A/N: Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha
DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.
They walked back into the squadroom twenty minutes later, Elliot smirking like a devil and Olivia with a new kick in her step, and they sat at their desks ready for their next call.
Elliot looked up at Fin, seeing the odd look on his face, and asked, "What's up, man?"
"Your wife," Fin said, jerking his head toward the door.
Elliot looked at him sharply, then turned his head. He glanced warily at Olivia, who paled slightly, and he rose out of his seat, the smirk now gone. He cleared his throat and smoothed out his tie, afraid that his imperfect Windsor knot would somehow give away his infidelity. "Kathy," he said, "What are you doing here?"
The blonde smiled, running a hand down his arm. "You didn't wake me up last night," she said. "You always wake me up when you come home." She brought her eyes up to meet his and she said, "And I had the silliest dream."
"You came down here to tell me about a dream you had?" Elliot asked, annoyed.
"No," Kathy said with a shake of her head. "I came down here to ask you if it was really a dream. Elliot, um, when you came home…did you…say anything to me?"
Elliot raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "Why? Did you hear me say anything to you?" he asked, worry in his voice. Maybe Olivia was right. Maybe this was a choice he really wasn't ready to make. Maybe he wanted to live dangerously for a while, see if he could really get away with something. Then he thought of Olivia, and he knew that he had already made the decision, and needed to own up to it. "Kathy?" he prodded, hating the thoughts the silence was making him think.
"I think I did," Kathy nodded. "Yeah," she whispered.
Elliot ran a hand down his face. "Okay," he said, "What did you hear?"
"Is this some kind of early midlife crisis?" Kathy asked him, harshly whispering. "Did Munch's death make you suddenly reevaluate your own life? Is that it?" she snapped. "You, what, made a list of pros and cons? A fucking Venn diagram, and she had more in her circle than I did in mine?"
"Kathy, stop it," Elliot hissed. "Our failing marriage really has nothing to do with her and you know it."
"Like hell it doesn't!" Kathy yelled. She heard the silence now, aware everyone was watching them, and she smirked. "You think I'm gonna let that bitch pull you out from under me like a cheap rug, fuck off! You get her out of your system and you get the hell home. I took the liberty of printing these off of the NYPD's website for you. If you know what's good for you, you'll make her sign them." She thrust papers into his chest and as he clutched them she pulled away.
Elliot was pissed off now. "Kathy, what the fuck are you…"
"And you," Kathy said, pointing to Olivia, "Stay away from him, stay away from our whole damn family, or you'll lose more than just your job." She sent one last glare at Elliot and stormed out of the squadroom.
Elliot, wide-eyed, looked apologetically at Olivia and then down at the papers in his hands. "What the hell…" he mumbled, as the transfer forms beamed up at him. "She has fucking nerve," he said, shaking his head.
Olivia swallowed hard and looked around, thankful that people seemed to be going about their business again. She drummed her fingers along the edge of her desk, chewing on her bottom lip, and shook her head. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and got out of her seat. She ripped the papers out of Elliot's hands and said, "I have a phone call to make."
"Liv!" Elliot cried, standing to follow her.
"Don't," Olivia said shaking her head and holding up a hand, stopping him, the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. "Just…don't." She walked out when she was sure he wasn't coming after her.
"You wanna tell me what the hell all that was about?" Fin asked, folding his arms.
Elliot squeezed the bridge of his nose and said, "That was my past and my future fucking up my present."
The knock on her door was frantic and loud, and she knew who it was. The desire to ignore it was fierce, but he had a key so he'd come in anyway. "Jesus Christ," she muttered, walking toward the door. She swung it open and yelled, "What?"
"What?" he yelled back, pushing her aside and forcing his way into her apartment. "What? Liv, are you fucking serious?"
"If I had a dollar for every time you asked me that…" she sighed, closing the door. "Why are you here?" she asked, folding her arms. "She told you to get your ass home, remember?"
Elliot scoffed. "I haven't gotten you out of my system, actually, so she can kiss my Irish ass," he hissed. "You gave them to him!" he yelled.
"I did," she said with one nod. "Can you help me move this box?" she asked, pointing.
"Fuck, Liv! You just ripped my heart of my goddamned chest and you want me to help you move a box of books?" he fumed. "Why the hell did you do that? How could you do that?"
Olivia ran both hands through her hair. "You obviously needed me to," she said. "I told you I couldn't live with myself if she…"
"And I told you I didn't give a flying monkey's ass if she did or not!" he yelled at her. "Olivia, do you know what I did when you left?" he asked. "I told Cragen if he even considered the possibility of transferring you anywhere, that he'd have to move me right along with you."
Olivia's eyes widened. "The fuck?" she asked loudly.
"Yeah," Elliot nodded. "Know what he said?"
"You fucking did what?" she asked, still stunned, not paying attention to the new topic.
Elliot smirked. "He said the day he submits transfer papers for either one of us, is the day he starts drinking again. Liv, the man shredded 'em. You're not going anywhere."
"You did…wait, what?" she asked, her brow scrunched in confusion now that she heard him.
Elliot walked over to her and took her hands in his. "He's not ready to let you go any more than I am. Kathy is…she's an insufferable bitch at the moment, is what she is…I do love her, she's the mother of my kids, but whatever you think you are saving by giving in to her psychotic demands," he said, staring into her wide, clear eyes, "You're really only just keeping it on life support. My marriage was dying anyway. I was never home, I shut her out of the most important parts of my life…if it was any kind of great marriage, would I have allowed myself to fall in love with you?"
"I…I guess not," Olivia said, shaking her head.
"So stop trying to keep up together," he said, "Just to give yourself a reason to run away from me again."
Damn it. He knew her so well. She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Can't get anything by you, can I?" she asked.
"Not a damned thing," Elliot said, kissing her.
Olivia pulled away quickly, her eyes wide. "El, I called him," she said.
"I know you did," Elliot told her, brushing her hair back gently. "He called me and threatened to have me investigated by the feds if I ever hurt you," he chuckled. "What I don't get, honey, is why did you tell him everything if you thought I was going home to my wife?"
Olivia sighed and shook her head. "Munch's list," she said. "One of the things he'd crossed out was 'listen to your heart.' I will never know what he did for himself, what his heart told him to do, but he gave you that advice in your birthday card, and I had to listen to mine. I couldn't marry him, no matter how simple it would make things. I love you, and I have to stop fooling myself into thinking that I'll ever be happy with anyone else. Not until I'm over you."
"I don't want you to get over me," Elliot said, cupping her face. "Not now, not a year from now, not ten years from now. Liv, if we start this…if we really start this…then it's final."
"We can't start anything," Olivia said, reaching around his wrists with her fingers and pulling them away from her face. "Not yet," she whispered.
"We already have," Elliot said. "Have you forgotten?" he asked. "This isn't about what's wrong or right, or morals or integrity. This is about you and me, and our moments. I don't want to waste a single moment. With you and me, everything matters, everything counts, and nothing else exists. Can you give me that?"
Olivia was silent, concentrating on the look in his eyes and the feeling of his hands looping around her waist. She was brought back to the moments in the interrogation room. She felt them all over again, his hands on her, in her, his fingers twisting and turning. She felt his strong arms holding her as he thrust into and out of her with such love and determination, power and gentleness. She heard him whisper he loved her, he said her name, he called her sweet names, and she came around him at his will, she was at his mercy. She had her moments, and she desperately wanted more of them, no matter what it might cost her.
"Baby," Elliot said, searching her eyes.
Olivia breathed. "Yes," she said, finding her voice.
Elliot pressed his lips to hers, gently at first, but it quickly grew as the passionate fire that always ignited when they kissed engulfed them. He wrapped her tight in his arms and deepened the kiss, making the most of this moment. "Liv," he whispered, "My place."
"Can't," she mumbled against his lips. "Wife and kids," she said, as if he needed reminding.
Elliot chuckled. He pulled away from their kiss and said, "No, baby, the apartment. I got it last year when Kathy kicked me out, remember? Still have it," he told her.
Olivia raised an eyebrow.
"It's yours," Elliot said. "If you want it," he told her with a smirk. "You need it, baby, it's yours."
Olivia bit her lips for a moment, and then she shrugged. "Makes sense," she said, nodding.
"I've got a key already," he said with a wink. "And, uh, you might be getting a roommate soon."
Olivia furrowed her brow and folded her arms. "Who?" she asked, sounding annoyed.
"Me," Elliot said with a sigh. "I'm going home and I'm gonna talk to Kathy. While she's awake. Odds are, I'll be needing a new place of my own." He kissed her lips gently and said, "If she doesn't kill me, I'll pick you up at five."
Olivia sighed, nodded at him, and smiled against his lips as he kissed her again. She closed the door behind him as he left and looked up at the ceiling. "Munch," she said, "I really need you right now." Her eyes drifted shut as she slid to the floor, worrying about Elliot's night with Kathy, and the morning jump waiting for her.
A/N: Olivia, Fin, and Elliot (if Kathy didn't kill him) take a huge leap, next. And Olivia's fear of her own demise gets the best of her. (Reckless?) Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212