Thanks to all who reviewed! I appreciate it so much, and I always take the time to reply if there is an address or a signed review. Thanks again.. And too any one who speaks french I did attempt to in this chapter and Im sorry that I butchered it. But, I tried my hardest? Doesn't that count for something? Sorry its sort of short! Review Plleeeeeeeease!
VERY IMPORTANT: Sorry about the PAGE BREAK thing as you will see in the chapter, i cant figure out why my formatting hasnt quite been working AT ALL (Sense the frustration) during this story, but, until i can fix it youll have to deal with PAGE BREAK as ugly and awful as it is. if any one can give me any ideas how to fix it? IT wont let me do like anything even a line of asterisks or exclamation marks or even big speaces. It drives me crazy,
So inshort PAGE BREAK means exactly that and im sorry for the uggllyyy format. Im working on it:P thanks..
Chapter Four
SMACK SMACK
"Moony, why is some one banging on our door?" Padfoot asked.
"There is only one way to find out. Open it." Remus placidly walked across the room, and opened the red door with the heart shaped handle.
"Oh dear god! It's a MONSTER!" Sirius grabbed the closest thing, to protect himself with: a lamp. "Quick Moony, run from the door. I'll fight it with my err muggle light thing. QUICK. Get back you beast! You can't eat us! Common Moony! Move it!" Sirius' voice urged.
Moony did not move one inch, he did however, open his mouth.
"Its Peter you dolt."
Sirius dropped the lamp with a thud and laughed.
"Peter what happened to you!"
"Snape."
"He did that?"
Peter was wearing a bright green wig, it looked like he had rolled in feathers, and there was a green substance smeared over him which no one could quite name. Or rather no body wanted to name.
"He said it was pay back. I told you Moony. I told you Snape would inflict harm upon me! Snape hates me! Look what he did!" Peter whimpered.
"It is the work of pure hatred." Sirius laughed. "If hatred could materialize, Im sure it would materialize into green gloop and feathers. Its so decidedly fierce and violent."
"Oh Pete, its ok. At least its out of his system. He won't get away with this. Don't worry." Moony reassured him.
"No slimy Slytherin can do this to you -a marauder. Don't worry Wormtail, Snape wont know what hit him. Wait till we get back to school." Sirius said.
"I meant more like we could inform Professor Plott." Moony sighed.
"No way, Peter has to save his dignity by fighting back. Not running to a professor like a little pansy. Right Peter?"
"Yeah, I guess" Peter sighed dejectedly. "Well Im going to take a shower before James sees me like this too." With that Peter headed into the shower.
"Poor Pete, he doesn't really stand a chance against Snape by himself. Poor guy cant even tie his shoes by himself." Sirius said.
"Pete can tie his shoes Sirius. He just gets nervous." Remus replied.
"Around everything that casts a shadow. But still I feel bad for him."
"For who?" James interrupted as he walked through the door. Pete had left it open.
"Oh lets just say, Snape wasn't exactly friendly to Pete on their first day." Sirius replied.
"Poor Guy. I know the feeling. Lily was anything but friendly today. She got so annoyed with me she tied me up with gauze and threatened to show me exactly what a catheter was and where it went. And that brings me to my next point. Moony what is a catheter?" James asked.
"Some things are better left unsaid. But don't ever, ever, make Lily follow through with her threat. You would not like it."
"I was hoping it was some weird kinky thing that meant she liked me." James sighed.
"Well it could be considered kinky, but I don't think she meant it in a nice way." Remus patted James on the shoulder while holding back a laugh.
"Oh well, the rest of the day was so great! We rode in an ambulance. It went so fast, and had flashy lights. Every one pulled over in their cars to let us by. It was great! We saved some guys life! He was having a heart attack but we saved him! How cool was that! It was incredible!"
"Sounds great Jim."
"It really was. Oh yeah, how was Mcdonalds place you were?"
"Mcdonalds was probably the cause of that mans heart attack. It's a grease pit. Short and simple." Remus said.
"It's the spawn of Satan. Everyone there has a permanent smile. This Jocelyn girl, she is a piece of work. I think she must be magic, and she must be giving herself pepper up and smiling charms every thirty seconds." Sirius said.
"She is a bit much." Remus agreed.
"Well, boys, sounds...errrr...fun."
"Don't sugarcoat it James.-"
"-Yeah, its already been coated in grease several times." Remus interupted.
"We are completely aware that it sucks. We just have to have double the fun at night to make up for it!" Sirius concluded.
"Starting with tonight. Im starving! And we should probably get one museum over with."James said.
"There's a great natural history museum near here!" Remus was very visibly excited at this prospect and tried to hide the glee from his voice as he said it -but failed.
"And clearly Moony picks the most boring one." Padfoot said.
"Ahh, but it is the closest. And if we cut back on traveling time, we'll have more time to do as we please." Remus defended.
"Its decided then. Were going to the Natural History Museum." Sirius said.
"Hurrah." James said without any enthusiasm. "Can we get dinner first though, Im starving."
"As long as it isn't Mcdonalds, or overly greasy." Remus said.
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"Welcome to the Natural History Museum. We promote the discovery, understanding, enjoyment, and responsible use of the natural world. Explore our world-class collections, fantastic exhibitions and cutting-edge research, or visit our landmark buildings." A very large woman said as the marauders went into the museum doors and handed them pamphlets. "We hope you enjoy your stay." She concluded with the most forced smile in the world.
"We will try." Sirius said very cheerfully back. She didn't even acknowledge his existence. "Lovely people they have here at your museum." Sirius said to Remus.
"It isn't my museum."
"LILY" James screamed.
"Oh good god." Sirius, Peter, and Remus said at the exact same time.
Sure enough, if there was ever anything that even reminded James of Lily within a 200 meter radius, he could pick it up instantly. This time, he struck gold, and had spotted Lily around a group of her friends, Grace Andrews included. Lily tensed up her shoulders and didn't move. But her eyes darted around rapidly, looking for the caller. She was obviously trying to ignore James, but get a sense of where he was so she could make a direct run in the opposite direction.
"Oi, Evans! Over here." James called again.
"You are the least subtle person in the world Jamie-boy." Sirius said.
Grace did a little wave and Lily all but dragged herself over to them after she realized it was inevitable.
"Hi Remus. You know, you did promise to go around a museum with me. How lucky we are to have met here. Now I'll just have to hold you to your promise." She giggled.
"Oh right, yeah. How convenient." was all Remus said in reply. Sirius was slightly irked at Grace. Remus had dragged them to this museum, and he'll be damned if he doesn't drag them through every exhibit. He then got a great idea. He'd help out himself, and James.
"We can all go together!" He said. "Like a big group." James was ecstatic, Lily paled at the thought, Grace's smile only faltered for a second, and Remus just stayed the same.
"Great idea Padfoot." Remus said.
"Yeah, lovely." Grace tried to sound enthusiastic.
The two girls who were with Grace and Lily, their roommates Alice and Erynn, nodded very happily, and Sirius beamed and said.
"Right then. What first?"
"Oh they have this fantastic dinosaur exhibit." Lily said.
"Yeah, I've been aching to see it, too." Remus concurred.
"Well, dried up fossils, here we come." Sirius said. Erynn and Alice giggled, quite obnioxously and batted their eyelashes.
This is going to be a long, long, evening, Sirius thought to himself.
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"Holy shit. Everybody, run for their lives!" Sirius blurted out, scared for his life for the second time that day. He turned around and futilely tried pushing his way through the crowds of people. Remus was holding him back.
"Pretty fantastic eh Padfoot? Not just some boring museum." Remus joked.
"Are they... alive?" Sirius asked timidly.
"Looks like it Pads. Lets run for it. Muggles are insane!"James blurted out.
Sirius and James had faces as white as snow.
Remus and Lily just laughed as all their companions were frozen in fear.
"They...aren't... real." Lily said through laughs. "It's a machine. They wont hurt you."
"So much for Gryfindor courage." Remus said.
"I said it once, I'll say it again. Muggles are insane. They made dinosaurs? How?" James asked. Lily and Remus explained it to the group.
The rest of the visit went much smoother, Sirius kept joking around with Remus, and as Sirius victoriously noted, Remus joked back with him, and looked much happier when with him then Grace. The end of the visit however, did not go as smoothly, as James and Sirius could not resist freaking the new visitors out. They ran out screaming for their lives, claiming the mechanical dinosaurs had gone funny and were eating people.
It would have been much more believable if they didn't say "mekanihal" instead of mechanical, so people could understand them. However, no body paid much attention, and they were free to eat dinner in relative peace. Or as much peace as you ever get with Sirius around.
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"RING RING!" went the telephone.
"Aha! You wont best me this time you dastardly machine! I know where you are!" And with that Sirius fumbled to the phone and picked it up. "Hello? Yes, Im awake. You know, this fellyphone machine is really quite neat, wouldn't you think? Hello? Yes, I already said Im awake." Sirius hung up the phone. "Moony, that fellyphone voice is really unpolite. It just keeps saying the same thing over and over again."
"It's a recording. It cant reply you idiot, they probably sent us the recorded wake up call when they realized what an dolt you were yesterday." Moony grumbled through sleep so it barely resembled words.
"How true. I didn't understand half of what was said there, but what I did understand, and that was the word "idiot", I will not take offense to because, you are the grumpiest person in the world in the morning, and I know you didn't mean it." Sirius concluded.
"Oh I meant it. I'll take that telephone and shove it up your-"
"Now Moony, you don't really want to finish that sentence, do you? Because I might just have to call you up on it." Sirius winked.
"8:01 and already Sirius is making sexual jokes. It's a new record." James sighed.
"Oh good your up James. Now you can wake up Peter!" Sirius chirped. "Moony has a promise to deliver. Although, no telephones."
"Ha bloody Ha. I think I'll take a shower now, although there is no point as we'll just get greasy in an hour any ways." Moony stomped off to the showers looking very irritable, and very tired for some one who just woke up.
"Alright Peter. Ready or not here I come!" Announced James as he started jumping on his bed and tossing pillows at Pete to wake him up. Sirius, unable to ever resist that sort of fun, jumped in to, and Wormtail woke up to a very violent start of his day.
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The walk to Mcdonalds was much more pleasant then the first one. Now that Remus knew where he was going he did not want to walk in silence, and Sirius and he thought of ways that Peter could get back Snape. Well really, Sirius thought of ways, and Remus knocked down the ones that were too violent, and made sure Snape would be ok.
"Oi, here we are Moony. Mcdonalds. Oh joy." Sirius said.
"Well, I wonder what were doing today."
"Only one way to find out." They pushed the doors open wide and marched to the back, both with the look of impending torture, and a hint of doom, on their faces. They passed several smiling faces as they went by.
"Look Moony, all these workers must have taken some sort of drug before they worked to make them look so happy. Such a shame, and rather rude, that they didn't invite us."Sirius said.
"Remus! Your on grill today! With me, and Mark!"Jocelyn pointed to a handsome young male, about the same age as Padfoot and Moony. "And Sirius, your on front counter. Hopefully you boys remember what I told you yesterday!"
"Clear as mud." Remus muttered as they walked to the back to get changed.
"Remus! Your on grill today! With me!" Mocked Sirius. "Just because Jocelyn likes sickly bookworms means that you get to play with food all day while I take orders. How corrupt." Sirius said.
"I cant help it that the pale, bookworm look is becoming really popular these days. Everybody must have their very own bookworm." Remus joked.
"I already had my very own bookworm. I had the rarest model-a werewolf one. So hard to find one these days. But, no good thing lasts, I got tired of him. He started getting interested in overly happy grease workers, needless to say he didn't satisfy me like he used to. Such a pity." Sirius sighed.
"It was a good life being a slave to your whims everyday. But, even you cant compare to a grease monkey. The whims of a grease monkey are far more lewd then your wildest dreams."
"I'll have you know that no one is more lewd than Sirius Black."
"BOYS! ARE YOU ALMOST READY?" Came Jocelyns voice.
"Now were late and its all your fault, Moony." Sirius said.
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Grill, Remus discovered, was not something that was nearly as hard as he had imagined it to be. That could be because all he was doing was putting meat on buns. But either way, it wasn't that bad. Jocelyn and Mark were very nice, and he was getting along well.
PAGE BREAK
Sirius on the other hand was inches away from taking the life of a middle-aged french speaking man.
"Im sorry, you want a Big Mac Meal, with a Coke, and then a McChicken and a .."
"Non, ceci n'est pas exact. Je veux un trio numero duex.-"
"No, I don't speak french!"
The man continued as if Sirius had not said anything."-avec une jus du pomme."
"Non speak francais."
The man was getting very red in the face and kept repeating the words over and over again. He started using wild hand signals and pointing at the sign.
Sirius was also visibly frustrated.
"I don't know what your saying." He repeated in a loud voice.
"JE VEUX FRITES! JE VEUX UN NUMERO DEUX!" Was his reply.
Needless to say, the entire store had stopped what they were doing to watch the loud voices.
Remus had been watching from grill with a certain amount of amusement, but when he thought he saw a spark (literally), he thought he stop it before Sirius lost control of his magic (because Remus had spent several hours explaining exactly how an everything had gone entirely green one day in muggle pub they were visiting, and did not want to do such a thing again.)
"Oui, oui, monsieur. Je suis desole pour le confusion. Comment peux-je aide toi?" Remus calmly took the order, and every one started going about their business again. Remus gave Sirius a smug look, and Sirius swiftly and subtlety kicked him in the shin.
"Thats for taking so damn long when I saw you watching for five minutes before you came to help." Sirius said.
"I just love seeing you squirm." Remus said rubbing his shin.
"In more ways than one. Now Moony, if you'll please vacate my comput-a-t-or or tilly, or my big mass of buttons that I take orders on, what ever it is, I have things to do."
"Quite right, you have orders to take, and I have burgers to make!"
"Ah, poetry. Straight to my heart."
"Heres more then, you're a git, and my shin really hurts."
"That didn't rhyme."
"Oh well."
And with that Moony went back to grill, and Sirius went back to hating every person that ordered anything over two dollars, and thinking of exactly why Remus was laughing so hard that Sirius could hear him every where he went. Exactly what was so funny back there? Why couldn't that damn grill team just stop flirting and make the goddamn burgers. Sirius quickly decided that Mcdonalds was hell, and every one in it was a spawn of hell. Moony was flirting with some one other then him, and he was taking orders for the stupidest people in the world.
Sadly, his day got progressively worse. Added to the flirting, many people complained that he had got their orders wrong, and he had to fix it. Then he spilled pop in the ice container and had to throw out all the ice and then get new ice. And then, to top in all off, he burned his hand in the fry vat.
Sirius hated Mcdonalds more than anything in the world.