Chapter 3
More than any other event, seeing Tim swimming with the seals, seeing his obvious attachment to them...it demonstrated that there was more to his story than they might have thought. Leanna told Justin about it when he got home, and, after discussing it back and forth for a long time, they decided to stop the therapy sessions. Whatever was wrong with Tim, they decided it wasn't something solved in that way. Instead, they stopped trying to figure it out and they just accepted that Tim would always be a bit different. They got him to connect with the "real" world by encouraging him to do other things.
...and it seemed to work. Slowly, Tim came out of his shell.
The first thing that helped him was when they decided to move. Justin had a chance to be transferred to another base. He explained to his superiors that they wanted to make a clean break of it, get away from all the memories of their lost child. When they settled in their new home, they redoubled their efforts to get Tim caught up academically. They were aided in their efforts by the fact that Tim seemed to catch fire when they showed him books for the first time, when he understood how much there was to learn, how much he'd apparently never known before. Sometimes, Leanna worried that it was just a way for Tim not to think about what he said he lost, but at the same time, he would smile occasionally when he would talk about what he'd learned with his tutor.
The second thing that helped was when they gave him a computer. They hadn't thought much of it. Tim had almost been defeated at the concept of using a fork...but once he was shown what to do, he loved it. Here was another portal to all these things he'd never known. He loved it.
They had no idea how old Tim was. He seemed so young...actually, younger than their son had been. It seemed impossible that he could be eighteen going on nineteen...but when they asked Tim how long he'd been alive, he only looked at them quizzically, not even understanding the question. They tried all sorts of things to explain it to him, but even when he had finally shown some comprehension, he hadn't been able to give them any information.
Eventually, they decided to register him as sixteen years old. It wasn't due to anything but that he seemed younger than their son had been.
...and with deciding on an age, they had to decide what to do with him. As Tim became more...human...it became apparent that he had no identification, no Social Security number, no birth certificate. He had nothing to give any indication of who he was. Unexpectedly, it was Justin's connections that helped. He met with one of his fellow officers, someone he'd known and trusted for years, and explained the situation.
Within a month, Tim had the complete range of identification as...Timothy McGee, son of Leanna and Justin McGee. No mention of being adopted. If someone looked, they might see that there was a deceased son of the same name, but Tim looked so much like his namesake that he didn't look adopted. No one questioned who he was. Sometimes, even his adoptive family would forget that he wasn't a natural part of his family.
...but then, Tim would get quiet. He would stare out the window toward the ocean and he would get an achingly-sad expression on his face. He would fall into a kind of despair that would last for days before he'd come back to himself. It was almost like he'd become someone else during that time.
The last step was getting him to college. ...and this was the one place where they decided to be dishonest. The circumstances of Tim coming to live with them meant that he had no background, no teachers to recommend him, nothing. So an application to universities was hard to fill out. His tutors were willing, but the circumstances weren't exactly ideal. So...Leanna and Justin fudged things a little. They talked to some instructors on base and they helped craft letters that avoided any reference to the fact that Tim was a recent addition to their family. His strange education was covered up and the tutors turned into private instructors for an extremely gifted child.
To their amazement (and with a bit of guilt), Tim was accepted to MIT, mostly on the basis of his computer skills. He moved to Boston. For the first year, the rest of the McGees were with him, just to make sure that all the chaos wouldn't be too much for him.
Tim thrived in a college setting. At times, they could almost forget that they had found him abandoned on the beach.
After a year, the McGees went back to the base and left Tim at MIT.
This was the big test. Tim had been with them since he had so precipitously joined their family. ...but this would be the test to see if he actually wanted to be with them. What they didn't know...and couldn't know was that Tim himself was wondering the same thing.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
As it did so often, Tim felt the sea calling to him. The only problem was that it was winter. It was snowy...and he felt as though his blood had weakened. He couldn't tolerate the cold as he had...before.
...but he couldn't resist the call. Leaving the human world behind, he headed for the ocean. It wasn't particularly easy to get there, but when the urge came over him, he had to obey it. It wasn't irresistible. He could wait, but right now, late in the evening, he would listen to it. The seals wouldn't be there, but he expected that. It actually made it easier to deal with the separation when he couldn't even touch the world he'd lost. The train carried him as close as possible and then he walked to the closest space. The names humans gave to places lost their meanings in these times, and all he knew was ocean or land.
As he sat on the snowy rocks, bundled up against the cold, he closed his eyes and listened to the waves as they crashed onto the shore. The sound seemed to get inside him, and he couldn't only sit, powerless against the roar...the call that beckoned him to the place he couldn't go. The too-ready tears came to his eyes as he listened to the sea. Why had she done this to him? Why? He didn't understand her even now. All he knew was this pain, this loss.
...but no, that wasn't quite true. In the midst of his pain, he had found something else. He didn't know what to call it. It came from the people who had taken him in. A family. He was learning to think of them that way. He was good at acting like he felt that way, but much of it was simply copying what he saw them do, what he saw others do.
How could he continue on this track? When he could forget this world, it was all right, but he couldn't always forget. Times like this. How could he find a job? How could he be a human? He didn't know, but then, every time he thought of giving up, of leaving, he thought of his...family. They were so different from the world in which he'd lived before. ...and beyond that, they were people who had felt such pain, and he had noticed that it had lessened when he had come to them. That was what he had tried to do before, and they were giving back to him. His own pain was less because of them.
What was that feeling he had with them? He didn't know. It was not something they had ever explained to him, but he had seen it among them. He had seen it with other human families. Now, as he stared at the ocean, he wondered more than ever what that feeling was that kept him from running into the ocean. He wanted to know. He needed to know.
He got to his feet and, with one last longing look at the sea, he turned to go back. All he wanted right now was a phone. All he wanted was an answer to his question. He didn't even think about the lateness of the hour. He didn't think about anything but getting something that would explain to him why he was staying in the human world with all its pain and anguish.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
As soon as he got to a place with a phone, he dialed the number of his family. The phone rang for a few seconds before there was an answer.
"Hello?" came Leanna's groggy voice.
"What is it that I feel?" he asked.
"Tim? Is that you?"
"Yes. What is it that I feel?" he asked, feeling the urgency clenching his throat tightly.
"What do you mean, Tim? What's wrong?"
"I went to the sea. I wanted nothing more than to...to go back...but I stayed...because of this feeling I don't understand! What is that feeling that keeps me here?"
"When are you feeling it?"
"When I think of this...family you say I am a part of. When I...I think of all of you. I feel something...something that keeps me from...from leaving, even though it hurts to stay."
There was a long silence.
"Tim...is it...a good feeling?"
"I don't...know. It keeps me from...from wanting to leave, even when I want to leave."
"I can't tell you what you're feeling, but...maybe it's love."
"I've heard that word before. What does it mean?"
"It means wanting to be with people. It means caring about them, wanting them to be safe, wanting them to be happy. We...We love you, Tim. We only want you to be happy, and I'm afraid that we don't really do a good job of that."
"It is...It's..." Tim started to cry, but he didn't know why he was crying. "I never felt that before. Not before I came to live with you. Is this love that I feel?"
"Maybe it is."
"I want you to be happy. I care about you. I...I don't...but I want to be other places, but I can't be there, and being here...is...better than...than anything else I can have. Is that love?"
"Only you can know if that's what you're feeling, Tim. I can only tell you that Justin and I love you. Sarah loves you, and she misses you when you're gone. You're truly our son. That's how we think of you."
"But...your son died. I'm...I am not him."
"No, but you are still our son...for as long as you want to be."
Tim still cried into the phone.
"Why do I care?"
"I don't know, Tim, but I'm glad you do."
Tim choked out a good-bye and hung up the phone. Then, he went outside to the river. The river wasn't as bad as the sea. ...but it was still water. He sat, sniffling a little bit and he struggled with understanding this feeling he had. Love. Could it really be that? Why would he love these humans?
Because they love me. No one ever loved me before. We don't feel those things. It is not who we are. ...but if so, why do I feel it now? What has happened to me to make me feel this?
He didn't know...but the next morning, he called again.
"What is it, Tim?" Leanna asked.
"I love you...Mom." The word felt strange and yet right.
...and when Leanna started crying a little and returned the sentiment, he felt her pain lessen even more...and he knew he had done right.
