Chapter 3
Author's Note : this chapter took some lyrics from Viva Forever but in an unordered manner, a song by Spice Girls. I just love it, and it seemed match for situation between Aeris and Cloud (
DO YOU STILL REMEMBER ?
Aeris stands within Lifestream, staring at Cloud who is sitting on the grass. This time, Aeris flies down and reaches the ground, but Cloud can not see her since Aeris is in ghostly form, even though Aeris can still see Cloud. Aeris then sits beside him, but still he can not feel her presence.
Cloud…what are you doing here ? Why do you look so sad ? I am here, Cloud….I am here, I will never leave you…no matter what…
Still no response from Cloud. Aeris then tries to touch Cloud's cheek with her hand, but as her finger is about to meet his cheek, it only touches nothing. Aeris' face grows sad knowing that she can not touch the one she loves physically. She can only watch him, no more.
/***********/
Do you still remember, how we used to be,
Feeling together, believe in whatever,
My love has said to me,
Both of us were dreamers,
Young love in the sun,
Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave you,
We'd only just begun.
/**********/
Cloud….do you still remember how we used to be ? First time I saw you, I knew you had something inside you. You warned me to move away from Mako reactor in Midgar, and…you still bothered yourself by buying a flower of mine at that time. Sure, that time was not a perfect time to buy a flower from a humble flower girl, but you did it. Did you know Cloud, that flower was only one gil, but it had a deep memory for me since then ?
Cloud just keeps silent. This makes Aeris sure that she can not communicate to him, but she still sits beside Cloud. She feels desire to tell everything to Cloud as if he could see her, listen to her…
I had feeling that we will always be together, for every moment we shared. We always believed in whatever. I always believed you to be my bodyguard after you fell from church in Midgar. I always have trusted you Cloud…always….. Soon afterward, I involved within struggle to defeat Sephiroth and save The Planet. I got to know you closer and closer, but still you took a distance with me. Still, you cared about me. I could see it in your eyes…
Aeris then moves her body in front of him and looks into his eyes, but she only finds emptiness there.
Did you remember when I first saw Highwind ? I was really really very eager to take a ride on it someday. I just couldn't hide my feelings, and need to told it to other. That was a nature of me, Cloud, to express my feelings, and I did not know why my heart pointed to you, to be the one who would listen to my wish. At first, I thought I was wrong telling you my wish to ride Highwind, and started not to hope a good response from you…but I was quite surprised that you replied with your promise to take me in Highwind someday. Did you know that I was really happy, Cloud ? I was really happy not just because I have told my wish, but it was also that you were the one who gave that promise…..even though that promise has not been fulfilled up to now…*sigh*…
Aeris stops for a moment. She gazes away to the sky in silence. Having talked about her memories with Cloud triggers her smile.
/*********/
Hasta manana, Always be mine.
/*********/
One unforgettable thing is our date at Gold Saucer….how wonderful it was, wasn't it ?
She then looks at Cloud, smiles to him even she knows he will not be able to see her.
I have lied to you by telling that the date was your payment for being my bodyguard, but actually, that was a gimmick..the truth is…I did want to have a nice date with you…
She giggles to herself as she remembered how she was like a little devil, concealing her intention to have date with Cloud while he had no idea of what was really going on.
I never forget how your face looked like when we were casted role for The Dragon Knight show that night…You looked so nervous…Well, the brave spiky- blondie Cloud Strife had found his match at last : a stage show !
She giggles again. She really saw Cloud's other side at that time. She saw Cloud's nervous but cheerful face, and she loved to see him to be like that. Almost everyday she only looked Cloud in tough face because of their struggle to defeat Sephiroth that left no room for fun, but that night, she really saw him in different feature.
I really enjoyed that, Cloud….After that, we took ride on Gondola, wow…it was so romantic….
Her memory flies away to Gondola ride on Gold Saucer that night. Cloud and she were sitting in front of other inside Gondola.
It was a perfect moment to tell my feelings but…and tell me Cloud, did I notice jealousy in your eyes when I mentioned Zack that night ? Have no worry, Cloud, because I have settled down that thing. I and Zack are like brother and sister now, and he knew you….Guess your hair is well-known in the universe, huh ?
Aeris chuckles. She feels a little happier now as she tells her story to Cloud, but surely she will be even happier if Cloud could listen to her.
At that time I said that I wanted to meet you, but you did not understand, so I said it again. Do you understand now what I meant that night, Cloud ? I only blushed after said that, but I hoped you understood. Well, it was quite uncommon for girls to tell their feeling first….At least, I had given a sign for you, Cloud…and wished you could response it back…
Talking about that, I remember when we were inside Cave of The Ancients. I asked Cait Sith to do fortune-telling for our relationship, Cloud. According to his fortune-telling, we were perfect, we were made for each other !! I was very very happy and excited knowing that.I know it may sound silly to believe in Caith Sith's fortune-telling….but…it gave me hope, didn't it ? Cait Sith then said that he would be ready to be our match- maker….
Aeris laughs softly
…match-maker, Cloud..do you know what it means ? It means we will be getting married someday..…how wonderful it could be !
She just lets her imagination goes, an imagination that she will be Cloud's bride….at least that's all she can do, but soon her face looks empty again
But that was only fortune-telling,…unfortunately….*sigh*….Cloud, if we were given chance to make Cait Sith's fortune-telling became true, would you take that chance ?
Aeris looks at Cloud hopefully, but then she realizes that she will get no answer from him. She only takes a deep breath.
Well, I guess you are still unaware of my presence, Cloud…poor me….
She then gazes to sky again
Cloud…after those times, I knew that I was the last Cetra, and within it lied a great responsibility to save Planet. I had to pray for Holy to come. That was the last time I saw you, right ? I tried to go into your dream, told you that I would be gone for awhile to overcome Sephiroth, and I promised you that I would be back when everything's over….Guess I have fulfilled my promise now, but not in the way I wanted it to be….
Soon after that, you and the rest have came to me at Ancient Temple. That was the last time I saw you.
Aeris feels a bitterness in her heart, remembering that memory again.
I was praying for Holy when I saw you, your eyes were on me Cloud…I felt so happy. Unfortunately, your body were controlled by Sephiroth and tried to kill me, but I knew that your mind was struggling for freedom over your body, so I tried to call your name within my pray, gave you strength to back as normal, and you won ! You released yourself from Sephiroth's control. Then you looked at me with grateful look…your eyes Cloud…it was your eyes that made me felt in peace…you looked at me with very caring look. I could see your lips were trembling as if you wanted say something to me, and I could see you were moving closer to me when….
She gasps as pain comes to her heart again
…I was hoping for you to come to me when I…when suddenly Sephiroth jumped from above and stabbed me right through my body. It was all of a sudden. I could only feel his masamune sword inside my body, and slowly I felt my soul slipped away from my body….My body felt limp…and then you held me….you were looking at me with worried look…your lips were trembling…your eyes started to water…you were sobbing, you were crying, Cloud….
Aeris feels her eyes filled with tears. She never forget that moment.
It was the last moment of us, Cloud…A painful last moment, but beneath that painful memory, I could see the other side of you, Cloud….you cared about me so much that you cried for me…I was…I was very happy that I was not nothing for you, I was very happy to be in your arms, but I was very sad that the moment only lasted for some seconds….I grew limp and my vision blurred…I was very scared to death, but it was your eyes again, Cloud…a sad but lovingly eyes I loved to look at…that made me brave to face my last moments…those eyes made me could rest..in peace….
/****************/
Viva Forever, I'll be waiting,
Everlasting, like the sun,
Live Forever, for the moment,
Ever searching for the sun.
/***************/
Aeris stops herself from continuing, her body is choking harshly, she cries. She is very tortured in heart right now. She wants to be hugged by Cloud, but that can not be happened. Even though Cloud knows that she is beside him, their different form avoids them to make physical contact. She starts to feel that everything has gone unfair to her.
After that, I didn't remember anything at all. I just awoke in Lifestream then, and watched you and the rest from other world. All I could do was just summoning Lifestream to help Holy crushed Meteor. After that, well, here I am, being with you but unnoticed…
She shakes her head and sweeps her tears.
Right now, Cloud, I have to think this over.
After some moment, she turns her face in front of Cloud.
My love, did you know that at first, I had respect to you ? You had yourself charisma…
Aeris starts to tell her deep feeling to Cloud.
Indeed you were a cold and selfish man, but as time went by, I saw you not only as a cocky and cold-hearted leader, but actually a caring one, but you concealed it for unknown reason….and that respect turned into special feeling, Cloud. I must admit that I…I fell in love with you…even there was Tifa who always be by your side. At first, even though I liked you, I always had thought in my mind that I would not really fell in love with you, so I did not even think about you and Tifa.
I always tried to pretend my feeling and tried to hope that we wouldn't be together, but I found that was wrong. Well, when that feeling came to me, I started to question myself whether I was right or wrong….Cloud, did you think I was wrong to love you ? I knew that you and Tifa were childhood friends and it seemed that was the way it meant to be, you would be together with Tifa. I heard that you had made promise with Tifa when you both were kids, that you would always protect her….was that true, Cloud ? If that was true, then, you must loved her, and I was wrong to love you. I hoped that was true, Cloud, even though it meant I lost you….to Tifa. I just could not imagine how devastated Tifa would be if you just left her...After all, she was my closest friend, until now. Besides, Tifa was the most suitable woman to take care of you. She had risked her life many times to save you, right ? And I ? I just made you into trouble for saving me, and that occurred many times, and I just ruined your relationship with Tifa, didn't it ? If I did not come to The Avalanche, surely you and Tifa were together, and it would be Tifa that took you on the date at Gold Saucer….Cloud, I felt like I crossed my wrong path…
There was no doubt Tifa loved you very much, Cloud, maybe as much as I love you, and I am sure, she is waiting for you to be with her someday. Strangely, although I hoped a lot for you and Tifa, I also hoped that day….will not come…never….I could not bear to let you go, it would be too painful for me after these all….Am I selfish ? I don't know….I only know that I need you so badly..
Aeris stares at Cloud's blue eyes.
Funny, wasn't it ? I have turned my best friend into my love-rival at the same time….but I just could not hate her…That's very wrong and unreasonable thing to hate her. I knew that Tifa also knew what I felt to you, but she still treated me as her best friend. I wonder how she thought about me, especially after knowing that I had the same feeling with her. We ever confessed our feeling to you, but we had no argue after that, and we just treated each other as friends, yet we still kept our dream to be with you, secretly. Yes, this was a complicated hidden love triangle between me, you, and Tifa.
Sometimes I felt jealous to see how you and Tifa got along together. You two laughed together cheerfully, talked for hours closely, but I always tried hard to overcome that feeling. That feeling was not very right, I was not supposed to be like that. I did not deserve you, Cloud, but Tifa did….*sigh*….Contrarily, every time I teased you, or whenever you did a good care of me, I always saw Tifa's jealousy in her eyes, she looked so worry about you..maybe she was afraid losing you to me….gosh…Tifa, I am sorry, I am really…sorry…I did not intend to make you jealous to me. Tifa, did you remember that I ever told you not to worry about me and Cloud since I knew I had to be sacrificed for the sake of The Planet ? He will be yours, Tifa…trust me….
Aeris shakes her head as if she could tell Tifa that she feels sorry.
Cloud, do you know that each time I try to be like this, each time I try to tell myself that we can not be together, my heart feels pain ? I could not lie to my heart that I wanted you…but I could not lie for obvious reality that we are now teared apart…All I can do now is just remembering every moments we shared….
It is clear now that my love has said to me. You, Cloud, are my true love. Cloud, do you realize that both of us were dreamer ? We were young love in the sun…but we were unable to be together…
/*****************/
Yes I still remember, every whispered word,
The touch of your skin, giving life from within,
Like a love song that I'd heard,
Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time,
Promises made, every memory saved,
Has reflections in my mind.
/***************/
Aeris thinks for a moment, she bits her lips and narrows her eyes. She feels she has to say next words to Cloud….
Cloud…I don't even know whether you love me or not…I'd rather not knowing it, I don't care Cloud…to love is not always to own, and to love means to prepare to lose the beloved…is that right ? Or is it just me who try to comfort myself ?
Cloud, I did not notice your face other than your sad and empty face like now, why is it Cloud ?
You should be happy since the threat has gone…and you should be happy too that you can make your dream to be with Tifa to be true….There must be something inside that wounds your heart deeply….is it…because…me ?
Aeris blushes, she shakes her head
No…it can't be…you love Tifa, Cloud, you must love her….Beside, she loves you, Cloud…She needs you to be by her side, you must be with her, protect her, love her…There is no way you could love me, yes, it is true that you care about me, but that's all, you only love Tifa....
She touches Cloud's hair, but again, her fingers only touch nothing, but she does not care about it.
Cloud…will you do me a favor ? I love you very much, but I have to release you…..We both live in different world, there is no way we could be together. I have to face this reality, you too…..So, promise me, Cloud, just promise to me that you will go on and live your life happily….be with Tifa, …you will find love at her…She has promised to take care of you for me, Cloud, and she really wants to do that…
Live forever, my love, live your life in happiness forever. Leave the past. I don't want to see your sad eyes anymore. I can't stand seeing you like that. If you really do care about me, then make Tifa happy so she can make your life happier, and with that, you really make my sacrifice meaningful.
Always search for the sun of happiness that will light your way, and you will find your way, Cloud...
Cloud, please keep me in your heart, always remember me as the one who will always love you, no matter how you feel to me…To love is not always to own, right ? And to love means to prepare to lose the beloved….like I said before.
One more thing, Cloud, please do not feel guilty about me, it is not your fault that I am in Lifestream now. My death has nothing to do with you….maybe that's just the written way for us…and the Highwind ride…that was not your fault too. I could see in your eyes that you really wanted to take me to Highwind, I believe you did, and that's enough for me.
Aeris tears come to her eyes again, she feels like telling Cloud farewell words.
My love…felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave you, we'd only just begun. Always be mine, Cloud, always be mine…although it can only be happened in my heart, I want to believe it….I really want to believe it…always….with all my heart
Cloud…my love…be strong…and….goodbye…
Aeris stands. She unties her hair ribbon, and drops it on grass near Cloud. As her ribbon flies down, there is soft sparkling light creeping on its form. From its ghostly form, the ribbon gradually turned to solid object, and falls gracefully on grass as a beautiful pink ribbon. She smiles lovingly at Cloud once more, and then flies back to Lifestream, leaving Cloud at his spot. She still feels sad, but now she feels better that she has told him much how her heart is. Even though she knows that Cloud was not able to feel her presence, somehow she believes that her words have came to Cloud's heart. Sometimes, word is more meaningful if it reaches to heart, need not being listened to. That is her belief, and her heart wants to believe it forever…..
Cloud, while in his emptiness state, suddenly feels a warm wind blows to him.
It was unusual wind, he thinks. That wind was so warm…so comforting…..it was different from ordinary wind…..I wonder what it was ? I feel something…something is relaxing my heart…something that eases my pain…..I feel my heart lighter now…
He then looks at grass around him and his eyes meet a pink ribbon he used to see in past times. His brows raise, his face looks surprised. He hesitantly picks up the ribbon slowly and looks at it for a moment. While looking at Aeris' hair ribbon, his face gradually changes, from a sorrowful and blank face to a smiling one. He moves the ribbon closer to his face and smell a fresh aroma of flower he used to know. Cloud closes his eyes as he savours the aroma he has been longing for long time. He feels his heart is filled with warmth and peaceful sensation. He still feels something is missing, but he knows that he is not alone. He kisses her ribbon and puts it in his front pocket. Close to his heart.
/******************/
But we're all alone now, was it just a dream,
Feelings untold, they will never be sold,
And the secret's safe with me.
/*****************/
"Aeris…you were here, right ? I feel your caring with my heart. Take care of you too…..I miss you…Live forever in happiness too ", he whispers, and then he smiles to the crimson sky above. Somehow, he knows that she hears him, and he believes that.
Author's Note : this chapter took some lyrics from Viva Forever but in an unordered manner, a song by Spice Girls. I just love it, and it seemed match for situation between Aeris and Cloud (
DO YOU STILL REMEMBER ?
Aeris stands within Lifestream, staring at Cloud who is sitting on the grass. This time, Aeris flies down and reaches the ground, but Cloud can not see her since Aeris is in ghostly form, even though Aeris can still see Cloud. Aeris then sits beside him, but still he can not feel her presence.
Cloud…what are you doing here ? Why do you look so sad ? I am here, Cloud….I am here, I will never leave you…no matter what…
Still no response from Cloud. Aeris then tries to touch Cloud's cheek with her hand, but as her finger is about to meet his cheek, it only touches nothing. Aeris' face grows sad knowing that she can not touch the one she loves physically. She can only watch him, no more.
/***********/
Do you still remember, how we used to be,
Feeling together, believe in whatever,
My love has said to me,
Both of us were dreamers,
Young love in the sun,
Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave you,
We'd only just begun.
/**********/
Cloud….do you still remember how we used to be ? First time I saw you, I knew you had something inside you. You warned me to move away from Mako reactor in Midgar, and…you still bothered yourself by buying a flower of mine at that time. Sure, that time was not a perfect time to buy a flower from a humble flower girl, but you did it. Did you know Cloud, that flower was only one gil, but it had a deep memory for me since then ?
Cloud just keeps silent. This makes Aeris sure that she can not communicate to him, but she still sits beside Cloud. She feels desire to tell everything to Cloud as if he could see her, listen to her…
I had feeling that we will always be together, for every moment we shared. We always believed in whatever. I always believed you to be my bodyguard after you fell from church in Midgar. I always have trusted you Cloud…always….. Soon afterward, I involved within struggle to defeat Sephiroth and save The Planet. I got to know you closer and closer, but still you took a distance with me. Still, you cared about me. I could see it in your eyes…
Aeris then moves her body in front of him and looks into his eyes, but she only finds emptiness there.
Did you remember when I first saw Highwind ? I was really really very eager to take a ride on it someday. I just couldn't hide my feelings, and need to told it to other. That was a nature of me, Cloud, to express my feelings, and I did not know why my heart pointed to you, to be the one who would listen to my wish. At first, I thought I was wrong telling you my wish to ride Highwind, and started not to hope a good response from you…but I was quite surprised that you replied with your promise to take me in Highwind someday. Did you know that I was really happy, Cloud ? I was really happy not just because I have told my wish, but it was also that you were the one who gave that promise…..even though that promise has not been fulfilled up to now…*sigh*…
Aeris stops for a moment. She gazes away to the sky in silence. Having talked about her memories with Cloud triggers her smile.
/*********/
Hasta manana, Always be mine.
/*********/
One unforgettable thing is our date at Gold Saucer….how wonderful it was, wasn't it ?
She then looks at Cloud, smiles to him even she knows he will not be able to see her.
I have lied to you by telling that the date was your payment for being my bodyguard, but actually, that was a gimmick..the truth is…I did want to have a nice date with you…
She giggles to herself as she remembered how she was like a little devil, concealing her intention to have date with Cloud while he had no idea of what was really going on.
I never forget how your face looked like when we were casted role for The Dragon Knight show that night…You looked so nervous…Well, the brave spiky- blondie Cloud Strife had found his match at last : a stage show !
She giggles again. She really saw Cloud's other side at that time. She saw Cloud's nervous but cheerful face, and she loved to see him to be like that. Almost everyday she only looked Cloud in tough face because of their struggle to defeat Sephiroth that left no room for fun, but that night, she really saw him in different feature.
I really enjoyed that, Cloud….After that, we took ride on Gondola, wow…it was so romantic….
Her memory flies away to Gondola ride on Gold Saucer that night. Cloud and she were sitting in front of other inside Gondola.
It was a perfect moment to tell my feelings but…and tell me Cloud, did I notice jealousy in your eyes when I mentioned Zack that night ? Have no worry, Cloud, because I have settled down that thing. I and Zack are like brother and sister now, and he knew you….Guess your hair is well-known in the universe, huh ?
Aeris chuckles. She feels a little happier now as she tells her story to Cloud, but surely she will be even happier if Cloud could listen to her.
At that time I said that I wanted to meet you, but you did not understand, so I said it again. Do you understand now what I meant that night, Cloud ? I only blushed after said that, but I hoped you understood. Well, it was quite uncommon for girls to tell their feeling first….At least, I had given a sign for you, Cloud…and wished you could response it back…
Talking about that, I remember when we were inside Cave of The Ancients. I asked Cait Sith to do fortune-telling for our relationship, Cloud. According to his fortune-telling, we were perfect, we were made for each other !! I was very very happy and excited knowing that.I know it may sound silly to believe in Caith Sith's fortune-telling….but…it gave me hope, didn't it ? Cait Sith then said that he would be ready to be our match- maker….
Aeris laughs softly
…match-maker, Cloud..do you know what it means ? It means we will be getting married someday..…how wonderful it could be !
She just lets her imagination goes, an imagination that she will be Cloud's bride….at least that's all she can do, but soon her face looks empty again
But that was only fortune-telling,…unfortunately….*sigh*….Cloud, if we were given chance to make Cait Sith's fortune-telling became true, would you take that chance ?
Aeris looks at Cloud hopefully, but then she realizes that she will get no answer from him. She only takes a deep breath.
Well, I guess you are still unaware of my presence, Cloud…poor me….
She then gazes to sky again
Cloud…after those times, I knew that I was the last Cetra, and within it lied a great responsibility to save Planet. I had to pray for Holy to come. That was the last time I saw you, right ? I tried to go into your dream, told you that I would be gone for awhile to overcome Sephiroth, and I promised you that I would be back when everything's over….Guess I have fulfilled my promise now, but not in the way I wanted it to be….
Soon after that, you and the rest have came to me at Ancient Temple. That was the last time I saw you.
Aeris feels a bitterness in her heart, remembering that memory again.
I was praying for Holy when I saw you, your eyes were on me Cloud…I felt so happy. Unfortunately, your body were controlled by Sephiroth and tried to kill me, but I knew that your mind was struggling for freedom over your body, so I tried to call your name within my pray, gave you strength to back as normal, and you won ! You released yourself from Sephiroth's control. Then you looked at me with grateful look…your eyes Cloud…it was your eyes that made me felt in peace…you looked at me with very caring look. I could see your lips were trembling as if you wanted say something to me, and I could see you were moving closer to me when….
She gasps as pain comes to her heart again
…I was hoping for you to come to me when I…when suddenly Sephiroth jumped from above and stabbed me right through my body. It was all of a sudden. I could only feel his masamune sword inside my body, and slowly I felt my soul slipped away from my body….My body felt limp…and then you held me….you were looking at me with worried look…your lips were trembling…your eyes started to water…you were sobbing, you were crying, Cloud….
Aeris feels her eyes filled with tears. She never forget that moment.
It was the last moment of us, Cloud…A painful last moment, but beneath that painful memory, I could see the other side of you, Cloud….you cared about me so much that you cried for me…I was…I was very happy that I was not nothing for you, I was very happy to be in your arms, but I was very sad that the moment only lasted for some seconds….I grew limp and my vision blurred…I was very scared to death, but it was your eyes again, Cloud…a sad but lovingly eyes I loved to look at…that made me brave to face my last moments…those eyes made me could rest..in peace….
/****************/
Viva Forever, I'll be waiting,
Everlasting, like the sun,
Live Forever, for the moment,
Ever searching for the sun.
/***************/
Aeris stops herself from continuing, her body is choking harshly, she cries. She is very tortured in heart right now. She wants to be hugged by Cloud, but that can not be happened. Even though Cloud knows that she is beside him, their different form avoids them to make physical contact. She starts to feel that everything has gone unfair to her.
After that, I didn't remember anything at all. I just awoke in Lifestream then, and watched you and the rest from other world. All I could do was just summoning Lifestream to help Holy crushed Meteor. After that, well, here I am, being with you but unnoticed…
She shakes her head and sweeps her tears.
Right now, Cloud, I have to think this over.
After some moment, she turns her face in front of Cloud.
My love, did you know that at first, I had respect to you ? You had yourself charisma…
Aeris starts to tell her deep feeling to Cloud.
Indeed you were a cold and selfish man, but as time went by, I saw you not only as a cocky and cold-hearted leader, but actually a caring one, but you concealed it for unknown reason….and that respect turned into special feeling, Cloud. I must admit that I…I fell in love with you…even there was Tifa who always be by your side. At first, even though I liked you, I always had thought in my mind that I would not really fell in love with you, so I did not even think about you and Tifa.
I always tried to pretend my feeling and tried to hope that we wouldn't be together, but I found that was wrong. Well, when that feeling came to me, I started to question myself whether I was right or wrong….Cloud, did you think I was wrong to love you ? I knew that you and Tifa were childhood friends and it seemed that was the way it meant to be, you would be together with Tifa. I heard that you had made promise with Tifa when you both were kids, that you would always protect her….was that true, Cloud ? If that was true, then, you must loved her, and I was wrong to love you. I hoped that was true, Cloud, even though it meant I lost you….to Tifa. I just could not imagine how devastated Tifa would be if you just left her...After all, she was my closest friend, until now. Besides, Tifa was the most suitable woman to take care of you. She had risked her life many times to save you, right ? And I ? I just made you into trouble for saving me, and that occurred many times, and I just ruined your relationship with Tifa, didn't it ? If I did not come to The Avalanche, surely you and Tifa were together, and it would be Tifa that took you on the date at Gold Saucer….Cloud, I felt like I crossed my wrong path…
There was no doubt Tifa loved you very much, Cloud, maybe as much as I love you, and I am sure, she is waiting for you to be with her someday. Strangely, although I hoped a lot for you and Tifa, I also hoped that day….will not come…never….I could not bear to let you go, it would be too painful for me after these all….Am I selfish ? I don't know….I only know that I need you so badly..
Aeris stares at Cloud's blue eyes.
Funny, wasn't it ? I have turned my best friend into my love-rival at the same time….but I just could not hate her…That's very wrong and unreasonable thing to hate her. I knew that Tifa also knew what I felt to you, but she still treated me as her best friend. I wonder how she thought about me, especially after knowing that I had the same feeling with her. We ever confessed our feeling to you, but we had no argue after that, and we just treated each other as friends, yet we still kept our dream to be with you, secretly. Yes, this was a complicated hidden love triangle between me, you, and Tifa.
Sometimes I felt jealous to see how you and Tifa got along together. You two laughed together cheerfully, talked for hours closely, but I always tried hard to overcome that feeling. That feeling was not very right, I was not supposed to be like that. I did not deserve you, Cloud, but Tifa did….*sigh*….Contrarily, every time I teased you, or whenever you did a good care of me, I always saw Tifa's jealousy in her eyes, she looked so worry about you..maybe she was afraid losing you to me….gosh…Tifa, I am sorry, I am really…sorry…I did not intend to make you jealous to me. Tifa, did you remember that I ever told you not to worry about me and Cloud since I knew I had to be sacrificed for the sake of The Planet ? He will be yours, Tifa…trust me….
Aeris shakes her head as if she could tell Tifa that she feels sorry.
Cloud, do you know that each time I try to be like this, each time I try to tell myself that we can not be together, my heart feels pain ? I could not lie to my heart that I wanted you…but I could not lie for obvious reality that we are now teared apart…All I can do now is just remembering every moments we shared….
It is clear now that my love has said to me. You, Cloud, are my true love. Cloud, do you realize that both of us were dreamer ? We were young love in the sun…but we were unable to be together…
/*****************/
Yes I still remember, every whispered word,
The touch of your skin, giving life from within,
Like a love song that I'd heard,
Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time,
Promises made, every memory saved,
Has reflections in my mind.
/***************/
Aeris thinks for a moment, she bits her lips and narrows her eyes. She feels she has to say next words to Cloud….
Cloud…I don't even know whether you love me or not…I'd rather not knowing it, I don't care Cloud…to love is not always to own, and to love means to prepare to lose the beloved…is that right ? Or is it just me who try to comfort myself ?
Cloud, I did not notice your face other than your sad and empty face like now, why is it Cloud ?
You should be happy since the threat has gone…and you should be happy too that you can make your dream to be with Tifa to be true….There must be something inside that wounds your heart deeply….is it…because…me ?
Aeris blushes, she shakes her head
No…it can't be…you love Tifa, Cloud, you must love her….Beside, she loves you, Cloud…She needs you to be by her side, you must be with her, protect her, love her…There is no way you could love me, yes, it is true that you care about me, but that's all, you only love Tifa....
She touches Cloud's hair, but again, her fingers only touch nothing, but she does not care about it.
Cloud…will you do me a favor ? I love you very much, but I have to release you…..We both live in different world, there is no way we could be together. I have to face this reality, you too…..So, promise me, Cloud, just promise to me that you will go on and live your life happily….be with Tifa, …you will find love at her…She has promised to take care of you for me, Cloud, and she really wants to do that…
Live forever, my love, live your life in happiness forever. Leave the past. I don't want to see your sad eyes anymore. I can't stand seeing you like that. If you really do care about me, then make Tifa happy so she can make your life happier, and with that, you really make my sacrifice meaningful.
Always search for the sun of happiness that will light your way, and you will find your way, Cloud...
Cloud, please keep me in your heart, always remember me as the one who will always love you, no matter how you feel to me…To love is not always to own, right ? And to love means to prepare to lose the beloved….like I said before.
One more thing, Cloud, please do not feel guilty about me, it is not your fault that I am in Lifestream now. My death has nothing to do with you….maybe that's just the written way for us…and the Highwind ride…that was not your fault too. I could see in your eyes that you really wanted to take me to Highwind, I believe you did, and that's enough for me.
Aeris tears come to her eyes again, she feels like telling Cloud farewell words.
My love…felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave you, we'd only just begun. Always be mine, Cloud, always be mine…although it can only be happened in my heart, I want to believe it….I really want to believe it…always….with all my heart
Cloud…my love…be strong…and….goodbye…
Aeris stands. She unties her hair ribbon, and drops it on grass near Cloud. As her ribbon flies down, there is soft sparkling light creeping on its form. From its ghostly form, the ribbon gradually turned to solid object, and falls gracefully on grass as a beautiful pink ribbon. She smiles lovingly at Cloud once more, and then flies back to Lifestream, leaving Cloud at his spot. She still feels sad, but now she feels better that she has told him much how her heart is. Even though she knows that Cloud was not able to feel her presence, somehow she believes that her words have came to Cloud's heart. Sometimes, word is more meaningful if it reaches to heart, need not being listened to. That is her belief, and her heart wants to believe it forever…..
Cloud, while in his emptiness state, suddenly feels a warm wind blows to him.
It was unusual wind, he thinks. That wind was so warm…so comforting…..it was different from ordinary wind…..I wonder what it was ? I feel something…something is relaxing my heart…something that eases my pain…..I feel my heart lighter now…
He then looks at grass around him and his eyes meet a pink ribbon he used to see in past times. His brows raise, his face looks surprised. He hesitantly picks up the ribbon slowly and looks at it for a moment. While looking at Aeris' hair ribbon, his face gradually changes, from a sorrowful and blank face to a smiling one. He moves the ribbon closer to his face and smell a fresh aroma of flower he used to know. Cloud closes his eyes as he savours the aroma he has been longing for long time. He feels his heart is filled with warmth and peaceful sensation. He still feels something is missing, but he knows that he is not alone. He kisses her ribbon and puts it in his front pocket. Close to his heart.
/******************/
But we're all alone now, was it just a dream,
Feelings untold, they will never be sold,
And the secret's safe with me.
/*****************/
"Aeris…you were here, right ? I feel your caring with my heart. Take care of you too…..I miss you…Live forever in happiness too ", he whispers, and then he smiles to the crimson sky above. Somehow, he knows that she hears him, and he believes that.