"Six weeks?" Sue's voice was a mixture of surprise and sadness.
"Yes, six weeks. I will be traveling a lot. Going to a lot of meetings, training others, and doing some training myself." Jack's mind was racing, even as his heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces.
"When do you leave?"
"Monday."
Sue tried to keep her voice from shaking though a lump formed in the back of her throat. "Well, it is a good opportunity for you. I am glad you were chosen." Even as she said it, she knew she was not glad he was chosen. Not that she did not want him to do well, or advance in the FBI, but she knew where advancing might lead. Panic nearly took over, as her brain tried to fathom the next few weeks without him.
"I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could go out for supper. I figure it will be awhile before we get to do anything again." He was glad she couldn't hear his voice, because at the moment he was having a hard time keeping it steady. It was crazy really. Sue was his friend. Nothing more. Sure they had been best friends for five years, and yes, he would be the first to admit that she was very attractive--beautiful even. There had been moments when he felt so drawn to her that it was difficult not to wrap her in his arms. Moments it was hard to keep from showering her with kisses, but he was sure that all these feelings came from spending so much time with her. A result of the closeness of their relationship. For five years he had been assuring himself and his friends that there was nothing romantic between him and the woman who stood in front of him now. If only he could stop his heart from breaking at the thought of leaving her for six weeks; maybe then he would be able to believe it.
"Sounds good. If you're paying." Even as she made their familiar joke, she could not force herself to smile. It dawned on her that in the past five years, she and Jack had never gone more than just a couple of days without seeing each other. She knew it was a strange relationship, but it was their relationship; a part of her life she never wanted to lose.
A small smile showed on his face, though it did not reach his eyes. "I'm paying, and we are going some place nice. No pizza tomorrow!"
"Can't pass up a deal like that." They were now standing at her door after he had walked her home. Standing face to face they suddenly lapsed into silence, both looking into each others eyes. It was a moment that had repeated itself over and over since they met. Each of them mentally preparing themselves to leave the other one, but neither wanting to be the first to break away.
Finally Sue broke the silence, "It's getting late." It was hard to tell how many times she had stood in this exact spot and said those exact words. "See you tomorrow."
"Why don't I pick you up before evening service tomorrow. We can go to church and then to eat." The ache in his heart when he considered saying goodbye to her rivaled the night he had his heart attack.
"See you then. Night."
"Goodnight." Watching her turn away, he wondered how he had been so fortunate to find a friend like Sue. If things were different, he would be the first in line to date her. But things were the way they were. Each time he entertained thoughts like that, he would remind himself of what he had done. A deed he considered to be too terrible to seek forgiveness from Sue. Walking away from her door, he allowed a lone tear to make a path down his cheek, as he reminded himself that Sue was not for him.