Daniel felt the heat in his apartment, the trapped heat from the day. He breathed it in. He saw the diffuse light on everything, on the fake wood of the kitchen table, on the dying plant above the sink, on the faded couch cushions. Johnny stared down at him, a slight smile on his face. In the darkened living room his eyes looked even darker, a funny dark blue that Daniel couldn't help thinking was almost pretty. He saw how the dark blond eyelashes rimmed that odd color.
He closed his eyes, not liking the train of his thoughts. It should be Ali he was thinking of, her sea green eyes boring into him, the way she pulled on his clothes every time she talked to him, little tugs on his sleeves or shirt collars.
"Daniel," Johnny said, his voice low and almost sinister. Daniel opened his eyes at his name, felt his breathing start to become faster and more shallow. Where could he go? Slam himself into his room, his weight against the door against Johnny's? Would that even work? He licked his lips and looked at Johnny staring at him.
"Uh, Johnny, look…" he began. He could talk his way out of this. Talking had always been his friend. Sometimes it was like his mouth just moved independent of his brain.
"Yeah?" Johnny said, the smile just slightly wider now. His voice was lower. Daniel looked to the side, the bedroom doors behind him, Johnny in front of him. Even in this dim light his hair gleamed like metal. Such an odd shade of blond, so light, bleached by years of the sun.
"Uh, listen…" Talking had turned on him. He had no words for this. He watched Johnny come slowly toward him, and he felt frozen. He felt almost high with the impending sense of doom, the impending sense of having no choice.
The blank bedroom door was at his back and Johnny had advanced, come stealthily toward him. Daniel took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second, and decided. He had to fight. He punched at Johnny, kicked, but each move was easily blocked. He was down in a second, Johnny straddling him, holding his arms at the wrists above his head. Daniel twisted beneath him and in his grasp but it was no good.
"Stop fighting," Johnny whispered as he leaned in toward him, kissed him. Daniel felt his wrists being pressed painfully into the carpet, felt all of Johnny's weight on him. Tears slid down his cheeks but he relaxed, let Johnny kiss him and he kissed him back.
"That's better," Johnny said softly, still holding the undersides of his wrists with the palms of his hands. Daniel twisted under his weight.
"Jesus, Johnny, let me up-" Johnny cut off his words by kissing him again, his mouth smothering the words as they tried to escape. He tangled up his tongue.
The light had faded even more. Just a red/orange line of sunset remained outside, and inside the apartment it was mostly shadows. Somehow the dark made things easier, and the twisting struggle to get away became something else, and he almost liked the feeling of Johnny's weight on top of him. He opened his mouth almost eagerly for the hard kiss, so different from the kisses of girls. This kiss was powerful, it pulled things from him, he had to surrender to it. Girls' kisses were so subtle and soft, like something you could never quite grasp, or something that might die if you did, like the delicate wings of butterflies.
Outside it was complete dark now, the room no more than dark and darker shadows. Johnny kissed him hungrily, kissed his neck, lingering at the spot of his fast pulse. He let go of one wrist but Daniel didn't move it, there was no point. There was no where to go. He waited for whatever Johnny would do next.