[After the interrogatory, Poe is being rescued by a deserting Stormtrooper, FN-2187. The two manage to bypass the loose security of the Finalizer and steal a TIE fighter to escape. Upon discovering that the name of his companion resembles the phone number of his ex, the Resistance's pilot decides to change it to Finn, minutes before the both crash on the surface of Jakku.

The newly renamed Stormtrooper wakes up alone under the harsh sun and starts wandering towards smoke, only to discover the wreaked TIE. To prove that life has nothing better to do then overkill of the bitch side, the ship sinks in the sand, before exploding, and Finn deduces that his first non-brainwashed friend is dead. But he get to keep his jacket, so everything is good. Isn't that was friends are for? To share their jackets?

Once awake after her dreamless sleep, Rey takes BB-8 to town, gets attacked by two thugs that were after the robot but ends up being to badass for them and politely sends them flying around in stick language. That is when little target of the First Order recognizes Poe's jacket on Finn. The Force sensitive brunette is eager to test her language skills on anyone that BB-8 points out, so they run after each other though the tents until it is revealed that Finn understands English pretty well and they arrive to an agreement.

Right at that moment, the troops of the evil first attack the outpost and the newly formed trio runs away on the Falcon Millennium itself, to the sound of thousands of fans shrieking in excitement around the globe. After a heated pursuit thought an exotic scenery of fallen giant starships where Rey demonstrates a Mary Sue level of skills with a ship she has never flown before, they escape straight in space, successfully taking BB-8 to safety… for now.]

ooo

He was indulging and he knew it. He loved blinking lights way too much for it to be considered as mentally sane. That control panel left in a deserted area was just perfect for admiring them at his heart's contempt thought. It was his secret spot. No one would dare question him here…

"My lord," interrupted one of Hux's officers.

So much for not being discovered.

Kylo simply darkly glanced over his shoulder to indicate that he was listening to whatever idiocy was going to waste his time unless it was what he wanted or too much of what he didn't want to hear.

"I have some bad news," continued the minion, already sweating with fear.

The Sith recognized him: it was the infamous officer also known as cold-blooded Dan.

Dan was a poker player. A pretty good poker player, actually, since he betted his entire salary at the end of each month and still managed to survive (by eating instant noddles every day) with the remains of his one night of fun every month. That was better then the ones that simply starved to death, but natural selection worked this way.

But what Dan excelled at keeping his cool in all kind of situations. Once upon a time, back in the beginning of the First Order, he had been a pilot fighting the rebels. There is a story he keeps repeating each time he drank a little liquor, and that meant before every meeting.

He had participated in the All'Jaquur battle against the rebels and was flying one of the First Order TIE prototype, a real germ of technology at the time even if the engine still acted like a horse, which meant that if the person was nervous the ship would simply go wild. He had ran out of energy to activate the blasters and had an X-wing on his trail, something that he didn't wish for even his worse enemy (those Resistance bastards were nasty as hell, with no sense of flying etiquette at all). He would have had every reason to panic, but he didn't. And eventually, as the flew though the dark clouds of raging volcanos, some ash got caught in the X-wing's reactor and it exploded, proving one more time that life supported mass murder and violent death (things that Dan used his remaining life to accomplish). Thankful for still being alive, he adopted an abandoned kitten… but unluckily for him it was the reincarnation of the pilot that had died.

Dan was also called The Scared Hand, but this time behind his back, because each time he took out his gloves it was a mess of cat scratches, something he disliked being mocked on.

It was probably due to his reputation of being fearless (or the fact that he was really annoying everyone when he kept obsessing over the tail of his fighting days) that he was the one that Hux sent him when it was time to announce bad news to Kylo. (When it was good news it was the General himself talking to him.)

"We have found the droid."

Oh, where was the catch? The Sith knew that there was one, and a big one at that. He could practically feel the man's teeth chattering together in fear. For all his bragging about being cold-blooded, on a scale from zero to ten a calm Kylo ranked eleven in Dan's brain, and that was when he was calm…

"It was with the escaping Stormtrooper."

Wait, they had caught that guy too? Was it for real? His inner puppy perked up and started to wave it's monstrous spiky tail. Kylo stopped staring at one particular red light that was the ship's autodestruct button, and slightly turn around to face the man.

"Many locals have tried their hand in capturing them, but they have failed."

Oh, now that was good news. Now Kylo wouldn't have to deal with some stinky improvised bounty hunter that wanted some sort of reward for a job any Stormtrooper could have done (and Stormtroopers were free). But… did that mean that nothing had gone wrong on the capture? This seemed almost too good to be true. It couldn't be true. There had to be a catch, otherwise it would have been the General and his gleeful smile standing there, not an expandable minion with no family or friends good enough to regret him apart from an obese cat (Kylo had never killed a higher ranked officer… but everything could happen with the mentally unstable apprentice of Snoke himself).

Oh no. He knew what had gone wrong. There had used his commander ship to get the robot on board and it had been scratched. If that was true, his day was ruined. The Sith couldn't drive it, but he liked his commander ship. It was his personal chew-toy, one of the fastest little things that was on the Finalizer and, most importantly, it matched his dark clothing. The successor of Darth Vader would not survive the humiliation of having a scratch on his ship, or, even worse, having a ship that didn't match him. He was belonging to the Dark Side now! What if they gave his a gray ship as a replacement? What if he had no ship?

"So we sent or troops down to get them ourself and… they got away. Both of them."

Kylo's mind went blank. Like, black hole blank. His hand reached for his saber laser at his waist and drew it, before slamming it on the control panel in front of him. Pushed by the unstable energy of a cracked core crystal and the strength of an even move unstable wielder, it sliced though the metal and cables like butter, imprinting a red trail of glowing melt.

It was fully unsatisfying. So he repeated the motion again and again. Useless soldiers! Useless officers! He would have killed them himself but he still had that much restrain in him. He felt mocked by destiny, mocked by the incompetence of his inferiors, and he hated, hated, to be mocked. So he threw a fit.

When he was finally done, his chest heaving and his lip painful (he had the nasty habit to bite it until it drew blood when he was angered), he turned to Dan. He was still there. He could be all cool-blooded if he wanted, there was no way someone in his right mind would stand there watching him as he vented his uncontrollable anger unless it was his duty to do so.

"What else?" He barked fiercely. There was something else. Something even worse. Something beyond his imagination.

"Well..." Dan praying he wouldn't pee his uniform pants. The though was so intense it filled his mind and blocked what he was going to say.

Kylo raised his hand and drew hims closer in one pull of the Force. The frail chicken neck of the officer found its place in the potentially lethal grasp of the Sith, making him quack in terror.

"What else?" He growled. The puppy was strong with this one.

"There was a… A girl..."

Seconds after, Dan was freed and backing up, his job accomplished but still aware that one shouldn't run away from a mad dog unless one wanted to get identified as a prey to chase. He still had a cat to return to tonight. A cat that hated his guts but that still needed food.

Kylo turned around slowly. He hadn't grown within the ranks of the First Order so he had a critical eye on such believes, but for the new Empire, women were just a means of reproduction. Not that they were really considered as inapt (the shiny walking proof was captain Phasma herself) but, since they were the only ones able to breed, it was their duty to do so and proudly let their children go die on the battlefront. A girl wasn't considered a reasonable woman until she had a husband in her bed and a baby in her womb, so the literal translation of what Dan had just said was: we had there three useless piece of scum that escaped our grasp, even if we had a whole army chasing after them.

Before throwing a second tantrum, he reached out through the Force towards the three fugitives, in case he could sense anything about them. And there, he felt something he had never felt before… That could only get compared to a tiny, shining twinkly star.

He jolted back, as if he got burned. And in a certain sense, he had been.

ooo

[After escaping the nasty bad guys, Rey, Finn and BB-8 fly in space until their old ship show signs that it is starting to break down. Rey get her hand in the sludge, but the ship gets eaten by a bigger ship and they hide. Cue nostalgic air when Han himself, followed by Chewie, step on board and discovers the trio.

Turns out no one's head will get blasted despite the ugliest monsters in the Star Wars franchise until this day and everyone are friends, so Han brings them to a beautiful green planet with an epic castle on it. In it, there is apparently a bar, and am I the only one that noticed that the orange little female (Maz Kanata) refereed to Chewie as her fiancee? Anyway, they are of course spies from the Resistance and from the First Order who speak in creepy language (actually, the robot one was kind of cool) that recognized the droid.

Follows a discussion where Finn reveals that he only wants to run away, deceiving Rey but starting a wave of shipping them all around the world (soon to be eclipsed by another). After that, the main heroin then gets called by some strange whimpers in the basement…]

ooo

Was that someone crying?

She was sure that it was someone crying. Or calling. Or moaning. Moaning?

She hoped that she wasn't about to walk into two aliens having sex in some weird traumatizing way. It had happened to her once… Well, not exactly. Her innocent mind had been saved by a passing droid, who prevented her from walking into that tent to buy water. Apparently one of the regular customers had ran out of money to pay and was desperate.

Jakku had been some harsh world.

But she refused to believe that such a green planet still hosted such atrocities. So she held on to the belief that it was someone moaning in pain and pushed forward. She was a courageous girl, right?

BB-8 wasn't far behind her, but she was slowly forgetting him as she kept advancing towards her aim. It was dark and the air smelled like earth and dust, a smell she had only encountered in very old ships before. She wished she had her scavenger gears with her, she could use a little light.

She arrived in front of a door and reached out to open it. Curiously, is wasn't locked, and she entered a small storage room filled with old chests and dust.

There was one little chest.

She only saw this one when she entered. She knew, somehow, that it had been waiting for her, that it was calling to her so strongly she couldn't ignore it. She kneeled in front of it cautiously and reached out to open it. Somewhere in the back of her brain her scavenger habits were coming back to her, telling her that it was dangerous to open a box without being cautious and that who knew what creature could be inside but somehow she knew that poison wasn't the danger to expect here…

It was a flashlight.

Or at least she thought it was a flashlight for a fraction of a second, until she reached out and touched it.

A long, metallic hallway. A deep rumble came from within. She immediately recognized the sound of a ship collapsing and ran, ran for her life. The corridor twisted in front of her, the floor became treacherous, she leaped forward to escape.

She landed on a hard rock. She looked around, and she saw herself in a desert with all the stars above her and a fire nearby. There was a droid there, a blue little repairer, and a hooded figure… That reached out and laid a metallic hand on the head of its companion.

Then suddenly, a monster was standing there. It was tall and dark, its aura menacing and its face covered in a dark fabric. It held a red weapon, one of which she had never seen such before but she knew it was dangerous and unstable. Fear swept through her as she looked up, and she just knew… She was going to face him soon. He was waiting for her.

Suddenly he lunged forth, and she raised her hands to protect herself only to be blinded by an unforgiving sun. She squinted and looked around her, and immediately recognized Jakku: it had an unmistakable smell.

"No! Don't go!" Cried a child.

Her. She was being dragged away, her face wet with tears and her free hand reaching up into the sky towards something. Rey turned around and caught a glimpse of the space shuttle who held…

ooo

It was like someone had shot him in the heart.

He had been dusting his Darth Vader action figures (produced by Dark Fascination Inc, a company directly funded by the First Order) when the Force suddenly electrified him from head to toe. Every single hair of his body stood on its end almost painfully as static electricity coursed though his veins. It lasted a second and an eternity, then vanished as fast as it came, leaving a panting Kylo behind.

Well, no, not everything was the same then before. He tried to sit down to get over the chock, but soon stood up to pace the room, moving various things around. He took out his mask, went to look at himself in the mirror (damn helmet hair, he though as he tried to ruffle them and give them volume), then came back in his room. He had planned to go to sleep soon (he had only slept three hours in the last twenty-four of them, with all the ruckus) but he felt as he needed to do something.

He had become restless.

ooo

There is something that I must absolutely talk about before anything else, and that is the latest rumors about how ethically acceptable is a canon Reylo.

I read an article about Disney Infinity and its last game upgrade, of whatever it is called. The legend says that if you play as Ray, Kylo will be shouting out 'face me, cousin'. At first, upon hearing the news, my heart sank as I saw my OTP fall into the dark depth of incest territory.

But I wasn't about to go down with a fight. I made a whole research on how bad it is to have sex with your cousin (did you know Darwin married his cousin? Pretty cool, hun? That must be why most of their children died at an early age!). And it turned out that it was at the very limit of what was considered to be acceptable. Well, I have just made a joke about dying babies without batting an eye, so why not shipping cousins?

(Actually, I don't think that would be a big deal. The major problem about cousin dating each other – on a biological level – is the higher probability of children that carry a rare genetic disease… but also that they carry their family's typical quality. And what is the typical quality of Darth Vader's family line? Well they only made seven movies about it!)

Luckily for me, the rumor was a montage where someone mixed in a clip of Kylo shouting 'face me' and, not 'cousin' (how would he know about that crucial information in the first place?), but curses as he was damaged. That was my cue to start crying in pure happiness. I still have two more years before risking once more my shipping in the face of the canon.

(But… If I may theorize… I highly doubt that Rey is anywhere near being Luke's daughter… It would sound to much like a magician's trick to me. Who would be the mother? And Luke sounds a little to virtuous for messing around with women in the fist place...)