A/N: This one is Rated M, and is actually the inspiration for the style I used on my longer piece, under the same title.


Denial


All his life, he's been able to say no. No, he's not going into any other degree but medicine. And no, he's going to marry Jocelyn (no matter what his family thinks of her). No, he's not going to butt out, and he's not going to stop seeing Jo (no matter what her mother says).

No, he doesn't need any friends, because he has his dreams (even though they're shattered). And he sure as hell doesn't need this wise-ass kid following him around and breaking into his funk.

But then he looked into those eyes. So bright, and clear (the most beautiful blue he'd ever fucking seen, that's what they were). And the words were stuttering on his tongue. He'd tried to get them out (but then the fucking kid had laughed at the expression on his face, and have you ever seen those eyes really smiling?).

And he couldn't say no. Somehow, every time that kid asked for anything, glancing up at Leo with those bright blue eyes (like he knows the effect they have on him, somehow) – making them crinkle around the edges just so, and he's undone.

After a few token protests, he didn't even say no to that (Ridiculous, idiotic, nickname that makes him feel so damn special – because no one else in their world gets one, not from the kid) anymore, couldn't say no to it.

No protests from him, not when the kid starting hanging all over him all the time (at first it was innocuous – the kid loves touch, Leo can tell he never got enough as a child and doesn't have the sense to tell him not to). It started simple, just a touch here and there, or an arm thrown over his shoulders.

It made him feel warm (and then it made him feel something else, the asshole, and it's like the kid knows because there's always a smirk hiding in those baby blues), it made him feel wanted – like he belonged, and had a home.

And that's when he fell. That crystalline moment, preserved forever in his memory, when he was looking into those eyes (so fucking close to his own he could see the flecks of different blues captured in those perfect irises), an arm slung over his shoulder holding him close as the kid laughed at something he'd said (Leo didn't think it was particularly funny, but evidently it was enough to make those blue eyes sparkle).

He'd wanted to lean forward, those last few inches and capture those (so plump and luscious, he can hardly blame everyone in the damn school for wanting to know what they taste like – himself included) lips in his own. To taste.

He'd pulled back, desperate to hide the revelation that was stuttering through his brain (robbing him of all sense and reason, making him think crazy thoughts that he has no hope of stopping) but something must have gotten through to the kid.

Because when he'd gone to hide, desperate to (get away away away before he loses himself forever) get some time to think, to understand what it was this whole (beautiful, so damn ideal world they existed in, just the two of them) friendship meant to him. What he somehow wanted it to become.

The kid had followed. Cornered him in the alley, captured him against the wall (with that body, god that body he'd patched up so many times, knew more intimately than he knew his own, even though he'd never been able to touch the way he'd wanted to – ), hands on either side of his head.

And those eyes, staring straight into his eyes, asking him one simple question. Demanding only one thing from him.

"Just say the words, Bones. If you don't feel anything for me, if you don't sense… this… I'll leave you alone, and we'll just be friends like we always were."

Those eyes, he's (drowning in the blue, they're broken and about ready to shed so many tears and he never fucking ever wanted to do that, not to the kid – ) mesmerized, can't look away and his heart is trapped in his throat –

"No." and he says it. The first time he's ever said it to (Jim. His Jim. His ray of light that shattered the darkness that was his world, that showed him what could exist between two fucked up people could be so damn glorious and breathtaking) the kid.

"No – if I told you that, I would be lying. And I can't lie to you, not ever."

A mouth on his, those perfect lips (he's been watching for so long without realizing it – captivated by every laugh and grin and syllable) are smashed against his, the kiss hard and desperate and somehow expressing more desire than Leo ever thought existed in the planet.

A body crushing against his (those firm lines, that he's traced so many times with his eyes and fingertips but never really been able to feel) pressing him against the wall as something hard presses against his own length (feels so damn good, he never imagined – well, okay, he had imagined, but he could never believe it'd be like this) grinding against him.

He's holding the kid so close (Jim Jim his Jim) but somehow he manages to pop the first few buttons off Leo's shirt, exposing his neck and that perfect mouth moves down (lavishing his skin and he can't do anything but moan and buck against those hips digging into his own).

And then a hand inserts itself between their two bodies, palming Leo's crotch (and nearly sending him over the edge right fucking there, cause the kid knows what kind of a effect he has on Leo) then his jeans are getting opened and that warm hand is on his flesh (almost tentative, but it feels so damn good, because those hands have never been on him the way his have been on the kid's –) stroking gently and pulling him towards oblivion.

But he doesn't want it like this, not in the filthy alley behind the bar (not with him, this one who's so beautiful it steals his breath, with the eyes that have seen straight into his very soul from the very beginning) and he stops kissing the kid (JIM) and pulls him up, both of them panting for air.

"No." he says for the second time that night (amazed at his own impudence, how he dares to say no to those eyes that are looking at him like they're about to shatter) and he plants a kiss at the corner of the eye closest to him, then when the eye closes (don't take away his light, don't ever stop watching him, please –) he ghosts a kiss on that trembling eyelid.

"Not here, darlin'. I want to remember this forever, and –" but he's not allowed to finish, as he's being devoured once again (those lips so hungry and demanding, he'd certainly never imagined Jim could be like that) and he can feel the smile on them even though he can't see it.

The kid doesn't reply, just pulls away after (so long it felt like eternity, but it can't have been more than a few fleeting minutes) a few more kisses, Leo drawn after (like he was a compass needle, and the kid was north – he couldn't stop, couldn't pull away, not then not ever) like a love-sick puppy.

A warm hand in his, and he can't see the grin in the dark but he can see those eyes (perfect, only his and he's never going to let them look at anyone else that way, that look is his and his alone) as they shine at him.

Tangled together, but still somehow separated by the intangible thing known as air, they traverse the night-dark city towards their dorm room.