A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while since I've updated. I've been on break and away from my computer. Anyways, here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it!


I don't think I realized the consequences of what I did that day in the woods with Gale until three weeks later. I was out all day, hunting, as usual. When I stumbled in at sunset, I was surprised to see Prim not in the main room of our home, but instead my mother. She clearly didn't hear me come in, and neither did her guest. From the way she's sitting at the table with a cup of herbal tea, it's clear that whoever she's with isn't a patient. I stay behind the wall, listening in.

"Please, Ivy. You have to believe me when I say that-" I'd recognize that's voice anywhere. That's Haymitch! What is he doing here? And I've never actually heard anyone refer to my mother by her first name. Everyone, except maybe Hazelle, always calls her Ms. Everdeen, or Ma'am.

"I don't care if it's unintentional, Haymitch. She's my daughter, and she's been through too much already. It's up to you to make sure that she doesn't end up like you… or worse."

I can practically see the look of disdain on my mentor's face. "Twenty-five years and it doesn't get any better. I get it enough from myself. I really don't need it from you. But she's stronger than me. And she has more to lose."

"I know that it wasn't your fault, but we could never forgive you for what happened with Maysillee. I know that it wasn't you who killed her - I know that and so does Eliza. But for us… to have to see you walking around, alive and well, and not her? It's… heartbreaking. And with the Quell coming up again in a few months, the focus is going to be on Twelve, since we've won both of them. I need you to take care of her."

"You're her parent, Ivy."

My mother laughs. It's a heartbroken, hollow sound. "I'm a poor excuse for that."

I close the door loudly to make my presence known. Haymitch smirks when I come in, stomping my feet loudly.

"Haymitch." I say, trying to act surprised. "What are you doing here?"

He looks almost bored. I usually have a pretty good read on Haymitch but I'm coming up blank right now. "How much did you hear, sweetheart?"

"Not much," I lie. Feeling the heat flush in my cheeks, I add, "so Ivy, I didn't realize you were friends with Haymitch."

Haymitch guffaws. "Your mother and I go way back. It's a small district."

Something about the way he says that makes me very uncomfortable. I'm having a hard time picturing my mother's life before myself or Prim, when she wasn't my mother but rather Ivy Everdeen. There was a time when she wasn't even an Everdeen.

"Do you think it's time you told her about what happened after the fiftieth?" my mother asks Haymitch.

My mentor sighs. "Might as well. Ivy, d'ya mind giving us a moment?"

My mother stands up and scampers into the bedroom.

"I know that look on your face. No, I was never involved with your mother."

I exhale in relief. I didn't even realize that's what I was worried about.

"I know 'bout you and the Hawthorne boy. You two've been sneaking around for weeks. You need to cut that out now. If you really care about him, you'll leave him alone."

My mother reappears as quickly as she left. The one thing I have in common with her is how quiet we walk. I never notice her coming or going unless I see it. She twists her wedding ring on her finger – a habit she does whenever she's anxious.

"Do you know how I won my Games, sweetheart?" Haymitch asks. He pulls an unopened bottle alcohol out of his coat slung over a kitchen chair.

I shake my head. All I know is what the schools tell us: Haymitch Abernathy was the winner of the 2nd Quarter Quell, and the only living Victor from 12. Besides me, now.

"Well, the arena for the Quell was huge. Double the tributes, double the space I assume. But it didn't go on forever. There was a gigantic force field disguised as the edge of a cliff. Hunger Games stuff ensued, yadda yadda yadda. If you want the gory details, wait until they replay it everywhere in a few months."

My mother pours herself a little of Haymitch's alcohol. She's the same age as him, so she probably knew some of the other tributes.

"Who's Maysillee?" I ask.

My mother takes a long sip from her mug. "Madge's mother Eliza used to have a twin sister."

"Used to?"

This time, Haymitch answers. "She was reaped as well in the Quell." The and died doesn't need to be said.

I don't know what to say. Luckily, nobody expects an answer from me.

"Anyways, the final two were me and this girl from One. She was scary. I mean she must've been your sister's height, but she was all muscle, and damn could she swing an axe. We each got a few hits in, and I knifed her right eye out. She got me pretty good too."

Haymitch lifts up his sweater and undershirt, revealing a slightly paunch stomach. I notice is the jagged white crisscrosses along his torso. I can't even fathom the amount of damage she must have done to make it so the Capitol doctors couldn't easily fix it.

My mother purses her lips. "You should be applying the cream I gave you."

"I don't care if it's scarred, does it look like I'm going to be modeling anytime soon?" Haymitch responds bitterly. It's a bit too harsh and even he realizes it, so he gives her an apologetic look. My mother seems unfazed. She deals with rudeness from patients and their families all the time. 'It's hard to see someone you love in pain,' she would always tell me.

"How did that not kill you?" I ask.

"So there I was, barely standing, my guts in one hand and a knife in the other. She threw her axe and it went off the cliff. Having only one eye throws off your aim, you'd expect. She was so relieved. I was done for. But that axe came right back 'cause of the forcefield, and I was smart enough to duck it." Haymitch chuckles. It's almost too perfect for him – he won by outsmarting everyone else.

It's a good story to know, and it puts together a lot of the questions I had about my mentor. But I still don't understand why he felt the need to tell me this.

"They – the Gamemakers and Snow, that is – weren't very happy with this. So to teach me a lesson, they executed my mother, brother, and girlfriend."

My breath catches in my throat. I can almost see it happening – my mother, Prim, and Gale lined up in the town square in front of a squad of Peacekeepers. I would never be able to live with myself.

"Haymitch, I…" I find myself wanting to apologize.

"Don't apologize to me, girl." Haymitch grumbles. His moment of vulnerability is over as quickly as it started. He looks at me, confusion in his eyes. I have a feeling he's really looking at me for the first time. I want to ask him what he's thinking about, but a part of me doesn't want to know. I've found that the more I know, the more I have to worry about, and there's already too much on my shoulders.

My mother speaks again. "The reason we felt you should know this is so you're careful. Not for my own sake, or even for your sister's, but for you."


When Gale and I see other, it's only as friends. It's safer that way for the both of us, but a part of me still aches for him. What we did in the woods was... there aren't any words for it. I almost wish I had never experienced it, so I wouldn't know what I'm missing. The older boys from school always had a rude name for it, but it seems too harsh for something that natural.

A month later, I've finished moving everything into my house in the Victors Village. It's exorbitant – marble floors and large windows and heating. I can have hot or cold water at the twist of a knob, and I even have a shower. There are separate bedrooms for Prim, my mother, and me. There's also a study, three bathrooms, a kitchen, sitting room, dining room, and two other bedrooms. This is tiny by Capitol standards – but it's one of the nicest things I've ever seen.

I come into the house one day, expecting to find my mother and Prim. What I'm greeted with is absolutely unexpected. Three official-looking Capitol people are sitting at the table with my sister. My mother is giving them tea. They all fall silent when they see me.

"Katniss, darling," my mother greets me warmly and kisses my cheek, "how was your walk?"

My mother knows very well that I was at the Hob, trading my game from yesterday. The coins in my left jacket pocket feel heavy against my body. I'm not sure who these people are, but I do know that I have to act the part. My face breaks out into a wide smile, as if I'm just noticing their presence.

"Hello there," I smile brightly, bowing my head in the formal Capitol greeting. I do a small curtsy, which looks ridiculous in my pants and boots. "I'm sorry, I would have come home sooner if I had known guests were coming over. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Please, Miss Everdeen. Spare me the flattery." A woman says, her face cold and stoic. She guides me upstairs, high heels clicking on the floor, and refuses to answer any of my questions. I feel like a guest in my own home. No, an intruder. It's very clear that while the house in the Victors Village was a gift to me, it's not mine.

When I reach the top of the spiral staircase, the smell of roses hits me. I bury my nose in my scarf, trying not to cough. I'm struck with terror as I realize that the owner of that scent can only be one person.

President Snow is in my room.

He's sitting at my desk, leaning back on the chair that has my father's jacket on it. From the way he's sitting, it's clear he's been there for a while. He shoots the woman (his assistant of some sort, I assume) a dismissive look, and she scampers away.

"President Snow," I say, bowing politely.

He points to the chair by my bed.

"Sit."

I try to remain as calm as possible, but I doubt my acting is close to believable, if the hint of a smirk on his face means anything.

The president turns his chair so we're sitting face-to-face. "There is something you need to understand, Miss Everdeen. I am not your enemy. I do not want to hurt children – all I want to is maintain the fragile peace our great nation of Panem has struggled to achieve."

I have to bite my lip to prevent myself from screaming. Having children kill each other is the opposite of being peaceful. I nod my head slightly, an indication that I'm listening.

Snow looks at me like he's looking through me. It's unnerving, to say the least. "I have one request. Can we please agree to not lie to each other?"

Words don't come to my mouth, so I just nod. I manage to stutter out a "that seems fair."

"Do you know why I came here today?" Snow asks, taking a sip of his tea. He blots his mouth with a tissue, and I notice the droplets of red that stain his handkerchief.

"Haymitch told me you would come at one point or another." I say. It's not a lie technically. I doubt my ability to pull of a lie under any circumstance, but especially here.

He chuckles at that. "Abernathy. I always hated that one. He was too smart for his own good, still is. But that is not was I asked you. Do you why I'm here, specifically, now?"

I suck in a sharp breath. "Does it have something to do with… Gale and I?"

President Snow's lip curls up in some semblance of a smile. It's terrifying. He claps slowly. "Good job, Miss Everdeen. I didn't take you for a fool, and I was correct."

I frown. That can't mean anything good.

"Your relationship with the Hawthorne boy is over as of now. As a courtesy and a measure of good faith, I won't kill him. Yet."

"Thank you." I say. Yet. I'm boiling with anger on the inside, but I have to keep it hidden.

"I come to you today, not as an adult to reprimand you for your behaviors, but as a partner of sorts. Recently, business opportunities have come to my attention. These can be mutually beneficial."

"What kinds of opportunities exactly?" I ask. It's not really like I have a choice in cooperating. I'll have to do whatever he expects of me.

"Miss Everdeen, you're a beautiful young women. Many individuals in the Capitol... many wealthy, influential individuals find this to be true. You're appealing to them, and they would like to meet you in the flesh."

I shiver. His choice of words makes me uncomfortable. "I'm not quire sure what you're asking of me."

"Once a month, for a week, you will be living in an apartment in the Capitol. During this week, you will be obligated to spend time with whomever is the highest bidder. This might be a nice luncheon, or perhaps something more… intimate." Snow waves his hand dismissively, "No matter. Seeing as your virginity is no longer on the table, I believe this won't be entirely unpleasant."

My stomach drops. I finally understand the implications of what I will be forced to do, why Haymitch was so worried. I'm reminded of the girls, only a few years older than myself, who had to spend nights in Peacekeepers' cabins in exchange for a loaf of bread or some meat. That could have been me. I suppose, in a sense, that is me now.

"Why are you making me do this?"

Snow smiles a sadistic grin. There's something especially terrifying about that wicked smile. He has too many teeth for his mouth, and the gaps between the too-white bones are filled with streaks of red. What is wrong with him?

He tsks. "Oh, Miss Everdeen. I thought you were smart. The reason I'm doing this, Katniss, is simply because I can."

As soon is Snow is out the door, I'm running out almost right behind him. My mother doesn't even have the chance to ask me why the President of Panem was in our house, let alone in District 12 or out of the Capitol.

I'm running but I don't know where I'm going. I can't go to Gale – how am I supposed to tell him that we can't be together at all? My mother and Prim are out of the question, and what could Madge possibly say to comfort me? I don't know where to go but my feet bring me to Haymitch's doorstep.

The door's slightly ajar, as if he knew that I'd be coming. More probably, he just was too lazy to close it.

I walk in to a house identical to my own, but I don't recognize it. There's clutter over nearly every surface, and the entire house reeks of alcohol and vomit. I have to bury my face in my scarf to keep from gagging.

Haymitch is asleep at the kitchen table, snoring over a bottle of clear alcohol in his lap.

"Haymitch." I say, keeping my distance. He grumbles and swings his head up, almost falling out of his chair. He swishes the alcohol bottle around violently, spilling all over his soiled undershirt.

He stands up and sighs. "Gimme ten minutes sweetheart. I need a damn shower."

Haymitch is in the shower for at least half an hour. I take that time to open up all the windows, choosing the harsh winter winds over the stench of his house. How does he live like this? I gather up all of the dishes and cups and put them in the dishwasher, and try to throw out most of the trash. Once it's breathable, I close the window and light the fireplace. He really needs a maid. I make a mental note to ask Hazelle if she'd be willing to work for him.

Haymitch comes back down the staircase, and I really see how unwell he is. He's wearing at least three sweaters and a hat. His eyes seem sunken in and he keeps sniffling.

"Are you alright?" I ask. He's obviously not. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one watching out for Haymitch, especially because he doesn't watch out for himself.

"Don't worry 'bout me, sweetheart. What I wanna know is why you're here. You're not just saying hello because you wanna see my pretty face."

I had momentarily forgotten about everything going on in my life. I was so preoccupied with the task at hand that everything was almost all right for a few seconds.

"You'll never guess who paid me a visit today."

Haymitch doesn't need to guess. He takes out a bottle of brown alcohol and slides it my way. He wraps himself up in a blanket and sits down on a chair in the kitchen.

"You should have a drink." It's not a suggestion.

I tell him everything, and polish off an entire glass of the brown alcohol. I tell him about Snow's grin and the last thing he said to me. Haymitch looks as worried as I feel. My stomach is warm and it's too hot in here. I peel off my scarf and coat.

"You slept with Hawth- Gale?" Haymitch asks, bothering to correct himself. I just nod. "Girl. You really screwed this one up."

"Yeah." I say. "I think that's the worst part – I don't even regret it."

"No, Katniss. The worst part is what's yet to come."


Three days after my encounter with President Snow, Madge comes to my home in the Victor's Village. She carries a crisp, off-white envelope with the red seal of Panem's flag.

The Capitol has a postage system for it's residents to send letters and packages to each other. I wasn't aware that it extended beyond the dam, but it makes sense that officials would want to have contact with Peacekeepers, the mayors, and other important people in the districts. Not everyone has a telephone here.

Madge greets me warmly. Under her puffy jacket, she's wearing a dress. My best friend has never let the weather stop her from wearing her expensive, frilly clothes. We sit at the kitchen table. I pour us apple cider and get some fruit and cheese.

"My father was going through the mail," Madge tells me, crunching on an apple slice, "most of the letters are work-related. If anything else comes in the mail it's my mother's medicine or those magazines I love reading." Madge gets tabloids from the Capitol – some of them are about fashion, but the majority of them are about celebrities. The Capitol's famous aren't those who have the most money or power, but rather those who entertain: singers, actors and personalities such as Caesar Flickerman, and of course, victors. Luckily, I haven't been talked about all that much, but I'm sure that will change with the victory tour.

I motion to the elephant in the room. Or more accurately, the letter. "And this is for me?"

Madge nods sharply, her blonde ringlets bouncing with the force. She slides the letter over to me. Her soft, manicured hands quickly brush over mine. I remember how different we are, but how similar we are becoming.

The envelope is scented to smell like roses. I carefully open it, prolonging the process of reading it. It's written on thick card, not the flimsy paper I used to do homework on. At the top is the seal and letterhead unique to the President's letters. I read it out loud:

Miss Katniss Everdeen, Victor of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games

The annual Victory Tour celebrating your achievements will commence on the first of next month. After your final stop on your tour in the Capitol, you will be expected to fulfill your duties as a victor in the Capitol for another week. More information will follow as necessary.

Your cooperation is always greatly appreciated,

President Coriolanus Snow.

"Wow, the victory tour's so soon?" Madge says, completely ignorant to my dread. "That's crazy. It seems like yesterday we were at our first reaping."

I shrug, finding myself not in a mood to talk.

"What do you think your victor duties are?" Madge asks.

They're going to sell my body to the highest bidder, I want to say. "I probably need to make public appearances. You know, lunches and schools and all that stuff."

Madge shrugs. "Oh, lighten up a little. I know you hate them, but it might not be half-bad. Maybe you'll meet Finnick Odair."

Madge has had a crush on Finnick, the winner of the 65th Games, since she first laid eyes on him at the victory tour. I've never seen the appeal – he's always dating a new celebrity every week, and seems to flirt with everyone... My mouth pops open. How dumb was I? Of course it's an act – even District 4 is impoverished compared to the Capitol. Their lives are just as bad as ours here. He isn't really interested in socializing and dating them. I realize that I might be just like him soon enough.

Madge finishes her cider. "Okay, stop looking like a fish. What is it?"

"Nothing."

"You've always been a crappy liar."

She's right. I want to tell her so badly. I hate keeping things from her, but I have no choice. I have the feeling that I'll be telling half-truths for a very long time. "It's just victor stress. I don't want to be celebrated for having killed people."

Madge puts her hand on top of mine, attempting to reassure me. "Oh, Katniss. You did what you had to do." But does that make it okay?

I don't ask her. Madge would never lie to me, but a lie is sometimes so much kinder than the truth. She cares too much to hurt me. I don't need her words. What I've done will never be forgivable. How can I ask for her acceptance when I can't accept myself?

After Madge goes home, I walk myself over the Hawthorne's house. I haven't seen Gale in days, but I think that's for the better. At some point, I am going to have to talk to him, but I'm perfectly content not dealing with that right now. I can tell it won't end well.

To my luck, he's not home. Gale's turned eighteen, so he's done with school and works in the mines. I told him he doesn't have to – I have more than enough money to support both of our families – but he refused. I still give Hazelle fresh food and somegrain when I know he won't see. Hazelle was more of a mother to me than my own mother these past few years, and his siblings are like family to me as well. I won't let my best friend's pride hurt them.

I open the door – nobody around here locks them – and find Rory at the table doing homework. He looks pretty focused so I decide to not bother him. His mother is in the kitchen, chopping up vegetables.

"Katniss," she smiles, pulling me in for a hug. I kiss her cheek. "How are you, sweetie?"

"Fine," I lie. "I just wanted to check in on you guys."

"Everything is business-as-usual around here."

We talk for a while, and eventually I tell her about Haymitch's house. "He really needs someone to look after him, and he said he'd pay well. He doesn't even wake up until noon, so you don't have to get in at the crack of dawn."

Hazelle bites her lip and wipes her hands on her pants. She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and mutters something incoherent. "I really appreciate the thought you've put into this, and how much you've done for me and all of us. I'll have to think about it, alright?"

I don't understand Hazelle's reluctance, but it's not my place to question it. There's a lot I don't know about her and her life. For all I know, she has history with my mentor as well.


Before I know it, my prep team, Effie Trinket, and Cinna are knocking on my door. They've brought a truckload of dresses, makeup and shoes. I don't know what to do with them. I don't have a chance to catch my breath before I'm being whisked away and beautified. They scrub me raw from head to toe, apply a dozen creams and lotions, and then they paint my nails. That's another whole issue – I have a bad habit of biting my nails, and Octavia won't let me hear the end of it.

Eventually my body is as smooth and hairless as a baby's, my skin is moisturized to completion, and my hair and nails are deemed acceptable. After I've been properly prepped, Cinna and Effie meet with me to discuss fashion. I've honestly missed both of them.

I find myself hugging Cinna warmly, and letting Effie kiss my cheek. While I don't know if I'd consider them friends, the two of them are clearly on my side and root for me. It's nice to have their kind words and optimism, especially since I receive so little of that here at home.

I have a different dress for the first eleven stops I make: the other districts, from Eleven to One. Then, I come back to Twelve for the Harvest Festival and my celebration here. After that, I have a party in the Capitol in my honor, as well as an interview with Caesar and keys to an apartment. This is standard fare for every victor. I will spend a week in the Capitol after the festivities are over, and while that's not unique to me alone, it's different from what my family will expect. Luckily, we haven't had a victor since Haymitch, so nobody knows what to expect for my responsibilities.

Cinna gets Effie to leave us alone for a few minutes. She rushes into the living room, pink wig sliding down her forehead. Once she's gone, Cinna envelops me in a warm hug. I forgot how nice it was to be around his unconditional support.

"How are you doing?" Cinna asks me, wide brown eyes filled with concern.

"Honestly?" I ask. He nods. I feel like I can trust him more than almost anyone, yet I know that there are Capitol ears in this house, listening to everything I say. I decide to tell my stylist what's on my mind. "It's been really hard these past few months. I hardly get a night's sleep without nightmares. And when I wake up, I have to deal with… this. Everyone wants me to pretend to be someone I'm not. It's hard. I just want to be left alone."

Cinna's expression is unreadable. He puts his hand on my knee and looks me in the eyes. "Katniss. You're one of the bravest people I've ever met, and one of the strongest too. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally strong. The hard part of all of this is over. You have a warm bed and food to eat. Your mother and your sister and your cousins are safe. When you think that things are too tough for you to handle, remind yourself why you try in the first place. For them."

I say the names to myself: Prim. Gale. My mother. Madge. Hazelle. Rory, Vick and Posy. If I can't stay strong for myself, I'll do it for them.


A/N: Hope you guys liked this! It would mean the world to me if you reviewed!