For Guest: This update is for you :). Thank you for the review my friend, it means a lot to me.

NB! This chapter and the previous one were not corrected by beta reader. Any mistakes you find here are mine.

3

We left Cesar after dawn, when the city began to fill with more and more people.

"How are we to go to the opera now? They will see you, Angel."

There was not even a hint of unease when she was looking at my face, a prove that it was hidden enough. I shook my head at her worried eyes.

"They will see a woman helping her man home, after a night fight in a tavern. You will hold my arm around your shoulders, and scold me loudly for every sin, ever committed in this town. And I will try to make you stop for my head will be killing me after last night's couple of drinks."

During my speech, her smile grew wider and now she was beaming at me, infesting my darkness with her light. I gave her details about scolding and we left.

Christine proved to be good. She never stopped talking and by the time we reached our destination my head was hurting me for real. Her tongue was surprisingly colorful and I would have enjoyed it to a full degree, if I wasn't forced to keep my head low and my body hunched to her side. She continued even after we entered the tunnels and I had to close her mouth manually to silence her. She was excited and breathless, amused.

"That is enough Christine, you do remember we have to be quiet here?"

"It was such a fun. Did you see that woman with the green..."

I tried to pull away from her but she simply guided my hand to her waist and put hers around mine. Confusion stilled my movements and she lifted her eyes to mine. I would never grow tired of those upturned warm eyes, full of velvet gentleness pointed towards every living creature around her. The fog in her gaze was nowhere to be found.

"I don't want you to catch a cold after tonight, after everything. With that open wound on your head. It will never heal."

She was so charming, trying to take care of me like that, so naive to think a little cold can bother me at all. I didn't know where all of this was coming from but to Hell with reason. I held her closer and we began the last part of our journey home. After a few minutes I felt my neck muscles starting to relax. In a night like this, my gloomy dungeon felt comfortable and secure and I treasured that knowledge. Christine was silent while we descended to the fifth cellar. This place wasn't fit for her, but today I would keep her here, with me.

Once inside, I tried to stop at the organ but she pulled me forward, towards the bedroom. A predictable behavior for I could see how tired she was.

"Not so fast little one, I need to change those with a real set."

I crouched by the "pain" trunk and opened it. Christine gasped behind me when she saw some of its contents.

"Ah, dear Lord, what is that for?"

"Your ignorance is a blessing, I can only dream of."

I took iodine, bandages and a thicker cloth for the tampon. Meanwhile, Christine went around the room, lit up some candles and came back to me. She looked dully at my body when I removed my coat. My face! She haven't seen my face in a while, it would be inhuman to thrust it on her now. I lowered my hands from the bandages.

"You must be tired Christine, go get some sleep now. "

She moved as if to obey, but turned back, frowning at me.

"How... who will hold the cloth in place, while you prepare the new one? You will lose much blood."

I thought for a moment and waved her to go behind me again. She did and placed her hands on my shoulders. I was constantly amazed by her new-found willingness to touch me, as it was quite unexpected. A full scale contrast to the way she was before. I removed the rags from my face and Christine immediately put her hand on the tampon. It was soaked with blood yet her hand didn't flinch, not a bit. I took the tweezers and put a small piece of cloth in the iodine.

"Now listen, take this and dragged it around the edge of the wound, but not inside. Don't worry, it would paint my skin yellow. Ready? Let go now."

I gave her the tweezers and slowly fist my hands not to frighten her. With the first sting I fist them tighter and held them till she was finished, secretly proud that none of my pain had manifested. I handed her the clean tampon and she quickly pressed it down to stop the bleeding. The new bandages hid some of the deformity and when Christine stepped from behind me I covered my face.

"Do you want me to bring you a mask, Angel?"

A red colored shame turned my head away at her words. Christine was the only woman who could use "mask" and "angel" in one sentence like that. In her damaged brain, damaged by me, angels were wearing masks instead of wings. I was unable to understand her talking about this as if it was nothing. As if she had accepted that to be normal for herself. This unrepairable ugliness reinforced in her life. I couldn't stand this acquiescence of hers, she deserved so much more.

"No, go to bed Christine."

She left for the bedroom and I quickly found the right mask to fit over the bandages. I unlit the candles, and halted outside the bedroom, memories threatening my resolve to enter. I had gone there to say goodbye, instead I somehow ended in front of my bedroom, waiting for her to change for a night rest. Unthinkable. Unexplainable. Desirable. An example of how everything may go completely wrong and yet to perfectly repair the broken pieces. I didn't know I had missed her that much.

I glanced to make sure she was under the covers, and stepped inside. I took a clean shirt and was about to put it on when she stopped me, pulling me to sit beside her. The same dull look in her eyes. My face? Not this time. She brushed her fingers over one brownish spot next to my belly button.

"I did that."

"Yes, in your sleep. "

"You didn't say a word about this, why?"

A question, ah? How typical for her to ask instead of think it over. An ancient proverb says "the fault is never in the student".

"You tell me Christine, why would I? It seamed only natural to me to be hated."

She looked at my face with utter disbelieve.

"You thought I hated you? All this time?"

"You were kicking me, punching me in the face, screaming his name or crying all night long. What was I supposed to think?"

She went pale and I cursed my big mouth. I wasn't the bloody victim here.

"Did it hurt a lot?"

She was on the verge of tears again and all I wanted was to change the subject.

"Christine, you need not worry about this, no my dear."

"Tell me the truth, Angel, I need to know the truth, please."

I scratched my neck while deciding what to do. She was persistent, damn it.

"Sometimes it hurt more but nothing, nothing special, believe me. It was nothing, really."

She brought her hands to me then, but when I tried to take one she fist them.

"I think it's best to tie me at night, and the legs too."

I jumped off the bed. The face, the eyes, she was dead serious. A tied up Christine in my bed was a vision from my most secret dreams. Shame and anger burnt my face as I cut.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"But if ..."

"No! We can sleep separated if we must, but this... this... Forget it, Christine!"

"But..."

"I SAID, FORGET IT!"

This absurdity of a woman! This... I didn't realize I was yelling, until I saw her back away from me. I grabbed the shirt and went for the exit harshly kicking something in my path.

"I will sleep outside. If you need me, look behind the organ."

"Wait!"

I stopped and listened at how she tried to find her words. My anger extinguished, she needed one word to call me back, only one. I was too proud to do it myself.

"I am so tired now... Stay with me, Angel, I beg you."

On her last word I turned slowly and blew the candles out for I was desperate to hold her again. In the dark I put the shirt on, changed my dirty trousers and got under the covers. I was over excited I could see sparks behind my eyelids. I opened my eyes to welcome the darkness and listened to her sigh. Christine had turned her back to me and now I was hesitant to touch her. The cascading waves of her hair instantly captured my full attention. She was still awake, it was clear in her breathing. She sighed again, then again. It went on for a long while.

"I thought you were tired."

"I am."

Another sigh.

"The room is full of sighs, Christine. Soon there will be no space for us."

She didn't say anything just sighed again. I sat up irritated. Why did she request my presence here? I was not in a mood for a sighing contest.

"May be I should leave you to your pile of..."

Cautiously she roll over to face me. Her expression was solemn. She opened her mouth several times before managing to speak.

"If I … hurt you again, where will you send me?"

I can't explain what I felt but it was falling, fast and heavy smashing everything in its path. Oh, my baby girl. So many feelings in her few words, such misery of the soul. Such guilt in my guts. I lay down and added another sigh to our collection before looking at her.

"Don't you want to live somewhere else? Somewhere with more light?"

"No."

"Why not, Christine? What about a small apartment in a decent part of the city. Hm?"

"You don't like to be in the light."

"Forget what I like! Think of it, dear. Think of the sun, the warmth..."

"No."

I couldn't remember her that reassured before. She hadn't been a stubborn child, on the contrary, it had been quite easy to convince her to do anything. Well, for me at least.

"Christine, has something happened? I remember quite well that you dread darkness."

Her eyes were open, moving slowly in the dark, heavy with thoughts.

"This was before, yes. Now I know darkness has everything I need."

Christine was talking like the Oracle of Delphi, every sentence more mysterious than the previous. Darkness was a dear friend of mine, but even I felt like a rat in that cave sometimes, it didn't make any sense. Like I was given only half of the information. She was making me feel stupid and soon I found I had to fight my growing irritation and discomfort. I must have been silent for a while, and her voice startled me a little.

"It has you."

She tried to embrace me then, but I stopped her hands midway. I had to know which one of us was progressing in madness before I could give in to feelings. I concentrated on her words .

"What are you saying, Christine?"

"Its true, Angel. Do you remember how I used to search for you during night?"

"A hum?"

"I always took a candle with me, a habit you know, but I never felt the need to lit that candle. I knew you would find me before I could make a wrong move. I knew I was safe in the dark with you. I was safe."

I couldn't understand her and it was killing me.

"I forced you to stay here and you felt safe with me. How do you expect me to believe this?"

We were facing each other and when she was speaking the air from her mouth was grazing my chin, distracting me. Hell, I wanted to kiss her.

"But it is true. I am telling the truth."

"Christine, I know you since you were little and never, do you hear me Christine, never before there was such restlessness in your sleep. All I needed to do was sing a short song and you were gone. You were sleeping like a baby, for Christ's sake!"

She inhaled deeply this time and her eyes went blank.

"I was terrified. The first night. You took Raoul up and send me to bed. I dreaded the moment you would come back because I was sure you will … violate me."

That woman! After all I did to become a gentleman. A real gentleman out of a wild, savage boy. It wasn't fair. I never did anything to make her believe that. Never! Well, I allowed myself to touch her several times before, but she enjoyed it. She believed me capable of raping her? ! Women are...

"I was sure you were mad at me for the mask. It was madness and cruelty and … and … I am so sorry. I thought you would run away, like the first time. "

She waited for me to say something but I couldn't. The memory of that moment alone was enough to make me leave and never return.

"You came back and I prepared for my fate. I felt you behind me and when you reached my nerves... they... and I hit you. Oh God, I hit you every time you tried to touch me. When you gave away I fall a sleep only to find myself in the same nightmare. I suppose I was hitting you in my dream too. Your hand was reaching for me and I was fighting it and then it was reaching again. When I woke up you were gone and the day was normal enough to ease my fear. Until you send me to bed again. Oh, Angel forgive me, I was so scared and my mind was a mess."

So she really thought me a beast. An ugly satyr who either plays a pan-flute or fucks young maidens. In fact the first strike had caught me too off guard and I had almost hit her back. An animal reflex, perhaps, fitted for an animal. I couldn't suppress the dryness of my voice.

"You did the same that night if I can remember correctly."

She closed her eyes and hid them in her pillow.

"The truth is, I never tried to touch you the first night. Nor on the second or the third. I was just making myself comfortable in the bed when you first hit me. Every time I tried to switch my position I received a hit. You have my word I never tried anything."

A choked whisper came from within the pillow.

"I know."

Poor girl. She wasn't mad but she was filled to the top with half- thoughts half- emotions she didn't know how to unleash. Neither did I.

My voice was calm.

"Why do you cry, Christine? I..."

"Please, let me finish. Please? After... after the fifth night I was exhausted. I didn't want to fight anymore. You were gentle with me, caring like when you were the Angel of music. I realized I had pushed aside all wonderful memories I had with you. Now they were coming back to me. Nine years, Angel! The music... I still don't understand how I managed to forget like that. I don't... I waited for you to call me for a music lesson but it never happen. And on the following days I waited again but it never came. I was desperate to sing for you but you never asked me."

"I believed you would die before singing for me again."

Her face was a frozen personification of true sorrow and my heart was howling with her pain.

"I believed you didn't want me anymore."

I let a disapproving sound to that. I hope she will never know how much I wanted her during that week. Her fists gave me numerous points to focus my attention on and that was how I managed.

"I waited for you to take me or even touch me one of those nights but you never did. I wasn't afraid anymore but the awful dreams never stopped. And one night... one night I dreamed of Raoul. He came to me and slapped me hard in the face. He called me a whore and raped me again and again. I didn't, Angel... I woke up crying and when you hugged me I realized, how could I be so stupid, I realized you would never do this to me, Angel. "

She grabbed my hand and kissed it. Her tears were like a stream and I couldn't take it anymore. I moved closer and held her. Her face landed on my neck and I could hear her whisper.

"Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me..."

There was nothing to forgive but that wasn't the answer she was looking for. I caressed her and held her until her sobs lessened. Slowly her hand slipped around my waist and clutched the shirt, yet I wasn't going anywhere. Christine let out a relieved sigh and continued whispering in my ear.

"The nightmares never ceased but it was never you, never. Only him. I began to hate the moment you would send me to bed. I tried to stay awake as long as possible but I was tired all the time. Angel? Don't be mad at me but I knew you would hug me if I cry and, promise you will not be mad, promise."

Her voice was small and her tears threatened to drown us in the bed but she needed to talk. I bet she had been quite silent in that house.

"Promise."

"I made myself cry for no reason, just to make you hug me."

I gave a smile to the darkness, I wasn't surprised. My sweet, sweet girl, she was doing the same as a child when scared.

"Why didn't you ask? Your tears made a river from the bedroom to the lake. I was convinced I would see an ocean fish soon."

Her body shook against main and she was laughing in my ear. I let her go and her laughter died with my move. It was time for a different lesson. My heart quickened and I said with forced confidence.

"Ask me, Christine."

My face was serious and she kept moving her eyes between mine, for they were glowing now. Her voice was hollow, I could smell the rejection she was convinced to follow.

"Hug me, Angel, ple..."

I didn't wait for her to finish. I lay back and dragged her to rest on my chest. Away from the tear-wet part of the bed. I felt her body loose its tension and allowed myself the same.

"I can't deny you anything, dear. A hug, a slap, whatever you want."

She giggled again and I was left surprised at how easy it was to make her laugh now.

"I was sure you would say no, and there would be no turning back. You wasn't interested in me anymore. You didn't want my voice. I felt useless so I just stayed out of your way. "

I was roaming her hair, lifting it in the air and dropping curls to my face kissing them silently. Very soon I was going to show her exactly how useless she was to me.

"Oh Christine. You said you didn't remember your dreams, why?"

She played with a button on my shirt for a while.

"I thought you would be angry that I was dreaming of Raoul. That you would not let me explain. And I was ashamed to talk about the things he did to me."

"But you were not ashamed to dream of them, a?"

She slammed her hand down making me jump with surprise. Here we go again. Her voice made me regret my words.

"It was awful, with… with pain and he was saying such things. Holly Mother, I was ashamed to the bottom of my soul. After some time I began to think it was real. The dream."

Now I understood why I found her alone in that room.

"What did the doctor say?"

"I didn't tell him. I couldn't. Nobody knew. Those dreams never ended. It was worse now for he was sleeping in the other room and I was... Raoul was nice and careful with me but every touch was an agony. And I wasn't allowed to recoil from it. I was lucky he had much work to do these days."

I didn't want to listen of Raoul anymore. I gave him a better chance anybody had ever given me, but he had work to do. Idiot. Two idiots for I had let her suffer that long. I had to know better, I had to make her talk.

"Forgive me, dear, if I only knew."

She tightened her embrace and I stopped playing with her hair.

"Can I stay, If I promise not to hurt you again? I can help with..."

I guided her face to look at me. I didn't want to say this twice.

"Christine, I believed you were so miserable here that you were going to die. Literary. I brought you to Raoul to make you happy, my dear. I don't care if you are going to beat me senseless as long as you are happy. I am not sending you anywhere. But I do believe you need a better place to live. Do you not agree, dear child?"

"Only if you are coming with me. But really, Angel, I don't mind to live here. If only I could sleep normally again."

"I can buy you whatever flat you like, I can..."

"Only with you, dear Angel."

Dear Angel? Dear Angel! And she was looking at my mouth, studying my lips. Should I? May I?

…. Two violins and a cello...

Christine's eyes grew heavy and she moved to her side of the bed. A giant yawn stretched her mouth and her eyes closed. She clasped her hands under her chin.

"May I sleep now? I will try to... I will..."

"Sleep, my dear, sleep well."

A serenade for two and a cello. ...Andantino Grazioso... hm, hm … hm, … hm, hm... beautiful!

xxx

We had two wonderful days full of music and empty of violence. Christine was magnificent, so beautiful so... Christine. Despite my doubts she appeared to enjoy my company, always seeking my hand, touching me with such an ease, it was quite unbelievable. She even asked me to embrace her three times! It was unreal to have so many touches in such a short time. And she wasn't even upset.

After the second dinner I proposed a walk around the opera house. It was ready for the opening night with "Rigoletto". We moved carefully inside the building and I was pleased with her apparently enjoying it. We were climbing up and down the catwalks like two kids in an old forest. She made me feel young with her blazing eyes and playful attitude and I led her higher and higher until there were nowhere up to go.

"Let's go to the dormitories! Angel?"

I decided to take a shortcut and soon we were in front of her old non-privet bedroom. I was watching her closely and didn't miss how her eyes saddened when she saw her bed occupied by another girl. Christine glanced forward and the shy hope in her gaze at the site of another but empty one told me that a letter to the menageries ( not a mistake, no ;) was due.

In the course of several days Christine's sleeping problems began to accelerate once more. It was even worst now, for she was no longer oblivious. She refused to go to bed with me, she was trying to sleep with her hands beneath her body and finally she began to cry again every night. I was talking to her, holding her, convincing her it was not a problem for me but my growing irritation gave me away. I was totally unable to stop her suffering. Again!

One evening I took her to the roof of the opera. I haven't forgotten her way of alternating a night of sleep with another without, so I decided to give it a try. We brought a bottle of brandy to keep us warm and spent the night out. It turned out to be the most pleasant time of my life. We talked and sang quietly, dedicating songs to the moon and some constellations. At first Christine was sitting modestly next to me until she exercised her right of asking for a hug. I lifted an arm to grand her wish, when she gave me a long unreadable look which made me feel stupid and nervous. Without a word she pushed my knees apart and sat between them, leaning back on me and closing my cloak before her. Then she looked up, all the innocence of the world in her eyes.

"Angel? Now you don't have to do it twice."

My heart was very close to exploding and I could only stare hopelessly at her. She moved her eyes down to my lips then up again and licked her own. Her voice was a whisper.

"The hug? A hug with one arm is only a half hug and you have to do it again with the other and then it is not a real hug, but if you have only one arm..."

My whisper came out through clenched teeth.

"Shut up!"

I looked at the stars to move my focus from her. Instead of helping me that little delicious dessert guided my hands around her body and I pressed her firmly to mine. We sat silent until the sunrise promulgated the end of the performance.

xxx

Several days later, Christine was promoted to a permanent position at the ballet corps. She was beyond happy and I myself felt relieved for finally I had managed to do something right. I knew her diurnal presence in my home would be over, but it was a minor sacrifice in exchange to her improved comfort.

On her second day with rehearsals she received a letter from Raoul. She came running and crying but I could see it was not grief which made her tears fall. He was apologizing and humbly asking for permission to see her only so he can apology to her in person. The people who shot at us were servants from his household, acting on their own account. According to his words they had been punished severely and dismissed from their positions. That silly boy! In my world a severe punishment included death at the end. They came that close to hurting Christine, the assholes, and he let them go. It was utterly beyond my capability to comprehend him. He was after all, ready to kill me for much less. Christine was overjoyed with the letter for she cared for the boy. On the other hand I was glad I didn't have to deal anymore with the ex-fiance. Ex-fiance – delightful, such music to my ears.

What can I say? It turned out I was not only exceptionally ugly but remarkably stupid as well. Christine only needed to dance for eight - ten days and her insomnia was no more. It appeared her trained body was lacking exercises. The dreams were gone soon afterwords and we were enjoying each others company in the bed every night. She is smiling at me all the time...

Oh, Christine.

May be I can dream of love again...

May be there is a chance, to turn her warm attitude into something more...

May be I will gather the courage to kiss her, one day...

Now I kiss her with my music, I proclaim my feelings for her without words, and she smiles at me all the time. My beautiful love.

May be.