I'm Going Home- chapter 3

Seattle Grace seems like a totally different hospital from the one I left just a few months ago.

First off, there was a huge crowd gathering outside the hospital. And there were a bunch of reporters….busy interrogating a few of the hospital staff who were willing to answer their questions. I could recognize some of the staff, a few nurses, and a couple of residents whom I never got to know well.

Then I spot him, the Chief Richard Webber, who fired me. He had his back turned to me, so he can't see me . He is busy answering some probing questions from a reporter who looks more like a paparazzi to me.

I sneak away from the crowd and stand in front of the main entrance door. The door which I last walked out of a few months ago, and never walked back into, until now.

I take a deep breath and am about to step into the building, when I feel a tap on my shoulder, and jump in fright. The news mentioned that the shooter had shot himself, but still…I am weary. It is one of the security guards in the hospital, the one whom I've always smiled and waved at whenever I pass by him.

' Dr. Stevens…you're back!' he smiles.

' Yes, I'm back and I need to make sure that all my friends are ok.' I smile back. 'I'm glad to see that you're fine.'

' Nobody is fine, Stevens. Not after the traumatic incident.' He sighs. 'Nobody will ever be the same again.'

It saddens me to hear that statement.

I'm about to step in again….when he stops me.

' Wait…you wouldn't want to go in there'

I stare back at him. 'Why not?'

'Because there is blood everywhere. Lots and lots of blood. And bodies too, there are still some bodies left inside. I don't think you'd want to see that.'

The hair on the back of my neck rises at his words.

Without another word, I run into the building before he can stop me again.

I take out my new cellphone from my pocket, and realize that I had lost all my contacts. In this modern age, all you need to do is to speeddail a number, you don't memorize people's phone numbers anymore. Since I threw my old handphone away, I don't even have the phone numbers of all my beloved friends. This sucks, this really sucks.

I think I roughly remember Meredith's no… I key it in, and get a voicemail message.

I sigh in defeat and decide to walk myself to the surgical department.

The corridors, which were usually bustling with activity, is now eerily quiet and deserted. It is dark and there is not a single soul in sight. There is a body lying outside the storage room. I can feel myself shivering at the eerie atmosphere, it's as if the spirit of the dead were looming around. I look around me apprehensively, as if expecting someone or something to just lunge out at me from nowhere.

And that was exactly what happened next.

I almost jump out of my skin when I feel something pounce at me from behind.

I scream and turn around to face my assailant.

And gasp in shock at what I see.

The person standing in front of me is a pale shadow of her usual self. Her dirty blonde wavy hair is in a mess, her shoulders are sagging and there are eyebags under her eyes. She almost looks like a ghost herself…maybe she is one after all, after being shot by the gunman… I will never forgive myself if that is the case!

' Mer?' I ask cautiously…hoping that it's the real person. 'I've been trying to call you…'

' You're back' she whispers as if she couldn't believe it ' Iz…you're back…'

' Yes I am…I've to check whether you are all ok…'

At that, she shakes her head, and tears begin rolling down her cheeks.

'No, we're not ok…Derek has been shot….He's in ICU now..'

' Oh God' I cover my mouth in shock.

' And…Alex…he…he has been shot too'

Her words piercedmy heart deep. I had a bad feeling that something had happened to him. Now he would never be able to forgive me.

'Is he….'

' They've transferred him to Seattle Pres a few hours ago…he's in stable condition now, I think. I heard that Lexie and Mark are taking care of him..'

Her sobs have now turned full fledged and I pull her into a big hug, knowing that she really needs one at the moment. God knows what hell they've been through. I am half thankful that I was spared of the trauma, but half wishing that my friends all didn't have to go through that horrible experience.

We stand that way for a good few minutes before I realize there is blood in my hands, and look around to see where the source is from.

' Mer, are you bleeding? Did he shoot you as well?'

' No, he pointed the gun at me but he didn't shoot me….'

I look down at her scrub pants which were drenched in blood and I suddenly realize where all the blood was coming from.

She lets out a sob. ' I thought the bleeding has stopped! I just changed my scrub pants. The cramps have stopped a few hours ago.' She is now crying again.

Suddenly I realize what is going on with her. It looks like she's going to really need my support. No mother has to go through what she is going through now.

' Mer…I'm so sorry….'

She shakes her head, stifling the sobs. 'It's ok…I'll go to the Gynae department now...I'll get Cristina to go with me..y/ou go ahead and be with Alex. He needs you now. He's in Room 311, ICU unit in Seattle Pres.'

In contrast to Seattle Grace, Seattle Pres is packed with people. The rooms were full with patients and family members, and I had to push my way through the crowds at the corridors.

Finally, I find Room 311 of the ICU unit. I stand outside the wooden door, taking a deep breath before knocking twice.

The young woman who answers the door is also a pale ghost of her true self. She looks so pale and tired, as if she had not slept in days and the weight of the whole world is on her. And her hair…wait…what did she do to her hair? Did she dye it blonde?

Lexie gasps in shock when she sees me. Her initial look of surprise slowly turns into a look of pure guilt, and she can't look at me in the eye.

' He has been calling for you' she says quietly, still not looking at me.

She quietly leads me into the room, where I see Alex lying down motionless on the bed, attached to several IV lines, a urinary catheter and a blood transfusion bag and a beeping monitor attached to him. I look at the vital sign monitor. His current BP is 125/85mmHg, very good, his pulse rate is 90 beats permin, a bit tachycardic, but that's ok, his SPO2 is 98%, not a 100%, but still acceptable. His heart monitor shows sinus rhythm which is good.

I slowly take a seat next to him and take his right hand into me.

' Alex' I whisper. No response.

' Alex' I call louder. This time, he opens his eyes slightly to look at me.

'Iz?' he croaks weakly. 'Iz, is that you? Really you?'

I smile through my tears. 'Yes, it's really me, Alex. I'm here'.

' Am I dreaming again?'

My heart feels like it has been pierced through yet again.

' No, you're not…it's real this time', I squeeze his hand, maybe a little too hard, as he winces in pain.

' Oh…I'm so sorry. Where does it hurt?'

' My whole body hurts, it's like a whole freakin' train has run over me..'

I had to giggle at the comparison. That is so Alex, and I'm glad he's still the old Alex I love.

He tries to get up, but he is too weak. He finally gives up and props back down on his pillow.

' Do you need a drink? ' I offer.

' It's ok…Lexie has just given me some water…'

Lexie…I had forgotten about her…

I look around the room to see that she has already left the room.

' She's been taking care of you all this while?'

He nodded his head.

' But I still love you Iz…'

I smile. ' I love you too, you know…'

Alex is asleep again, after being given some morphine for his pain.

I step out of the room, and see to my surprise, Lexie leaning outside the bedroom, looking like she had just finished crying.

' Lexie…'

She still doesn't dare to look at me in the eye.

' Lexie… I just want to say thank you for taking care of Alex for me. Thank you for being there for him when I wasn't.'

Her reaction surprises me.

She shakes her head saying 'It's my fault…it's all my fault…'

' I'm sorry?'

' I'm the one who caused Alex to get shot, I'm so sorry…'

' I…don't get you….you're not a bad person…how can you…'

' The shooter, Mr. Clark, he was looking for me.. he was supposed to shoot me, but instead he shot so many innocent people. I was the one who killed his wife…I turned off her life support'

Tears roll down her eyes.

' Lexie…it's not your fault…'

' No…don't pretend to act nice towards me! I am a horrible slut of a person. I killed someone's wife, and I slept with someone's husband…'

She suddenly gasps and covers her mouth in shock…and finally looks at me with her brown eyes wide open.

I have to stifle a giggle. She looks so young and innocent.

' It's ok, I've been there, done that…'

She tilts her head, looking at me.

' I can forgive you for sleeping with my husband, but on one condition…now he belongs to me again.'

She nods her head sadly, not saying a word, but I can tell that at least half the burden has been lifted off her shoulders.

' And Lexie?'

' Huh?'

' I think Mark Sloan really likes you..'

She doesn't answer, but I think she is considering.

She walks away as I walk back into Alex's room.

Alex wakes up again after a few hours.

' Iz? You're still here?'

' Yes Alex, I'm still here. And I'll be here when you wake up again. I'll never leave you ever again, I promise…'

He smiles, and drifts back off to sleep.

Just then, there is a knock on the door.

Meredith and Cristina come in with some water for Alex and some chocolate for me.

As we gather around Alex's bed, it is almost like the good old days again. And I know that George is looking at us from above.

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