Chapter 4

Edward POV

I looked around the restaurant as I tried to think of what to talk to about after she told about her having an abortion. I feel for her and now, I have to try to get her to agree to get help. Maybe I should wait on talking about her getting help. I kissed her hand and looked at her. She smiled at me and I smiled back at her, in return.

"Bella, I have something to ask you." I started, feeling nervous.

"What is it?" She asked, her voice hitching.

"Excuse me, are you ready to order?" Our waitress asked as she looked between us.

"Can we have a little more time, please?" I answered as I looked over at Bella.

"Sure, I'll be back in a few minutes." She replied and walked over to another table.

"Bella, just please look at me," I whispered as I kissed her hand.

"I am, Edward." she mumbled as she kissed my hand, as well.

"Well, Bella, I know you have been through a lot and I've been there for you."

Bella nodded, "So what do you want to ask me?"

I took a deep breath. I can do this.

I got down on one knee and took out a small box, opening it to reveal her ring.

"Bella, will you marry me?" I asked, hoping she'd say yes.

"What?" she whispered as she stared at me.

"Will you marry me?" I repeated, slowly. I started to feel dread coursing through my body. That wasn't a no … but it wasn't a yes, either.

"Ah, I don't know what to say," she answered as she, slowly, tried to move her hand away.

"Bella, please answer me." I pleaded as I squeezed her hand.

I continued to stare at her. I knew this was going to happen. She sat there in silence. I was beginning to get worried that she might tell me to take her to Sue and Charlie's house. I still was kneeling on the floor, waiting, patiently, for her to give me an answer. I squeezed her hand again, hoping it would spur her into responding. I could see she wanted to answer my question, but she was afraid.

"Bella, I know you want to say yes, but you're scared." I said as I placed the ring on the table and grabbed her other hand.

"I'm not sure if I am ready to commit to anything right now." She whispered as she looked away from me.

I placed her hand on the place where my heart was beating. She knows that I'm nothing like him. I'll obey her wishes even though I wanted her to say yes. I traced her face with my free hand. I started to feel like shit for asking her to marry me. I knew in my heart that she might not be ready and I was pushing her. She didn't even turn to look at me.

"Do you want me to take you back home?" I asked, sadly.

"Edward, it's not that I don't want to be with you. After everything I've been through, this is a big step." She explained as tears filled her eyes.

"All I want to do is be with you. You're my everything." I whispered as I kissed her hand.

"I know and thank you." She muttered as she finally looked at me.

I didn't know what to say after she said that. If I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want to be alone and I'd want to be happy. I know she loves me but my heart broke when she announced she wasn't ready. I know she knows that I love her with all my heart.

"Bella, it's okay. I will wait until you're ready." I whispered, wiping away her tears.

"I know you wanted tonight to be the night that we became engaged, but I feel like we're rushing into this." She whispered as she kissed my hand.

I don't want to rush her. I know she was surprised at my proposal, though. Do I try to talk her into getting help or do I wait?

"Edward, is something wrong?" She asked, curiously.

"Ah, no, I'm just glad you told me." I answered as I waved our waitress over.

I think she knows that I want to talk to her about getting help. I can tell, even though she doesn't want to admit it. I took both of her hands in mine.

"I know something is bothering you." She said as she tried to get me to tell her.

She continues to ask me if there's something bothering me, but I stand firm. I don't answer her questions. I can't talk her about it right now. I do feel bad for her. I realized I didn't even know whether Bella regretted her decision to abort her baby.

"Bella, did you want to keep the baby?" I asked, curiously.

"I did but no one knew about the baby, not even that asshole." She answered as tears filled her eyes again.

"Did you know the sex of the baby?" I asked feeling bad about asking her and bringing up this upsetting subject again.