A/N: Hey again! I'm back with the next chapter of this fic.
TRIGGER WARNING: Depictions/mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts.
"J-Jane? What are you doing?"
Startled by the unexpected voice, Jane's head shot up and her heart sank into her stomach. So much for her plan to go quickly and quietly. "What are you doing? I thought I told you to secure the perimeter," she barked angrily, pretending she hadn't been about to slip the rope around her neck.
"I... AJ started crying, and I, uh, think he's hungry, so..." her voice trailed off as she stared at her friend, unable to tear her eyes away from the rope.
"I... I'm sorry, Clem," she stated simply, toying with the rope in her hands. She glanced at the young girl, and her heart sank even further at the utterly hurt, betrayed look in her eyes.
"Please, no," the eleven-year-old begged, tears pricking her eyes. "We need you."
"You don't need me," she replied quietly, though no bitterness was present in her voice. "You and AJ are doing just fine, Clem. You're way better with him than I could ever be with a kid. I just... get in the way."
"You don't get in the way," she countered tearily, slowly stepping forward. "You need to help me take care of AJ. I'm still a kid, I don't know how to raise one!"
Jane just shook her head. "Nah, you don't need me around for that. You're doing great already. The kid loves you." She glanced at AJ sadly. "He just cries when I hold him."
She considered Jane's words. It was true, Clementine was good with AJ and, realistically, they would probably be fine on their own. But that didn't mean she wanted to be on her own. She loved AJ, but it wasn't quite the same comfort as the presence of someone who could talk to you and understand what you're saying or the situation at hand. And she wasn't going to lie and say AJ never caused any problems, because sometimes he did. He didn't mean to, of course, but if he started crying or screaming at the wrong time, Clementine couldn't defend them with one arm for very long.
"But I want you around," she pleaded. AJ, oblivious to the serious situation, giggled in Clem's arms. She carefully set the infant down in a cardboard box, not wanting him to see if anything... happened. "If we get attacked or something and I'm by myself, there's no way we'll make it."
"I'm really not much help," Jane persisted. "Kenny would have been way better at all of this. He actually had a kid before the world went to shit. He'd know what to do far more than I ever will."
Clementine winced a little, the memory of her fallen friend still painful to think about. Did Jane think Clementine would rather have Kenny here than her? Did she think the girl regretted choosing Jane over Kenny? While she wished with all her heart that she never would have had to make that choice and that they could have both lived, she realized the type of person Kenny had become. She knew Kenny wouldn't have ever hurt her on purpose, but who knows how long it would have been before Kenny got out of control around other survivors. It was only a matter of time, really.
"I'm... I miss Kenny, but I'm not mad at you, Jane. I wish he didn't have to, you know... But I'm not mad at you, and I don't regret saving your life. Kenny was... I just feel a lot safer now. With you."
Jane paused and looked down, guilt and sadness creeping in. Clementine took a couple more steps forward, but stopped when she heard a slight crack under her foot. Wait... what? she thought to herself as she looked down at what she'd stepped on. Bending down, she picked up the little white stick and stared at the two pink lines glaring back at her.
"Is... Is this what I think it is?" the eleven-year-old asked quietly, in a tone hardly above a whisper.
"Yeah," Jane replied flatly. "I'm... pregnant." The word sounded so foreign to Jane.
Foreign... and wrong.
It wasn't hard to guess who the father was, considering there wasn't a lot of time for screwing around in this life-or-death world. She never really got the chance to get to know Luke very well, but he was a great guy and deserved better than drowning in an ice-cold lake. She tried not to think about it, but she couldn't help but wonder what might have been between them if Luke hadn't died. Maybe, if he—or at least someone other than Clementine—was still here, she might be willing to go through with the pregnancy. Maybe. But truth be told, she didn't like kids. She hadn't even wanted them before the world went to shit, and she certainly didn't want any now. But as much as she disliked children, Jane wasn't heartless—she knew this undead world was no place to raise a child. It just wasn't fair—to her, to the baby, or to Clementine, who already had a kid to raise that wasn't even her own.
Clementine. Although she really didn't like kids, Clementine was different. Granted, the poor girl was forced to grow up far too quickly when the shit all hit the fan, and she missed out on most of the carefree, "normal" childhood that she deserved. She acted far more mature than her eleven short years, and she proved to be a pretty decent travelling companion. Over time, she had come to care for the girl. A lot, actually. Clem was no replacement for Jaime, but she helped fill the hole left in her heart by her sister's death.
She knew Clementine cared about her, too, which was the only element making her decision difficult. It would have been far easier if things had gone according to plan. If Clementine would've checked the whole perimeter, Jane would've been able to slip the rope around her neck and step off the chair without having to say goodbye. She knew, not even that deep down, that that was incredibly selfish. It was a terrible thing to do to someone Jane cared about so much. But she didn't want to see the look on Clementine's face—the one she was seeing right at that instant. She didn't want to see Clementine at all, because she was the one person alive who could talk her out of it.
"I... How?" the young girl asked in complete shock, unaware that Jane and Luke had hooked up on the observation deck.
Had the situation been different, Jane might have chuckled at that. But instead, she just looked away, pain stabbing her heart. "Luke," she said simply, voice cracking slightly as she fought to keep back her emotions.
"Oh," Clementine whispered, saddened by the mention of their deceased friend. The image of Luke being pulled into the inky depths of the freezing lake clouded her mind, but she forced it back. It was not the time to think about that.
Silence consumed the room, neither able to come up with anything to say. Clementine glanced down at the pregnancy test, then back up at her friend. "Jane, please come down," Clementine pleaded one more time, several tears spilling onto her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Clem," Jane replied, voice breaking as she fought back tears. She slipped the noose around her neck. "I'm sorry. I really am. But I just... I can't. I'm so sorry."
"No, please," the girl begged, swallowing a sob. She tried to think of something, anything else she could say, but her mind came up with nothing. "Jane..."
"I'm sorry," she choked again. And she really was sorry. She was sorry she was taking the coward's way out, and that Clementine had to be there for it. She was sorry she couldn't do more to help Clem and AJ. She was sorry for all the people she had loved who had died. She was sorry to Luke, both that he died and that he'd never get to meet the kid that she knew was his. She was sorry to her unborn child, that he or she would never get a chance to live. Sure, the world was fucked up, but life is life and she was taking not one, but two away. "You should go now. Please. I don't want you to see this."
"No!" Clementine sobbed, her tears falling down her cheeks and onto little AJ. "What about Jaime?" she burst, suddenly remembering the sister Jane had told her about. At the mention of her little sister's name, Jane visibly shrank back. She had always harbored bitterness towards Jaime for giving up on life and leaving her all alone. "You've been so mad at her for just letting herself die, but you're doing the same thing. You can't just give up, Jane. We need... I want you here. Please."
Unable to hold back her emotions any longer, Jane let out a sob and allowed her tears to run down her face. Jaime. Clementine was right: If she stepped off this chair, she'd be no different than the person whose death she criticized the most. She knew from experience that being on the surviving end of this situation was devastating. Not a day went by that she didn't think of her little sister. How could she do that to Clementine, make her feel that same way she had?
Wordlessly, she slipped the rope off her neck and stepped down from the chair, immediately crumpling to the floor and dissolving into sobs. Clementine lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her friend, holding on tight. Jane returned the gesture, shaking from emotion as the younger girl squeezed her midsection.
"I'm sorry," Jane choked, for a completely different reason than her prior apologies.
"No, don't... Don't apologize," Clem managed, gently rubbing her companion's back.
After a few minutes, Jane's harsh sobs reduced to occasional hiccups of tears and the two pulled away from each other. Jane wiped her eyes with her sleeves and took a long, shaky breath in.
"I s-still don't know what t-to do about the... you know," Jane stumbled, glancing down at her stomach. The word "baby" felt too weird and uncomfortable to say, so she avoided it.
Truth be told, Clementine had no idea what to do, either. Sure, she was taking care of AJ all right, but it wasn' like she'd given birth to him or anything. She knew absolutely nothing about that type of thing, and she had no idea how they would be able to feed another baby. But none of that mattered right then, because all of them were alive and breathing. That's what really mattered.
"I... I don't know," she answered honestly. "But we'll figure it out, Jane. We always do."
"Thanks, Clem," Jane murmured softly, managing an appreciative grin. It was a small smile, but a genuine one.
Clem was about to open her mouth and reply when she was interrupted by the loud screeching of a garage door opening. Both of them jumped to their feet and dashed toward the window, already reaching for their guns. They only had time to glimpse a hooded figure as it—well, he or she—disappeared into the garage and let it slam shut behind them.
"Fuck," Jane muttered, wiping away the last of her tears. Clementine picked up AJ who had fallen asleep, and she hesitated a moment, silently debating on whether or not to bring him with.
"Set him in that box again and put it over in that corner," Jane advised, motioning towards the corner away from the windows and door. "It just looked like one person, so we shouldn't be gone long. But if shit starts going down, grab him and run."
Clementine nodded and did what Jane said. Once she was sure AJ was safe, she and Jane quickly closed the door behind them and hurried down the stairs.
There we go, chapter 4 is done! Please let me know what you think in a review. Sorry that it was a bit dark, but I really hated how the game killed Jane off (the second time around, obviously). It just seemed like such a cheapshot death to me, and I really liked her character. Anyways, thanks for reading! The next chapter will be up soon. (: