Chapter 2
Hermione's POV
"Take off your robes Granger or after I've had enough of you, I'll see what damage a knife or a wand can do up there."
I woke up, gasping for breath. Tears had dried on my cheeks; I had been crying in my sleep.
I sat up, straight against the headboard. I had slipped down when I had fallen asleep. I had fallen asleep…Stupid, stupid Hermione.
I was just so tired…I let out a shaky breath. I could not sleep. I had enough of him during the day; I did not want him in my dreams. I needed to get up. Then I wouldn't be so tired, and I wouldn't fall asleep again. What I needed was a bath.
I swung my legs over the side of my bed and looked around. Everyone else was still asleep. I could sneak into the prefects' bathroom and be undisturbed. Slipping down into the hot water, I tried to make my muscles relax.
He's never going to get near you again, I told myself. It's the end of term. I can go home and not have to deal with any of it. I let out a moan as my mind raced back to that night. Stop it! Don't think about it! Why are you thinking about it? What person wouldn't? What person could stop herself from thinking about the most horrific night of her life? The ramifications made it impossible to just forget about it.
Suppose I was pregnant…If he had got me pregnant… Surely no. Not first time. But, I was mid-cycle. I knew that was the most risky. What if I had picked up something? A disease… What if, what if, what if…?
I would not play this game. I would not 'what if' myself to death. And no matter if I wanted to, I could not stay in this hot water forever. I grabbed soap and washed. It was still painful. My bruises made it hard to reach right round to my back. The bruises that he had left…I spied one on my leg. Probably from when he had tackled…No. Don't think about it! Yet…Was it getting lighter? I scrubbed. It was…It was getting lighter. I scrubbed harder, trying to make it go away. It would not. I knew I should stop, but it was if I were in a trance. There was nothing mattered but that bruise and my scrubbing hand…
"Stop!" I jumped at the loudness of my own voice. "Shit…" I needed to stop the bleeding, but my wand was back in the dormitory.
Back in the dormitory…Since when did I go anywhere without my wand?
Since that fucking bastard took away every semblance of safety that you felt at this school and made your mind a right royal mess.
I needed to get out of here. My trunk was packed. If I was the first one on the train, I could find a carriage by myself. I could make sure no one bothered me…
XxXxXx
I stowed my bag over my seat and curled up in a ball against the window. My eyes immediately started to close, so I switched position. How embarrassing would it be if I started screaming in my compartment about how he had…I could not go to sleep.
"Hermione?"
I jumped ten feet as Harry peeked in the compartment.
"Oh…Hi, Harry." I looked at his hands. What if…? Were all men capable of …? I could not even feel safe in the company of my best friend.
"Can me and Ron sit with you?"
"Oh…I really need my space right now. Thanks though."
"Okay…" Harry backed out. As they passed, Ron threw me a confused look.
"Hermione?" It was Ginny this time.
Leave me alone!
"What?"
"Do you want me to sit with you?"
For a moment, I considered it. I considered telling her about my bruises, about the nightmares so bad I made myself stay awake. I considered letting her know that I had to take a pregnancy test, considered telling her everything. But no. It was bad enough talking about it with myself. I couldn't tell anyone else.
"No. Thanks."
Ginny left. No one else came to intrude on my privacy. The train started to move.
Now, I could think. It was all I was doing these days anyway…but before I did more thinking, more reliving the same fifteen minutes over and over, there was something I needed to do. Something I had been putting off. There was no more time left. I was on my way home.
I shut the blinds and pulled out my bag. Inside was a pregnancy test and a STD test I had grabbed from a witchs' clinic in Hogsmeade. I tore open the plastic and read the directions.
I inhaled and exhaled a couple of times, trying to slow my beating heart. Then I sat up straight. Pointing my wand at my stomach, I said clearly, "Sexularus transmito." Nothing. Did that mean I didn't have anything? A ribbon came from the end of my wand. "Negative." I breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank you.
Now for the other test. With my stomach in knots, I pointed and said, "Gravidas." Nothing for a long, long minute. Or was it an hour? Then the ribbon emerged. Positive.
I was pregnant. And the only person it could possibly belong to was - him.
