Disclaimer: Drake and Josh are owned by Viacomm and Dan Schneider, and . . . not me (aw, jeez!).

Author: therubyone

A TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

Chapter Four – Saturday Night (Auntie's Special Touches)

Since the Carmichael family had gone boating on the lake, the boys had no need to provide an explanation for the abrupt departure. Once they got everything stashed, they hopped in the car and were out of there. Josh drove this time, while Drake phoned ahead to let their great aunt know they were headed her way.

They made great time until they got to the coast. As they moved slowly in the traffic, they chatted.

Drake said, "It's hard to believe The Premiere is no more, since Eric burned the place down –"

"It was actually Craig who caused the fire," interjected Josh. "He feels awful about it, especially with Eric away in Puerto Rico. But, I know what you mean: I finally got the gold vest and now there's no place for me to wear it. I guess Helen was so dazed by having her wedding finish up in the parking lot, she wasn't thinking how long it would take to re-build and get the place up and running again."

"Ill-fated. Just like your reunion with Mindy," Drake commented.

Josh gave his opinion. "I don't regret that, even though it turned out to be a booty call in the end. We plan to stay in touch with each other. We've got a lot of history. But I don't think Mindy's going to be satisfied with any man she considers her intellectual inferior. I predict she'll end up marrying one of her college professors. Or some older man who's just as conservative and wealthy as her own father."

Drake asked, "I heard Gavin moved to L.A. and is doing stand up?"

Josh confirmed the rumor. "Once Helen's high school sweetheart, Buzz, was back on the scene, she cut Gavin off, with no mercy. The guy was gutted. So he took off."

An amused Drake said, "And how about Crazy Steve hooking up with Helen's god-awful grandma!? Undeniable proof that he really IS crazy. Everything's changing."

Josh couldn't deny that. "Well, you've been pretty busy yourself recently, interviewing musicians and putting a tour band together. And rehearsing."

"Don't forget meeting with the tailor for my hot, new look," said Drake, proudly, referring to the stage outfits he'd designed himself.

Josh pushed Drake's shoulder, "Oh, you're just a whore for the velvet jackets!"

After becoming first a bride and then a widow within 48 hours, Aunt Katherine sold her city condo and decided to live in her beach house year-round. She had begun making some changes to the place shortly after Drake's mandatory visits were over. The first thing the boys noticed when they pulled up was that a ramp had been added to the front porch.

Aunt Katherine was confused. She remembered Josh from when he was heavier and couldn't seem to reconcile the differences in his appearance. Now she wasn't sure who he was. The boys carried their sport bags into the guest room, and were disappointed upon seeing twin beds.

Drake queried crabbily, "Where'd that four-poster go?!?!?"

Aunt Katherine answered, "That old thing? I sold it. These are more like hospital beds. They're adjustable. I'm just planning ahead. I won't live forever, you know."

The boys knew that was true, but they remembered their mother saying that Aunt Katherine would outlive them all, and that it was her bitterness that kept her alive.

Drake wasn't feeling polite. "Look. We got really tired packing up and leaving the campground and driving down here in the beach traffic. We're going to call it an early night and just go to bed, okay?" It wasn't even dark yet. Drake moved to shut the bedroom door, leaving Aunt Katherine standing in the hall. "I hope you don't mind." As he did so, Drake told Josh, "We can push the beds together."

Josh, now starting to question the wisdom of their hasty flight from the campground, slowly started unpacking a few things. "Did you notice there's no lock on that door?"

Choosing to ignore Josh's inquiry, Drake hopped on the bed. On his stomach, Drake bounced his rump up and down and looked back over his shoulder and said seductively, "I've got another surprise for you."

Josh brightened instantly and said, "Oh, I've got one for you, too."

Josh crawled on top of Drake, nipping his ear from behind, and then started mauling him like a bear. Drake was giggling, pleased with the attention, as he turned over, saying "Go stand by the door and I'll unwrap my package for you." Josh did as he'd been told.

Drake stood up, dropped his shorts to the floor and said "Ta-da!" He was wearing a pair of form-fitting red bikini briefs.

Josh looked shocked, then he sort of rumbled from the back of his throat, "Oh, my God, does Mom know?"

Their mother had a theory about healthy sperm production relative to the amount of air circulating around young men's private parts. Walter was a confirmed tighty-whitey style brief-wearer, even going so far as to buy used ones off the internet, but Audrey was firm in her belief that growing boys needed to wear boxers. And drink plenty of juice.

Slowly, Josh dropped his own pants. He was wearing a white string bikini. He rubbed his hands together with glee at Drake's surprised (and very interested) expression.

Admiringly, Drake whistled and said, in a low voice, "Purdy! Now quit playing pat-a-cake, hot pants, and get over here."

Playing along, Josh said "What does the baker's man have in his oven today? Let's see." He squeezed Drake's butt. "Ah. Pancakes!" Then he reached between Drake's legs. "Here are two fine biscuits."

Drake whispered in Josh's ear, "I think you'll find the dough in my loaf is starting to rise." The boys began making out, joyfully, glad that they were no longer trapped in the tent by prying eyes or bad weather. Feeling the sweet, firm pressure of their lips meeting, entwined in each other's arms, their kisses grew deeper, probing.

Things were heating up nicely between them, when there came a distinct tapping at the door. Aunt Katherine's voice was heard. "I made you boys some hot cocoa. Come and drink it before you go to sleep."

The boys, in their T-shirts and underwear, were entangled on the bed; they stopped embracing and pushed away from each other hastily at the sound of their aunt's voice, thankful that she hadn't opened the un-lockable door.

Drake answered for them both. "Uh. Be there in a minute, Aunt Katherine."

Josh got up and started running in place. Drake joined him.

Fully clothed again, the boys joined Aunt Katherine in her kitchen. Her vast collection of salt and pepper shakers adorned the display shelves lining the walls of this room.

Aunt Katherine told them, "I know boys just love hot cocoa."

Drake pointed out, "But we're at the beach. It's summer. This is Southern California." He thought she might have forgotten any or all of these things.

Josh added, "The weather's kind of hot, actually, for cocoa."

Blithely ignoring them, Aunt Katherine plowed on, "I added my own special touches, you'll see."

The hot drinks were covered with fluffy, white mounds of whipped cream, sprinkled with something reddish. Wanting to get their social obligations over with, the boys dutifully started drinking the beverages as offered.

After several gulps, Josh remarked, "This tastes . . . different. Is that cinnamon?"

Pushing his chair back from the table, Drake stood up, frothy 'mustache' adorning his upper lip, and said in a panicky voice, "Oh my God, that's CUMIN!" Pointing to Josh, he continued, "He's allergic, Aunt Katherine, just like our dad Walter."

Immediately Josh started to wheeze, feeling his mouth begin to burn, his lips tingling and swelling. Looking at Drake with fear in his eyes, he rasped, "Inhaler. Epi-pen. Shaving kit."

Drake ran to the bedroom to get these items. He'd seen Josh put the shaving kit on the dresser.

After the initial crisis had passed, Josh turned to Aunt Katherine and said, "If you don't mind, I'd like to lie down now. My mouth hurts and my throat and lungs feel like they're on fire."

Aunt Katherine exclaimed, "You look like you've been stung by a bee!"

Josh explained, "It's the same kind of reaction."

The boys excused themselves and returned to the bedroom. Drake knew that Josh was feeling poorly, so he suggested, "Why don't we just lay back and look through the photo album Mom sent along? We can take a safe little trip down memory lane." Drake went to find it in his baggage.

Josh answered weakly, "I could go for that. I'll get us a glass of water, to get us through the night." Josh stepped out of the bedroom and into the hallway.

Aunt Katherine walked with the aid of a cane, which had a heavy rubber tip. Seeing Josh in the dim hall, lit only by a plug-in nightlight, she thought he was an intruder. Bringing up her cane, she nailed Josh right in the family jewels. He sank to the floor with a whimper and curled up into the fetal position, protecting his groin with both hands. Aunt Katherine started ranting, "I'm calling 9-1-1. How dare you break in here and frighten an old lady nearly to death?"

Hearing the ruckus, Drake ran out into the hallway. Aunt Katherine had already pressed her Medical Alert badge, so "help" was on the way. Drake ushered Aunt Katherine to her bedroom. He ran back to Josh and knelt next to him. "I'm so sorry she hurt you," Drake said with anguish. "What can I do to make it better?"

Josh gasped, "Keep her away from me. Before she kills me."

Drake further inquired, "Do you want me to help you back to the bedroom?"

"No. Can't move yet," Josh answered, feeling nauseous and miserable.

Drake answered the door when the paramedics arrived and explained to them what had happened. After filling out an incident report and getting Aunt Katherine to sign it, he found that Josh had managed to crawl into the bedroom and onto the bed.

"For God's sake, find something to block that door, or I'll never sleep a wink," Josh requested in earnest.

Drake went down the hall to the dining area and dragged back a chair, which he wedged firmly under the doorknob. He had also brought the glass of water.

"There. She'll never get in now. I'm so sorry she hurt you," Drake fretted.

Josh ran his hand through his hair, "That makes two of us!" He tried to make light of the situation. "I think we've found our first guest villain for the Nance and Fance show."

Drake playfully countered with "I'm telling you, it's Fance and Nance. Now here. The EMS guy felt bad for you, too, and left these pain relievers."

Josh swallowed them in one gulp. Drake went to get more water. When he returned to the room, and barricaded the door, he found that Josh had gotten undressed and was in the bed furthest away from the door. Drake climbed into the other bed, which was now pushed next to its twin. They nestled themselves against an astounding variety of assorted bed pillows and decorative pillows.

With a sweeping gesture that took in both his face and his crotch, Josh said, "I hate to tell you this, but I'm sidelined. Unless you want some hand relief? That's all I can offer right now."

"I can't even think about getting my rocks off when you're in this condition. It's just so unfair. Anyway, what you said earlier about peace and quiet. You're right. Life has been zooming along in the fast lane for a while now. First Senior Week and graduation. Then my 18th birthday party. Before that was Helen's wedding and the fire. And all that drama with Spin City Records. Just now finding out about the tour. It's rolling along, man. So it's good to take a moment, right? At least we're together."

It was now Josh's turn to feel angry and depressed. He ranted, "It smells like OLD WOMAN in here: a combination of baby powder, overpowering perfume, piss and moth balls. These beds are uncomfortable and you'd think she's never heard of air conditioning."

"I know! I cranked it up a notch when I went to get the chair. It should kick in soon. If she gets cold, well, she's got plenty of crocheted blankets," Drake said, soothingly, as he peeled out of his clothes from a horizontal position and tossed them over the chair next to the bed. He cuddled up next to Josh with the pictures in his lap.

Thoughtfully, Josh asked Drake, "Do you remember me telling you about Wagner's opera cycle 'The Ring'?"

Drake cast through his mind and answered, "Vaguely. Not really."

Taking another route, Josh then asked, "Well, you do remember watching The Lord of the Rings movies?"

"Yes," replied Drake.

Josh explained, "Bilbo Baggins carried the ring for years and then it passed to Frodo. Even though Bilbo would have done anything to get it back, his cycle was over. And then there was the lovely and powerful elf queen in the forest. She told Frodo that the time of the elves was passing and that they had to leave Middle Earth to go away to the West."

Confused, Drake wanted to know, "Where are you going with this?"

Josh finished his thought saying "Life goes in cycles. Nature goes in cycles. I think maybe our cycle is finished. We just didn't know it."

"Huh?" asked a puzzled Drake.

Patiently, Josh spelled it out, "Our experiment! You know, the one we started the night of our double date with the identical twins. If we try to 'experiment' any more, we'll only get frustrated - or worse. That's why our trip is turning out this way. It's like our window of opportunity has closed already, only nobody told us."

Immediately Drake scolded "Josh Nichols, I can't believe you'd be so superstitious. We're in charge of our destiny and it's not over until WE decide it's over. You're just off your game from what's happened, like I was last night. It's all becoming clear to me now, where Megan inherited her mean streak – from Aunt Katherine. Now let's look at these photos." He opened the book at random.

Josh noted, "Ah, the Dance Party contest! We finally won something together that Megan couldn't screw up for us."

The picture showed a grinning Drake, dressed 1940's style in a shirt and tie with loose pants held up with suspenders and topped with a gray fedora. Josh wore 1950's style blue jeans, a black t-shirt topped with a red long-sleeved shirt, and tennis shoes. Josh was hugging Drake from the side and planting a kiss somewhere between his left ear and temple.

"I thought you were going to tear my clothes off right then and there," Drake laughed.

Feeling a trifle happier, Josh responded, "Don't think I wasn't tempted, in the excitement of the moment!"

Josh pointed to the book. "Here we are with the supermodel. She was a tall one!"

Then Drake, cringing, said, "Oh, I hate this one – as magician's helpers. Do we look gay or what? Who designs this stuff?"

"And I hate this one," Josh said, indicating the one showing him in a coonskin cap with a troop of Campfire Cadets. Josh continued, "Dad should have done the right thing and just dropped out or disbanded the troop. He never should have stuck me with it. I tried so hard with those ungrateful little girls. And the whole time you were being stalked by a pre-teen."

There were photos from all their family events and vacations: Family portraits; outings to Sea World and museums; picnics and backyard cookouts; birthdays and other celebrations. There were also yearbook pictures of Drake with the Academic Team and Josh in uniform with the rest of the Belleview Badgers football team. Audrey must have included those to show she had a sense of humor! Drake was only at one event with the Academic Team and Josh's stint with the Badgers was also short-lived. Audrey had also included photos of Drake with his ever-evolving bands. The boys came to a photo from backstage when Drake had filled in for Devin Malone at the Zero Gravity concert, an awesome night never to be forgotten.

"I always thought that shirt was one of a kind, until I saw that guy at Club Diego wearing it," Drake mourned.

"Well, at least we got some mileage out of those light-sabers we 'borrowed' - until they made us give them back," consoled Josh.

There were more photos to view. Josh and the crew at The Premiere – red vest "dregs" all! Drake with girl after girl. Audrey had written in the name of each girl; she hadn't included the ones she didn't know. Drake certainly didn't care much about or remember most of their names, knowing there'd soon be another coming right along to take each one's place. There were photos of Josh and Mindy, featuring Josh at different stages of his weight loss. Then one of Drake and Josh happily playing a video game. They arrived at pages with multiple pictures from parties they had held at their house, including the one when the big storm knocked out the power and the flooding had cancelled Drake's first attempt to open for The Sparks.

Josh had missed that party, even though he'd helped to arrange it. Glancing closely at one photo from the set, he exclaimed, "Look! Is that Craig's hand on Eric's butt?!"

Drake took the album from Josh to inspect the picture. "Hmmm. You're right! I never noticed that before. So that's why he was so upset about Eric leaving the country . . ."

Drake was still turning the pages when Josh dozed off. Drake knew a brother was a permanent relationship, that one could accept as a given. It was natural for brothers to go their own ways. After all, there'd always be get-togethers, e-mails, text messaging and phone calls. And special memories that only the two of them could share. He refused to have any regrets about going. Everything he'd ever wanted was finally falling into place.

Drake picked up a black felt-tip marker from the nightstand and started drawing tiny devil horns, French mustaches and pointy beards on every image of Megan that appeared in the album. He knew that would make Josh howl when he awoke! There was no need for Mom to know about the artistic alterations; she'd prepared this memory book for Drake to take with him on the tour, so he wouldn't forget that he had a family – and family values.

Audrey was well aware of the temptations there would be on the road. She was probably at home right now putting together a similar book for Josh to take with him to college. She was also, undoubtedly, knitting ghastly things for the both of them, so they wouldn't forget her.

Josh had slipped down level with the mattress, breathing noisily through his swollen, open mouth. Drake was still sitting up, humming as he flipped through the album, looking for more pictures of Megan. He leaned over and kissed the top of Josh's head. "'Night, Joshie. A good sleep will make you all better." At the sound of Drake's voice, part of Josh's subconscious brain registered that he was being addressed, and he turned from his back to his side, facing Drake, and threw his foot over Drake's leg.

Continued in Chapter 5