Escape

I was on my way over here anyway. I didn't know him as well as I knew Aaron and he amused me and confused me sometimes. I would never wish this on him though and if by some happy chance he ever does pull through this mess and is able to understand then I want my name down on that list of people who came to see him regularly. It is also somewhere usually quiet. Somewhere I can just sit down the other side of that big window and watch and think and know who easily that could have been any of us.

Will called. He knows I go over there and was wondering if I'd seen JJ. She's late back. He's worried. The baby is crying. He wishes she was here and not over there with Spencer and I can understand that. I can completely understand the views of both people.

I see her car is in the parking lot and so I let Will know. 'JJ must still be here. I can see her car.' I can't call once I am inside the building but I'm sure she must be around. I know though as soon as the doors of the elevator open on floor five that things are not going to be my normal quiet. People are rushing about. There is a vile smell of decay and vomit. It smells like a rotting animal in here. I think firstly to fall back and go home, but I remember JJ and I see that there is a huddle of people talking in hushed voices near to Spencer's room. The mess is between me and them so I have to walk carefully. It is as I approach that someone spins and his eyes go big.

'Dave!' Yes we go by first name terms here now. 'Thank god you are here!' He is looking very alarmed and so I walk faster.

'What's going on?'

'He has a visitor. Dr Reid has a visitor. He – well – I'm not sure how it came about but he says he is Franks. He demanded to be let in Reid's room.' A pause. 'Really for the life of me I don't know why we let him! He looks like a – a - .' I put my hand on his shoulder and move him aside.

'You are meant to let us know if anything happens.' I don't feel very happy with this news. Especially as I know what went on earlier with the pick pocket. 'How long has he been in there?' My had is going for the door handle.

'I'm not sure. Not long. I don't know.'

So I push the door and open and I don't like what I see.

'What in the name of god are you doing!?' and am moving across that floor faster than I thought I could move. This filthy person is on the bed behind Reid and the monitors are bleeping insanely. 'Get off the damned bed!' Then I am there pulling the creature away and off the bed. 'What the hell have you done to him?!' I don't know when I was last this angry and disgusted. I want to pound him into the hospital floor but he moves fast and stands it seems defensively between Spencer and me.

'No one asked you to come in. He's not meant visitors. Get out Rossi. You're not wanted here.'

For a second I am thrown. How does he know me? Do I know him?

There is nursing staff standing at the doorway. They seem afraid to enter the room with this person I assume is Franks in the room. 'Get in here and help him.' I snap at them. 'I want to know what the hell he has been doing.'

'I'll tell you if you really want to know, but I don't think it's any of your fucking business and touch me and I will have you for assault. I don't care who the fuck you are.' He looks at me directly in the eyes and lifts a finger and places it on my chest. 'This – all of this mess could have been avoided you know, but you don't listen do you? You have you stiff preconceived ideas of how the world works and you wont bend to see what is right around the corner.'

I slap his hand away from me. 'Step away from the bed.'

'No. Rossi. Agent David Rossi – go and do what you are meant to be doing. Go catch your serial killer. You are not wanted and you are not needed here.'

I don't want to pull a weapon in a hospital room, but I seen no options here. The man just raped a comatose Federal Agent and he will not get away with it and so I step back and pull my side arm and point it at his face. 'Step away from the bed now Franks and let the nursing staff see to Spencer.'

It's instantaneous. I don't see the seconds of confusion or doubt flicker on his face. I don't see the point in which he realises I have the upper hand on him. I just see him go from a spiteful malicious monster to – I don't know what it is. His face loses that hard edge it had. His fists unclench and he spins so his back is to me and he is facing Reid again.

'Spencer?' His voice is so quiet it is almost just a sigh. 'Spence?'

He puts a hand on the sleeping form and doesn't react when I press the barrel of my gun to the back of his head. 'Touch him again Franks and you will be in a bigger world of shit than you already are. Move away.'

'Flanders.' He mutters. 'Call me Flanders.' And his hands go to the side of his head – over his ears as he turns he is already going to his knees. His nose is gushing blood. There is red liquid oozing from between his fingers and it looks like he is going to say something to me, but when his mouth opens he seems to empty the contents of some meal from hell onto the floor.

-o-o-o-

I throw my dinner at the wall. It makes a soft splogging sound as the plate slides down the wall. I've got this well rehearsed now and can throw the lot and not break the crockery. Aaron is on his feet though. I think I've pissed him off again. I can see he wants to shout 'go to your room' at me, but he doesn't.

'Clean it up.'

Is all he says and with clenched fists he is sitting down again. 'Why don't you just hit me? I know you want to.'

'Because I am trying to show you that violence and acting out isn't the way to get what you want. Clean it up.' His voice is steady and calm but I do know it's all an act. I also know that it will be he who cleans up my mess cos I'm just not going to.

'I told you I wanted pizza.'

'You have to learn Sam that you get what you are given and you be thankful for it.'

'It burns my damned fingers!'

'You have a fork.' So I pick it up and hurl it across the kitchen where it hits a cupboard and falls to the floor.

'I don't want to use a fucking fork! I want to eat the way I always damned well eat.'

He carries on eating his food. I hate bloody forks and knives and crap. Why cant he let me eat a meal without it having to be some sort of sodding lesson on how to be the perfect kid. 'I'll never be what you want me to be. I'll never be like those kids out there. Why cant you just let me go and leave me alone.'

He swallows the food he has in his mouth and looks up at me. 'You want to leave? You want to be back out there in the cold with nothing?'

'I didn't have nothing though did I? I had my skills.'

'Sam, you had nothing, but you are welcome to leave if that is what you really want, but the door will never be unlocked for you again.' He stands up and pushes his half eaten meal to the middle of the table and then walks out of the kitchen. I look at the food and think for a while that I could quickly eat that as my stomach is grumbling like a whore now, but he'll know and I don't want him to. I am about to follow him and issue more complaints about how he treats me when I hear the phone ring. I stand and I listen. Something has happened. Something bad has happened, but something worse is about to. He hangs up and makes a call of his own. 'Send Agent Johnson around please.'

I am out of that door and ripping the phone cord from the wall to try to stop the call and now he does what I thought he would have done months ago. He turns with a look of such fury on his face that it looks like someone just ran down his new puppy and he back hands me across the face. It's hard. He hits fucking hard and it makes my eyes water and I sort of just stand there looking at him.

'Now is NOT the time to piss me off Sam. Go to your room.'

'You bastard! I don't believe what you just did. You hit me! I'm a kid and you bloody hit me! I fucking hate you Hotchner and if I'm gone in the morning it's because you fucking hit me! You can't do that! You can't get away with that. Bloody hell.'

And I turn cos I'm really afraid he will either do it again or I will start crying like a sodding girly. I run up the stairs and go in my room and slam the door behind me. I think about putting on loud music, but I don't. I go to my little drawer of secrets I have and pull out a couple of things. I then slide under my bed and right in the back corner under a bit of carpet I pulled up from the edge I gather the rest of what I need. No one, no one has the right to do that to me and if they have the right to do that then I have the damned right to do this! I lie on my bed and wriggle out of the denim jacket I'm wearing and look at my left arm. This is the reason I kept my jacket on. I have on my favourite orange Tshirt and you can see very clearing a run of new and old track marks. I didn't want to do this. Really I didn't, but the bastard has driven me to it. I tie something around my upper arm and pick up a needle. I've only used it a few times. It'll be ok for now. I suck liquid up into it from the phial I now place under my pillow and kaboom and whammo…I'm lost.

-o-o-o-

There is too much going on. I have to leave Sam in the hands of Johnson and rush to the hospital and try to not scream.

They found JJ.

It's not a case we can get involved in. It's too close. Too painful. Too pointless. The parking lot is cordoned off when I arrive driving too fast and too reckless in my numb fog to get there and hope it isn't true. It is some other poor woman. Someone else's pain to deal with. Morgan and Prentiss are already there. Ashen faced. And I don't want to look at them because that confirms what I don't want to know. I slide out of the vehicle and just stand and look. I need to take control. That is what I do. That is my job. But why JJ? She was a new mother. She had just started out on her journey. Why would someone do this?

I feel something on my arm and as though in slow motion I turn to look at it. Emily's hand. I look up at her face and at her long hair blowing gently in the breeze and note that though she is pale she is dry eyed. She is hard. She has "compartmentalized" the death of JJ. I want to move her hand away but I can't move. I just stare at her.

'They are checking out the scene sir.' Her voice is steady but I can hear the change. Maybe there is something there after all. I take a step forward towards where the huddle of people are. 'Sir, let them do their job. There is nothing we can do right now.'

'What happened?' Two words only and I don't think they betrayed how I am really feeling. A boiling rage. A deep dark sadness.

'They're not sure. Her neck, she had a broken neck.'

I need to sit down so that the world will stop spinning. 'Someone broke JJ's neck and we are standing her doing nothing?'

'Hotch.' This time it is Morgan. 'There are security cameras here. Garcia is checking it out. They are going over the car. She hadn't unlocked it. It doesn't look like anything was taken. Her bag and money and cell phone – they are all still there.'

'Not a robbery?'

I hear Emily sigh. 'It doesn't look like it. We will know more once we have checked out the footage. Whoever did this, we will find them.'

I glance around again. 'Where's Dave?'

Another sigh from Emily but it is Morgan who talks. 'Flanders. He's here.'

'Here? Where?' I am looking around again, but I can't focus my thoughts. I need to calm down. I need to lead. I need to be the one they turn to. I need to be the shoulder they come to.

'He was in with Reid. I have no idea how he found him, but they have Flanders and if he had anything to do with this then we will find out.'

'In with Reid? What the hell is going on here? Where is Flanders now?'

'Well it seems there was an incident. They are attempting to stabilize him.'

We need to regroup. We need somewhere to sit away from the crowds. I need to see Flanders. I need to, I need to see JJ. I will have to talk to Will. 'Has anyone contacted Will?'

There are nods and gentle words of comfort from Emily and there is a hand on the shoulder from Derek but it doesn't matter. Flanders is the one I have to talk to. 'Morgan stay here. Stay in touch with Garcia. Let me know the minute she knows anything. Prentiss with me. I want to see Flanders now.'

-o-o-o-

I think I writhed around a bit.

I think I made a big howling fuss and a lot of mess.

I can sort of remember hands on me dragging me and carrying me somewhere and now I am there, or here. In this room on a bed looking at the ceiling. They are going to make this hard for me. No…not that. This problem with this Reid, who is Spencer. I know that name. I remember him. Those memories with the smudged faces are clear now. He was mine and I'm being told, being warned away. I'm not allowed him again. I think I've caused a lot of excitement today. A dead agent. Lots of nice vomit, a generous helping of blood and possibly if they look at it with their unbending minds they will consider I raped someone too. Now, I'm not going to deny what I did to him. I can't really which might get me in a bit of trouble, but in my mind he responded. Hell in my hand he responded so I think I'm clear on that one.

Spencer though, I need to help him. I know I can pull him back. I know I can. But these people here and that lot keeping me from him, the ones always watching me, the ones not permitting me to take back what is rightly mine by conquest, well they might not want me going near him again. As I think about it I get that buzzing in my ears again and I sneeze a mighty blood clotted sneeze and spray the bedding they have oh so thoughtfully put over me.

I need to get up. I need to go and find out what is going on. Actually I need to get the fuck out of here before they try to pin that little accident in the parking lot onto me.

They have cuffed one of my hands to the rail along the edge of the bed like I am some kind of freaking criminal, but they don't know me too well yet. I yank a couple of times on it and then reach my other hand over and stroke the cuff. It pops open and releases me. The idiots. They will learn. They will learn not the fucking well mess with me. So I have just sat up and my nose is bleeding again but I ignore that for now and the door opens and in walks the man.

'I need to talk to you.' He says to me.

'I've nothing to say to you Hotchner. Once again you are keeping me somewhere for no reason.' I stand and the world spins but I still stand. I'm not going to show weakness to this fool.

'You assaulted Reid.' He snaps at me. 'How did you know where to find someone you said you didn't know? What are you doing here?'

'I don't need to answer your questions. I didn't hurt Spe… I didn't hurt Reid. Ask him. He enjoyed it.'

He is angry. Oh man is he pissed. I think the mixture of his earlier failure to pin anything on me and now the dead bitch and now Reid, well I think the man might just explode.

I sneeze again and this time I aim it at him and his nice suit and pale blue shirt. He wipes the dribbles off his face but doesn't react further than that.

'What are you doing here?' he hisses between his teeth.

'Waiting for you to move your pretty pert arse out of the way so I can go home. You know I've had a shit of a day and still not been able to sleep. I don't want to spend anymore time talking to you. Get out of my way.' I put a hand on his shoulder and push. He tries. He tries to pull my hand away and I think he is slightly surprised at how strong I actually am. I grab his arm and twist and now I am behind him with my arm around his neck and my voice in his ear. 'You might well think you are top man Agent Aaron Hotchner, but I know. I know your twisted needs and thoughts. I know you watch. I know you want to have Reid as your fuck partner, but he'll never want an old boring git like you. You are nothing to him. Yes he will probably let you fuck him cos he is a slut and likes having something rammed up his arse, but he'll never want you. Not in the way your want him. He might well come to your for comfort, but he certainly doesn't want to settle down and have your children. So fuck off and leave him alone. Leave me alone. Go back to some dried up hag of a woman and satisfy yourself with that.' I'm still pressing my arm against his throat and he somehow isn't struggling so much now. 'Reid doesn't want you. I don't want you. No one wants you. You are a bore. Go away from this place and find your own life. Go back to Sam and try to knock him into shape, but Agent Aaron Hotchner..' I'm not sure he is listening to me now. 'You won't win there either.'

I heard her footsteps. I heard the sigh of the gun leaving the holster and I can smell Emily. I release Hotchner who slides to the floor in a lump and turn to Prentiss who is standing with a gun pointed at me.

'Oh Emily. What have you done to yourself. My sweet, put the gun away, you know you can't shoot me. You know you will never do that. I can smell it on you. You like a man who can look after himself. You like a man who will take what he wants.' I move towards her.

'What have you done to him?' She snarls.

'Oh put him to sleep for the shortest of whiles but that is not your concern.' I let her get a nice waft of my special smells. Not the blood and vomit smells, but the other ones. The ones I can use to manipulate with and confuse with and get out of shit with. I take a closer step and place my hand over her gun and remove it from her hand. 'Nasty things guns are. Girls shouldn't play with them. You need a hair cut.' I watch her hands go to her hair and a confused look crosses her face. The gun I drop to the floor. She wont use that on me. I know she wont. I wipe away a fresh flow of blood from my nose. 'You need to sort your life out girl. You look like shit dressed like that.' I take a trial step passed her. Will she let me go? 'You need to tend to your fallen comrade. I think he might need his tie loosened.'

'What?'

I hear her say as I move through the door and head for the fire exit.

'I'll be back for you Spence. I'll be back and next time I'll be better prepared.'