Chapter Three: What the devil…

Boom, boom, boom. "Oh, dear," Leonard sighed, peaking his head out of the apartment door. "Oh, no," he groaned as his suspicions were confirmed. "Defcom five."

"Leonard, we've already had this discussion. Defcom five means no dan-" Sheldon started but was cut off by Penny slamming the door to her apartment so forcefully that it shook the pictures in their apartment. "Defcom five," he conceded quickly.

"What should we do?" Leonard said, pacing the living room in five large strides. "What should we do?"

"What dictates we do anything?" Sheldon said, a long winded explanation of his logic cut off by another mysterious slam coming from Penny's apartment. "I'll get my emergency evacuation bag."

"No, no, no" Leonard started to chew violently on his thumb. "Think I should go over there?"

"You can but it's your dirge," Sheldon warned, "and Penny will be singing it." Another slam had both Leonard and Sheldon ducking for imaginary cover. "My God, it's like 'Stomp' around here today."

"I'm going over there."

"You have written a will, haven't you? Because I refuse to battle Raj and Howard for your comic book collection when it should rightfully be mine as best friend and roommate, per contract." Leonard sighed and walked out the door. He stood hesitantly in front of Penny's apartment, chewing on a fingernail."Well," Sheldon goaded from the doorway of their apartment, "go on."

"You just going to stand there and watch?"

"The police will want witnesses," Sheldon said without a hint of sarcasm. Leonard raised his hand and knocked. He heard Penny sobbing on the other side.

"What?" she practically screamed.

"Uh, hi, Penny?" Leonard said awkwardly through the door. "It's me, heh heh, Leonard."

"What do you want?" she sobbed.

"Can I come in?" Leonard didn't know what it was but Penny hurdled something extremely heavy towards the door. Leonard jumped with the resounding 'thud' and backed away. "I take that as a 'no'?" Penny let out a mournful moan.

"Well, that was a real home-run, Michael Jordan."

"Michael Jordan played basketball," Leonard moaned as he slunk back to the apartment, defeated.

"Your point?" Leonard threw himself onto the armchair. "Perhaps I should give it the old college try?" Sheldon said hopefully. "I never really understood that phrase. It would implying college was actually trying." Sheldon turned quickly on his heel and was out the door before Leonard could get out of the chair.

"If you die, I get your Superman miniatures."

"Don't be...Penny!...ridiculous," Sheldon said as he knocked his special knock, "I've already willed...Penny!... those to Raj. You get my Star Trek costumes." Sheldon knocked the third time, "Penny!" and stood waiting. She cracked the door open a bit."Mind if I come in?"

"Did you bring booze?" she sniffled.

"No." She thought about turning him out but decided she could at least vent on Sheldon. He wouldn't get his feelings hurt so easily. She opened the door wide enough for him to slip through but not enough for her to notice the evident surprise on Leonard's face. Sheldon stood in the center of her living room, suddenly realizing the predicament he had placed himself in. Penny was a mess. She had thrown her hair back into what she called defined for him as a messy bun when, in fact, it only reminded Sheldon of a bust of Medusa he had once seen. Her eyes were rimmed in the mascara she had worn that day and she had already changed into her comfort robe and ratty house slippers.

"Care to share why you look like raccoon Barbie?" She grabbed a tissue angrily and started rubbing her eyes. "Well now you look like you have a bad case of conjunctivitis."

"Thanks, Sheldon, I though you were going to make me feel better. I had the absolute worst day of my life," she started, not even offering for him to sit. She threw herself on her couch and picked up a large thing made of yarn and started to fiddle with it. "First off, I got to work late because my tire blew on my way there. Then, I get the rudest customer I have ever met. Sheldon, he would grab my ass every time I would walk away from the table!"

"No!" Sheldon said, fulfilling Penny's need for human empathy with his mock horror.

"Yes! When I told my boss, he told me it was just harmless fun. Shake it off, Penny. I couldn't do it. I blew up on the customer. I dumped his clam chowder down his pants."

"Penny, I hate to interrupt but what the devil are you doing?" he said, pointing at the yarn thing that was growing as she spoke.

"Oh," she chuckled, her anger forgotten for a moment, "it's crocheting, Sheldon."

"Ah, yes, from the middle French croche, meaning 'hook'."

"My grandmother taught me just a few simple stitches when I was nine. I only ever take it out when I'm angry."

"Why haven't I seen it before?"

"Scratch that, only when I'm angry and out of booze." Sheldon watched her nimble fingers loop and whirl the yarn around the little metal hook in her hand. She held it deftly with her fourth and fifth digits of her right hand while using the second and third to maneuver the hook through the pattern. Penny felt suddenly self-conscience with Sheldon's observant, scientist eyes on her. She threw down the yarn and looked away. It amazed her to see Sheldon pick up the work and start to mimic her.

"Sheldon, I didn't know you could crochet!"

"I can't. I am merely repeating the algorithmic pattern of your movements to achieve the same goal."

"In English, you're copying me."

"That's what I said, isn't it?" His stitches were quite as tight and practiced as hers but were technically sound and damn impressive.

"Hey, Sheldon," he didn't look up from his work, "thanks for talking me down." Sheldon put the crochet down and shifted his eyes to every focal point in the room but the pretty girl in front of him. Sheldon nodded and stiffly stood. "Hey, when this is done, you can have it." She held up a patchwork throw blanket of numerous, clashing, odd colors of yarn in no decipherable pattern.

"Thank you?"

"What? I've been working on it since I was nine! I would just add whatever color of yarn I had when I ran out." Sheldon let a little smirk slip on his lips.

"I'll look like Joseph in the technicolor dream coat." Penny opened the door, a bright smile on her lips. She playfully smacked Sheldon as he walked out. Leonard was leaning on the doorway.

"Oh, hey, Leonard," she said as an afterthought. "Night, Sheldon." Sheldon waved awkwardly and turned to the questioning look on Leonard's face.

"A magician does not reveal his secrets."

Author's note: I don't think it's as funny as the last two chapters but it's a bit more plotfull. Hope Sheldon was Sheldon-y enough! Do remember I have no beta so I just write and post so all typos are my own ignorance and laziness.