The Way I Love Her

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I have borrowed them for my entertainment and (hopefully) your reading pleasure. I make no profit from their use.

Chapter 4: What Sam Thought

How well does Jacob truly know his Alpha leader? Does he know that Sam has wittingly or unwittingly betrayed him by laying out for me his memory of his whole thought process with regard to Jacob and Bella? I find that highly unlikely. Sam has one of the most shrewd and canny minds that I have ever read. His thought process, especially for a werewolf, is quite sophisticated.

The worst thing for Jacob and his so-called claim on Bella was when I got a peek into Sam's mind and saw what he was thinking as he waited for Jacob to speak to us in his human form. Oddly, I think that Sam might have realized that I would hear every word he was thinking, even though I would be conversing with Jacob. Or perhaps Sam has also underestimated the capacity if the vampire mind to follow many things, many minds, at the same time.

On the other hand, maybe he didn't. There is a Machiavellian twist to Sam's mind that puts the pack and the tribe above everything else. He projects this as a fatherly concern for their protection to his pack, but he is not afraid to use the absolute control over them that his status gives him.

As the Alpha, there are more layers to Sam's mind than there are to Jacob's, even on a good day. But Sam is older, a man. Jacob phased before he had come close to gaining that level of maturity. I don't know enough about werewolf minds to really assess that. But I do know this. At the very least, Sam is a hell of a lot smarter than Jacob.

"Jacob," I say at last, having finally had enough of his fantasies, which, to my more chivalrous mind, have turned unbearably lewd as he tries harder to irritate me.

"Don't tell me," he replies. "My thoughts are too loud for you again."

"Well, you could say that," I reply. "But it's nothing that I haven't heard from you before. I take that bad. These thoughts are exceptionally obscene, even for you. You still don't understand what the draw is for Bella towards me over you."

"No," he says. "I don't see what possibly could be the appeal. I am so right for her and you are just a freak of nature."

"Takes one to know one," I mutter reflexively.

He shudders. I enjoy the unwanted image that pops into his head of Bella telling him that if she should "stick to her own kind," then she is stuck with Mike Newton. Even in his memory, her sarcasm bites. He decides to go on the offensive.

"If you have something to say to me, then say it out loud, bloodsucker," he answers insolently, even though I know that he had the same supernatural hearing that I do.

I still find is rather amazing that he has much less control than I do when it comes to censoring his language. He knows that Bella doesn't like it when we call each other names. I only do it when he's royally pissed me off. He has a much lower threshold for tolerating my presence. And he is still very obvious about expressing his repugnance for us.

"Jacob," I say, purposely rolling my eyes. "I know that you were pretty mad at Sam when he refused to let you near Bella after you first phased. Why do you think that was?"

"He was afraid that I would get angry and hurt her," he answers immediately.

"Why did he assume that you would hurt her?" I ask.

"As if you have to ask," he says. "Your so-called sister called it right away. Sam was afraid that as a new werewolf I wouldn't be able to control my anger. And he remembered what he had done to Emily when that happened and she was too close. And he knew, once he knew my mind, how frequently Bella was able to piss me off."

"Why do you think that he assumed you would get angry enough to phase?" I ask. "After all, even then you were professing your undying love for Bella. Just getting pissed off at her wouldn't necessarily have done it."

There is silence in the tent. I can hear the anger and denial in Jacob's thoughts. At least he isn't quite as dense as I thought that he was.

"Jacob, I think that he was trying to protect you, and her, from his own mistake," I answer. "He knew that there was a possibility that the first time you saw Bella after you first phased, you would imprint on her.

"Now, on the surface that might have seemed to you like a good thing at the time, but what would have happened if she had rejected you? And what if she had gotten in your face, as she is prone to do when she gets mad? Would you have merely been 'pissed off,' as you so elegantly put it?"

More silence as he turns my words over in his mind, and more denial. Just as he has obstinately refused to accept the fact that Bella's commitment to me is irrevocable, he is now refusing to believe that Bella would respond with anything less than the absolute devotion of any object of imprinting to her man.

"Sam knew exactly what could happen," I continue. "Because it happened to him. Emily rejected him because of her loyalty to Leah. He wasn't able to control himself and she got too close as she was yelling at him. Did it ever occur to you that he didn't want you to have to look at Bella wearing the scars that you gave her?"

"That wouldn't have happened," he replies tightly. "She would have responded to me eventually. If I had imprinted, I know that in time she could not have resisted, just like Emily couldn't."

"Without scars?" I ask.

"Without scars," he says. "As if you hadn't already left plenty of scars of your own. Just because you can't see, doesn't mean that they are not there. It would have been a massive fight when you came back."

"No, it wouldn't," I say. "Because if you had truly imprinted, then you would not have been able to see her so miserable. You would have let her go."

"No, I wouldn't," he replies. "I wouldn't have to because she would have chosen me."

I am struck dumb for a moment. Is there a choice or not for the girl who is imprinted? I hadn't been in Forks for six months when he first phased. He had no competition at that point. What the hell is he talking about? I suspect that he doesn't even know the answer to that question himself.