as they almost dragged him between tables towards the door, Zoro following right behind.

"W-wait, I'm not done cleaning up breakfast, and then I'll need to prepare for lunch—"

"Oh nonsense, you've been spoiling us ever since you got here! Go on and have some fun, you deserve it!"

"I'm sure this handsome gentleman knows how to show a lady a good time!" said another, flashing a teasing glance Zoro's way. He grinned back amiably. "Absolutely. She's in good hands with me."

* * *

You rotten liar, you've never dated a woman in your life, Sanji fumed as he was deposited on the doorstep. Zoro stepped up beside him and the okamas disappeared, no doubt rushing to the windows to peek on them less obtrusively. The hope in his mind that Zoro didn't know his identity was rapidly withering into nothing. In all the time that they'd traveled together, Zoro had never even looked twice at any of the women they encountered while docked, much less willingly sought one out. The only reason he could be doing this now was to torment him.

Why did I think playing along was a good idea, again? Sanji wondered as he glared at his stylish boots. He should end this now, before he wasted the whole day hanging out with Zoro with a skirt on. On the other hand, fessing up now would mean that he had willingly pretended to be a woman for nothing.

"Anything you want to say?" Zoro asked. Sanji looked up at him and felt his blood boil when he saw that vicious grin twisting across the tanned face. That bastard! He wants me to admit it! As long as I don't say anything I can pretend this never happened, but if I say it out loud he has the right to flaunt this in my face until we're old and grey!

Turning to his crewmate he crossed his arms and flashed him a challenging gaze. "Only that I don't think you have a chance of pleasing me," he said in falsetto, tossing his long hair. "You're not man enough!" Zoro's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed angrily. It's your move, "ladies man." If you can't cut it, I'm out of here!

* * *

Fine, we can play it that way if you want. I can heap the abuse on you all day and never get tired, no worries there. "You know the island better than I do. Show me around."

Sanji's nostrils flared and Zoro could have almost sworn that his eyes flashed red. "ExCUSE me?"

Right, right. If he acted like normal, Sanji would have the perfect excuse to stomp off in a girly huff. Since he was playing a woman, he'd expect to be treated like one by his definition, which meant worshiping the ground "she" walked on.

Well that was right out.

With a longsuffering sigh, Zoro struggled to slip back into generous mood he'd been in earlier and at least try to be charming. "I meant…I've only just arrived to this delightful kingdom. I would love to see the sights."

Sanji pulled out a cigarette and lighter from his skirt pockets and lit up, obviously relishing the nicotine (and probably needing it too, the addict.) After a moment's pause he exhaled a cloud of smoke into Zoro's face, and the swordsman was greatly irritated to realize how much he'd missed the smell. I don't know what's worse, the thought that I might be getting addicted by his secondhand smoke, or the thought that his cigarette stench might possibly have become associated in my brain with home.

Expertly grasping the cig (which now had a pink ring around it) between two long fingers, Sanji made an expansive gesture. "There they are." Zoro reeled his brain back in from thoughts of life on the Thousand Sunny to realize he was being dissed. Get it together, man. You're supposed to be making him writhe in humiliation right now, not letting him show you up! Daring to take a page out of Sanji's book, Zoro grabbed the hand not holding a cigarette and held it between both of his, suffering only a brief disappointment that the cook wasn't wearing nail polish. He handles food, what did you expect? "I was hoping you would show them to me," he replied as flirtatiously as he dared.

By the goosebumps that broke out on Sanji's arms and the slightly green cast his face took, Zoro knew he had turned the tables back in his favor.

* * *

WrongwrongwrongwrongWrongWRONG! Sanji chanted in his brain, trying not to look sickened. I'm going to need a lot of mind soap after this day is over, aren't I? At last he recovered enough to remove his hand without yanking it away and let out a nervous laugh. "Well, there's not much to do during the day, really, you have to wait until the bars open to have any fun." Don't wipe your hand. Or at least, don't do until he's not looking.

"That's a shame, it's a long time until dark." Zoro pondered for a moment before his face lit up like he'd had a brilliant idea (unlikely.) "I'm supposed to help restock the ship I'm traveling on, perhaps you could show me around the markets? You probably know the best sellers and all that."

You, restocking a ship? Unless they're all out of swords I can't imagine you'd be very useful. Plus you'd get ass-backwards lost! He gave a sniff before clapping his hands together with fake enthusiasm. "Sure, I just looooooove shopping!" Gag. Wait, did I just contaminate my other hand?

Before he could ponder that too far Zoro had placed an arm around his shoulder and was steering him in the wrong direction. "Great! Let's get started."

"It's that way."

"…Right. Lead the way, Suzy-chan."

Sanji felt he restrained himself admirably on the way to the market district. He even endured the arm around the shoulder bit, by imagining that Zoro was injured and needed help walking. Speaking of which…

"So what's a big strong pirate like you doing in a place like this?"

"I never said I was a pirate," he countered, looking smug. Sanji missed a step, then recovered smoothly. "You're one of those Strawhat pirates, aren't you? They were all over the papers a few weeks back. Supposedly they kicked a lot of ass but barely escaped with their lives." He gave Zoro a pointed glare.

"Oh, that. Psh, it'll take a lot more then that to keep me down. As you can see, I'm a specimen of perfect health." He flexed his free arm for good measure, showing off his rippling muscles. Sanji knew that he should probably make a comment on how strong he was and feel his bicep, but couldn't bring himself to sink that low. He looked away instead, and mumbled, "I hope your nakama weren't too worried about you." Zoro didn't say anything, but the arm around his shoulders did tighten, almost like a hug. Almost.


Well, what do you think? What's that? I can't hear you... Maybe if you speak a little louder? ...nope, still nothing.

Oh, silly me! You have to click a button before I can hear you! Isn't technology quaint? It think it's that button right there, right below this line. Says "Review this Story/Chapter." You should totally click on it. I dare you.