A few days later, I had passed the test and officially graduated. Watching the graduation ceremony via video-link was nowhere near as exciting as being there. It was more like watching a reality show about my own life, except I wasn't in it. When they called my name, Major Monogram had to remind everyone that I was in the hospital and wouldn't be coming out for the ceremony. However, regardless of my being there or not, I still graduated. While everyone else applauded on the TV, I clapped weakly for myself and imagined what kind of speech I would've made. To Major Monogram it would've all been nonsense, but to everyone else, it would've meant something. They could have at least read it off for me, but it wouldn't have been the same. Now I'd never get to do it.
The next step to being a real secret agent was getting a nemesis. The agency gave each of us a long list of possible nemeses, and we all started looking through it. But while everyone else was setting up appointments with various nemeses, I was looking through the list and wondering how long it would be before they were all taken. There were quite a lot on there- Doctor Diminutive, Doctor Bloodpudding, Professor Destructicon, and others like them. Pinky liked one called-
"Professor Poofenplotz!" he howled with laughter when we looked through the list together. "What a name, hey, hey!" he laughed for a good five minutes before saying, "Ya know, I may just check her out. Admiral Acronym says she comes highly recommended. I don't know, though. She sounds like a nutto, huh? I may or may not go."
I told him that he should definitely try, but after he left, I put the list down on the nightstand and collapsed on my pillows. At least Pinky would get to fight somebody. I'd be lucky to get a minor threat status, which, essentially, was lower than easy.
One afternoon, while I was crossing off the names of the nemeses who had already been taken, Pinky bounded in, holding a sheet of paper and yapping excitedly.
"Perry! Perry! Perry!" he said hastily. "You're not gonna believe this!"
I set the list down and saw him jumping on the end of the bed, shaking it a bit. My tail, which had begun to recover lately, began to ache quietly. I begged Pinky to stop, and he complied. Then he sat on the foot of the bed, making sure not to squash my feet.
"So why are you so excited?" I asked in what I was afraid was a somewhat flat voice.
Pinky took a deep breath, showing his canines in a wide grin. "I've been assigned to a showdown with Professor Poofenplotz tomorrow!" he yapped excitedly.
I'm sorry to say that I wasn't particularly pleased. One part of me was clapping for Pinky- but the other part was disappointed by the fact that he would get an official nemesis before me. It felt somewhat disgraceful, but I couldn't shake my own sentiments.
"That's…" I started awkwardly. Then I put on a somewhat fake-looking smile. "That's great," I said. "Congratulations. I hope it goes well."
Pinky was too excited to notice that I wasn't being entirely sincere. "Thanks, hey, hey!" he said elatedly, and he began to hop on the bed happily. Just then, Agent F came in.
"So you've got a nemesis now?" she asked.
Pinky stopped bouncing for a moment to get a good look at her, nonetheless unabated. "Well, it's actually just a trial," he said. "But if it goes well, then yeah!"
"Congrats!" she said in a lighthearted tone. "Oh, sorry for eavesdropping…"
"It ain't nothing!" said Pinky happily, forgetting his many classes in grammar. Agent F smiled widely. I guess I could see why agents would injure themselves just to be near her. She had awfully white…fangs. Suddenly, she switched tack and rounded on me.
"Did you take your pills yet?" she asked sternly. I sighed and took the pills from the bedside table. As I reached for them, the paper I'd set down there fell to the floor. Pinky noticed it, leapt off of the bed, and picked it up with an excited, "Yap!"
"Ah, been keeping track of stuff, huh?" he said, referencing the fact that I'd crossed off the nemeses who had already been taken. "Remember this guy? Didn't his nemesis just recently retire, so now he's available again? That's weird, isn't it?"
I was too busy taking the pills to answer. They tasted like chalk, and I was having trouble choking them down. Agent F reached over and stroked my throat swiftly, forcing me to swallow the medicine. I coughed violently, causing Pinky to flip backward off the bed.
"Ah, that was fun," he said, adjusting his hat. "We just learned that. I'm not actually supposed to do it, though. It's reserved for battles, or emergencies. That," he said the last bit very emphatically, "was an emergency."
I blew my nose in a tissue, if only to hide my resentful scowl. I was so far behind, Pinky had even learned new techniques that I hadn't. And I was probably about to be the last agent without a nemesis, too. My life sucked. But I wasn't about to say that in front of Pinky. He was looking more and more excited, as if he wanted to go tell everyone about his showdown right then. For a moment, I wondered why he wasn't running off to do that, like he usually would. Then I realized that he probably felt bad just leaving me. So I faked a coughing fit so he would have an excuse to leave. He probably knew it was a trick, but that was the same as telling him he could go, so it was fine. After he left, I picked up the list and looked over it again, frowning.
Agent F came back in and gazed calmly at me. "Everybody's moving on," she stated. "I bet you feel left behind, don't you, sweetie?"
I scowled and didn't say anything. What did she think I was, a hatchling? She sighed.
"Kids these days," she muttered under her breath.
I ignored her, and she left the room to go take care of someone else or something. I glared at her retreating back, and then regretted it. After she had left, I turned back to the paper and crossed off Professor Poofenplotz. Judging by Pinky's flipping ability, he'd be fine.
At least his future was in the bag.
Metal clamps pinched my wrists and ankles, and empty air hovered beneath my dangling feet. If not for that, I'd have fallen, but I didn't. In the shadows, the same man from before was explaining how he planned to do something incredibly evil. I couldn't hear him quite right, but I knew I was in trouble if he got away with whatever he was scheming. I examined the robotic arms carefully and noticed something- they could stretch a little more than necessary. It was a crazy idea and it probably wouldn't do anything but get me very, very tangled, but I had to try. I put all my weight forward and tipped. Somehow my hat hung on as I turned upside down and back up again. I leaned forward again and repeated the motion, flipping over entirely. I kept this up until I'd flipped so much that the arms were completely entangled. Then I pulled hard, wrenching my arms and legs toward me. The arms began to stretch until neither I nor them could stretch any more. It was an impossible feat. It couldn't work. I knew that. But then, the arms snapped. I dropped to the floor, and without a moment of hesitation, I leapt at the shadowed man. I tackled him to the ground, and he shrieked as we fell. Then he pushed me off. I flipped in midair and landed on my feet. But he got up and pressed another button. The side of the building opened up, letting all the light from outside in. I covered my eyes to shield them from the burning sun, but while I was distracted, the man pressed yet another button (I was beginning to wonder why he had so many), and a huge machine rose out of the floor. He aimed it at the sky and laughed maniacally. The light was too much, and I couldn't open my eyes. I squinted a bit to get a look at what I was facing, but what I saw was not good. The ray gun fired into the air, but just as it went, I jumped and punched the man in the face. He yelped and accidentally pressed a button on the machine. A mechanical voice emanated from it and said,
SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED. BEGINNING COUNTDOWN…
TEN.
NINE.
EIGHT.
SEVEN…
I awoke to excited yapping and barking, and without a doubt, I knew it was Pinky. There was also a good deal of shushing that I assumed was coming from Agent F.
"Good lord, Pinky!" she said in a reprimanding whisper. "He's still asleep!"
"Well, then, somebody wake him up!" said Pinky excitedly. "Wake up, wake up, wake-"
"For heaven's sake, Pinky, SHUSH!" hissed Agent F. Pinky fell silent.
I curled up in bed, then stretched luxuriously. When I finally opened one tired eye, Pinky was right in my face. I gave a strangled chatter and backed away. So did Pinky.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "But I was too thrilled to wait."
"It's okay," I said, rubbing my tail. It had nearly recovered thanks to Agent F's miracle pills and a good deal of painful treatment. My dream was fresh in my mind, and I was beginning to wonder whether it meant something. It was obviously a recurring dream, and I was pretty sure that it was about a showdown between me and…someone. Now that it occurred to me, I hadn't recognized him then, and I couldn't recognize him now. Then I realized that I'd been ignoring my visitor. I shook myself and turned back to Pinky, feeling obligated to smile.
"So why are you so excited?" I asked with interest.
Pinky looked as if he was about to burst. Seconds later, he did. "I JUST GOT MY FIRST NEMESIS!" he shouted excitedly. I couldn't help but be happy for him. I applauded and congratulated him. He bowed with great sincerity and extravagance.
"And looky, I took a picture!" he said happily, taking a photo out of his hat. He showed it to me, and I smiled again. It showed Pinky parachuting out of a building- or at least, I assumed that was what it was. It was rather blurred. From what I could make out, he had parachute straps on one of his hands, and there was an exploding building behind him.
"So you got Poofenplotz?" I asked.
"Yup!" said Pinky. "That's her building behind me."
I had figured as much. I turned the picture over and saw, scrawled on the back in Pinky's messy handwriting,
Pinky's First Mission
"I got another one, too!" he said, switching out the photo for another one. This one seemed to have been taken with a shaky hand, because it was blurry too. It showed a white-haired woman sitting at a vanity table, presumably putting on lipstick.
"It was hard to take this one, 'cause I was dangling from the ceiling," said Pinky.
"I can see that," I agreed. "So that's Professor Poofenplotz?"
"Yup, that's her," said Pinky. "She's so weird…"
I peered closer at the woman. She was wearing an odd-looking pink and purple dress, and from what was visible in the mirror, she had a distinctly pug-like face.
"We're gonna be nemeses forever, I just know it!" said Pinky happily.
I took a moment to think about that. If 'forever' meant all of Pinky's life, then he was probably right. The fact that most evildoers had many nemeses in their lifetimes was strange, but true. And for all Pinky knew, his nemesis might replace him. I silently promised myself that I wouldn't let that happen to me. Then, out of curiosity, I turned the photo over and saw another caption in Pinky's trademark scrawl;
Pinky's First Nemesis
Considering my previous thoughts, the words seemed slightly foreboding. Usually agents had one nemesis all their lives. A few had battled many different ones, but they were usually very nervous and were constantly watching their backs, as if expecting an attack. Pinky's first nemesis would probably be his only one, but that would be a good thing. I handed the picture back to Pinky, who took it with a smile. He started talking again.
"Ya know what else Agent F told me?" he said. "She said you'd be ready to go tomorrow! Cool, huh? And it's actually really lucky," he said.
I was thrilled, but I couldn't help but wonder why it was lucky. "How come?"
"'Cause Monogram says that's the last day you're allowed to go to a trial showdown. Only problem is, you don't have much of a choice about who you fight."
My face must have been priceless, because Pinky burst out laughing when he saw it. I didn't agree. I actually got to go to a showdown? I had thought that I would have to wait until next year, or whenever a new nemesis position opened up. Apparently, I was wrong.
"Pinky, why isn't there much of a choice?" I asked. Pinky stopped laughing.
"'Cause there ain't nobody left to fight but two guys!" he said. Then he kept laughing.
I groaned and fell back on my pillows. Then I picked up the paper from my bedside table and took a look at it. Several people still weren't crossed off.
"Who got taken already?" I asked torpidly.
Pinky, who had calmed down by now, answered with a shrug. "Well, Doctor Diminutive got taken by Agent M. Y'know, the mouse? 'Cause he's so small. And you know that guy with the super long name? Aloyse Everheart Alizablablabla…well, whatever. He's gone too…lemme think…" he thought for a moment. "And that Yakamoto lady? I think that was the last one…now she's Agent O's nemesis. So that leaves…" he gestured to my paper. I had just finished checking off Nora Yakamoto, so I scanned the list. All the names had a pencil line drawn through them but two. The one that jumped to my attention was a High Threat status. Apparently, he was so formidable that no one had dared to challenge him. I hoped I would get paired with him. Until then, I would just have to hope for the best.
