A RAY OF LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
CHAPTER 4 - Recovery
Somehow she managed to make it through the night without another visit from her mate's dead image but she hadn't managed to get much in the way of rest so it was a very weary Chief Enforcer that greeted her new doctor the next morning. She was very relieved it was female, now, perhaps, she'd get the help she knew she needed.
Dr. Genzer had been assigned this unique patient just that morning when it was learned Feral was afraid of males. She eyed her obviously exhausted patient with some concern. She'd been briefed on what little they knew of Feral's history. That small amount was enough to tell her this female had been abused by a sadistic mate for a very long time. Even though she apparently escaped him more than a decade or more ago, the damage the male had inflicted had not been erased with time. And because she'd been hiding who and what she was, she couldn't seek therapy.
Sighing, she realized they were in for a long, uphill battle to help Feral overcome a near lifetime of fear.
"Hello, Ulysses. My name is Dr. Genzer and I'm your therapist. I'm going to try and help you regain your emotional freedom from the bonds of abuse you've suffered. It won't be easy for either of us, but I'm willing to help you if you're willing to work hard to get well."
"I don't want to be chained to my past and I need to return to work before that incompetent second in command of mine makes a snarling mess of everything or cause my Enforcers to mutiny. So I'll do whatever you ask to achieve that goal and for your information, my real first name is Ulera," Feral grumbled, sleep deprivation making her less than civil.
"Oh, I see...you altered your name for the sake of your cover as a male. It's sad you had to, your real name is quite beautiful. Now let's get started, shall we. I have to ask you many very personal questions so I can know more about what happened to you before we can help you moved past your trauma. So, how long ago did you run away from home and how old were you?"
"I was only a few days shy of my eighteenth birthday when I escaped. That's over twenty years ago now." Feral sighed, smothering a yawn.
"That's a long time ago. You were very young to have done that and succeeded so well he didn't find you until now. It's a wonder he found you at all."
"Would have liked to know too but at least I know my clan doesn't know where I am since he was banished when I vanished, or so he said. No way to know if he was telling the truth about that." Feral sighed and turned her head away to stare at the floor. The shame of killing someone the way she had still haunted and shamed her. That wasn't how she'd been trained. A light touch on her knee made her jerk her head back up and hiss, glaring at the doctor reflexively.
Dr. Genzer removed her paw slowly. "Apologizes, I only wanted to get you to look at me not upset you further. Why did you look away as if ashamed?"
"I killed him rather than arrest him as the law required. I'm not above the law and shouldn't have done that," Feral said bitterly.
Genzer shook her head. "I commend you on your strict morals and adherence to the law but even in the line of duty you've been forced to maim or kill to save others. In this case you killed a known deadly force that we Kats have no defense against. Yes, you were angry and in pain, both emotionally and bodily, but that was only partly why you took him out, the other reason was to protect the SWAT Kats and yourself because you knew he could and would kill them as well as you, correct?"
"I..." Feral blinked and thought about it for a long moment. It was possible those two might have stopped her mate from reaching them but not from killing them as he was just too fast and still held enough energy to incinerate them before they could act.
"Am I wrong? Would they have been able to defeat your mate?" Dr. Genzer pressed.
"I...they might have if they had time but we move much faster than you do and he would have had them helpless before they could do anything then killed them with the residual energy he still held in his body," she admitted, slowly.
"Then, it seems to me, you really had no choice as the SWAT Kats would not have known that fact. And when he finished with them, he would have gone back and either punished or killed you. Is that a viable assumption?"
Feral sighed and nodded her head.
"Then you clearly have nothing to be ashamed about when you took his life. You were only doing your duty. The fact it finally freed you from his cruelty was a bonus. From what I gathered, he held nothing but contempt for you. And, am I correct in assuming his behavior toward you has been an ongoing thing as you did say 'escape' rather than 'left' your home?"
"I...yes he beat me from the moment I failed to produce a cub our first year mated and everyday since then. He'd nearly killed me that last day before I left, breaking my arm and some ribs," Feral whispered, looking away again, not really happy to be reliving those memories again.
Genzer felt anger flare inside her as it did whenever she heard these horrific tales of abuse. This was why she did this job, trying to fix the damage those brutes had committed. Her face reflected none of her inner anger, however; remaining calm and understanding for the patient's benefit. She made a note about her patient's sensitivity toward touch and the reasons which were probably even more horrific than Feral had said so far.
"I want you to listen to me a moment. Look at me," she ordered gently.
Feral raised her head and stared into the doctor's deep blue, earnest eyes.
"You did something incredible. Escaping a bad situation, traveling to a far away city and starting a new life all alone and still in your teens. You planned well and thought carefully about how you would avoid your mate finding you then carried it out. I find it extraordinary that at such a young age you managed to fool your peers at the academy with that excellent male persona and fought your way up the ranks as fast as you did to become the Chief Enforcer of this city. That took guts and a whole lot of skill to pull off. Never hang your head in shame. Be proud of your accomplishments. That's something he can never take from you. Understand?"
Feral blinked in wide-eyed surprise. She never once thought her accomplishments were all that special but her doctor was telling her it was nothing short of amazing. She'd fought hard to stop thinking of herself as a worthless nobody, spending all her efforts on building her body up and training to be the best fighter and officer she could be.
And she had succeeded.
She'd spent the last twenty years proving herself. And she had earned the respect of her officers for her courage in fighting enemies that were more powerful and dangerous than any the city had seen before. No way would she let her worthless mate take that away from her. Straightening her shoulders and sitting up tall and proud, she said, "You're right. I did make something of myself. Someone who is important and respected. He can't take that away from me."
"That's the spirit! You remember that. When the nightmares try to bring you down, you remind yourself who is more important...him or the new you. You have a purpose in life and he can't take that away from you." Genzer realized Feral would have to be reminded of these facts regularly before she would truly believe it within her soul. But as first sessions go, this had been a successful one with this breakthrough, but they had a long way to go yet. There was a lot of self hatred inside Feral that needed to be let go and bad memories that needed to be put to rest. It would be hell for Feral dragging all the past up again but it was the only way to heal her.
"Alright, I think that's enough digging for now. It's been a good session. However, this one was easy compared to what the rest are going to be like. That's because we're going to be digging deep into your mind to dredge up all those nasty memories you've been suppressing, bringing them into the light, dealing with them, and putting them away permanently," she warned, gently.
Feral grimaced at the thought of someone probing around in her mind.
Genzer smiled, mildly amused. "Yes, that is the least favorite thing for my patients but the more bad memories you bring to light the faster you can let them go and the less they will pull you down. However, to do this you really need some undisturbed sleep. It will be draining for you and no sleep means a longer recovery time. So, can I get you to accept a sedative at night?"
Feral scowled. "Sedatives leave me vulnerable and very weak and disoriented. The side affects are just not worth it. Remember, I'm not a Kat so your medicines react differently on me."
"I did know and that is why you need a complete physical done so we have a true base line for you. I have no idea how you managed to hide that from your Enforcer doctors but you aren't going to do that with us. Please answer all questions completely and truthfully so we can insure we don't give you something we shouldn't. As for a sedative, how about a natural herb one made from Melatonin? Is that safe enough for you?" Genzer asked, while making a note that a full physical needed to be done asap into her patient's records.
"Why yes, that is one of the drugs we use. We tend to grow and use herbal medicines instead of modern ones we could get from the city near our home."
"Good. Then I'll prescribe a light dose for you and see how that works for you. By your intake record, you haven't eaten and we have no idea when you had last..." Genzer eyed her patient questioningly.
"He barely fed me but since he kept my energy and his bottle within me, I usually wasn't hungry. I don't actually remember my last real meal," Feral admitted.
Genzer had to swallow a sudden flash of anger at the now dead tom before she could speak in a calm voice. "That's definitely not good and your emotional distress will depress your appetite too, so we need to get you on a regular diet. Since it has been awhile since you've eaten, perhaps some broth, crackers, and juice will be a good start..." she began to say but Feral shook her head.
"With our high metabolisms and energy use, we require meals with high protein levels to sustain us and aid in recovery from illness and injury. Our diet normally consists of raw milk, wheat flour, leafy green and root vegetables, berries of all types, raw honey, duck and grouse eggs (not chicken), venison, wild boar, rabbit, grouse, turkey, lamb, and fish. Hot peppers of all types are favorites and speed up healing. We do try other things but it provides only pleasure, like dark chocolate, but are not what our body's need. The males liked alcohol but it made them mean. All our food is either grown by us or harvested from the wild and we hunt our own game. Highly preserved foods and salt cause us serious digestive upset. That's sort of the quick list."
Genzer's eyebrows rose to her hairline at the interesting diet. If Kat kind ate that they would be a lot healthier, she thought. The only thing really different between Kats and Sabarans, is they ate more wild meat. "Okay, thank you for that, so what would you like for breakfast this morning?"
"Uhm...I could really use a high protein meal right now. A large glass of milk, a five ounce venison steak, a large helping of scrambled eggs with peppers, and one slice of wheat bread with honey spread on it."
"Wow! How the heck did you manage to eat like that on an academy budget? I know you can afford it now but back then...?" Genzer asked, flabbergasted.
Feral blushed a little. "I'd go up in the hills and hunt of course. Both for deer, raw honey, bird's eggs, and wild veggies. Winter was more difficult and I had to resort to what I could find at specialty stores, but, in general, I managed to keep my body sustained with the proper nutrients."
"Well, that's good. And thank you for the list. I'll order you a meal and leave your dietary needs with the dietician. I'll leave you to take a nap now and perhaps, if you're up to it later, you might like a trip to the common room or library, how's that sound?"
"I don't think I'm ready to mingle with the other patients yet, doctor. But I wouldn't mind going to the library for something to read."
"Good. I'll leave orders that you're to be escorted to the library when you request it. Have a good day, Ulera and I'll see you again this evening."
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Her first full length session was the next day. As promised, Dr. Genzer probed her past more deeply, that had been disturbing and hard.
When the session ended Ulera had been reduced to a sobbing, completely wrung out and exhausted mess but Dr. Genzer felt they were making excellent progress.
"Glad you think so," Feral grumbled as she tried to recover her emotional balance, wiping tears off her face with the handkerchief Dr. Genzer had given her.
"No, it's true. I know you can't see it yet, but dragging out all this misery allows it to be examined then dumped so it can't lie there and continue festering which is what it was doing all these years as you avoided thinking about it."
"Sounds counterproductive to me but you're the doctor," Feral snorted.
Genzer smiled. "Don't worry, you'll see feel the difference yourself very soon. You're already making progress toward shorter nightmares. It's your impatient nature that wants it to happen faster."
"That may be true but my impatience is tied to something far more concrete and growing more urgent as the days pass. I hate to burst your bubble of enthusiasm, doc, but I will need to dump my energy before too long."
"Yes, I was aware of that. How long do we have?"
"Best guess since my mate never allowed me normal releasals is about two weeks."
"Then we'll keeping working hard till then, alright?"
"If you say so."
Two weeks later, however, Feral still wasn't able to abide males and her body was making insistent demands she dump energy. That following Monday, after withstanding her built up energy as best she could all weekend, she told Dr. Genzer at her morning therapy session that time was definitely up.
"I know you've done your best to help me past my male phobia but we have run out of time. I must dump my power within the next twenty-four hours or I won't be needing therapy ever again," Feral said grimly. "Have you a solution?"
Genzer sucked in a breath. "Forgive me, I didn't realize we were getting into the danger zone already. If you'll excuse me for a little while, I'll see if I can find an answer. I do have a lead so don't give up hope. Try and rest until I return."
"Sure, hope you have an answer that will work," Feral said with not much confidence.
Worried, Dr. Genzer hurried from her patient's room for her office. There she poured through the report that had come with the Commander when she'd arrived. She seemed to recall seeing something that might help right now.
She found it in the police report of the incident. Smiling in relief, she reached for her phone. She had someone important to speak to.
"Good morning, Deputy Mayor Brigg's Office, how may I help you?" A bright and cheery voice asked.
"Hello, this is Doctor Genzer at the Kanler Abuse Treatment Center. Would it be possible for me to speak with Ms Briggs? The matter is urgent and private."
"Of course, doctor. Please hold while I see if the Deputy Mayor is free," the receptionist answered then put the doctor on hold and used the intercom to reach her boss.
"Ms. Briggs?" she called.
"Yes, Dorrie?" the Deputy Mayor's distracted voice responded.
"There is a Dr Genzer from the Kanler Abuse Treatment Center on line two. She says it's urgent she speak with you."
"Oh, thank you. I'll take it. Please hold my calls."
"Yes ma'am."
Sighing, Calico Briggs set the file she was reading down and picked up the phone. "Dr Genzer, what can I do for you?"
"I need to speak with you on an urgent matter concerning my patient, Commander Feral. However, I'm uncertain whether this should be discussed on the phone," the doctor cautiously stated.
"Hmmm...no definitely not; so I take it this conversation needs to be immediately?" Callie asked, looking at her schedule.
"Yes, Ms. Briggs, time is short. Many lives could be in danger if this matter isn't resolved within the next twenty-four hours," Dr. Genzer confirmed the veiled question in the deputy mayor's voice.
"Understood. I'll leave now and can be there in about fifteen minutes. Where's your office?" Briggs asked, making a note of the room the doctor gave her. "See you soon."
"Thank you. See you shortly, ma'am," the doctor said, relieved, hanging up the phone. Fifteen minutes to the second, Ms. Briggs was sitting in front of Dr Genzer's desk.
"So what is the problem and what can I do to help you?" Callie asked getting right to the point.
"From your response on the phone, Ms Briggs, you are aware of the danger Commander Feral poses when her energy level reaches a certain intensity. Well that time is now and despite some intensive therapy over the past couple of weeks, we've still not been able to circumvent her fear of males. So the only hope she has left is the one male who did succeed in winning her trust.
"You're referring to the part of the Enforcer's report on the incident that said T-Bone had comforted her when she freaked out with the medics? You're hoping that means he did something that made her trust him?"
"Exactly."
"And you contacted me...why?"
Dr. Genzer gave her a small smile. "I've seen how whenever you are in danger the SWAT Kats always show up. I suspect they gave you a way to contact them as you are always a target of the criminals in our city. Am I right?"
Callie liked the doctor's sharp and observant mind. Smiling warmly, she said quietly, "a very good guess and a correct one. Yes, I can contact them. If he's willing, you should see T-Bone within the hour."
"That would be great but what are the odds of him being willing to do something so intimate for someone he has no positive feelings for?"
"Despite his feelings about the Commander in general, he wont leave a person in distress if he's the only one who can help. That's just the kind of guy he is. But you're right, this is a very intimate thing were asking him to do with someone he isn't fond of. All I can do is ask. If I'm successful you'll know quickly...if he isn't agreeable...I'm at a loss at what to do next."
"You do know if that happens she's dead?" Genzer asked, bluntly, her voice grim.
Her face equally grim, Callie nodded. "I know and I'm certain T-Bone is aware of that as well but I'll ensure that is true when I speak with him. I just hope the Commander doesn't reject him."
"Nothing we can do but evac her if she does. You'll have to have her airlifted somewhere she can't harm anyone when she loses control," Dr. Genzer said, sadly.
"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Callie said, refusing to think about the fatal consequences. It was simply too horrible to contemplate.
"Then I wish you good luck, Ms. Briggs and will be waiting to see a certain powerful looking tom entering my office soon," Genzer said hopefully, rising and giving Callie a firm hand shake before seeing her guest to the door.
"It's Commander Feral who needs the luck," Callie observed quietly then hurried out. When she reached her car, she quickly pulled out her comm unit and pressed its button.