This is actually my first ever fanfiction on this site. Feel the warm glow. I decided to put all my Hollyleaf oneshots together in one, so here we go... my first ever fanfiction here.
Hollyleaf... my justification
Nothing I can say will make you understand. I know that, but don't look down at me for what I did. What I did? What are you talking about? You want to know why I killed Ashfur? I was talking about what I did to my own mother, and the cat that looked after me. But why I killed Ashfur... maybe that's part of why I feel so guilty. I killed Ashfur because he was going to tell everyone exactly what I was at that gathering. I know I told them myself, stop interrupting. I would like to say that I killed Ashfur because he was a traitor. But that wasn't my reason. My reason was simple. I didn't want to become a faceless rogue. Just another thing you kill to protect your Clan.
I wanted to be Clan Leader more than anything. I knew that my ambition would never be satisfied if Ashfur told the truth. Now I don't know why I thought that. Firestar let's kittypets into the Clan... and I'm clan born. But I think it had something more to do with me than with Firestar or Ashfur. I was the daughter of a medicine catand I was half-clan. That destroyed me. I killed Ashfur. There is no justification for that. I did not kill him for justice because he was a traitor.
Why did I tell everyone myself at the gathering? Because some part of me still wanted to believe in the warrior code, even if it had come crashing down around my ears like those tunnels. That part of me thought that telling everyone the truth would be the warrior code. But I was wrong. And when my friend Cinderheart tried to tell me I didn't want to believe her. I am truly sorry for what I put everyone through, and not just because I now hover between StarClan and the Dark Forest, between life and death.
Leafpool and Squirrelflight, Lionblaze and Jayfeather, I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. Leafpool and Squirrelflight, for hurting you so and hating you so. My dear brothers for leaving you. I only did what I think was right, and I think I have learned something from it.
The warrior code is not always right.
But I will live by it, no matter where I am. If I go to the Dark Forest then so be it. I will follow the code even there. The warrior code is my life.
So please StarClan, let me join you and tell everyone how sorry I am! Or let me live and let me become... no, I cannot want to become Clan Leader anymore. I will never achieve my life ambition. It would destroy my Clan... but I still want it more than anything. More than following the code?
Sometimes the warrior code is broken no matter what... but I will always try my best to follow it, even if it means I will not become Clan Leader.
