David's Soundtrack
A/N – I just have to say it's amazing how many Green Day songs fit with Dave's thoughts. Anyway, this song is on the American Idiot Broadway Cast CD. It was a song Billie Joe wrote for his wife and was never previously recorded. The lyrics are at the end, but in this one they're actually kind of part of the story.
Here's the song on youtube /watch?v=NvKsENlv8pg (just put the main youtube addy in front of that)
When It's Time
I knew I liked Kurt from the second I saw him. The way he carried himself with such confidence was intoxicating. The way he spoke with suck eloquence was mind boggling. Unfortunately I possessed no such gifts. Yeah, I was great on the football field and actually got pretty good grades in my classes, but when it came to expressing myself, I was sorely lacking.
It happened every time I tried to approach him. I knew I wasn't good with words, so I'd plan what I wanted to say in advance. Hell, I'd even practice it to myself. Then I'd find myself walking up to Kurt in the hallway, and when he turned to face me, I'd freeze. Any coherent thoughts flew out of my brain and I stood there like the Neanderthal, he thought I was. And because I lacked the self confidence and poise he possessed, I'd let my frustrations get the best of me and wind up lashing out physically or with stupid insults that filled the void my fear had created. I always regretted those words as soon as they left my mouth.
I saw the fear in his eyes every day. I found myself wishing there was a way I could make him understand how I felt. I wish I had the courage to just walk up to Kurt and tell him. And then it happened. The day where everything changed. It seemed like even when I finally expressed how I felt, I managed to screw it up.
Kurt followed me to the locker room yelling at me, asking what my problem was. I really wished I could tell him. I wanted to turn around and take his hands in mine and profess how much I admired him. But as he kept flinging those sentences at me, I froze again. Even his insults were articulate. Eventually, as always, physicality over rode everything else. I pulled him close and kissed him. I tried to push all of my longing and emotions into that kiss, but as I pulled away I saw I had failed. His face was full of horror.
After that day, I knew it was over. I had ruined any chance I would ever have had to make him understand. Simple words would never be able to overcome the damage I had done. I had not only driven him away from me, I managed to make him leave all of his friends too.
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After Kurt left, things were okay. I managed to get my grades back up. The football team even got to the championship game. Despite how much I protested joining with the glee club to do the halftime show, I found myself enjoying it. I loved the freedom I felt out there. I think most people put on a mask when they perform, but for me it was like I was able to drop the mask of Karofsky, and let Dave come out.
After the game when Finn asked me if I was going to join glee. I really wanted to say yes, even if it meant facing Kurt again. But, standing in the hallway of McKinley, I was Karofsky and the words just wouldn't come out. Instead a horrible tirade of insults came out of my mouth. I walked away feeling like I had just ruined my last chance to tell Kurt how I felt.
Later that evening, as I sat alone in my room doing my homework, an idea came to me. I knew how I could let the Karofsky mask drop, so, as Dave, I could tell Kurt how I really felt. I opened my closet door and felt blindly around the dark space until I felt my and wrap around the handle. I pulled out the guitar case that hadn't seen the light of day since I had decided I wanted to be a football player and not a rock and roll star. I opened the case and held the instrument in my hands. It felt so natural. I managed to get the strings tuned and began to play.
Words get trapped in my mind
Sorry I don't take the time to feel the way I do
'Cause the first day you came into my life
My time ticks around you
But then I need your voice
As the key to unlock
All the love that's trapped in me
So tell me when it's time to say I love you
All I want is you to understand
That when I take your hand
It's 'cause I want to
We are all born in a world of doubt
But there's no doubt
I figured out
I love you
And I feel lonely for
All the losers that will never take the time to say
What was really on their mind instead
They just hide away
Yet they'll never have
Someone like you to guide them
And help along the way
Or tell them when it's time to say I love you
So tell me when it's time to say I love you.
A/N – This didn't come out how I had planned it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. This is certainly a song that I think would be perfect for Dave to sing.
What do you guys think?