Disclaimer: In my heart but not in my possession.
Thank you again so much for reviewing. It really makes me happy. If you think it's rubbish that's okay, too. I'll just keep on writing it for myself, anyway.
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Failed again. The story of his life.
Sometimes he actually wished he was Ryan. Okay, without all the family background of course. But other than that.
Ryan was capable of moving on to a happy, healthy, normal relationship after a break up.
All he managed to do was to get with a girl who would shortly afterwards dump him for another girl.
Women really, really hated him. Water polo players did, too, by the way.
It wasn't that he was particularly upset about the break up with Alex itself but his pride was hurt. He would get over that, though. The relationship (it was kind of odd to even call it such) had not been all that…deep. She was fun and he needed to kind of break out for a little while. Blow off some steam.
She had been quite forward on the physical front once they had started dating. But she had backed off just as quickly when she had realized that he wasn't really…into that. He thought that she had understood. Like for real. She was pretty cool.
He hadn't been scared of her breaking up with him every day of their relationship.
Like he had last year. With her.
There hadn't been a single day when he hadn't been horrified by the thought that she might notice all those better guys that were out there waiting for her.
And when Ryan had left he knew it was inevitable. His cover would have been blown in no time. And he wouldn't have been able to face that. So he had left. He had never been the brave type. Hide and seek, that was his game.
Yes, he had screwed up. He hadn't meant to hurt her. Really, he would never ever mean to hurt her. That was and had been the last thing on his mind.
But he had been right after all. It had taken her almost no time at all to forget him and move on to a perfect, water polo playing, well built, non mumbling, non awkward, parent-friendly new boyfriend.
Only that his plan had failed and he did have to face it.
And it sucked. Big time.
Still.
But what was he to do?
She was happy. So he should be happy for her, too, right? That's what you did when you really cared about someone, right?
And he really, really, really cared. Really.
A certain plastic horse on his chest could tell about it.
Feelings like that didn't just go away.
He had always known that she didn't feel as strongly about him as he did about her. You seriously couldn't have expected her to. Although, sometimes, there had been moments when he couldn't have helped but hope a little. When she had looked him straight in the eye and it had seemed like she really got him, when she had kissed him like she seriously meant it, when she had laid here with him on his bed, her arms around him and her face pressed into his neck. Then, sometimes, he had let himself believe it.
Couldn't Captain Oats change the subject already? He needed some help here.
But he hadn't been all that special to her. Her new relationship made that more than clear.
He just wished he didn't have to see it every day.
And he really wished he didn't have to actually, literally run into her. Like last week. Like he needed to be reminded of how she felt and what she smelt like.
Because he didn't. Nope. He remembered perfectly fine.
And she looked prettier every day. It was nearly impossible but she did.
And that was why, when he had already went off, he just had to turn around and get another glimpse of her.
She had still been standing on the same spot where he had left her, watching him. And she had looked so sad. He hadn't noticed before because he had avoided to meet her eyes but now he had almost thought that she might start to cry any second. His heart, that had only slowed down again recently after calming down from the collision, had picked up immediately. She had looked so pained he had almost started to cry, too. And in that moment he had understood. She had felt the same. They had felt the same.
He had been ready to run and break it off with Alex that very afternoon. Not because he had been convinced Summer would do the same with Zach. It had just felt like the right thing to do.
Captain Oats had been with him completely.
Ryan hadn't.
He had said he needed to come to his senses. Then he had forced a game of play station onto him that lasted the rest of the day.
The next day at school he had watched Summer with Zach. Holding hands.
And he had come to his senses.
Because, it's not even like he hadn't tried to win her back before. He had. He had been desperate. Literally. He hadn't minded making a complete fool of himself.
He had climbed up on that stupid hot dog stand and declared his love for her. And he had meant it. And she had gone home with her shiny new boyfriend.
It's really not like that had been his happiest hour, either.
Boy, no.
So, what was he supposed to do?
Maybe mourn about the break up with the girl that had left him just yesterday? Maybe think about her for a moment?
By now, everybody was asleep in the house and he just didn't know what else to try to finally do the same. He had already spent several hours drawing in the afternoon, talked with Captain Oats about all his problems and listened to his favorite Death Cab CD. Listening to music didn't really prevent him from too much thinking, though. And way too many songs reminded him of things he had already thought through enough for a lifetime. So all those things were a 'no'.
He could go and wake Ryan but he would probably kill him. Especially when he heard what he wanted to talk about. So he better no try that.
He contemplated fishing for a certain item that lay hidden under his bed. Even further hidden than his drawings. That thing always helped to calm him down and fall asleep. It was like a drug. He tried not to do that so often, anymore, though.
So, in the end, he decided to just get up and take a walk. He had always been the sporty type.
Yeah.
After switching off the light in his room, he tapped downstairs quietly and opened the front door. And just in that moment he heard a car start and drive down the road, away from their neighborhood.
It seemed familiar but it couldn't have been.
It wouldn't make any sense.