Time To Heal Part 3

"It's good to be home," Derek says as he walks into the house, "I know it's not home-home, but our dream house will be ready soon enough."

Meredith walks in behind them with their bag and her purse. She smiles at the comment about their dream house and replies, "Yes, it will. I can't wait!" She sets her purse on a table in the foyer and takes their bag upstairs to their room. She hurries back to Derek, wraps her arms around him from behind, and hugs him gently. "I'm glad you're home," she says.

"Me too," he says, "For the first time in my life, I was tired of being at the hospital."

"Well, of course," she states, "You were a patient. That's no fun. Unless you're on morphine."

They share a laugh, remembering when she had appendicitis a couple years ago. She lets go of him and leads him to the couch, saying, "You should get some rest."

"Meredith," he starts as they sit down, "I'm home again, and I feel great. I've been resting all week in a damn hospital bed." He grins and adds, "And I've slept well every night you were with me."

"What happened the other nights," Mer wonders.

"Drugs helped get me to sleep, but it was easy to wake up early. With you, I could've slept all day."

She smiles and says softly, "I so missed having you here."

He can't help but kiss her. "This morning, though, I was so excited to go home that I woke up early."

"I know," she responds, "You watched me sleep again."

"I couldn't wake you," he says sweetly, "You look so beautiful when you're sleeping." She gives him a look, and he adds, "You're beautiful when you're awake too. You're beautiful all the time." She smiles again, and he laughs softly.

She kisses him softly, and he moans a bit. "I could go for more of that," he says afterwards.

She giggles and replies, "I know you could."

As a couple hours go by…they eat lunch, Meredith unpacks their overnight bag and does some laundry, they share more kisses, Derek lifts small weights for exercise and tries helping Mer, and they keep smiling at one another. They gain strength by simply being home together, wanting to move forward from the day they'll never forget.

The baby remains in the back of Meredith's mind. She watches as Derek lies down on the couch and eventually falls asleep. "I hope he wakes up good," she thinks, knowing the baby news shouldn't wait much longer.

Derek sleeps for a good half-hour. Meredith sits on the floor beside him and kisses his cheek. She runs a hand through his hair, thinking that he should let it grow. She slides her hand over his handsome face, feeling glad that he finally shaved this morning. She takes her hand away when he starts stirring and smiles, hoping he'll wake up.

He stops stirring and opens his eyes briefly without noticing her. His eyes close, and she plants another kiss on his cheek. She lays a hand on his stomach and kisses his neck very softly. She sees a slight smile form on his face. She grins as she goes in to kiss him. Her lips are soft and warm, good enough for Derek to fully wake up. He kisses her back urgently, and she moans. He moans when their tongues mingle briefly.

She pulls back breathlessly, and he opens his eyes to see her sitting on the floor. He grins while watching her catch her breath. When she's calm again, she says, "Wake-up call."

"That's just what I needed," he replies, causing her to giggle. He sits up against the pillow and asks, "Is there more? Cause I could go for more." He gives her a sexy laugh.

"You don't need more right now," she says.

"You don't think so?"

"No," she declares seriously, getting ready to tell him as she stands up. He maneuvers himself for her to sit next to him. He sits against the couch while she faces him. She takes his hands, and he turns more towards her. Their hands rest on the couch between them. Their handholding gives her the confidence she needs. She gives him another kiss and stares into his eyes.

"Is this the other thing you have to tell me? What you were going to tell me that day…"

"Yes," she says, cutting him off, "And this is…the hardest thing I've ever had to tell you." She feels crushed on the inside, knowing she's about to break his heart. No one should suffer the loss of a child, especially a child they never got to love or meet.

"How can it be worse than what you told me yesterday," Derek wonders, "You said this was good news."

"WAS, Derek. Was," Meredith states, "It would still be good news if I hadn't believed you died. If I didn't have to go through that…"

"Meredith," he says softly, not understanding.

Tears slowly well up in her eyes as she holds his hands tighter. She smiles momentarily, remembering her plans. "I had it all planned out that day. I even told you what to expect when you got home," she says, "Take-out dinner. Lots of dirty sex. It would have been the best night ever." She pauses for a moment and takes a few breaths, looking away from him. He says nothing but focuses on the tears in her eyes beginning to fall.

She quickly brushes off her tears and locks eyes with him again. "In your office, you pointed out how happy I was," she recalls. He nods, places a hand on her cheek, and kisses her other one. His actions bring more assurance to her. He pulls back and says, "Don't be afraid. Let it out. Let me in."

Meredith nods and carries on, "I was happy because…I found out I was pregnant. Can you believe I was so happy about that?" She smiles at him and then recalls the miscarriage. "Again, WAS. I was pregnant, and I only knew for a couple of hours." She looks down, and the tears return. Full of pain, she looks back up and continues, "During your surgery…what Jackson did to save you… Losing you made me lose the baby."

"No. No. Meredith, no," Derek says, not wanting it to be true. He clutches her hands tight. His head falls forward as he realizes that day was more awful than he could have ever imagined. They both take a few moments to breathe, and he looks back up at her with the same sadness that's been in her eyes the entire week.

"When I started operating on Owen, April noticed blood on my legs. She freaked out, of course, but I told her not to worry," explains Meredith, "You know…luckily, I wasn't shot. But…" She can barely say the words, "I had a miscarriage." She cries more while saying, "And, Derek, I'm sorry for not telling you about the baby when I had the chance."

Her crying brings tears to his eyes. "You don't have to be sorry," he chokes out, "Don't be. You didn't know...this would happen…" She can see it's hurting him so much. He had to know, though. It was his baby too. "Why did it have to happen," he asks softly.

"I know," she replies, "It's not fair." They lock eyes, and he pulls her into his arms. They hold onto one another tighter than ever before, burying their faces in each other's neck and shoulder, sharing their pain, grieving for their child together. They stay like that for a while, not wanting to let go.

"I wish you could have loved him or her while he or she was alive," Meredith says, breaking the silence.

"I wish we could have known if it was a boy or girl," Derek replies, "Then we could give him or her a name."

"That would be nice," she says almost in a whisper.

They stay tightly together a couple more moments before slowly pulling back. They keep their hands on each other and press their foreheads together.

Derek takes a deep breath and asks, "How did you operate on Owen? How could you..."

"I don't know," Mer replies, "I don't know how, but I did. Owen needed me, and I couldn't let Cristina down."

"Did you tell Cristina," he wonders.

"Yeah, she knows everything. I told her about the pregnancy when I found out." she answers, "She's helped me through this until I told you. Most of the time I just wanted to handle it alone."

"That doesn't surprise me," he says.

They pull back and take a few breaths. She tries being optimistic, "It's better that you're alive… If you died, we wouldn't have another chance." She rests her head against his shoulder and cries a little more.

He rubs her back to comfort her. His face is the saddest it's ever looked. He can't believe such a tragedy happened, but he knows moving forward will be what's best for them. "This baby wasn't meant to be," he says, his face wincing at those words. "We'll have babies someday. We survived that day, and we can try for another if we want. I know we weren't trying before…"

She brings her head up to look at him. "We weren't. The doctor said we could try again. There aren't any problems. So, someday…" She nods a 'yes'.

"And we'll never forget this baby," he states.

"Never," she agrees, "We'll always love it."

He nods, and a single tear runs down his cheek. He sits back against the couch, keeping an arm around her. She sits back too, keeping her eyes on him. She slips an arm around his back and rests her head on his chest. They find themselves holding each other again. It's not as fierce as before, and there's no need to pull away. No more words are needed to be said right now or anytime soon. They begin the healing process in the comfort of one another's arms.

That night, they get ready for bed silently and lay on the bed, not ready to go to sleep. His hand finds hers in the middle of the bed, and they look at each other. They give each other comforting smiles, and Derek says, "We'll get through this, and it won't hurt as much."

Meredith nods in agreement and replies, "We'll move forward. I never knew how much I wanted a baby…"

"You never know how much you want something until it's gone," he says, "See? You'll be a great mom. You loved this baby the moment you knew it existed."

"That amazes me," she says, trying to smile.

"It's love, and love is unexplainable," he states.

"Mmhmm," she responds, "I love you more than I ever thought possible."

He lifts her hand up to kiss it and hold it against his chest. "I love you more now than ever before. Our baby would have been lucky to have us as parents."

"Our baby would have been extraordinary," she says with sad eyes. She moves closer to him and rests her head on his shoulder.

"Yes, he would have," he says softly, "Or she."

Their fingers interlock, and she kisses his cheek. "Cristina and I hoped it would have your hair," she says, making them both laugh.

They take a breath, and now it's Derek's turn to be optimistic. "We will have children. We will move into our dream house. I know we will. We didn't survive for nothing," he declares.

Meredith nods and says, "I know we will, but losing this baby is just so hard." She starts crying once again.

"Why does it have to be," he wonders somberly. He turns to her slightly, she lifts her head, and he wipes her tears with his other hand.

"Thank God I didn't lose both of you," she whispers. He kisses her forehead as she takes a deep breath. They lay on their sides, still holding hands firmly. "How's your chest feeling? Any pain," she asks, wanting to focus on something else.

"Good. It's fine," he answers, "I'm feeling much better. Being home with you helps." He slides his other hand around her back.

"Even though your first day back turned out to be so painful," she inquires.

He sighs and answers, "The sooner you told me, the sooner we could move forward. And going through this together… It was best you told me when you were ready, and I'm glad it was today even though it was my first day at home. You let me in and didn't go on hiding this. That's what matters."

"Us. That's what matters now," she says, "You and me. Our future – dream houses and pretty babies and awesome surgeries. And we'll always remember our first baby."

"Always," he replies, a tear forming in his eye. She kisses him lovingly, wanting to erase his sadness.

Needing to feel better, he kisses her back. Their hands let go, and he pulls her closer as their kiss lingers a bit. He breaks the kiss to say, "All I need is you to feel better."

She nods and replies, "You make me feel better." She kisses him more forcefully while moving on top of him carefully. This kiss is broken from them sitting up to slip under the covers. She helps remove his shirt and then quickly removes her own. He lies back against the pillows, and she settles on top of him. They resume kissing, and he wastes no time in shoving his tongue in her mouth.

They both moan, and he runs a hand up her back under her camisole. Her hands make their way to his pajama bottoms, giving them a tug. They lift themselves up for her to remove them and his briefs. She sits up and tosses her camisole away. "This is exactly what we need," she whispers loudly.

"Great sex," he says, and she nods in response. Her mouth returns to his, and his hands push her lounge pants down as far as they can. She pushes them the rest of the way along with her panties. Their clothes have ended up scattered across the floor off the edge of the bed they're closest to.

They hold each other tightly while kissing urgently, enjoying the feel of skin on skin. They feel closer than ever with their loss, and the love between them is powerful. Both their pain and love drive them in this sexual escape.

Derek's hands tangle in her hair, and Meredith's hands run all over his body. Their tongues wrestle passionately, and she moans deeply. Her arms slide around him, and they keep kissing ardently. Soon, she moans again, wanting to end it. She kisses him a couple more moments before finally breaking away breathlessly. He is just as breathless.

She asks, "Am I hurting you?"

"Maybe a little," he responds, "But I'm more alive than ever." He plants kisses on her neck ravenously.

"Oh, that's good," she sighs. She moans and giggles when he licks her neck quickly. He slowly kisses up to her mouth, but she stops him from going too deep. She hovers above him and kisses his neck all over. He moans while she kisses down to his chest, her hands gripping his waist. Her lips and tongue move just about everywhere they can. He whispers her name, feeling more and more turned on.

She sits up, straddling him. "I've missed this," she says.

He grins and says, "Me too," while running his hands up to her breasts. He starts fondling them, and she moans with delight. She then says, "You know exactly what I like."

"Mmhmm," he replies. He gropes her rougher, and she starts breathing heavy. She closes her eyes, getting lost in his touch. He enjoys watching her.

A couple moments later, his hands move to her back, and he pulls her down to him to kiss her. She moans in response and wastes no time in thrusting her tongue into his mouth, making him groan. Their kissing is so intense. They can't get enough of it, of each other.

They can feel how much they want each other. Meredith sits up quickly and says breathlessly, "I'll be gentle. I don't want to hurt you."

"You could never hurt me," Derek replies, grinning, "Especially not when you're naked on top of me."

"I know," she says, smiling seductively.

Their bodies become one, and they move slowly together, basking in how amazing it feels. They gradually pick up the pace amidst gasps, groans, and shouts. She pants heavily into his neck and calls out his name while he lets out an extremely loud groan. In the next instant they reach sweet, incredible ecstasy. They can't help but cry out as loud as possible, not caring who hears them. This climax is so damn good, and it's like a release of their pain. They gasp for air, and she lays her head on his chest.

"Ohhh…God," she says erratically. He manages to respond, "Uh huh." She struggles to move off of him and collapses on the bed beside him. They need several minutes to calm down and catch their breath.

She grabs his hand, holding it on her chest. "That was…" She can't find a word to finish her statement.

"I know," he replies, glancing at her.

"It was…exactly what we needed," she says.

"I've been needing that all week," he says, making her giggle. Her head relaxes on his shoulder as her leg sprawls over his. He moans and asks, "You wanna go again?" She laughs, which makes him laugh.

The pain of their loss still lingers inside of them, but tonight they do their best putting it aside, wanting to be healed. When morning comes, they know it'll hurt again. But it'll hurt a little less.