Disclaimer: Don't own anything!

Warning: Delicate themes!

AN: Thanks to all that have left me a review! I am back from Rotterdam and I bring a gift in the form of a chapter :) I hope it will be enjoyed. Don't forget to leave me a message to tell me what you think about this chapter!

~ Terrible Love ~

Chapter 3

For the next week, Loki locked himself in his private chambers. No one was allowed to see him, not even the servants who were to bring him food. They were ordered to leave it before his door and leave. Loki liked it that way. He was too mortified to face anyone at the moment, let alone Thor.

His mother was next on that list. She would instantly read in his eyes that something horrible had happened and Loki would not be able to lie to her. He had lied enough times to his mother and he refused to lie about this. That is why he locked himself away; to avoid any questions or humiliation. What he had not expected, however, was Thor's stubbornness. Every morning, every noon and every night, Thor stood before his door. At first he asked entrance, softly and carefully. Then he grew agitated and began to demand it. He kicked the door, slammed his fists against it and eventually, on the seventh day, he begged to be let in.

Loki had been sitting on the edge of his bed, his hands laying in his lap and his eyes studying the floor. Thor's voice had been incredible sad and Loki had bitten down on his tongue until he could taste the blood in his mouth. He wanted to open the door and allow his brother entrance, but he knew what would happen then. He would crash, long and hard, and Loki refused to show such weakness.

But was it really weakness? Was he not allowed to mourn the loss of his child? Their child? Was he not allowed to show Thor how much he was hurting? Perhaps his touch would sooth him, if only a little. Slowly, still hearing Thor's pleas, he rose from the bed and made his way towards his door. He pressed his hands against the cool, wooden surface and listened.

"Loki?" Thor had apparently heard the movement within the chamber. "Please, Loki, I must see you."

Slowly, Loki reached for the knob and pulled open the door. It revealed a tired looking Thor who seemed to be dressed in the same clothes he had been wearing a week ago. His hair was messy and his eyes stood surprisingly small. Loki wondered if his brother had slept at all these passed few days. Probably not, just like he had not been able to close his eyes.

"Loki," Thor sighed before pulling Loki into a tight embrace.

Loki was startled at first, but then relaxed and buried his face into Thor's broad chest. Only now did he realise how much he had missed this, how much he needed this. Thor closed the door behind them, never taking his arms away from his brother and pulled him even closer. Loki closed his eyes, feeling tears sting. He had been fighting those for a long time, but he allowed them to run freely now.

"Loki, I am so sorry," Thor whispered.

They sat down on the edge of the bed, Loki feeling Thor's gaze focused upon him. "This is not your fault," he said quietly, "I made the decision and I must live with it."

Thor's eyes widened. "No," he said, "that's not true. Loki, I want to help you. You're not alone."

"There is nothing you can do to help me," Loki said, "it is simply a matter of time. I must learn to live with this, accept this." He gazed intently into Thor's piercing blue eyes. "Thor, I am sorry."

"Don't be."

"I killed your child."

"No," Thor took Loki's hands into his own and forced his brother to remain looking at him, "like you said before, we had no choice. I supported you and a decision was made. We stand by it."

"Oh God," Loki stammered, dropping his head and observing their intertwined hands, "it was awful, Thor, being inside that clinic. I felt awful."

Thor raised their hands and kissed the back of Loki's hands. "You are not an awful person," he assured him, "I love you still, I love you always."

Loki leaned forward, allowing his head to rest against Thor's shoulder. He could feel his body relax and his eyes slipped shut. He didn't know exactly what happened next, but he must have fallen asleep rather quickly for he woke in the morning, curled against Thor's side, their hands still locked together.

-o-o-

Having no need to spend time with people, Loki had found the perfect places to be alone. The garden was empty after nine in the evening so that was where one could find Loki at that time. During the afternoon, he was best looked for in the library and before noon, he was in his own personal chambers. Today was different, however, for Loki had learned his mother was looking for him. She was worried and wanted to talk and so Loki had quickly disappeared from his usual hangouts. Not sure where he could go, Loki decided that the vault was his best option. If he waited long enough, Frigga would stop her search for him and Loki would be able to go about his day in peace.

It was so that he found himself standing before the casket of Ancient Winters. He was unsure why, but he felt a strange pull towards it. It almost seemed to call him and Loki had reluctantly allowed himself to be mesmerized. He had been in the vault many times before in his life and he knew the story of the casket well. Odin himself had told him and Thor when they had only been children. Back then, it had appeared big and mighty, but now Loki found it particularly small.

And blue.

As if it were calling out his name, Loki stretched out his arms and picked it up. It was much heavier than he had anticipated, but he managed to hold it. It felt like a dead weight and it began to consume his body, starting with his fingers. Then his arms until it had worked its way up to his face like a fire roaring through his veins. Loki had never experienced anything like it before and he held his breath as he began to realise what this meant.

Slowly, very carefully, he allowed his gaze to travel across his own body. His skin had turned blue, the same blue that was trapped within the casket. It had to be magic, Loki thought, because what else could cause this?

"Stop!"

Odin's voice startled him, but Loki had enough self control to not drop the casket. In stead, he carefully placed it down and turned to face his father. He was still blue and Loki felt strangely cold. He welcomed the feeling, however, almost enjoying his current state. He should be panicking, he should feel frightened, but Loki only felt the burning of questions within him. He had seen other people around the casket, he had seen his father pick it up once and he had not turned blue.

Yet there Loki stood, regarding his father with large eyes that were without doubt red. "Am I cursed?"

"No," Odin simply answered.

"Then what am I?" A million images ran through his mind, but the one that mattered made Loki's heart skip a beat. He imagined himself with Thor, smiling and laughing. They were brother, were they not? Would Thor change colour once he picked up the casket?

"You're my son," Odin said.

The lie was too obvious. "What more than that?" Loki stepped forward, never leaving Odin's eyes as he gazed intently at them. Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place and the picture horrified Loki. "The casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?"

Hesitantly, weighing down his every word, Odin began to speak, "In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and I found a baby. Abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son."

Loki's throat had gone dry and he could barely breath. "Laufey's son," he repeated. He expected Odin to explain, but the Allfather remained quiet and Loki hated it. He needed more answers, he needed Odin to explain this to him. His mind was twisting and twirling and none of his thoughts made sense. "Why? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?"

Odin's response came quickly, "You were an innocent child."

Loki refused to believe him. "No, you took me for a purpose. What was it?"

Silence.

"Tellme!"

More silence, but Loki would not break it.

"I thought we could unite our Kingdoms one day," Odin explained, "bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace through you, but those plans no longer matter."

There was a pain within Loki's chest which he had never experienced before. Betrayal and hurt and Loki could not believe Odin could just stand there. Was this not affecting him? Could Odin not see how screwed up this all was? Loki couldn't begin to imagine how different his life could have been had he known...had Thor known... More dreadful thoughts came to him and Loki moved a hand to his stomach, reminding himself of what he had destroyed without reason. It was all Odin's fault.

"So I am no more than another stolen relic," Loki breathed, "locked up here until you might have use of me?"

Anger seeped through Odin's words. "Why do you twist my words?"

"You could have told me what I was from the beginning! Why didn't you?"

"You're my son," Odin repeated, sounding strangely tired, "I wanted only to protect you from the truth."

"What," Loki's confusion was consumed by anger and hatred, "because I'm a monster parents tell their children about at night?" Odin tried to speak, but Loki did not allow him. "You know, it all makes sense now, why you favoured Thor all these years. Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"

Odin succumbed at that moment and Loki watched him fall to the stairs. He was breathing heavily, barely getting enough air, but to see the Allfather - his father - fall down so helplessly, it made him grow quiet. He stepped forward, watching Odin's laboured breathings and approached him with care. He wanted to tell him everything he had caused, everything Loki had been through because of him, but of course he kept quiet.

"Guards!" He yelled in stead and stepped back as two men entered the vaults. He watched how they hurried towards their King, but Loki could only stand there, numb and exhausted. He lowered his gaze and looked at his stomach. He had thought that he and Thor shared the same blood, that it was impossible for them to have a child together, but none of that was the case. He had murdered his child for no reason and Loki felt sick at the thought.

He swayed to his left and threw up, feeling his knees buckle beneath him. When he fell to the floor, retching, he closed his eyes and cursed Odin.

And he cursed himself.

-o-o-

Loki had to find Thor then. He ran through the halls, ignoring everyone he passed and called his name. Many had not seen Loki in days and they were all surprised to see their prince in such a hurry. Loki knew exactly where to find Thor this time of the day and he knew he would reach the dinning hall within seconds. Just before he turned into the last hallway, he came to a halt and inhaled deeply. Many others would be present and he didn't want them to question his current state of distress.

He was a master of lies, of trickery and so Loki had no trouble conjuring up the image of a controlled Loki. Sure, they would all look at him as he entered, but he would ignore them like he always did. It was so that he entered the dinning hall and instantly made his way towards Thor. His brother rose from his seat the moment he witnessed Loki's entrance. For a moment, Loki remained standing and then turned to leave the dinning hall again. He knew Thor would follow him and he was proven right as his brother grabbed his arm and made him turn around.

"Loki," Thor said, his eyes wide with worry.

"Father has fallen into the Odinsleep," he said almost absently, "I was with him."

Thor released Loki's arm, concern filling his eyes. "I must go to him."

This time, it was Loki who prevented Thor from turning away. "No," he said violently, "I have spoken with him, Thor, and I have learned so much. He has lied to us our entire lives. I am not your brother, I never was."

Thor frowned, Loki's words clearly unsettling him. "What are you speaking of?"

"I am not an Asgardian," Loki said slowly, the words hurting him as much as they would Thor, "I was born on Jotunheim. It's not my magic that allowed me to bare your child, it was because I am a Jotun."

Thor stepped back, his mouth opened as to say something, but he remained silent. Loki could read the confusion on Thor's face. There was even a hint of shock visible at the condemning truth.

"Do you understand, Thor? I am not your brother."

"Father confessed this?"

"Yes," Loki all but snarled, "I have been living a lie and because of him, I made all the wrong choices. Thor, we could have kept our child and no one would have said anything about it if only Odin had the decency to tell us."

"But mother..." Thor began, yet unable to finish his sentence.

"She lied, too," Loki said softly, the entire realisation beginning to dawn on him, "our parents knew and kept it from us. Thor, we can not let this happen."

"And what do you propose we do?" Thor asked, eyeing Loki with care. "We can not confront mother, not now, not with father having fallen into his sleep. It would ruin her."

"Ruin her?" Loki exploded. "Thor, they ruined us. They played us and used us."

Thor shook his head. "No," he said, determination in his voice, "no, I refuse to believe that. They only did what was best."

Loki, suddenly horrified to see the resemblance Thor held to Odin, stumbled back. He could not stand to be close to Thor now. The very idea made him sick and Loki made a run for it. Thor tried to grab his arm, keep him from escaping, but Loki was too quick on his feet. He'd always had a talent for swiftness and so he darted around Thor's hand and ran. He did not know if Thor was following him and he did not look behind him to check. In stead, he ran towards his chambers and locked himself inside.

He needed to think about everything and he needed to plan. He would not forgive Odin for this, nor would he forgive Frigga. They had betrayed him and Loki would make them pay one way or another.