A/N: Warning: Disturbing children. Also, you know, this might be a daily update thing since they're so short. And full of shit.
She decided that the world was mad and that she should not expect known canon characters to be like themselves, if their characterisation was actually consistent and believable. She was thinking about Nagato there, but it went for whoever else that she couldn't bother to remember. Or care about, coincidentally.
Being able to go outside was always an adventure, but it was when she went outside without Orochimaru ̶ because he had missions and she was technically an immortal civilian, much to his great annoyance and her utter joy ̶ that she met canon characters that were in fact, not canon-compliant.
Her prime example would be the child prodigy known as Uchiha Itachi, the elder brother Uchiha Sasuke, the former heir of the Uchiha clan before he thought it would be a good idea to massacre everyone. Then traumatise his brother, whom he spared because reasons, beyond belief just so he could have some form of selfish redemption. What a hero. No wonder Sasuke was so messed up. This was why inbreeding was a problem. Problems arise.
As it had turned out, he was eleven. That led her to believe that there was no timeline. At all. It was merging of eras and characters. He was eleven and he was… disturbing.
She might have to assume that all prodigal ninja bitches were, crudely put, socially retarded. Or idiot-savants, which sounded nicer. Because, well, their social skills were ragged dog pieces of shit.
One would think that Uchiha Itachi, of all people, would have been able to understand what the hell social skills were and acquire them. Then use them appropriately, or at least, semi-appropriately. After all, he was a clan heir. Social etiquette was a thing for them. He was a certified genius so it shouldn't have been too hard to at least pretend to be good at socialising.
But no, little eleven-year-old Itachi threw away that shit and decided to dance to his own skewed war tune that more than likely was just screaming. It led her to creating the mini-goal of finding canon characters and seeing what the fuck was wrong with them and if it was meant to be there in their characteristics. It was a goal of both dread and excitement.
"From the first moment I saw you form from nothing in the sky and body slam into Orochimaru-san with the force of a meteor with your naked body, I have wanted to see your skin. I have wanted to touch your skin and see if it is as smooth as I imagine." said the little eleven-year-old boy that didn't know how to blink nor speak with emotion. Just this peculiar monotone and a formal speech tone that was capable of sending shivers down her spine. Or perhaps that was nerve damage.
She blinked for them both, cautious in her movements of biting into her sugar-coated dango that could have given her diabetes if she were capable of being human in the physical sense of the word. Except, she was an abomination so no need to worry.
Itachi sat across from her, his eyes flicking from her eyes to her lips and, well. Gross. He himself had appeared from nowhere, as ninja were wont to do and she had immediately longed for boy's absence. Like, she wanted him to leave in a swirl of leaves or some shit because fuck his noise.
"For two years, I have attempted to find you. I have attempted to convince the Hokage to tell me of your whereabouts, but neither he nor Orochimaru-san would budge. I am superior to them both, but they are vigilant." baby weasel boy informed her, unnecessarily but once again for expositional purposes. His face was blank and she could have mistaken him for a girl. A creepy girl.
Goddamn pretty boy bishounen bitches.
"I am very much interested in you, Shun-sama." Itachi told her, his lips twitching strangely in what she assumed to be an attempt at a smile. She squinted at him, feeling distinctly uncomfortable at his formality regarding her existence. "I often think of you and wonder where you come from and why you have come here. I have always thought of your nice skin, your markings and the scars that line your back."
She brought her legs up to her chest, her creep senses tingling. No, actually… they were burning.
"However," his dark eyes narrowed, "Orochimaru-san has been keeping you all to himself. It is unfair. I have attempted to stalk him in order to find you, but it would turn out that despite my superiority he is adamant in keeping you away from me."
It told her something, that she wished for Orochimaru and his own special brand of strange instead of the eleven-year-old ninja prodigy who attempted to stare into her soul. That didn't work very well because she was expressive in regards to her disgust, but not much else. They saw what she wanted them to see, at least she hoped they did. She wasn't entirely unfeeling but expressing herself was hard.
He was like, eight or something when she first came to the world of crack. Was there a term for reverse-paedophilia or something? Or was it just idolisation, because this sure as hell wasn't mere admiration?
It was without a doubt that her expression clearly reflected her current feelings of unadulterated disgust. She herself was not exactly fitting into the social constructs of perceived normality, but there was a limit to how much creepy and downright disturbing that she could take. There were limits, man.
With trepid hesitance, her free hand appeared from under the table and placed itself flat on the table. Her nails were an alarming shade of black, for some obscure reason that she couldn't bother to figure out. It made her only vaguely curious as to what else had been augmented, since she hadn't looked into a mirror for years. Orochimaru hated them and she didn't much care for her appearance anyway. Maybe if she had something interesting, like pink eyes, then her appearance would be interesting.
Child soldier of the weasel creep's eyes shone, an absurd trick of the light forming some kind of sparkly rainbow shit behind his head. His gaze flicked from her face to her hand, looking both excited and uncertain. A reluctant blink from her made her realise that he still hadn't blinked yet and his eyes weren't red or watering yet.
"I can touch you?" whispered sparkle rainbow bullshit-eyed boy, the child within him taking the forefront. It made everything worse. Everything. "You would let me?"
The word that came to mind was reverence. Reverence was somewhere in his monotone. That was… well, that was a smidge worrying.
"This is an honour." Itachi murmured as he ran his long fingers along the back of her hand before lifting it from the table so that he could finger her palm and phalanges. As if it were some sort of national treasure that he had the honour of touching. She refrained from curling her fingers. That would lead to violence.
The worry was rapidly increasing as the tingling sensation of a nonsensical plot movement punched the back of her mind like the force of a bull. What a bad sign that she could do nothing about.
"I knew that as you descended upon the earth in your bare form, that you were a god that I would be able to look up to."
She gagged before letting out an abrupt, hysterical laugh as her white girl mode activated. She could not even. Clearly, she slipped between the cracks of a Naruto world that made some sort of sense ̶ only because of canon ̶ and landed herself into a world where bullshit was its foundation. Or perhaps, it was her fault that the world was the way it was. She wasn't sure.
"So, you interested in gummy lollies… Itai-itai?" was her light inquiry as she attempted be subtle in her removal of her hand from his possession. It failed, as his fingers tightened and he nuzzled her palm. She could feel the bubbling urge to gouge his eyes out as he conspicuously sniffed said palm and still didn't blink.
Her smile was both awkward and murderous, which was a peculiar combination that she thought he might have simply assumed to be a smile of pleasance. Because he was weird. Really weird.
"White girl mode activated," she whispered, just to verbalise her inability to deal, "I can't even. I just cannot."
"I love gummy lollies, Shun-sama." he answered, stressing how much he loved gummies.
She stared at a spine-chilling sex and/or possibly ̶ more likely ̶ rape face from an eleven-year-old.
What did she do to deserve this?
A/N: Isn't Itachi just adorable? Also, fuck you fanfiction docs for getting rid of my italics.
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