"Aunt, listen, it's just half an hour. We will meet in here in half an hour. Please, do not do anything weird while I am out". "Who do you think I am? And get out of there. The front seat is for people who haven't been kidnapped by fucking numpties". Baz does not answer. Instead, he sighs and leaves the car, running straight into the library. He likes buying Christmas presents, especially if they are for Mordelia.

He walks straight to the teenager section and begins to look for the third part of the trilogy his sister is dying for.

He is not alone. And those two girls are staring at him from the opposite side of the corridor, zero discretion in their eyes.

"He´s exactly how I imagined". "What?" "Just, look at him. He is the evil guy in Carry On". "Whoa! That´s right, I can totally picture him in chapter 61". Those are the disadvantages of being a vampire, part 1: hearing what you do not want to hear. 61, huh? It sounds important. There must be a dimension, a world where that number affects him. Maybe it will become the date when he finally kills Snow... That would be nice.

He keeps taking a look at the books and pretending he cannot hear them until they leave. Then, he looks at the book they were talking about: "Carry On by Magicat". Light blue and yellow cover. Title in red. It is placed just between the "After" saga and the one about shiny vampires; that cannot be good. However, the girls are right: one of the pictures represented on the top of the cover really looks like him.

He checks his clock. There are still fifteen minutes left until Fiona comes back and he has already found his sister´s present. There is not much time left, so he opens the book and searches for the number they said. Chapter sixty one. Right.

BAZ

That's it. I'm going to have to spell this imbecile away from me. My last deed will be to save Simon Snow's life, and my whole family will be ashamed.

Wait. What? What is this book? Baz looks around to make sure there is no one observing, and then goes back to it.

He's holding onto my face, expecting me to stay alive just because he's told me to—because he's Simon bloody Snow, and he gets whatever he wants if he growls loud enough.

Whoa, impressive. It is him, for real.

I think I might kiss him before I send him flying.

(Can I get him away from me without breaking any of his bones? What spell will keep him away, so he doesn't come running back into the fire?)

What the hell is this? Is it seriously supposed to be him? Baz? Basilton Pitch? Because there is no universe where he could even think about kissing Simon. And why would he try not to hurt him? It is Snow, the most insufferable person he has ever met. (And he has met quite a few).

I think I might kiss him. He's right here. And his lips are hanging open (mouth breather) and his eyes are alive, alive, alive.

You're so alive, Simon Snow.

You got my share of it.

At least the book is right about that —except for the kissing, though—. It is true that he is jealous that Snow is alive but... He is usually jealous of every living person. It is just that Snow is always more. More than everyone else. More power than anyone, more stupidity than anyone and... More life than anyone.

He shakes his head, and he's saying something, and I think I might kiss him.

Because I've never kissed anyone before. (I was afraid I might bite.) And I've never wanted to kiss anyone but him. (I won't bite. I won't hurt him.)

I just want to kiss him, then go.

"Simon…," I say.

And then he kisses me.

At this point, Baz is starting to get angry. He turns around trying to find the hidden camera or some kind of sign showing that Penelope or Simon are around. It looks like a bad joke. He casts a Come out, come out, wherever you are! but only a very pissed cockroach appears. For an instant, he debates between burning the book and continuing reading. Curiosity wins and he opens the book again.

SIMON

I just want him to shut up and stop talking like this. I just want him to get up and follow me out of here. I just want to be back at Watford in our room, knowing he's there, and that he isn't hurting anyone, and no one is hurting him.

That is a lie. A straight lie. Snow is impatiently waiting for the day he will have the opportunity to kill Baz, and vice versa. But the book is still interesting; he is still impressed about how well reflected both of them are, even if the scenery is the most unrealistic thing he has ever read.

BAZ

Is this is a good kiss? I don't know.

Snow's mouth is hot. Everything is hot.

He's pushing me, so I push back.

His cross is rattling in my tongue and jaw. His pulse is beating in my throat. And his mouth is killing everything I'm trying to think.

Simon Snow.

Why on earth would he want to kiss Snow? He is insufferable in every possible meaning of the word. He is stupid. He cannot control his magic. And he is the Mage's heir. Baz just... Baz just hates him. He cannot imagine a single situation where he would think of kissing him.

SIMON:

Baz's mouth is colder than Agatha's.

Because he's a boy, I think, and then: No, because he's a monster.

He's not a monster. He's just a villain.

He's not a villain. He's just a boy.

I'm kissing a boy.

I'm kissing Baz.

He's so cold, and the world is so hot.

His expression changes. If he was surprised and angry, now he is skeptical. He is evil, of course he is evil. Otherwise, he would not spend day and night thinking of how to kill his roommate fooling the Anathema. Otherwise, he would not try to make Agatha fall for him just to piss Snow. Otherwise, he would not dry every single rat in the catacombs. He is evil. He is a vampire. He is a monster.

BAZ

I am going to die kissing Simon Snow.

Aleister Crowley, I'm living a charmed life.

No. No. He is going to die killing Simon Snow. That would be charming. Finally getting rid of him.

SIMON

If Baz thinks I'm ever letting him go, he's wrong. I like him like this. Under my thumb. Under my hands. Not off plotting and scheming and talking to vampires.

"I've got you now" I think. "I've finally got you where I want you."

Yeah... Under him. Perfectly ready to be killed any moment. Baz (the real one, he thinks) suddenly realizes that the temperature is rising. He breathes deeply, trying to control the strips of magic that flow from his hands. If it goes on, the library will burn.

BAZ

Snow has done this before.

He's doing this nice thing with his chin. Moving it up and down. Tilting his head. Pushing me back even farther.

I don't try to mimic him. I just let him go.

I'm going to die kissing Simon Snow.…

Simon Snow is going to die kissing me.

This is somehow interesting. Because it's the cheesiest thing he has ever read. And he read some of the notes Philippa sent Simon in class before he began going out with Wellbelove... He is trying to decide if he should puke or break in a loud laugh. What in the Earth is this book? He thinks about it: kissing Snow, in a burning forest... The thought only makes him want to start a fire. And burn the book.

SIMON

Baz grabs my shoulders and pushes me off him.

It only works because I'm not expecting it.

He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out his wand, then points over my shoulder, screaming, "Make a wish!" There's fire all around us now, slithering closer through the grass.

Baz's spell lands, and one of the trees goes out, then quickly catches fire again. Baz takes a breath, and I put both hands on his chest, letting him take what he wants from me. "Make a wish!" he shouts, and his voice is thunder.

Wait, can Snow really do that? Can he stand Snow´s magic?

The fire dies in one breath—more like it was sucked in than blown out. My ears pop, and smoke pours out of the trees.

I look at Baz.

Was that it? Did he just need me to kiss him to snap out of his suicidal funk?

He drops his wand and reaches up to my jumper (his jumper), then pulls it down at the neck. With his other hand, he tears open my shirt collar, popping the top button, and grabs at my cross, eyeing the chain. He gives the cross a good yank—the chain snaps—and he tosses it away.

Then Baz looks at me like he always looks at me when he's about to attack.

Okay, this is crazy. In the last bunch of paragraphs, he has avoided death; kissed his worst enemy; saved his life twice and got rid of that stupid cross the Mage gave him. As if. That cross burns. That cross could kill him. That cross is the only reason why, instead of strangling him, he threw him downstairs in fourth year. That cross is the only way Snow could hurt him in their room without activating the Anathema. Baz takes a look at his phone´s clock: it is time for him to go outside, but there are only two more lines left before the end of the chapter.

BAZ

Simon Snow is still going to die kissing me.

Just not today.

He slams his sister´s book in the counter and shoots a scary glance at the shopkeeper before actually paying. He is so angry he is going to explode. Fiona silently watches him get in the car.

"Let´s go" he says.

"Home already?"

"No. Watford. I am going to kill Snow today".