It had never snowed this much before, at least not that I was aware of. January streamed on in piles of the stuff, covering everything I had grown to love about Forks and making me more susceptible to falling, tripping or otherwise harming myself.

I spent every day with Jacob. He stemmed the flow, burning a spot in my heart that I had thought would never feel again. I saw him as the brother I never had…my best friend. My only friend.

Today was our last day together before he went on his monthly trip up to Maryland, where a branch of the tribe was located. After the war, Jacob decided as Alpha that he wanted to reach out and see if there were others…just in case something came up again. Though they were not related, both his and their tribe existed for hundreds of years, and there was a peace in that. A silent treaty and mutual respect.

I ran a brush through my hair and then tied a bow tightly, pulling up my bangs. I was almost presentable, but it was a stretch. I resented girls like Leah who were exotic and gorgeous in a smokey way. I looked like a wilting flower most of the time; a drooping and stiff lavender.

A knock on the bathroom door startled me, but it was only Jacob. I wondered how he got past Charlie's "No boys upstairs rule." But Jacob wasn't a boy, not by anyone's standard…and technically, though I was small and frail, I wasn't a girl anymore either.

"Jacob, you really shouldn't test Charlie." I warned, and glanced at our reflections. Hi russet colored skin was almost too beautiful to take in and I looked away sadly.

Jacob just grinned and patted me a little too hard on the back. The thump echoed in the bathroom, my gasps sounding like a cough.

"If you wouldn't take so long." He whispered in my ear, my cheeks burning at the smell of his sweet breath.

"Jake…" My hands clenched tightly onto the sink counter-top. I could feel the blood thin and they turned white with the strain.

I had no idea what was happening to me lately. The closer than Jacob got to leaving for a week, the more anxious I became. I was on edge a hundred percent of the time, my heart quickening around him and almost stopping when he was close to me. It was silly, and if I didn't have my sense about me I'd think I had a crush…

But Jacob had been good about keeping his hands to himself since the party two weeks ago. After years of being foreword about his affections, it was almost discerning to not feel it anymore. But that was selfish, and Jacob was happier, I could see that.

"Bella…" He whispered again. His breath tickled into my hair and goose bumps popped up down my arms.

I dropped my brush and it clattered to the ground, making us both jump. I picked it up and placed it in the corner carefully. I turned to face him. He was much closer than I had thought he was.

"I think we should go." I tried to look at him as directly as I could. His gaze was intense and my heart started to do that annoying pattering thing.

Soon he'd be gone and the nightmares would return for a week. I wouldn't have his warm skin or his warm marble eyes, his big hands or his easy laugh. Pathetic as it was, he was everything to me. He was the only friend I had here.

"Yeah, ok."

We lingered awkwardly, the tension between us unspeakable. For me it was because I was almost highly uncomfortable, but for Jacob I imagined it was for a different reason entirely.

We scattered downstairs, preparing excuses for Charlie about why we were upstairs together. But Charlie wasn't home, his car gone from the driveway. But whatever tracks his car had made were gone, snow completely covering them.

"God damnit." Jacob shoved at the door and ran outside.

I looked to see what he was so angry about and noticed that his car, which had only been parked for ten minutes tops, was flooded with snow and ice. Even if he managed to dig it out, the insides would be cold and slow.

My truck wasn't any better. Though new snow chains had been put on this year, it had been in the driveway all night. You could hardly even make out where it was parked; the snow was so high that it looked like another pile of snow to jump in.

The snow was up to Jacob's knee, which he didn't seem to notice. I shivered and started to close the door.

"Jake, just come inside."

He growled a little and stomped inside grudgingly, the snow flying around his angry strides.

"We're actually stuck here?"

I grinned softly, my heart slowing to a comfortable pace. I had him all to myself today. I could absorb him maybe enough to carry through the next week.

"Sorry." I apologized, not actually very apologetic.

"Aw." He shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

For the first time that I had ever noticed, there was a silence between us that wasn't pleasant. Neither one of us could look at each other, but there was no one else to look at.

"Do you…" I motioned to the kitchen helplessly. "Uhm, I could make hot chocolate?" I was actually pretty cold, but knowing Jacob, he wasn't in the slightest.

"Yeah." He followed me.

Although it was Charlie's house, I had always thought of this little corner as my kitchen. Charlie rarely used it in my absence, ordering pizza and grilling fish. His palate was much more limited than mine. But throughout my life I had taken a special joy in cooking, using it as therapy and as a thanks for the people who raised me and supported me. Cooking was something I could give to the ones I loved.

When I had to look for an apartment in New York my senior year, my preferences went no further than a nice and separate kitchen. I had this place in the upper west side that was really sketchy for a college student. There were six locks on the door and the windows had bars on them. The size of it was small, but I didn't have a lot, and the kitchen…oh, the kitchen. It had an area to put my pans and a refrigerator that hummed in my quiet. I loved it upon first glance, putting down a deposit immediately.

But it didn't compare to this one. Nothing ever would, I imagined.

This was the first kitchen that I ever really loved; the first kitchen that inspired me to come up with new meals every night, not just for nourishment, but entertainment. Honestly, sometimes I wondered why I didn't just go to school for culinary arts.

I heard Jacob hit one of the chairs and his head hit the table. When I turned around, he was already snoring softly. I wondered why he was so tired all of a sudden, but dismissed it as stress for the upcoming week.

Unless…Jacob was always more stressed when he was phasing frequently. Since we had started conversing again, he hadn't phased at all that I knew of. No imminent dangers, namely vampires, were around and the tribe was growing relaxed. Jacob had stared to discuss the possibility of aging.

But now he was asleep in my kitchen, the snow was falling in a torrential downpour outside, and I had hot chocolate to make. I opened the cupboard above the stove and pulled out two mugs, ripping open packets and dumping the contents inside. A cloud of chocolate perfumed in my face, the smell making me a little more at ease. Swiss Miss was the brand of hot chocolate that I took with me from my childhood. I preferred it to actual cocoa.

I let the water in Charlie's old kettle sit on the now lit stove and sat in front of Jacob. His face was pressed onto his arm, his features a little squashed. I watched him, my gaze fastening itself to his broad shoulders, rising up and falling down.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up to the shrill scream of the kettle and Jacob shaking me gently.

"You fell asleep with the stove on?" he shook his head in joking disbelief.

I grinned sheepishly and stood to get the kettle. My fingers were on the handle for only a moment before I yelped and pulled back.

"Ouch!"

Jacob had my hand in his immediately, blowing cool air on the small blister.

"I'll get it." He murmured and kissed my palm before closing it.

My heart was racing again. I yanked my hand away and sat at the table, clutching my chest and trying to take deep breaths.

"Thanks." I smiled as he handed me a filled cup. The ceramic protected me from the contents inside, but it was still warm enough that I winced a bit. I set it down after taking a sip and then looked at Jacob.

"How are you going to be ok without me?" he joked. "You are a magnet for disasters."

I winced. He wasn't the first to tell me this.

"I certainly try."

He laughed and it was almost too loud for the suddenly cramped kitchen. I grinned at him before picking up my mug again and concentrating heavily on it. I could hear him sipping before clunking the empty cup on the counter. I was only half finished but I put mine down as well and turned to him. He was staring again, making me squirm in my seat.

"Can we talk about this?"

I grimaced and started to pick at my nails with my teeth. He reached across the table and pulled my hand away. I felt the heat of his skin and it flushed throughout my whole body. I melted into the table, looking at him willingly.

"Talk about what?"

"About me leaving, Bella." He released my hand and scratched his cheek. There was stubble on his chin and neck, marking him more of a man than I gave him credit for.

"What about it?"

"Are you going to be ok?"

I blushed, feeling the heat in my face now. Did I look so weak? Did it really seem like I'd fall apart without him? Of course, I already knew the answer to that, I just hoped that he hadn't.

"Of course." I assured him as truthfully as I could.

I stood up and moved around the table to get his cup. Cleaning up would keep me occupied. My hand reached out for the blue and white speckled cup before Jacob stopped me, pulling me into his lap, his one hand securing itself around my waist and the other tangling in my hair.

"You sure about that?"

His eyes were focused on mine and there was that heartbeat again. But this time, I had to force myself to acknowledge that this had nothing to do with him leaving. This had to do with feeling his hand on my hip and wanting it to go further up, into my shirt, on my skin and underneath my bra.

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, you'll have-"

His lips were pressed onto mine, soft and as warm as the rest of his skin. A bubbling started in my chest and moved into my throat before escaping. I laughed against his lips, which he parted and came back together on my lower lip, his teeth biting gently and tugging out.

Then I moaned a bit, not able to control myself.

"Oh." I whimpered as his lips moved to my neck, kissing softly down my throat. I should stop him.

I needed to remind him that we couldn't do this. We were friends, for God's sake. But it was cold outside, and in the kitchen he was warm and we were alone, yet together. He was a sun, my sun, erupting and setting into my skin and hair and fingers. Little starbursts filed under my nails, creating sunspots in my eyes and almost completely paralyzed me.

Was this what it felt like to live? Is this what I had been missing out on for all these years? Or was it just Jacob, my Jacob?

He stopped, resting his face on my chest. I could feel the steam curling into the fabric of my shirt, settling in like an extra layer of warmth.

"Are you ok?" I murmured.

I felt his hand squeeze tighter on my hip, pulling me closer. There was no escaping what I had done by letting my guard down. I just felt no remorse for it yet.

"Bella." He whispered hotly. "Why did you let me do that?"

He sounded like he was in agony. I shifted my leg a little and discovered why. He was hard, the length of him rising up into the side of my thigh. He groaned at my shifting, and I almost fell off in shock.

"I'm sorry." I tried to get off him. I felt so horrible for tricking him. I had usually been so careful at drawing lines and making spaces.

I fell off a bit and his response was to pick me up and slam me against the wall. I could feel him on my stomach, harder than before, and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I should shove him off or say no, but all could think was he's so big.

Lust came over me and I went at his face a little too forcefully. At first our teeth knocked together, but then we were moving almost gracefully. I felt his tongue wrapping itself around mine before going out and his lips shutting and pressing against mine.

His hand that wasn't holding me up moved to my breast, cupping it and squeezing gently. I parted from his lips and hissed in pleasure as he moved under my shirt, squeezing again and flicking my nipple.

I had never been able to be so free in my lust. If I wanted to fuck Jacob, right now in this kitchen, I could. If I wanted to rip his shirt off and taste the russet colored muscles underneath, I could. He wouldn't stop me or beg me to be careful with him.

And yet I stopped him anyway.

"Jake, please." I begged, moving his hand out from under my shirt.

The look on his face was crestfallen, but he eased me down onto my feet. I felt unstable, my legs shaking.

"I don't…" he looked at me with those eyes of his. "Was I too rough?"

I laughed a little at the irony of it all, but he looked hurt as if I were laughing at him.

"Jake, no. You were…" I blushed and looked down.

He smiled eagerly, taking the red in my cheeks as a cue. I pushed against his chest and he bent down and kissed me again, softly this time but deepening. I lost myself for a moment before realizing what was happening and pulling away.

"I'm a virgin." I blurted out.

Jacob yanked back and stumbled a little. We looked at each other and it was quiet.

"I just…I know it's stupid but I don't want my first time to be on the kitchen wall with my best friend." I bit my lip and sucked nervously. They were still sore from earlier.

"You're a virgin?" He repeated, dumbfounded.

"Er…yes."

"But, you were so serious with Edward and-" he realized his mistake too late, the name slipping out of his teeth harshly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I shouldn't have presumed. I just thought…if not him, than in college, maybe."

"No." I whispered.

It was his turn to blush, the color complimenting his face nicely. I was overwhelmed with affection for this man in my home, but I didn't know if it was because he was my friend or because I was deeply attracted to him. Both, perhaps.

"Well." He stammered. "It's not like that's a bad thing…"

"Are you?"

He gulped. I knew the answer but I wanted him to admit it.

"No." he admitted.

I nodded. That wasn't so unexpected, really. Someone like Jacob, someone as nice and handsome and outgoing wouldn't make it over twenty years without having sex. It was almost impossible.

"Is that the only reason why?" he asked.

"Why I won't…"

"Yeah." He looked uncomfortable, but I noticed with a little pride that he was still hard.

"No, I just…Jake, you're my best friend. I can't mess this up."

"I don't understand why it has to be one or the other with you, Bella. I'm so good for you, I wouldn't hurt you."

"And if you do? Who do I turn to then? I need you, Jake. I can't do this…I can't be anything without you."

His face softened and he pulled me into a hug.

"I love you too, Bells."

ooo

Charlie came home late, his hair dripping with snow and ice. He shook what was left of his curly hair and hung his jacket up by the door.

"Hey kids." He breathed out. He look tired; there were purple bags under his eyes.

"Hey Dad. What took you so long?"

"The roads are really bad. Jake, I don't feel comfortable sending you out tonight. Bella, can you set him up some stuff on the couch?"

I tried not to let him see me blush, but the thought of making a bed for Jacob, of sleeping near him after what we had started to do, was crushing.

"Sure sure." I nodded and headed up stairs to the linen closet.

I could hear them chattering to each other about fishing, something I still never saw the appeal in. I pulled out a quilt blanket and a smaller, softer one, along with a pillow. I hoped they'd be enough, but I could never figure out how to do things like this for men.

I think they heard me coming downstairs because the talking stopped. I tried not to let myself think that they were talking about me and continued to lay out everything I had for Jacob on the plaid couch in our living room.

"Well, I'm off to bed. I have to wake up early to beat the ice." He grimaced and then waved as he walked upstairs. He wasn't suspicious or paranoid at all. In his mind, it was probably just Jacob and Bella, best friends period.

"So, if you're cold you can just…come upstairs." He raised an eyebrow at me and I hid my face behind my hands. "To get more blankets, I mean."

"Alright." He shrugged and walked over to the couch.

"Jake?" He turned and smiled. "I'm going to miss you."

"It's only a week." He soothed. "I'll be back."

A small comfort to the monster that was threatening to explode out of the wound in my heart, but as I walked up to my room and shut the door, I tried to imagine Jacob as I loved him most: curled up on my couch, smiling in his sleep.

A/N: As always, reviews are appreciated. It makes my day and doesn't take long.