I leave my house with a goodbye to my mother, she doesn't answer, she's too absorbed by the show she is watching. I hold the tapes and the map in my purse and I walk slowly to Daniel's house. I take my time and think about her. Jade was always so beautiful. I don't even think she tried to be. She just was. The way she always changed the streaks in her hair made me smile. It was a little surprise every time I saw her. She was just so pretty and every time I saw her I wanted to tell her. You are pretty. I only told her it a few times. Far less than I wanted to.
When I get to Daniel's house it looks empty and I'm afraid that no one will be home. I walk up to the door and lift my hand to knock on the door. It is pulled open before my hand has a chance to make contact with the wood.
"Tori?" He sounds surprised, and I would be too, if I were him and in his shoes. My hand is still in the air and it lowers slowly as I think about what I want to ask.
"Hey, Daniel…" I pause and look behind him; it looks like he is on his way out. "Can I borrow your walkman?" I ask. It's yellow. I think. I want to tell him this, but I know he knows what color it is. He stares at me. He stares for a very long time without saying a word and I can't help but think that he must be on the tapes too. Why else would he watch me like that? But he's never done anything to Jade. I don't even know if they ever talked outside of the time that Cat dated him.
"Sure. It's in my car." He gestures around me. I turn and behind me there is a silver sports car. I'm not really good with cars and so I'm not sure what kind it is but I tell him,
"It is nice." And he nods his head.
"Thanks, I just got it." He pulls his door shut behind him and walks to his shiny car. I follow and after he digs through the backseat he hands me his walkman. Yellow. Just like I remember. I reach for it and make sure to keep my hands from shaking.
"What do you need it for?" He asks. I don't want to be interrogated about these tapes, so I shrug and give him a smile.
"My mom's giving some of dad's old tapes away and I'm supposed to go through and see if any of them are important." I tell him. We stand there for a few seconds in silence, both of us holding the walkman between us, and I can taste the tension. His hand releases the yellow plastic and I drop it in my purse quickly.
"Well, I'll see you around." I give him a wave and hurry off in the direction of Jade's old house. I can almost feel him staring at me as I leave. I walk slowly until his car passes me and heads around a corner. I then stop and pull the walkman and the first tape out of my purse. Then I slide the it into the deck, side two, and shut the plastic door. It takes all my strength to push play.