The next thing Jean-Luc knows, he's sitting on Deanna's couch next to Riker. A few uncomfortable squirms get out when he first sits down – his backside does not like his sitting on it at all – but he clamps down on the reaction quickly. He might be in a twelve-year-old body, but he's got more self-control than one.

Deanna glances between the two of them.

Jean-Luc knows she can sense they're both upset.

Riker doesn't seem inclined to start the conversation, and neither is Jean-Luc. In fact, he'd much rather not be here at all. There's nothing to discuss. Not really. Jean-Luc, now that he's had a chance to look back on it, acted most unbecomingly. He deserved punishment for such a display. But…he's not sure how to feel about the way Riker went around it.

"I can sense you're both unhappy," Deanna says finally. "Would either of you care to tell me why?"

Jean-Luc looks at anything, but her.

This is ridiculous.

"I had to spank Jean-Luc," Riker says.

"You did not have to!" Jean-Luc retorts before he can stop himself. He stiffens. He's done it again. He's responded as a child might. Why? He can see no reason he should regress. It's as if the child's mind is somehow trying to overtake his adult mind, and winning.

That thought scares Jean-Luc more than he'd care to admit.

"Jean-Luc," Deanna leans forward in her chair. "I can sense you're afraid. Are you frightened by Will?"

Jean-Luc shakes his head hard. "No."

"Can you tell me why you were just afraid now?"

Jean-Luc clenches his hands into fists. If he doesn't, they might see how they're shaking. What is happening to him? Why can't he control himself anymore? He knows better than to fly into a rage over something as silly as a proposal. He should've accepted Will's promise to read it later, and gone on with their previous plans in the holodeck. Why hadn't he? Why did he overreact?

"Jean-Luc?" Riker asks. There's worry now tinting the man's tone.

Hurt and frustration flip-flop inside of Jean-Luc, and he's not even sure why.

"Jean-Luc," Deanna tries again. "Spankings are a common punishment used by many parental figures. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

He nods, the feeling of embarrassment welling up, made only worse by his knowledge that the empathic Councilor is picking up on all of it. Fear chokes him. He can't hide in here. All his deepest feelings are laid out for her to 'see'. Jean-Luc's never felt so vulnerable…no, he has felt this way before.

The Borg.

He couldn't hide anything from them either.

No! Jean-Luc shakes his head. Deanna is nothing like those cretins! How could he even, for a second, think of her that way? She would never breach his confidence like they did. She would never use his feelings against him. He's a wretch to even consider her on par with the Borg. How has he allowed himself to become so indecent, ungrateful –

"Jean-Luc," Deanna's gotten up sometime in his mental flagellation of himself and knelt before him. Her hand hovers over his left knee. "What's wrong? Talk to me. I can't help you, if you don't tell me why you're feeling this way."

"It's nothing," he whispers.

"It doesn't feel like nothing."

"It is." He clenches his fists harder. "It's nothing. I'm fine, Councilor."

"Jean-Luc…"

"I'm fine," he states firmly. "Really, Councilor, it was nothing."

She stares at him a long time, and Jean-Luc is struck by how glad he is she's not telepathic too. Which only causes guilt to grow, twisting his stomach in knots. At last, she sighs and goes back to her chair. Disappointment flows through her eyes, but she doesn't press him.

"Very well." She straightens. "So, you spanked Jean-Luc, Will. Why?"

"I wouldn't look at a proposal he'd just given me. He threw a tantrum."

She nods. "I see. However…"

Jean-Luc looks up as she trails off.

"Will, did you ever actually warn Jean-Luc that you believed in spanking? Or that you would implement them?" Deanna's lips are pressed thin. "I don't recall it being in that contract I asked you two to write up going over the rules and expectations you two had for each other."

Riker blushes a bit. "I... never thought to add it. I didn't think I would have to punish him that way... obviously, I was wrong."

"Perhaps," Deanna taps a finger against her chair arm. "But you can imagine the shock it was for Jean-Luc?"

Riker starts to reply, but Deanna stops him with a shake of her head.

"Think about it, Will. He suddenly got a spanking, when he had no idea that was an option. How did you feel about that, Jean-Luc?"

And there it is. The dreaded question Jean-Luc so desperately does not want to answer. How did he feel? Ashamed, hurt, scared, embarrassed. He wants to be left alone.

Not to sulk, as Riker accused, but to regroup. So much has just happened between Riker and him. Their relationship has just changed to something more…permanent? Yes, permanent is the right word. A spanking is personal, something only a parent would do. Jean-Luc's not sure he likes that. It frightens him, for some reason. And he'd like to figure out why. By himself. Not here.

"Jean-Luc?" Deanna asks. "How did that make you feel?"

"Embarrassed," he gives, because otherwise this could go on forever.

"Are you still embarrassed?"

"No…yes…I'm not sure."

"Do you hate Will?"

"What?" Jean-Luc looks up so fast his neck hurts. "Of course not, Councilor! Why would I…? He was justified in…punishing me."

"So, you agree he's allowed to spank you?"

"I…" Jean-Luc looks down again. "I suppose so."

"That doesn't sound very confident to me."

He shrugs.

"What happened afterward?" she asks.

Jean-Luc opens his mouth to reply, but Riker gets there before he does.

"He started to sulk."

"I did not," Jean-Luc interrupts. "I…I wasn't, Councilor. I merely wanted to think."

"That's not an abnormal reaction, Will," Deanna says. "All children react differently to spankings, even if they do know they can get one. Some like to be held. They crave comfort and affection afterwards. Whereas, others need time to themselves to gather their thoughts privately. Both are perfectly normal reactions. More important, is the need to make sure the child understands that they are both forgiven and loved."

She pauses. "Jean-Luc appears to feel neither at the moment."

Riker looks down at Jean-Luc. His brow wrinkles as his eyebrows lower. Jean-Luc shifts, his collar feeling tight somehow. He knows Riker cares for him. The man wouldn't have taken Jean-Luc in if he didn't. But love? Obviously, Deanna's talking about the type of love between a parent and child. Still…it's a leap. Even if Riker does say he loves him like a son, Jean-Luc can't reciprocate.

He still considers Riker as one of his closest friends, his former subordinate, not as a parent. That concept is so far off Jean-Luc's radar it's awkward to even contemplate.

Deanna sighs – probably sensing how uncomfortable she's made both of them. "Let's go back to the holodeck. Will, maybe you could explain why the holodeck visit was so important to you."

Important? Jean-Luc blinks. Why would that be important to Riker?

"I figured it was something we could do together. Maybe help Jean-Luc realize being a kid isn't so bad."

Oh.

That's not something Jean-Luc had weighed in on. He didn't think that Riker would want to play with him – even if they do sometimes play game nights with Georgie, Worf, and Data. The idea both warms him, and makes him nervous. Yet, if Riker has spent so much time preparing this…Jean-Luc looks up at the (now) older man.

"I'm sorry I acted inappropriately. It wasn't my intention."

Riker nods. "Apology accepted."

Jean-Luc waits, but nothing else is said. His stomach churns again. He wasn't the only one to overblow things. Or so his child's mind claims. Right now, Jean-Luc's not sure if he trusts that side of him very much. It did, after all, get him a spanking.

"Will, in this situation, you were both in the wrong in some way." Deanna leans her elbow on the arm of the chair. "I understand that you were eager to do something with Jean-Luc, but children often throw a wrench into a parent's plans for a perfect day. That doesn't mean you can't both turn it into something to enjoy."

Riker seems to think this over.

"Now, Jean Luc," Deanna turns back to him. "Maybe there was a little more to this proposal?"

Jean-Luc nods.

"More?" Riker asks.

"Jean-Luc, why did this suddenly occur to you today? Surely, you must have noticed the lack of things to do for older children before this."

Jean-Luc's conscience stabs at him. "Well yes..."

It's just never affected him before a month ago.

"Yet you chose today to bring it up to Riker? During his first day as captain."

Will shifts beside Jean-Luc, and almost says something. There's a frown threatening to form on the man's brow. Why, Jean-Luc can't begin to guess.

"Jean-Luc?" Deanna presses.

"I didn't…" Jean-Luc starts.

And everything screeches to a blinding halt.

First day as captain.

First day…

He can't breathe.

First day as…

They've given up.

It takes no time at all for his adult mind to realize what's happened. He's been dismissed, formally removed from his position. Starfleet Command wouldn't do this if they were still working on things. That means they aren't.

They've given up.

Jean-Luc's stuck like this.

He won't be getting his adult body back for another ten years. He won't get his position back for another twenty, perhaps longer. He's lost everything in one fell swoop.

"Jean-Luc!" a voice yells from a great distance.

He ignores it. He has greater problems than it. No. No, he hasn't. He…he's got nothing. All his hard work. Gone. He'll have to do it over again. Fight for every medal, every advancement, every accommodation he's ever won. And there's no guarantee he'll even get back to where he was before.

Everyone else will move on in their careers, except him. He'll be stuck in this juvenile body, trying to overcome his teenage years again.

"Jean-Luc!" something shakes him.

He blinks, but his vision is blurred. He tastes warm salt on his lips. He's crying, he realizes with a start. Like the child he is, he's crying. Which only makes him sob harder.

Stupid, childish emotions.

He'll never be rid of them now.

"Jean-Luc, talk to me," he hears Riker beg. "What's wrong?"

"They gave up," he sobs out.

A strong arm wraps around his back and pulls him close. He can feel Riker's whiskers pressing against the top of his head. "Who gave up, Jean-Luc?"

"Starfleet Command." He chokes on air. For a moment he struggles to breathe, then he coughs. "Th-they're disbanding the research, aren't they? Th-that's wh-why you're ca-captain."

The arm around him hugs him tighter. "Yes."

"I-It's not f-fair!"

"No," Riker whispers. "It's not."

A bit longer this time. I hope it still lives up to your expectations.

Review? They give me life.