First of all, I am terribly sorry about the delay. It really wasn't intentional, but I have just started my first year in the university and I literally got buried under the pile of things that I had to do. The next chapter might be in several weeks, but I promise this story is not abandoned.
Also, I would like to thank you all for favouring and following. It means the world to get so much positive feedback with only three chapters. I still haven't heard from you, which is slightly disappointing. I encourage you to send me some written feedback, to tell me how you like this story and if you think that any aspect needs improvement. Really, don't be shy.
Once again, thanks for sticking with this story and I hope you enjoy this slightly shorter chapter.
Chapter 4: How it all began
I woke up the next morning feeling a rather strange mix of emotions. For starters, I was angry, at myself, at Castiel, at the world, at fate... you name it. And then Castiel's face would flow past my mind, and his sadness, his genuine regret would make me feel like I kicked a puppy. I could already see that it would be a terrific day.
I grumbled to myself as I got up, feeling a migraine come up.
"What have those cereals done to ya?" asked my uncle as we sat down to eat breakfast, Dean still asleep and Sam sitting on my right, asking so most likely because I was glaring down at my meagre breakfast.
"Nothing" I sighed, taking my untouched bowl and dropping it unceremoniously in the sink.
"You're not going to eat?" asked my uncle, his eyebrows raised.
"I'm not hungry "I grumbled, turning to Sam. "When do we leave?" I asked.
"In an hour" he spoke, "is everything alright? You look like you haven't slept at all."
"I'm fine" I grumbled, knowing that I did not convince anyone, least of all myself.
"Charlie, listen" started my uncle and I turned to him with a sigh. "Your mother and Lizzy don't hold a grudge against you or anything like that. They were only acting like that because of the spell. Ya know that right?"
"Of course uncle" I spoke, closing my eyes briefly. "I understand my mom, and Lizzy. That's not bothering me."
"Then what is?" he grumbled, more to himself than to me, and I realized as he looked down that I was burdening him with my behaviour, the exact thing I was hoping to avoid.
"I kicked a puppy "I answered, and smiled at the odd looks that I received. "Don't worry boys, I'm a big girl. " I approached my uncle and gave him a kiss on the forehead, making him uncomfortable "I'll make it right, don't worry uncle."
With that said, I walked out of the room, my smile dropping immediately.
I would make it right, I just had to figure out what the right thing was.
He saved my life, I thought to myself as I was folding my clothes, packing them for a long time away from home. If I'd return at all.
My mom's face flashed in front of my eyes, all of the times she scolded me, kissed me, hugged me and held me close. And when she lost it. How very lost she had been. She was making progress, almost completely back to the way she was. And she died before she could make it.
Then came Lizzy. My baby sister, more of a daughter to me than a sister, her bright green eyes, her soft hair, her small hands. She was so bright. And she lost her future in a blink of an eye.
And then, there was Cas. No matter what he said, I knew he felt emotions, and that he was genuinely sorry he could not save them. At least for my sake, if nothing else.
I was a bitch to him, I knew that, and I knew why I had done it. I needed a victim, or perhaps someone to blame. Either way, I was unfair towards him, and he didn't deserve it. I knew, as I know now, that he was trying to protect me. Trying to do what was the best for everyone, and he thought that it would be done by following orders.
I needed to apologise, but first of all I needed to sort myself out. I needed to come to peace with my mistakes, learn to properly live with them. Which did not mean I had to forgive myself, I could never do that, I just needed to find a way to live with myself without hurting anyone in the process. Least of all Cas.
An hour later, we stood in front of Dean's Impala, my uncle standing with us, here to see us off.
"Be careful uncle" I spoke, stepping into his arms and giving him a tight, yet short hug. "Don't go on any rash hunts, do your research properly and call if you need help." I spoke, stepping away from him.
"I left you some fresh ingredients in the fridge, including vegetables, which you need. Your laundry is done, but you'll have to do it yourself in a week, and I do mean one week. Do your dishes at least once a day and do something about that horrible dust covering every part of the house. Also, sleep properly, I know you tend to skip out a lot, but you need your rest." I counted and smiled at him.
"Yeah yeah, ya act like I'm a child and you my mother" he grumbled and with one last look turned to the boys.
"She's bossy and stubborn as a mule "he spoke and both Dean and I interrupted.
"I trust you are going somewhere with this" I interrupted with a small smile.
"What else's new" spoke Dean and I turned to give him a short glare.
"But she is also very kind, very smart and most of all loyal. Look after her you two idgets, or you'll answer to me" he spoke.
Sam was thankfully the one to respond "You know that we will Bobby."
"Don't get all emotional on me" spoke my uncle, waving us off "get goin' you're holding me up."
"Bye uncle" I smiled and turned to the car, feeling like I had just closed a rather extensive chapter, and I could only hope the next would be better, happier. Even though it was a fool's hope. Then again, my uncle always had overestimated my intellect.
"So... What's the deal" asked Dean, glancing back at me at the rear view mirror as Sam fell asleep during the ride.
"Excuse me?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
"You knew about the danger before Bobby called you, you disappear in the middle of the night and act like you have a split personality the next. What happened?" spoke he.
"Do you really want to know?" I asked, surprised at the question.
"Well, why would I ask if I didn't want to know" he answered, a smirk stretching his lips.
"I was warned, that's how I knew" I replied, answering only the first question.
"By whom?" asked he, his eyebrows raising in surprise.
"Castiel" I murmured in response, my eyes shutting momentarily as I banished his uninvited face from my mind. "He showed up at my uncle's place just after you left. He warned me of danger, but did not tell me what the danger was, so I hid in the panic room and waited for my uncle."
"Well, that sounds just like that ass." Muttered Dean in response, glancing at me once again.
"The little girl" started Dean after a while and I looked up to see him staring at the road ahead. "The one that was chocking you…."
"What is this Dean? A chick-flick?" I muttered in response, a smirk on my lips. I could see that he frowned over my response and that he could tell that my smirk was not in fact real.
"Alright" I sighed, "I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone; not even Sam." I spoke and sighed once again, leaning back in my seat, my eyes trained on the roof of the car;" I don't know where to start".
"How about the beginning?" suggested Dean.
"The beginning huh…" I muttered, chewing on my bottom lip. "Well, I suppose it all started when I was fourteen. My dad was a hunter, and one day he did not come home. "I spoke, closing my eyes and reliving the moment the police arrived at our doorstep, only to tell my mom and me that my dad got butchered by something they wrongly assumed was a bear.
"I'm sorry" spoke Dean and I blinked his condolences away.
"It's alright" I muttered in response, "Nevertheless, my mom was pregnant at the time and she couldn't handle it all that well. She got… lost. She loved my dad very much, they used to joke it was the kind of attraction you see in the movies. Funny, they used to hate each other in the beginning…, I'm getting off topic. When she gave birth to my sister, she couldn't bear to look at her, let alone hear her cry. I had no grandparents, and to avoid giving her up for adoption, I decided to take care of my sister. I was the one that fed her, changed her and bathed her. I was her mother more than I was her sister. I was even the one that named her. Elizabeth Joanne Fields, my little Lizzy. This was not the typical life a fourteen year old led, I am sure that you can see that, and I had to grow up early. Which also meant that I could not attend high school, so I quit. Anyway, some time passed and my mom gradually got better. It was slow, and very gradual, but she managed. She could have recovered fully. But then, one night when I was seventeen, and was returning home from a trip to the shop for Lizzy's dinner. I came in front of the house, and saw my mother staring at me through the window. She had this horrible, twisted smile on her face. Lizzy was in her arms and for a second, just one second, her eyes were completely black. In the next second, I was on the other end of the street as a deafening explosion tore through my street. My house, along with my mom and Lizzy in it, went up in flames. They burned alive."
The car was silent for a few long moments before Dean spoke up.
"I'm sorry Charlie" spoke he and I noticed real emotion in his voice.
"Yeah, I know" I spoke and unable to help myself continued. "If I hadn't been pulled back or whatever happened, I would have been caught in the explosion. I would have died, and I have no doubt that that was their aim. Those demons, they were there to kill me. My family died because of me. And the demons, they came again for me, and they will never stop coming. I know that, and for some reason, I have to die."
I didn't know if the silence that followed these few terrible words was a comfort or a nuisance but all I could think about was the face Cas had made, involuntarily I am sure for it lasted mere seconds, but still so very present in my mind.
I had let my pain and my sadness get in the way of my judgement, not having realized that I was hurting someone who saved me, and for whatever reason, genuinely cared for my well-being. He had come back, just to see what was troubling me. Which was very kind, and so unlike the picture that Cas was trying to make of himself.
"My mom died when I was young, too, " spoke Dean, "I was four."
I noticed that his hands gripped the wheel tighter at these words but chose to refrain from commenting.
"The demon came for Sammy. " he spoke through clenched teeth. "And she interrupted his sick…. Ritual" he spat out. "She had to die because she was protecting her son Charlie. How is that a reason to kill someone for?"
"Those creatures obey no reason." I muttered to myself. "But we will win against them, we must. "
The rest of the ride was spent in silence, and I tried desperately to banish a thought form my mind.
Dean and I shared the same fate. That is what connected us so closely, the messed up past that would continue to loom over our heads for the rest of our lives. And for what? Some sick creatures entertainment.
The only thing that enabled me to get any sort of sleep that following night was the sheer tiredness that ruled in my mind, as well as my body. But even as tired as I was I could not rest properly. Not with that horrendous night replaying in mind over and over again.
I woke up with a start and sat up quickly in my bed, sure that something was coming our way. My feet were already on the floor, when I looked up at the familiar sense in the air.
"Castiel" I breathed, happy that the angel was the only thing coming for us that night.
"Charlotte" he responded with a curt nod and I noticed that he was acting even weirder than usual. If that was even possible.
He wouldn't meet my eyes and stood at the furthest distance in the small space that he could manage, right at the foot of the couch, which was empty of Sam's figure that should have been sprawled out on it.
I was made to share the same hotel room as the boys, even though neither Sam nor I seemed too thrilled at the prospect. Dean insisted though, stating that it would be the best if we stayed close to each other, in the light of the new "happenings". I had a sneaking suspicion he wanted to keep an eye on me and Sam in the same time, fearing that the demons would jump us the moment he turned away. Like we couldn't defend ourselves just fine without him perched on our shoulder like a worried mother hen. In hindsight, I could understand why Sammy opposed the setting as much as I did, it was easier to sneak out past one person than it was by two after all.
My attention was brought to the present moment as I remembered that there were again three people in the room.
"Look, Castiel" I started and his eyes snapped to mine for the tiniest second, before dropping to the floor in the next, as he made another miniature step back, crashing into the wall with a soft thump.
"Why are you backing away?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him slightly, almost positive of the answer.
"I need to talk to Dean " he spoke in that gruff voice of his, sounding almost as if he was apologising for being there.
"I don't…" I started to say, but cut myself short as my sleepy brain finally caught up.
I heaved an audible sigh and stood up, pulling my shirt down as it rode up to my navel and walking towards him. I was sure that men would follow my involuntarily showy approach by stepping closer to me but Castiel seemed to want to merge with the wall at my approach.
"I'm sorry." I spoke and came to a stop a few paces away from him, keeping my voice low, trying not to wake the man sleeping a few steps to my right.
Cas still wouldn't look at me, so I took one of his hands in my own, trying to make him understand as I spoke.
"What I said yesterday… I said in anger and resentment and sadness… I lost my family Cas, you have to understand that…. But you didn't deserve it. You saved me, and I know that you wish, even in a small part of your mind and heart that you could have saved them as well. And I forgive you. I didn't mean it when I said that you should keep away from me. You are welcome to come and visit me any time you wish, alright?" I spoke, feeling like I was comforting a child, not a fully grown angel in a man's body, whose hand was easily double the size of my own.
He glanced down at our joint hands and then back at me as I spoke several times, only to have his eyes rest on my own, as I read relief settle in the deep blue eyes.
I took his hand and tugged on it slightly, pulling him to Dean's bed and nudging him to come and sit down on it while I took a seat on my own.
"So what is so urgent that you had to come and visit us in the middle of the night for?" I whispered to him, not quite sure if it was sane of me to feel relief that someone was staring at me once again.
"Dangerous things are happening, and we need Dean to stop them." He answered, not quite whispering, but still having his tone lowered.
I nodded at the explanation, stretching and using one of my palms to cover my mouth as a yawn escaped me. I concluded that it was very late and a glance at the clock had me correcting myself. It wasn't very late, it was very early. Two in the morning early.
"I understand that you need to talk to Dean Cas, but couldn't you need to talk to him in the morning, or at least when the sun is up?" I asked, fighting to keep my eyes open.
"It is urgent." Countered Cas and I smiled at his tone, the business like tone he often adopted when speaking about Dean.
I was just about to answer him, asking him to tell me what exactly was so urgent that it couldn't wait until the sunrise in the very least, when Dean shifted, throwing his head back violently, and then holding his hands in front of him like he was trying to ward off an invisible attacker.
His eyes suddenly snapped open and he sat up with such haste that it looked like a jump.
"Hello Dean" greeted Cas pleasantly, as if this was just a regular situation in which one finds themselves. Awake in the middle of the night, discussing urgent, possibly Earth- ending business with an angel. Yep, just your ordinary night.
"What were you dreaming about?" asked Cas, and I had a sneaking suspicion he knew what Dean was dreaming about. Just as I did. Not that hard to guess really.
I chose to stay silent and noticed how Dean turned his head from side to side, observing me and Castiel with much suspicion in his eyes. I noticed that his eyes briefly travelled to Sam's empty bed arrangement.
"Do you often visit women in the middle of the night?" snapped Dean at Cas, choosing to ignore the question completely. "Not really all that high on moral for an angel are you?"
"I did not come here to see Charlotte" answered Castiel, ignoring the rude comment. And for once, I chose to ignore it as well.
"Me? What, do you get your freak on by watching people sleep? What do you want?" grumbled Dean, glancing at his bed with something akin to regret settling in his eyes.
"Listen to me," called Cas and Dean snapped his head back, glaring at the angel in front of him sleepily. "You have to stop it." Stated the angel and I was sure I found nothing comforting in his tone, something so unusual to my ears that it brought on a frown. My ill mood only deepened as I questioned my sanity, over trusting someone I had only properly met two days ago.
"Stop what!?" snapped Dean at the angel, and Castiel raised his hand suddenly, pressing two fingers to Dean's forehead.
I blinked in wonderment over the odd course of the conversation, half expecting Dean to fall asleep again, only to find that Dean had disappeared completely in the next moment.
"What in the bloody hell Cas?" I demanded, jumping to my feet and approaching the bed, placing my hand disbelievingly on the still warm sheet, where the annoying man had been mere seconds before.
"I didn't kill him" spoke Cas and I waved one hand, dismissing the comment.
"I know that" I spoke, a tad too quickly for my liking, and bit down on my tongue in annoyance.
How did I know that? How did I know Cas?
"What I meant" I spoke, trying to get over the slip, but still refusing to look at the angel in question.
"Is where did he go?"
Silence met my question and I turned to see him staring at me with his head tilted, seemingly observing me.
"Do you trust me?" he asked, standing up without breaking eye contact. He seemed to be generally curious over the question and I almost kicked myself as I didn't even need to think about the answer. It was natural, the same that I would give for Pam, my oldest and truest friend.
"I…. do." I spoke, detecting not a small amount of wonder in the words that left my mouth.
He stepped closer to me, and for once, I did not step back at his approach as I would have, as I should have and he stepped even closer to me, uncomfortably so, and I could feel his breath on my face as he looked down at me.
He raised his hand to my check, easily covering half of the side of my head with his impossibly warm hand. I blinked and it took me a second to realise that there was strong light behind Cas, strong bluish white light. It only lasted for half a second though, and in the next second another light replaced it.
The light and heat I immediately recognised, the sun.
Before I could get over my surprise over exchanging the early dark hours of the morning of my hotel room for the bustling street in what appeared to be early morning sun, something solid hit me from the back sending me closing the small distance between myself and Cas and slamming my face in his chest. I stepped back immediately, well, not before having my sense of smell overpowered by Cas' strong scent. He smelled truly wonderful, so very alive. Like the life itself.
I turned around, and took a step or two to the side, only to find Dean staring at us.
"What is this?" demanded Dean, and I was really not sure which event he was referring to, finding me standing so close to Cas that a small push had sent me flying to his chest, or the fact that he found himself in another place in the blink of an eye, or even worse, possibly, in a different time altogether. Simply wonderful.
"What does it look like?" answered Cas with a question of his own. I didn't think he understood how very wrong his question could have been taken.
"Is this real?" asked Dean once more, and I was growing tired of their unspoken words.
"Very" replied the angel and I turned around me, only to see people walking about dressed rather oddly, in a style that was very old-fashioned, which only served to intensify my guess that we were brought back in time.
"Okay, so what?" demanded Dean, undoubtedly trying to make sense of the situation himself. "Angels got their hands on some Deloreans? How did we get here?"
"Time is fluid Dean. It's not easy, but we can bend in on occasion." Spoke Cas, as if he expected us to simply accept his ridiculous, and also undoubtedly true explanation.
"Really, it's difficult?" demanded Dean, snapping in his anger at the powerful being that could kill him on the spot. "If it's so difficult, how could you bring two people here then ? Bend it back or tell me what the hell I'm doing here!"
"Dean" I spoke, calling his attention to myself.
"What?" he snapped at me, turning his head and looking down at me, his eyes narrowing.
"Please, let him explain." I tried to reason, hopping that he was not so off the rail that he wouldn't stop and try and listen to me.
"Let me guess" drawled Dean sarcastically, his face morphing with unhidden anger. "he has a perfectly good reason for transporting us both through time. Must be for the greater good. When are you going to snap out of your little world Charlie? He is an angel, not a human, the same rules don't apply on them as they do on us. Are you really as naïve as to trust a complete stranger?"
I was taken aback by his words, mostly because I felt that they were wrong. I could trust Cas, I knew I could. But still…, there seemed to be so little that I actually knew about him.
"I am not a stranger to her." Spoke Castiel, with such determination that Dean and I turn our heads to him immediately. "She has known me since she was born."
Dean had just opened his mouth to speak when Cas continued, taking my hand in his subtly "You have to stop it" spoke he and I felt the warmth gathering around him, and assumed that he was about to take us back.
"Stop what huh?" demanded Dean "What, is there something nasty after my dad?"
A second of distraction was enough, and just as Dean turned around at the sound of a car horn, I felt the warmth spread to my hand from Cas' and blinked, only to find the badly decorated wall where Dean had been mere moments before.
I sighed once, running my hand through my hair and sitting down on my bed, feeling more awake than I had in days, and knowing full well that sleep was not an option as Sam was God knows where and Dean God knows where.
There was another matter that caused me increasing worry and I fought back a chocking sense of panic that seemed to overwhelm all my senses. I needed to know the answers to all these questions milling about in my head, but in the same time I felt that the answers I would be given would change my life, turning it to a point of no return. I wasn't sure that I wanted to take that step just yet.
Cas had remained standing where we reappeared, once again taking on his habit of staring.
"That's rude you know" I muttered, to distract myself from my ever growing worry.
"What is?" asked he, his brows furrowing in confusion.
"To stare at people" I spoke, and he seemed even more confused. "To look at people for a long period of time without talking to them or looking in another direction." I spoke again, elaborating my short answer.
He blinked at my words and turned away, his eyes now trailing on everything but me.
I sighed once again at this, feeling like that was all I was doing recently. But, in my defence, it was difficult to talk to Cas without getting just a bit frustrated. He was like a great big overgrown, lost child.
"You can look at me occasionally" I clarified " but you have to look away every now and again. People don't like to be observed for a longer period of time, it is uncomfortable for most."
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked.
"When you stare at me, yes." I spoke, leaving out the simple detail that his existence alone, or appearance for that matter, is a source of great disturbance for me.
"I am sorry" apologised he immediately, genuine regret in his eyes. I realized that he couldn't lie, even if he wanted to, because his eyes were so readable, portraying his every thought and emotion to onlookers, even if Cas himself didn't notice most of them.
"That's alright" I answered, "you didn't know."
The room was silent for a few moments, and he continued to observe me, remembering to look away every now and again briefly before turning back to me. Well, it was some kind of a progress.
"Can you please sit down?" I asked, more to say something than actually wanting him to move. He wasn't obstructing my vision, nor was he especially heavy on the eyes, quite the opposite I must say.
It was just that I wanted to ask so much, I simply couldn't form the right words.
"I don't know how to ask this" I started, once again running my hand through my hair "…. So I'm just going to ask this bluntly. How long have we known each other?"
He stayed silent and I thought that he wasn't going to answer me. Just as I was about to demand an answer, he offered one on his own, in the form of a counter-question.
"Do you not remember me?" asked he, and I thought I heard a note of curiosity in his voice as it became carefully guarded once again, just as it was usually when he had to discuss something he considered "official".
"No…, well not really" I spoke, frowning as I considered his question. It was very unusual, because I had this distinct feeling that I knew him, just as he was claiming, but I simply could not place him, and I certainly would have remembered meeting an angel of all things.
"But you do remember something ?" prompted he, like he expected me to answer positively, almost anxious for it.
"You are very… familiar to me." I spoke ,frowning as a small half smile, that must have been entirely unconscious appeared on his lips.
He stayed unresponsive, save for that little gesture, and I decided to ask again, my impatience getting the best of me.
"But how is that possible?" I demanded, "I don't remember meeting an angel!"
"You have known me since you were born. " answered he, that smile still present on his lips. "you were born. " answered he, that smile still present on his lips. "You were very ill as a child. And when you were two, your heart stopped. Your mother prayed desperately for you to be saved. She thought that you died. But God had always protected you, he appointed me to guard you. And when your heart stopped, I brought you back."
Castiel stepped closer to me as he spoke and his hand reached up to my face, twisting the white strand of my hair in his fingers.
"This strand of your hair turned white at the moment your soul returned to your body. I don't know what it means, but for you to have it is … unusual." Muttered he, narrowing his eyes at my hair.
"What is it?" I asked, slightly worried of his answer.
"I don't know" admitted he, glancing down at my eyes briefly.
"Guess " I countered.
He stayed silent for a long while and the answer he gave me chilled my blood. "A sign."
"Of what?" I breathed, feeling very cold at his words.
"A war." Was his answer.