AN: OH my goodness, it's been much too long since I've updated… writers block + quarter finals is NOT a good combination… Plus I've kind of been going through a personal crisis: if you want to know, you are free to ask, I kinda need someone to talk to… *A* But these excuses are still excuses… Gomen! *apology cookies for all* I hope you like this chapter anyways! An extra cookie for anyone who can guess who L is talking about ^w^
General Story Info: This is going to be kind of AU, because I wanted them both to be older, but set at Whammy's Orphanage. And Death Note and Kira will most likely not be mentioned. Matt and Mello are both 16. Matt POV, possibly Mello's in later chapters (Next chapter!)
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, or death note. Or my life apparently… damn homework XP
Warnings: Shounen-ai. MattxMello. Don't like, don't read. I DON'T write lemons, so don't ask, and the rating is not going above T (and that's just for swearing). Possibly spoilers for real names, but not in this chapter.
"NO WAY, I just KNEW it was you, I mean who else would have been able to break through my safety walls, and have permission to wander through the dorms at night, and oh my Luigi I can't even believe I'm finally meeting you, you've been my hero since forever-"
As I rambled on, realization seemed to dawn on his face, and a slight smile appeared on the corners of his lips. He seemed almost proud at my discovery.
"I geuss you caught me. Yes, I am indeed the detective known as L. Now I would appreciate it if you would stop making so much noise, I would like to remain under the radar for the time being."
"Oh, yeah, sure, no problem." I said in a much quieter tone than the one I had been using before. I wasn't worried about waking Mello, but the rest of the dorm probably wouldn't appreciate being woken up at approximately 3am on a Friday.
"So…. Ah… what all did you read?" I asked pretty nervously; depending on what he had read, it was possible he already knew how I felt about Mello… I could only hope he approved.
"Not much actually, I only had a few minutes to read before you walked in, and there is quite a lot of writing here… if you plan on continuing this, I will probably need to get you another laptop with more storage space, or at least another place to store your older files. Would you ever consider publishing some of this? Its quite good."
"N-NOOO!" I blurted out hastily, then remembered I was supposed to be being quiet, and half-whispered, "There's no way I could, not until…"
After a moment, L nodded sagely. "I understand; you need time to inform him of your feelings. Am I correct in assuming that this is Mello…?" he gestured toward the bed where he was still sleeping peacefully.
My face had turned nearly as red as my hair by that point, and could only nod shyly. So he did know… but he didn't seem to have a problem with it, so… ah screw it, he's the only person who knows, and I NEED to get this stuff off my chest.
"ah, L, um… if you aren't too busy wandering the halls and what not, would you mind hanging around here for a bit…?" I nervously adjusted my goggles, looking at the sole keeper of my biggest secret with the best puppy dog look I could muster.
L chuckled lightly and nodded once, and indicated that I should sit down again by patting the blankets next to him.
"So, judging by the amount of literature you have compiled, is it safe to assume you have felt this way for quite sometime?"
"I realized what it was I was feeling on Halloween three years ago…" I sank down slowly onto the bed, interlocking my fingers as I did so.
The sound of shifting blankets coming from Mello's bed caused me to jump a little, and I held my breath for a few seconds before determining he was probably just moving in his sleep, and sighed heavily. If he had been awake… I didn't even want to think about it.
L just looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to elaborate.
I sighed a little, thinking back on it. "I ran around half the night getting all the chocolate I could lay my hands on just because I knew it would make him happy, and to cheer him up because Near had beat him again in that weeks rankings." I chuckled lightly. "When I gave it to him, he tore into it just like I knew he would with a smile on his face like a three year old on Christmas morning. I was blushing before I realized what was happening, seeing him with that adorable look in his eyes… It wasn't until afterwards when I was questioning the reasons behind that blush that I realized that thought of him and adorable in the same context way too often than is considered normal for best friend status… it was kind of a shock, as I hadn't really thought of myself as being, ah… well-"
"Homosexual?" L added helpfully, sensing my struggling.
My blush, which had subsided somewhat, intensified tenfold. "N-not that so much as, um, just, well, being anything-sexual. I had never been attracted to anyone else, so I had kind of assumed I was asexual…"
At this, L looked at his feet, hugging his knees to his chest and wiggling his toes slightly, and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "That is what I had thought about myself as well…"
"L…?" I questioned, not wanting to push him away, but at the same time curious about the implications behind his statement.
"… May I confide in Matt as well?" L asked quietly, looking back in my direction with an unreadable expression.
"O-of course!" I said, trying to seem welcome without showing my curiosity.
L sat there silently, staring at his toes for a while, and I was beginning to think he wouldn't continue, when he spoke again, even more softly than before.
"Recently, I have become closer to… someone… than I have ever thought possible, and against my better judgment, I have come to consider him my first ever friend. As I continued to spend increasing amounts of time with this person, I began to recognize feelings that I had never previously harbored welling within me, feelings like jealousy, undeserved forgiveness, and, eventually… love. However, it would be unwise to pursue a relationship, as it would be a serious danger to me, and perhaps to him as well… not to mention…" Here he paused, a light blush surprisingly dusting his pale cheeks. "I highly doubt he returns my feelings…"
"Hah… I guess we are in the same boat then, hm?" I smiled at him, and he returned it with one so slight I wasn't even sure if it was there. He looked at me almost sadly.
"But, you see, it isn't really the same at all… you and Mello have a chance at making this work, as a relationship would hardly be life threatening for either of you. If you think there is any chance that he returns your feelings, I suggest you act on it."
"I suppose you are right… thank you for the advice."
"I thank you as well Matt, for being an open ear. You are the only person I have confided these feelings in."
"Ah, same here…"
"Well I suppose I should attempt once again to reach my destination. You wouldn't by any chance be able to direct me towards the kitchens? I am badly in need of some cake…"
Although a bit confused by his odd request, I sent him in the right direction. As I closed the door behind him, I yawned heavily, and realized I was a bit tired out from all that running and the emotional stress. Changing back into my bedclothes and crawling underneath my striped covers, I hoped I would be seeing L again soon. It was nice to have someone to talk to about, well, the things I couldn't talk to Mello about. I shut off my laptop and stored it away, making sure to double check my security to make sure L hadn't torn any holes in it. He hadn't, not that I had really expected him too, but it never hurts to be careful… or ridiculously paranoid…. Ha ha…
I sighed, turning to face the wall in an attempt to clear my mind of Mello-related thoughts and get some sleep before the lecture tomorrow. Just before I slipped into dreamland however, I thought I heard the sounds of someone shuffling across the room towards my bed, and I could have sworn I heard someone whispering my name affectionately, and the faint smell of chocolate… damn my imagination for being so vivid… Was my last thought, before I drifted off into a Mello-filled sleep.
Thank you for reading! Oh, and next chapter will be from Mello's point of view, I am surprised I have gone this far without him… XP I will try to update much sooner this time!