Chapter Three

The Trouble With Love Is

Rachel had been in Lima for a total of four days when she got a call from Carole Hummel inviting her to lunch. She hadn't spoken to her lost love's mother in years, not since she had returned to New York. She had kept up to date on the Hudson-Hummel family through Kurt but hadn't spoken to Carole personally. She felt a clinch of nervousness at the thought of seeing Finn's mother again. Even though it had been a long time and she knew that she had approved of her moving on with her life, she still felt anxious at the thought of seeing her especially since everyone knew about the implosion of her marriage to the guy that hadn't been particularly nice to her son when he had been living. "Sure, I'd love to meet for lunch. That sounds great!" Rachel had lied before ending the call. Now she was on her way to meet Carole at a small little café that had opened up in her absence (along with a new karaoke bar and a milkshake parlour).

She had chosen an outfit that Kurt would have approved of – a pair of slimming black skinny jeans, a black short sleeved blazer with a Barbra Streisand t-shirt that she had ordered online as a present for herself when she got the lead in Jane Austen Sings and finally a pair of classy black pumps – and wore her long dark hair back in an elegant pony tail. Finally she grabbed her phone and began to rant to Kurt about her nerves. "I'm meeting Carole for lunch. I don't know why she wants to meet but she called me up and I just couldn't say no to her Kurt, what do I do?"

"Well first of all" Kurt's voice was firm but gentle down the other side of the line, having grown used to Rachel's fits over the years. "You don't panic. You don't need too. Carole wants to see you because she cares about you Rachel and having grown close to your dads I'm sure one of them must have said something to her about Jesse. And secondly, I don't get why you're even worried about seeing her. It's not as if you've been dancing on Finn's grave by getting married and going on with your life. She understands all of that. She supports you just as much as me. You're like a daughter to her".

"She's the only mother figure I've ever known in my life, Kurt. I'm just afraid that I let her down".

"Hush, honey. I've done way worst things than you and she still loves me".

"What worst things could you have possibly have done?!" Rachel exclaimed, her eyebrows raising.

"That's none issue here, Rach. Tell me, what is the real reason that you're so rattled about meeting Carole?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Kurt".

"Don't lie to me, Rachel Barbra Berry. I know you too well. I can practically read your mind even from another state".

"Fine, if you must know" she huffed. "Sam turned up at my door a few days ago and told me he still has feelings for me. Like, who he even does that? Is he crazy?"

"Darling, Sam does that. That's the exact sort of thing he's always done when he's been mad for a girl".

"He's not mad for me. We barely even dated before he got spooked and broke things off which was six years ago by the way".

"He never got closure" Kurt explained. "And neither did you for that matter. And he never moved on no matter how much he believed you were better off. Rachel, you treated him better than any of the other girls he ever dated and you were the first one to actually treat him like a real intelligent person with valid opinions and thoughts. You were good for him, Rachel. And he was good for you. Way better than Jesse ever was. He was laid back, you were high maintenance. You went together like yin and yang".

"It doesn't matter now anyway. I told him that I don't believe in love anymore and that's the truth. I can't put my heart out there again, Kurt. I just can't".

"Somehow I think you'll change your mind before your time in Ohio comes to an end".

"And I think you're wrong!"

At that, Rachel hung up on her best friend before setting off to meet his mother. Logically, she knew there was nothing to worry about with Carole but she still felt a tight knot in the depth of her stomach.

Carole Hummel had barely aged a day since Rachel had last seen her. And the woman stilled smiled at Rachel with as much warmth as she had years ago as she stood up from the small table that she had been sitting at, awaiting Rachel's arrival. "Rachel, it is so good to see you. Kurt has been keeping us up to date on your life and I was so proud when you won your Tony. You deserved it, sweetie. And you look so beautiful". Rachel felt herself immediately relax as she allowed the woman to fold her into her arms for a hug. The hug last for a few seconds before she released her and the two took their seats opposite each other at the table. "I have to say that I am so sorry to hear about what happened with Jesse. You two seemed really wonderful together".

"Thank you, Mrs Hummel" Rachel replied as she fixed her eyes on the menu in front of her. "I'm glad that you're not mad at me for getting married".

"Why on earth would I be mad? Sweetie, I of all people know what it's like to lose somebody and then be forced to move on with my life". Rachel's eyes flickered up from the menu and met the older woman's eyes. She was relieved to see that there was absolutely no judgement in them, just concern and warmth. "I asked to meet you here because I wanted to see how you were doing. When I lost my first husband, I moved on with a few guys but there was one guy in particular that I was serious about. I honestly thought that it was true love and that he was going to be the guy I would spend my life with. He treated Finn great and he was so funny and kind. Then he dumped me and drove off with the younger woman that he had met at the supermarket".

Rachel felt angry on Carole's behalf for how that guy had treated one of the sweetest women she had ever known so badly. "That's awful" she told her strongly "I'm glad that you found Burt. I know Finn adored him like a dad".

"Thank you, honey. I just wanted to show you how much you and I have in common" she smiled at her. "Just because you've been knocked down a lot in your young life doesn't mean nothing good is never going to happen for you again. Just look at me, I got Burt and a wonderful step-son and that's more than what I thought I would get when I was your age and struggling to raise my son all on my own".

"I'm really happy things worked out for you but I just don't think that it's going to happen for me. I don't think I could give my heart away again. It's too hard".

At her words, Carole gave her a sympathetic look and took her hand from across the table. "Oh honey of course it's hard. You don't think that I was scared when Burt asked me out? I was terrified. Sure there were set backs but in the end everything worked itself out and even though life's not been some fairy-tale ending since then, I still have an amazing husband who loves me and a job that I love and Kurt. I know Finn would have wanted more for you than what you got. He would have wanted you to be with someone who took care of you and truly loved you and treated you like a queen. And I'm sure he still wants that for you. He wouldn't want you to give up because of everything that's happened".

Rachel fell quiet, Mrs Hummel's words sinking in. A waitress appeared and Carole gave her their orders as Rachel contemplated what the woman had said to her. "Do you really think that love is possible for me?" She asked meekly, her brown eyes full of the vulnerability that she had felt since Jesse had crushed her confidence with his young assistant.

"Of course I do, honey" Carole affirmed. "You are a gorgeous young woman with your whole life ahead of you. Love will come to you again but you have to be open to the possibility or else you will never know what you could have had or what you're missing out on. If you ever want to talk about anything Rachel, you know my number. You can call me anytime. Don't be afraid to come to me if you need some advice or just a listening ear that understands exactly what you're going through".

"Thank you, Mrs Hummel".

"Please call me Carole honey" she smiled. "And I think that's enough of the serious talk. Let's talk about something fun. Tell me, what was it like being photographed for people magazine?"

Rachel felt a grin break out on her face, pushing the previous conversation out of her mind to think about later. She spent the rest of her time with Carole gossiping about some of the famous people she had met and talking about her precious grandson, Eric. By the time lunch was over, Rachel felt a lot lighter than she had in days and a lot less defensive of her heart. Maybe now she could risk it once again.

Sam looked around at the latest generation of New Directions and noticed that there were at least four couples in the room plus one love triangle which had caused more drama than anything he'd seen back in his time at McKinley. He gazed at the young kids and was reminded of a time that was much simpler (despite the drama) than his life was at the moment. At seventeen, he'd had all the time in the world to figure things out but now he was almost twenty six and he was still single, dating random people and pining for a girl that clearly wanted nothing to do with him. "So I thought that this week's lesson could be angst" He announced as he began the lesson. At his words many of the students pulled their faces at him. "Now don't look at me like that, guys. You are all teenagers and will have some point experienced the typical teenage angst that comes with being a high school student so I thought this would be a good lesson for you to get out that angst through song. I want you all to pick one song that you think represents whatever angst you might be going through right now and to perform it in front of us as a solo. The best performance will be voted and the performer will be picked as the soloist for this year's sectionals".

Immediately chatter broke out amongst the kids in the room and Sam smiled. He remembered the competitive spirit for a solo when he was in the New Directions and he hoped that this way would cause less hurt feelings than just picking the same most talented person repeatedly. "Sir?!" Sam turned his attention to a petite, red haired girl whose face was peppered with freckles. She wore her usual style of bright, clashing colours and had a very strong, bossy personality. In a way she reminded him of Rachel. Another reminder that he didn't really need. "I believe that I have a song that sums up my angst perfectly. Having a strong personality and an intimidating amount of star potential, I believe that many people find it hard to like me. Therefore I struggle with my angst of not being adored like I should be".

At her rant, many of the others rolled their eyes. Sam felt a random urge to shout at them all, remembering the way that Rachel was sometimes treated by the others. "Sure go ahead, Hailee".

The sixteen year old beamed and skipped towards the centre of the room. She signalled to the band and Sam recognised the tune as being 'lucky' Britney Spears. "Early morning she wakes up with a knock, knock, knock on the door. It's time for makeup, perfect smile, it's who they're all waiting for. Baby isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl? And they say, she's so lucky, she's a star but she cries, cries, cries, in her lonely heart thinking if there's nothing missing in my life then why do these tears come at night?"

The song immediately made his mind drift to Rachel. He had watched her on the news sometimes and she had looked so beautiful in whatever designer she was wearing, dangling off the arm of Jesse. Her life had seemed so perfect, Sam had always thought that it didn't need someone like him in it. She had everything she had ever wanted. He had clearly made the right decision for her letting her go. Now everything had come crashing down and Jesse had treated Rachel terribly. Now she was back in Lima and a changed girl. She used to be someone that was so full of hope but now she had decided that she didn't believe in love.

Sam watched as Hailee finished singing with a tear dripping down her cheek, the way Rachel used to cry after a performance if she really meant what she was singing and he decided right then and there that even if Rachel really didn't believe in love anymore, he was going to make her believe in love once again. He wasn't going to just give up and let her go like he had all those years ago. He owed it to himself and to the kids he taught about having hope and never giving up without a fight to at least try. Rachel definitely deserved his best effort.