TANYA

When Laurent had arrived at first, I actually kind of liked him. He was not my type, at all, and he had some sly characteristics I was not too fond of. Nevertheless I was amused with my little sister's awkward behaviour around him. He was slightly flirtatious, but then again so was I. A bit of dallying didn't do any harm. I thought his cocky appearance was just for the show, that he might be a nice guy underneath. The first month, he had been by Irina's side all day, every day. Cute, I had said. Weird, Kate had said. But after this month, Irina fell in love with him. Serious love. The flirting and teasing phase was over. Irina wanted to be Laurent's mate. She gave him her whole heart, basically dropped it at his feet. And as soon as she did, Laurent lost his interest. He started to make moves, at me. And I hated him for it, because couldn't he see how she cared about him? Irina was the sweetest, most gentle lover, I was sure.

And I was not necessarily mad at him for flirting with me, because sometimes you don't like someone that much, even if they like you, you have to break up and that's bad luck for them. Not in this case. No, Laurent knew exactly how Irina felt. However, he didn't stop paying attention to her, he still told her how much she meant to him. He put her hair behind her ear in the most careful, loving way. The same way he traced his fingers over my shoulders, when no one else was around. Of course I had told him to stop. Both with touching me and being an asshole to my sister. I knew I should have told Irina. I wish I had, now she's gone. But she was just so…radiant, since she'd met him.

Everytime I aimed to tell her about how he had almost kissed me one time, how he would have if I hadn't stopped him, she had said something sweet about him, her eyes sparkling in a way I had not seen them for a long, long time. It broke my heart. I didn't tell her. I just smiled and told her I was glad for her.

Sorry, sorry Irina.

If I had told her, she would have been hurt and angry. Anger is a great way to deal with your pain. She would have gotten over him, quite quickly. If I had told her, we would have kicked Laurent out, she wouldn't have followed him to Forks and she would still be here, probably next to me on this big, soft hideous chair with her head on my shoulder. She would still have been sad, of course, but she would not have been mourning a man who would have never given her his heart.

I could almost feel her little shape at my right, where she always sat in the evenings, and I sobbed. I took out my phone and sent another text, even though I had earlier told myself not to.

Irina, I am so sorry to bother you, but please come home. We will leave you alone, I only want to know where you are. That you're near. I love you.

I was emotionally blackmailing her. She would feel bad about me feeling bad. She would come home. But I hardly believed she read my texts at all. I sighted. It felt as If I were missing a limp. As if I were hollow. Kate and me were now having some sort of conflict, because of my sisters absence. She was not pleased with how I dealt with the situation. Which made it even harder for me. Who could you possibly share feelings about your sister's disappearance with, other than your other sister?

'Are you all right?' It was Eleazar, who had sneakily entered the living room. He must have heard my weeping.

'Er…not really, no. But you don't have to…support me.'

'I miss Irina, too.'

Yes, of course Eleazar and Carmen missed her. Who wouldn't. Irina was a pool of kindness. She would rather die than see others in pain. One time, a few weeks after…

I bit my lip. 'I know. I shouldn't wail on my own. How selfish.' I tried to add a witty tone to the sentence, but my voice broke. Eleazar sat next to me in the chair, which was slightly to small for us two, and took my hands in his. He did not protest when I hid my face in his shirt. Such a gentleman. Carmen was a lucky woman.

'Thank you.' I whispered.

'No problem. I have nowhere to go.'

One time, a few weeks after my mother's death, I had left my family. Now I knew what it was like to be left and I felt even more guilty. We weren't this close back then, but still. One time, Edward had presented a question to me. If I could do any moment in my life over, what would it be? Easy one. Not leaving Kate and Irina alone then. This was, however, not the point of my story.

When I had left, Kate had been in the most bewildered and terrifying state she had ever been in. After her transformation, she had cracked at a certain point. Didn't talk, didn't hunt, all she did was passively laying down with a very prominent death-wish. Sasha had helped her out of that. As a result, Kate felt as if she owed Sasha. Kate offered to protect Sasha until her own death. This promise was born out of old traditions Slavic warriors had. Since Sasha helped her out, she was now obligated to guard her. 1

And then Sasha was killed. Kate was smacked down by fear, because she believed Sasha was the only person who could help her when she had dark days. And with guilt. She had sworn to protect someone and she had failed. Nobody blamed her, that wouldn't make sense. Nonetheless, Kate still presumed it was all her fault

And she cracked again. I wasn't there to see it. Had I only been there, perhaps I could have helped, but I was an egocentric bitch at the time.

Kate had no control over herself. She walked around like a ghost, Irina told me later, and was seemingly unaware of Irina's presence. Irina felt awful for her and she wanted to help. In the urge to bring some relief she had hugged Kate tight from behind. The sudden touch had panicked Kate, so she had shocked Irina and hadn't stopped till minutes later. Irina refused to let go, in spite of the pain. She kept on hugging, because that was the kind of person she was. Her own suffering was of little significance compared to that of others.

Irina never told me about the hug. I even doubted she considered this deed heroic of brave. She would have more likely just seen this as the right thing to do.

Kate told me about it, much later.

"It was the first time I really realized that I loved her. The first time I had realized I could love anyone at all. I was scaring her and she was completely defenseless, and yet she tried to hug me. And I hurt her and she just doesn't let go. It took me about ten minutes until I found out it was her. Ten minutes is a long time when your being struck by lightning. Then, after that, she did not try to avoid me. I told her not to touch me because I didn't want to harm her again. She ignored me. And I'm grateful, because if she had let go of me I would have gotten myself killed"

I thought about her saying this and I almost screamed against Eleazar's chest. He squeezed my hands and pulled me closer.

'I am sorry.' I whispered.

'Don't be.'

All I did in respond was closing my eyes. He drew circles on my hands with his thumbs, softly humming.

'Eleazar…'

'Yes?'

'Really, thank you. '

1 I just made this up, because I like drama.