Caught: Simmons & Mudflap & Skids

-Sfortuna

-Transformers-

If anyone had been paying attention to the street at nearly eleven at night, they would have found it peculiar that a Chevrolet Trax and Beat were running amok on the street. The drivers must have had more than a few screws loose; they drove circles around each other, ran into each other, and would stop and start for no apparent reason. The few unlucky drivers that were out had near heart-attacks at the antics of the brownish orange and bright green cars. And if anyone got close they would have heard unexplainable arguing, as if the drivers were yelling at each other through open windows. The only problem with that is neither car had open windows, nor any driver to speak of.

Luckily, the two Autobots in disguise found the building they were looking for without causing any physical or mentally scarring damage.

"Remind me again why we're here?" Mudflap interrupted his brother.

"You bolt-brain, because Optimus told us to! We're doing recon!" Skids transformed, his bright green Chevy Beat exterior breaking up and shifting into a smallish Cybertronian.

"On his punk-ass? What would he know?" Mudflap followed suit and stood next to his brother.

"A lot apparently! Don't you remember how he help the kid out? Got us to Egypt and Jordan didn't he?"

"Yeah! After we brought back a Decepticon!"

"Details!"

The two went to hit the other at exactly the same time and ended up doing an awkward fist bump instead. Mudflap kicked Skids in the shin and Skids smacked Mudflap on the back of the helm. A dog started barking from a nearby building.

"Ssshh! Recon means quiet!" Skids hissed to his brother.

"And quiet means shut up!" Mudflap hissed back.

Almost simultaneously they crouched low, as if to better hide their alien bodies from prying eyes, and scoped out the area. Skids and Mudflap could not be called the sanest or smartest robots from space, but they did do their job quite well when they put their minds to it. They did not find any prying human eyes; most were either in bed already or zoned out in front of a television. Satisfied that they wouldn't be compromised in the near future, they got close to their targeted building and paused.

"Listen, I ain't bottoming this time. It's your turn."

"Hey, I was your butt for over one Earth month! You owe me!"

Mudflap had a point. "I'm older."

"No you're not! I remember our sparking, I came first!"

This would have gone for quite some time if both hadn't, as tended to happen with the Twins, had the same exact idea.

"Loser gets bottom." Skids told his brother.

"Deal!"

They both said in unison, "Three, two, one, shoot!"

A single game of Rock, Paper, Scissors decided it. Mudflap put out scissors, but Skids beat him with rock. Mudflap grumbled quite a bit as he stood next to the building and let his brother clim on his shoulders to peak in the windows.

"Watch the doors!"

"I'll watch your doors if you stop flattening my foot!"

"I'll stop flattening your foot if you get them off that Energon line!"

And so it went until they got into a semi-agreeable position to both and Skids carefully looked in the windows, dimming his optics as best he could to avoid being spotted should he actually see anyone. The first window yielded a kitchen, the second, a bedroom with an old lady snoring loud enough to wake the dead, and the third occupied by a very much awake man sitting in front of a computer.

"Target spotted!" Skids commed Mudflap.

"Success! So what's the what?"

Skids went to reply, but then the scene displayed in front of him registered in his processors.

"Uhhh..."

Former Sector Seven Special Agent Gene Simmons (of no relation to the KISS frontman) sat in a worn computer chair in front of his desk. The rather expensive computer in front of him played something that involved naked people wrestling with each other. He found it hard to hear what was going on, the former agent having plugged in a pair of also very expensive headphones to listen to the show. The weirdest part of it though was that Simmons sat there in a white wife-beater and naked from the waist down, his hand wrapped around some fleshy appendage that rose from a black bushy nest of hair. Skids did a quick search on human anatomy, discovering that this strange thing Simmons kept running his hand over was called a penis.

"What the hell man, tell me what's going on!" Mudflap poked at his brother's sensitive ankle tires, making Skids squeak in surprise.

Luckily for them both, those expensive headphones cut out quite a bit of external noise so the Autobot presence continued to be unnoticed.

"I don't think I can explain this..." Skids opened up video feed so Mudflap could see everything he saw.

"Woah baby!"

"I second that with a 'Have mercy'!"

Simmons started to mutter himself and Skids fine tuned his audio to catch what the man was saying.

"That's right, you sexy criminal you. Oh yeah, criminals are sooooo hot. Handcuff her, handcuff her..."

The mans hips twitched in his seat, making it move as the wheels rolled around, and he dug his feet into the carpet to steady the chair. His mutterings debased into little growls and grunts. His hand moved over his penis faster and Skids wondered if it was possible for him either crush it or pull it right off.

And then he brought his other hand up, biting into the thick of his forearm as he underwent some sort of paralysis and sighed. The appendage in his hand started it's own shaking and whitish liquid squirted from it like a severed Energon line. It splattered on the desk, even hitting the computer monitor, and a few seconds later it was over. Simmons relaxed back into his chair, licking off what little liquid got onto his hand, and then put them behind his head. He smirked to himself and continued to watch the now dirty screen.

"I have no idea what we just saw, but I feel kinda dirty." Mudflap said after a minute.

"Y'know, I think we should go with low-key recon. Cars?" Skids suggested.

"Definitely."

Skids got off of Mudflap's shoulders and they both changed into their non-conspicuous alternate forms.

In the morning, Mrs. Simmons commented to her son about the odd cars parked in front of their deli and complained about kids and their stupid cars. Her son took one look at the cars and smirked, telling her to call a tow truck.

She tottered off and Simmons smirked at the Autobots.

"This will teach you to watch a man in a private moment."

Optimus Prime was not exactly pleased when he told Major Lennox that the Twins had to be sprung from impound.

-Transformers-

The Twins made me crack up so hard, and I couldn't help but have them being obnoxiously nosey on Simmons. Who apparently doesn't have a first name, so I made one up. I certainly don't remember his first name ever being mentioned anyways, unless it was in Dark of the Moon. I was too busy drooling over all the action and Optimus, Lennox, and Epps being the total badasses they are.

I have another challenge! Same rules as before: I've used two lines from well known 80's-90's sitcom (right next to each other, hinthint). Tell me from what sitcom, and hopefully which characters use them though that's not necessary, and I promise an "interlude" of the winners choice written as best as I can. Gotta find it before next chapter posting though! Bonus if you catch a phrase used in a well-known 90's-00's show.