Never Again

Esme's POV

I waved goodbye to Carlisle as I unlocked my front door. The message light was blinking on my answering machine. I pushed the play button.

"Miss Allen, this Warden Phillips from Wisconsin State Penitentiary. I don't mean to alarm you ma'am, but your ex-husband, Dale Barnes, escaped two days ago."

My breath caught, and I listened to the rest of the message with dread.

"We'll find him. I doubt that he knows where you are, but be on the look out for him just in case."

I heard my answering machine cut off right before it thudded to the floor. I turned on a dime, but there was no time to scream.

"That warden doesn't give me much credit, does he, honey?" Dale growled in my ear. His hand was covering my mouth. His breath reeked of vodka. He kissed my neck, and tears rolled out of my eyes. "Come on, baby. This used to turn you on."

His free hand felt along my stomach, inching up toward my chest. Oh, God, I thought, this wasn't happening. I elbowed him in the ribs. He swore loudly, and threw me to the floor. He kicked me. I screamed for help, but there was no one here to help me. I tried to crawl away, but Dale flipped me over and sat on top of me. He punched my face, and I felt my lip split. He began choking me. I clawed at his face, but he just squeezed tighter. I reached around for something, anything. My fingers found the answering machine he had thrown to the floor. I hit him upside the head with it and ran. The bathroom was closest so I locked myself in there. I had left my cell phone by the sink earlier.

I quickly dialed the police department. "Help! I live at 1589 Cedar Avenue. My ex-husband has broken into my house."

"I'm sending a unit your way now," the dispatcher said calmly. Dale was pounding at the door.

"You bitch, I'll kill you," he threatened. The beating at the door went away. I could hear sirens approaching. One unit searched the house and the back yard. Dale was nowhere to be found. A different unit took me to the hospital to be checked over and got my statement. I wasn't looking when the doctor walked into the room.

"Ah, Dr. Cullen," the officer said with relief. Tears leaked from my eyes again. I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Esme," Carlisle gasped. "What happened?"

"Miss Allen's ex-husband broke into her house. He's an escaped convict. We searched the house and the area. He was nowhere to be found," the officer explained. Carlisle was looking at my bruises. I couldn't look into his eyes. A nurse came into the room.

"Dr. Cullen, Alice and Jasper are here. Shall I tell them to wait in your office?" she asked.

"That won't be necessary. I'll speak to them in a moment," Carlisle answered. He was struggling to stay calm. He looked at my face. "Does anything feel broken?" He seemed to be ignoring the fact that I had never mentioned my ex-husband before now.

"No," I replied. He continued to ask questions about my pain. I answered honestly. When he was done, I was sent for an x-ray. Carlisle kissed my forehead, and stepped out to talk to Alice and Jasper. The x-ray showed that nothing was broken. I was bruised and bleeding, but other than that completely fine, physically. The officer left. Carlisle looked into my eyes. His golden eyes were so pained I thought he might cry.

"Will you do me a favor, please?" he begged. I nodded. "Go to my house with Alice and Jasper. Even if your ex-husband did know where I lived, he would have more trouble than he could handle trying to get you there. Please, Esme, I'm going to see about getting out of here early."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes, please, I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you, Esme. I'm already stretched to my limit on how calm I can remain," he said. The thought of his anger scared me for some reason. Carlisle was the most caring man I had ever met, but I didn't know what would happen if rage overtook him.

"Okay," I agreed. I broke out in tears again. Carlisle hugged me close to him. Alice and Jasper walked into the room. Alice's face was set with worry, and Jasper's expression was the picture of rage. I flinched and his expression softened.

"Jasper has trouble controlling his temper when people mess with his family," Alice explained. I nodded numbly. Carlisle discharged me from the hospital and carried me to Alice's car.

"Tell Edward and Bella to come home. When they get there, send Emmett and Edward to me. You two, Bella, and Rosalie stay with Esme. Don't let her out of your sight, Alice, please. I'll be home as soon as possible," he said to Alice and Jasper. Carlisle gave me a quick kiss before going back inside the hospital.

"I'm sorry," I told them.

"This isn't your fault," Jasper assured me. "Besides, we know how much you mean to Carlisle. Our family tends to find their soul mates in the weirdest places. I first saw Alice in a diner that I'd walked into just to escape the rain. Edward and Bella used to make mud pies together. Rosalie saved Emmett's life."

"So, whose term is that?" I asked. "'Soul mate'."

"Mine," Jasper replied. "It's in his eyes. We used to hear gory stories about leg amputations, but now he talks about you more than he does the hospital. The number one love of his life has been replaced by a woman."

"I don't think so," I said honestly. "He talks about his kids all of the time. I think you guys are the number one love of his life."

"Carlisle loves his family," Jasper agreed. "And you love Carlisle."

That statement caught me off guard. He laughed.

"I knew it," he said. "It's in your eyes, too. Even hum- everyone else seems to pick up on the proximity of his or her other half. Oh, yeah, darlin' remind me to tell Emmett 'pay up' before we send him to Carlisle."

"What does that mean?" I asked curiously.

"I told Emmett that Carlisle was going to kiss you tonight, but he didn't believe me. Now, his Jeep is mine for a month!" Jasper explained cheerfully.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that you shouldn't gamble?" I wondered.

"No, but we don't bet money, and anything won is returned after an allotted amount of time," he said, defending himself. We had pulled onto a long winding driveway. It was so dark, that I couldn't see until we came upon a mansion. I wasn't surprised that they lived here. Jasper opened Alice's door and mine at the same time. I got out quickly, but Alice was still sitting in the passenger seat.

"No," she mumbled, sounding close to tears. She began to shake, but managed to climb out of the car. Jasper picked her up. We half-ran into the house. I didn't even have time to take in how beautiful it was before Alice was shouting. "Emmett, go to Carlisle now. You don't have time to wait for Edward. Go."

Emmett looked startled, but he headed for the door quickly. Just as he yanked it open, Alice sank to the floor.

"No," she moaned. "It's too late."

"Alice, what did you see?" Jasper asked frantically.

"Jasper!" Rosalie exclaimed. I could swear that her head was inclined toward me. I didn't know what was going on, but I was getting scared. Edward and Bella ran into the house. Edward took one look at Alice and groaned.

"Let's go, Emmett," he said. His tone was pained.

"There's no point," Alice argued. "It's too late to do anything. It only takes a split second to lose your temper. Even the calmest pacifist can be pushed too far. One split second and one snap decision is all it takes to change the future."

Sobs were racking through her body, but no tears came from her eyes. Jasper was on the ground with Alice, holding her in his arms.

"I know, but he needs to come home. It's time," Edward said. Alice nodded.

"What's going on?" I asked. Tears were sliding from my eyes now. Edward and Emmett left quickly, and no one said anything to me. No one explained. Horror filled my mind. Carlisle. He had been so angry.

"Please," I begged. "Please, tell me what's going on. Alice, if this were Jasper, you would want to know!"

She looked at me. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Yes, you can, Alice. Please, I don't know how, but you know what's going on. If Dale hurt Carlisle because of me..."

A bitter laugh interrupted me. Jasper shook his head with mirth. "Carlisle can defend himself. He just doesn't like to fight."

I waited for what seemed like forever, but no one explained. I began to fall into the numb feeling I had in the courtroom on the day Dale was sent to prison. The sudden sound of footsteps on the porch was alarming. The boys were back. Carlisle was with them. He wouldn't look at me. My heart ached.

"Carlisle, what happened?" I asked through tears. He looked away. "Look at me!"

"I'm a monster, Esme," he whispered. "You don't want to see my face."

"Yes, I do," I reasoned. "You couldn't possibly be a monster. You're the kindest man I know."

"Earlier tonight, what did you say I looked like?" he asked.

"A vampire," I recalled, puzzled. He looked at me then, reluctantly. The gold eyes I loved to see had been replaced with a bright red. I jumped in spite of myself. He looked away again.

"I told you I was a monster. My eyes are red because I took a life tonight. I drained the blood from his body because I lost my temper," Carlisle whispered. I remembered what Alice had said earlier. "In my mind, it was justified. He had hurt you. He threatened to kill you and my family. My family would've laughed at his attempt on their lives, but you are so much more breakable than them. He threatened to take away the one thing I absolutely cannot live without. I snapped. I wouldn't survive if anything ever happened to you, Esme. I love you, but I'm a monster."

"So you and your family are vampires, and you killed Dale," I said making sure I had everything correct in my mind. I could feel my consciousness slipping. Two strong arms caught me before I hit the floor. A black nothingness took me, and I welcomed it. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe, Dale had knocked me unconscious and this was a nightmare. I clung to the hope that this wasn't real. Maybe, I was falling into Ecl like a falcon from the Kiesha'ra series. Maybe, I could let the void have me. But like a whisper of something to wake up for, Carlisle's voice whispered in my ear.

"I'm so sorry, Esme," he said softly. "I'm so sorry!"

When I came around, I was lying on a couch in the living room.

"She's waking up," Alice said. Six relieved sighs surrounded me.

"Esme, I'm sorry," Carlisle said. His red eyes were hesitant to meet mine. It hadn't been a dream.

"Could you just explain this to me, please?" I begged.

"I was born in the mid-1600s. At the age of twenty-three, I became a vampire. I was repulsed by what I had become, but suicide is very difficult for my kind. I refused to feed on humans. One night, a herd of deer passed by me. I caught the scent of their blood, and even though it wasn't appetizing I was too thirsty to care. I attacked and found a new way to live. My family and I drink only the blood of animals. That is why our eyes are gold instead of red. I found Edward and Bella dying of the Spanish Influenza in 1918. Rosalie was dying in the street in 1933. A few years later, she found Emmett bleeding to death in the woods after a bear attacked him. Alice and Jasper sort of adopted us in the fifties."

I nodded, taking all of this information in slowly. It seemed so impossible. Yet, I knew he was telling the truth. The room started to spin again for a little bit. I felt a strange sense of calm ease over me.

"Well, we couldn't have you passing out again, could we?" Edward asked rhetorically. "You can thank Jasper for the mood modification, by the way. He has the ability to control the emotional atmosphere around him."

"Edward, you stay out of her mind," Bella chided. "I'm sorry about him. 89 years of invading everyone's privacy has dulled his manners. Edward can hear the thoughts of those within a three to five mile radius of him."

"Except for you Bella," Alice reminded her. "And judging by that pout he's not hearing Miss Allen anymore, either."

"Or Carlisle," Bella added. She turned to me. "For some reason, my mind is protected by a shield. No one can get inside my head unless I let them, and I can extend the shield from myself."

I was still nodding mechanically. "This doesn't explain why Alice was having a panic attack earlier," I told them.

"Alice can see the future," Carlisle said softly. "No doubt, earlier this evening she was seeing me at my worst."

Alice nodded sorrowfully. I put my hand on Carlisle's cheek and looked into his red eyes.

"You saved the world from a very dangerous man. Dale was an abusive alcoholic, but he was also an arsonist. The man barely escaped the death penalty in the first place. He set our house on fire with me in it. He was unstable. After all of this, it would have been lethal injection," I said, trying to make him feel better. The world was much better off without Dale.

"Actually, he would've gotten a double life sentence with no chance of parole but died of cancer within eight months. So technically, Carlisle did him a favor," Alice said quietly. "He died in a small fraction of the pain he deserved to be in after what he did to you!" There was venom in her voice. I flinched. They all noticed.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said. "I gave her a little too much anger."

To anyone else, that might've sounded odd, but to me it made something click.

"At the hospital, you were keeping Carlisle calm, weren't you?" I asked Jasper. He nodded.

"I was actually taking his rage into myself- as much as I could hold without going on a rampage, anyway. That kind of anger can't be covered up or pushed away. Scared-to-death and absolutely livid are a bad combination in a vampire. Alice volunteered to take some of it off of my shoulders because my control is so weak. With that said, I'm going for a walk."

It was left unsaid that he didn't trust himself not to attack me. Carlisle made eye contact with Jasper.

"The two of you have been through enough tonight. I won't risk making things worse," Jasper said to Carlisle. "Alice, would you join me, please? The stars have decided to make an appearance."

She took his hand. I watched them disappear into the night. Edward, Bella, Emmett, and Rosalie got up, too.

"Emmett and I will be in the garage working on the Jeep," Rosalie said to Carlisle. He nodded. I smiled, remembering my conversation with Jasper in the car.

"Emmett, you're in luck. Jasper forgot to tell you to pay up before he left," I said. Emmett burst out laughing.

"He told you about that?" he asked incredulously. I nodded. He laughed some more. "Well, at least something good happened tonight."

"Bella, love, will you get the Volvo from the garage before they get in there?" Edward asked. Bella was about to walk out the door when Edward stopped her. "On second thought, let's take your car. It could use a night out. I'll get the stereo from our room."

"If we're going to the meadow, what's the point in taking my car?" she complained teasingly.

"Your car is faster than mine," he explained with mock exasperation. Bella sighed but walked out the door. I narrowed my eyes.

"That reminds me. What is your aversion to driving the speed limit?" I scolded.

"I enjoy the speed. One day you'll understand what I mean," he replied. I didn't see how I'd ever enjoy driving fast enough to kill myself. Edward smirked.

"A vampire can hit a rock wall at 100 miles per hour and walk away without a scratch... unless the car explodes," he explained. A shiver ran down my spine at the word "vampire". I had a feeling that I wasn't going to get used to it anytime soon. Edward ran up the stairs and was back in a few seconds with a stereo in hand. He closed the front door behind him when he left and just like that we were alone.

"What did Emmett and Jasper bet about this time?" Carlisle asked curiously. I blushed.

"Jasper bet Emmett that you would kiss me tonight," I explained. He laughed quietly. The red in his eyes was still very vivid. "How long will your eyes stay red?"

"They will turn gold again once I hunt," he answered sheepishly. "My family and I try our best not to take human lives. It is the only way to retain our humanity. I'm sorry that you had to see me like this. I can take you home if you want me to."

"No, I'd rather not be there at the moment. The memory is too fresh in my mind." I shuddered. A pained look shot across Carlisle's face. He looked down at the floor. When I put my hand on his cheek, he lifted his head to look at me. He looked as if he'd never smile again.

"Is there any way to make you smile?" I asked. The sorrow remained on his face. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He responded slightly and pulled me onto his lap.

"It's easier to be calm like this," Carlisle said. He wrapped his arms around me. His skin was cold, but I didn't care. "I always want to have you in my arms. Come Monday, I fear I will be very jealous of your students. They will have your attention for most of the day, and Alice has said the sun will be shining. I won't be able to visit."

"You come out during the day so what is it about the sunshine that makes you hide?" I asked. "Is it dangerous for you?"

"In a way, it is dangerous, but not hazardous to my health. In truth, not much is hazardous to my health. The problem with direct sunlight is hard to explain, but I will show you sometime," he promised. I was curious but decided not to press the subject. I had a better idea.

"I'm sure the school wouldn't blame me for taking Monday off," I mused. "You could show me then if you wanted."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," finally, Carlisle smiled. "You should sleep. It's late."

"I'm sorry I didn't mention having been married," I said, avoiding his gaze. "I don't really like to think about it."

"I can imagine. I assume your aversion to the word 'criminal' came from him," Carlisle mused. A slight edge of anger and disgust colored his tone.

"Yes," I admitted. "He and I were only married for three years. The divorce was finalized almost two years ago."

"Well, then, I'll just have to see that your next five years are much better than the last five," Carlisle said confidently. I snuggled closer to him. As Carlisle held me close, he began to hum a lullaby, and I drifted into a slightly uneasy sleep. I was never this comfortable with Dale, even before he had turned into an abusive jerk. It was weird. I had been married to a monster who thought he was a picture of perfection. Now, I was dating a picture of perfection who thought he was a monster.