A/N Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry but it's a bit hard to write fan fiction about helpful hints when someone doesn't remember to think of hints.

George. What!

Any way this chapter may contain content that may offend some girls, me and George do not think like this.

George: Speak for yourself.

Fred: I am stupid.

Disclaimer: none of it's mine not even Lord Fluffikins.

Chapter 2

The Squirrels Attack.

we are finally away from Lord Wallaby.' Fred remarked.

'Yeah we can do the show here in England.' George replied.

Suddenly this guy runs up and tells Fred and George.

'Sooooo sorry guys you cannot do the show here it is to close to Cherub.'

'Sooooo find another country.'

'Great.' Fred said.

'I know, to Canada!'

'Wait! No George not there.'

BOOM!!!

In Canada.

'What were you saying again?'

'Oy, Lord Fluffikins has taken over Canada.' Fred implied.

'Oh right, to Mexico!'

'No!'

In Mexico.

'He's taken over that too." Fred said again.'

'To Japan!'

'Here we go again.'

In Japan

''Ummmm George, Lord Fluffikins is taking over Japan right now.' 'Have a look.' Fred said pointing at a giant squirrel army.

'Ohhhh right, ok then.'

'To the Nile!'

'What the heck!'

At the Nile River.

'All right don't tell me the squirrels are here too.'

'Noooo.'

'Thank goodness.'

'But there is no reception at the Nile!'

'What!' 'Sure there is.'

'No there isn't.' 'Check'

George switches on the camera, and nothing happens.

'Oh I guess you were right.'

'To the middle of the Pacific Ocea…'

'Wait!' 'George stop!' 'Let me do it.'

'Ok'

'Thank you.'

'To Italy.'

In Italy

'Thank goodness, we can do the show here, in the middle of the Coliseum.' Fred thankfully said.

'All right then lets start the show.'

(Switching again.)

F: Hi I'm Fred

G: And I'm George

F: And we're back with our second segment, of Helpful Hints for New Recruits.

G: Yeah sorry about being late, but we got a bit sidetracked

F: One thing George

G: Yeah

F: How the heck did we get from Australia to Canada to Mexico to Japan to the Nile and finally end up in Italy, in less than 5 minutes without an airplane?

G: I have no idea what so ever, but let's get on with the show.

F: Ok. Hint 11: Don't ever tell or let your brother/sister find out about a secret, this may hurt you in the future, they may blackmail you.

G: Yeah just ask James.

F: Hehehehehe, James got blackmailed by a 12 year old.

G: yeah that was funny. Hint: 12 When Kyle offers you answers for an assignment make sure you check what missions are coming up.

F: yeah you might not need to take the subject, and end up wasting your well earned precious money.

G: Hint 13: When Kyle tells you "foolproof plans" to get some more money DO NOT LISTEN.

F: You will probably end up broke.

G: One of them worked though.

F: Which one?

G: Doesn't matter.

F: Hint 14: Never hit an instructor with a shovel, (this might be obvious.)

G: Unless they want to.

F: George!

G: What? He was mean.

F: They might get kicked out of Cherub

G: Fine

F: Hint 15: Never just ask a girl onto a mission, just because they have a big chest.

G: What! That's the whole point so you can perv on them.

F: This leads to Hint 16: When on missions don't perv on girls in showers.

G: What! You need your head examined. Not perv on girls what is the world coming to.

F: All girls reading this just ignore him, or better bash him for me (he lives in Baulkham Hills)

F: George did your father ever tell you about the birds and the bees, and possibly the storks.

G: Nope, I learnt everything I know from a helpful hint book.

F: Called?

G: Sex for teenagers.

F: What the heck? (Great that means I will have to tell him, oh no.)

G: Hint 17 make sure you are not afraid of jumping out of planes; you never know who might push you.

F: Yeah be careful

G: Hohoho. James got pushed out of an airoplane, hehehe.

F: Hint 18: Always have a brio handy.

G: Why?

F: There are 5 ways to kill someone with a brio

G: Really? Awesome!

F: Hint 19: Never hide your girlfriend in a cupboard.

G: Duh why would you do that, that's just stupid?

F: You thought of it.

G: Yeah but it sounds worse when, you say it.

F: Whatever, (mister jealous pants.)

G: What you say?

F: Nothing, get on with the next hint.

G: You do it.

F: Fine. Hint 20: There are 3 things that will get you kicked out of Cherub, drugs, extreme drunkenness and underage sex.

G: But those are the fun things in life.

F: George we really have to have a talk about the birds and the bees.

G: And the storks.

F: Oh for the love of Pete.

G: This is George

F: and Fred

G: Singing off.

(Switching again)

'Yer think that was a good segment.' George asked curiously

'Fine." Fred said distractingly 'You know we really need to have that talk about….'

Suddenly a guy runs in from outside the Coliseum.

'Ahhhhhh, the squirrels are attacking, it's Lord Fluffikins.

'Oh no, he found us.' George exclaimed

'We can't keep running.' Fred said 'Its time for drastic measures.'

'Just what I thought.' George said holding up a bazooka

'Not that drastic.'

'Where'd you get that anyway?!'

'It was in my pocket' George said eating a sandwich, which he also got from his pocket.

'Uhhh, do you have a laptop in there with wireless internet?' Fred said nervously.

'Hang on I'll check.' George said as he started rummaging in his pocket.

'Mug, table, cat, so that's where I put my cat, cat food, shotgun, ammo, pistol, CD player, chair, another chair, a third chair, since when did I get so many chairs? Come on where'd I put it, power supply, fake mustache.'

'How much stuff to you have in there???'

'Don't know, speedboat, private jet, here we are, a laptop with wireless internet, here yer go Fred.'

'Thanks.' Fred said not sure about trusting something that had come out of George's pocket.

Fred turned on the laptop and logged onto the local wesite for when squirrels attack.

What ya looking for?' George asked, still eating his sandwich

Where is it?' Fred said as he scrolled down.

'There it is." George said, pointing at something on the laptop.

'Hmmmm.' 'Yep this is the one.' Fred said.

'Read it out.'

'Ok.' Fred started to read. 'If you are being attacked by a giant squirrel army made up of squirrels, chipmunks, other fury things and turtles and you are afraid that they will kill everyone, and take over Italy, which will help them take over the world. Please click here.

'Wow, that was a strange coincidence' Fred said as he clicked to go to the site.

'Yeah." George agreed.

'Lets see, what does this say?' Fred started reading instructions. "First get 10 giant peanuts.'

George starts running of to a hospital.

'What?' 'Not those kind of nuts.' Fred said while clicking on; order 10 giant peanuts right now!

Suddenly 10 giant peanuts fall from the sky.

'Wow, that's good service.' George said.

'Yeah it is.' Fred started to read again, 'Next get one private jet, George!'

'Got it!'

'Good, load the nuts on to the bottom of the plane and fly it over the squirrels, lead them to a desert or somewhere.

'Got ya' George said as he flew of over the squirrel army.'

In a few minutes time George suddenly appears beside Fred. 'I led them to the Nile.'

'Fine' Fred said 'Ah George, where's the jet?'

'What?' 'Oh dang, I left it with the squirrel army.'

'Wait, you left a squirrel army in the middle of the Nile with a private jet?'

'Yep' George said cheerfully

'You idiot!' Fred said while slapping his head. "Now go and get it back."

'Sure' George said, as he pulled out a fighter jet from his pocket and flew of, before Fred could say anything.

In a few hours time George finally appears.

'Where have you been?'

'Well, I went to the Nile, and I met this really hot chick and I took her to the movies and then we went out to lunch, and then I appeared back here.'

'You mean to say you left a giant squirrel army in the middle of the Nile with a private jet and a fighter jet.'

'Yep, you want me go get them back?' George asked ready to pull something out of his pocket.

'No!!!' Fred yelled at George 'we'll just go back to Australia; Lord Wallaby should have gone by now.

'Ok, To Jamaica!'

'George!' 'That was the wrong country,' Fred yelled as they disappeared.

In Jamaica

As soon as George and Fred appeared,

Fred yelled out 'To Australia!' Before George could even say a word.

In Australia

'Few that was a tiring segment.' Fred said as he fell down in his chair.

'Yep but you still have to give me that talk.' George reminded him.

'Oh no.'

A/N Hey ya that sure was funny, well tune in next time for more Helpful hints for New Recruits