Chapter 3: Feelings Revealed
More days would pass as Amak and his team continued their search for the caribou. Eventually, Aniu recovered fully from her injuries, so she would sometimes go out and look around the area herself. Trying to follow the team during the day would be too risky, as there was the chance that she would be spotted, so she would go off in a different direction. However, her searches yielded nothing as well, and in the evenings, she would meet up with Amak at the cave.
Ever since the night that they first went stargazing, they continued to meet and go out together in the night. Sometimes they watched the stars, and other times they took walks in the woods. As the days went by, she noticed that Amak was growing more open and affectionate with her. He would always greet her with a kind smile, and a few times, he had given her a quick nuzzle. Their conversations started to change over time as well. It progressed from how wolves and dogs were similar and different, to more personal topics, like friends and family. They grew closer to each other and every day and Aniu started to feel less of a desire to rejoin her pack, replaced by the desire to stay with Amak.
"Wait, what am I thinking? Of course I want to rejoin my pack, that's the whole reason I asked for Amak's help. Besides, I kind of miss Faro, Atka and Salin too; they are such great friends. I met Amak no more than a week ago, but now, I don't like the idea of being away from him. What is going on with me? Part of me wants him, but another part wants to be with my pack. How could I be so conflicted? Could I have been right before; could I have fallen in love with him?"
She tried to push those thoughts away from her, but they remained, and they weren't helped much by Amak either. He had come to enjoy her company too, and many times since their first night stargazing, he would tell her that he would miss her when she was gone. More than once, she had thought about simply following Amak to where he lived in order to stay with him. She knew that she belonged with her pack, but she wanted him so much that she was willing to follow him into uncharted territory to be with him. These wild thoughts reminded her of Amak's story.
"The strange thing is that she left without very much fuss. I guess she loved him so much that she was willing to start over with him," Sierra had left to live with her wolf mate because she loved him. She wanted to stay with him, even though she would be entering a world she didn't know much about. She loved him and that was enough for her to want to start over with him.
"There's no other way to explain it; everything is pointing to the same thing. I love Amak. I love him, but now the question is… does he love me back?" she thought, "He has been very affectionate with me lately, but is that love, or is that just a dog's way of being nice?"
No sooner had she finished that thought, than when Amak entered the cave, panting and grinning wildly, "Aniu, I found them! I found the caribou! You can go back home tomorrow!"
"You found them? Oh thank you so much Amak," she replied, and she dove for him, nuzzling his chest.
"Oh, uh, you're very welcome," he said, a little off guard by her sudden action. However, he didn't pull away from her. The feeling of her head running through his fur was actually quite pleasant...
"Will you still be able to come with me to look for them?" she asked, snapping him out of his daze.
"Oh, of course I will. I said I would didn't I?" he replied. Aniu smiled, and even though she was glad that he had succeeded, there was also a part of her that had wanted to stay with him, and that part was crying at the thought of leaving him behind.
The caribou herd had settled themselves several miles away from where Aniu was now. The best way for her to reach them would be if Amak and the team went first, while Aniu followed a few minutes behind them. Once the team had reached their destination, the dogs would be allowed to roam while their owner hunted the caribou with his friend. Amak would then slip away and meet up with Aniu so that he could help her in her search.
The night before, Aniu was restless, grappling with what she had realized. She had fallen in love with Amak, but she would have to leave him very soon. She wished that there was some way, any way for her to continue seeing Amak, but she didn't want to leave the friends she had made in her pack either. After tossing and turning for a couple of hours, she finally decided to try something. She prayed to the spirits. She prayed that they would give her some way of seeing Amak, without having to abandon her pack. Once she finished her prayer, she put her head back down, hoping that her words would be answered.
Bright and early the next morning, Amak's team prepared to leave while Aniu watched from the nearby bushes. She waited for a few minutes after they had left before going out to follow them. The tracks left in the snow, combined with the scent of the dogs left an easy trail to follow. She knew that she had to be careful and keep her distance, or else the human and his dogs would think that she was coming for them. The trail cut through the woods and she followed alongside it, using the tress to cover her approach. An hour later, she found where they had stopped. The caribou herd had settled themselves in a large open field. The human had started to unload his gear after unhooking the dogs, and she found Amak waiting a short distance away.
"Psst," she whispered, "Amak, it's me."
He turned around and saw her peeking through the trees before coming up to join her, "There you are. So, where should we start?" he asked, "Where would a wolf pack hide themselves?"
"Near the caribou, but not too close to be seen by them," she replied, "They would be probably be somewhere in the forest, around the edge of the field."
"The field is huge. You're saying that they could be anywhere around it?" he asked.
"Yes, but it shouldn't be too hard to find them," she said, "Wolves leave scent signs to mark their territory and navigate around it. We just have to find a trace of them and follow it."
Amak nodded and soon they were off on their search. They walked around the field, sniffing trees and other objects to see if they carried her pack's scent. As they walked, they were both very quiet. Occasionally, she would hear Amak mutter something to himself, but she could never quite make it out. It seemed like he was thinking something over. However, he was not the only one who was facing a bit of a dilemma. Aniu herself wanted to tell him how she felt, but she couldn't find the right way to approach it. She didn't want to just blurt it out, but she couldn't keep it hidden forever, "Should I tell him? We might not see each other again, but I can't keep it locked up forever. Even if I do tell him, what if he doesn't feel the same way? I wouldn't want to leave him with a parting thought like that. If only I had a little more time with him; if only I could see him again after this..."
Soon their search led into a riverbed, and as they walked along the ice, she couldn't hold it in any more. She had to say something, "Amak, if I haven't already, I want to thank you for all of your help," she started, "I'm very grateful for everything you've done for me."
"You're very welcome Aniu," he replied, "I'm happy that I got to meet you too."
"Yes, if only we had a little more time together," she said, "Time I could use to tell you how I feel." "I wish I could see you again after this."
He stopped walking, but it was not because of her comment. She looked at him and saw that he was looking around the area with an expression of wonder, "Oh my... I don't believe it..." he muttered.
"Amak?"
He looked back at her, and took a deep breath, "Actually Aniu... there is something that I want to ask you," he started, with a hint of anxiety in his voice.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well, it's just that... I've really come to enjoy your company and... if you wanted to see me again... I might have a way to make that happen..." he said nervously, "That is... if you don't mind."
"I... I'd love to see you again," she said, "Please let this be true; don't let this be a dream." "But how? How could we see each other after this? Don't you have to leave with your human soon?"
"I do have to leave here, but soon I'll be heading back to my home town. Have I told you about it?" he asked.
"No, I don't think so," she replied. In all of their discussions, she had forgotten to ask him where he lived, and she mentally kicked herself for overlooking it, "That's what you get when you spend all your time staring at his eyes Aniu."
"Well, I live in a town called White Mountain. It's actually not that far from here," he continued, "In fact, this riverbed leads right towards the town... so if you want to come..."
Aniu's jaw dropped. Amak would be within touching distance of her. This couldn't be real; this was way to easy, "Are you sure?"
"Of course I am. Some of our trips have taken us to a town called Nome, and one of the legs of the trip is this riverbed," he said, "So, if you wanted to drop by..."
Aniu was thrilled; she would have more time to be with Amak. She laughed in joy and came up to nuzzle into his chest, "Oh thank you. Thank you so much for this," she said.
"Woah, well… you're welcome," he replied, a little surprised by her outburst, "Do you remember that race that I told you about earlier? The Trans-Alaskan Derby?" he asked.
"You mean the race that you told me about shortly after I met you?" she said.
He paused as he remembered that day... the day he had first laid eyes on her, "Keep it together Amak, you don't know if she feels the same way... then again, she is pressed up into my chest," he thought, "Well, right after my owner finishes his hunting trip, we're going to be taking part in that race. The start is quite a distance from here, but the finish is in White Mountain, the town I live in," he said, "If you want... you can come by and watch. You can see me... do what I do best. Maybe you'll even see me become a champion."
"I'd love that Amak," she replied, "I'd love nothing more than to see you race."
"Really? I mean... that's great," he continued, still a little anxious, "I wasn't sure if it would mean that much for you to see me," he said.
"Oh it does, you have no idea how much it does," she said.
"This is wonderful," he whispered. He had to say something; something that would show how much he cared.
"I can't believe it," she whispered as well. She couldn't hold back any longer; she had to tell him.
"Aniu..."
"Amak..."
"I love you."
They both froze when they realized what they had said. At the same time, they had both uttered those three little words that carried so much weight, "You… love me?" he asked.
"And you... love me too?" she asked and he nodded, "Yes Amak, I do love you. It started small, but now, after our time together, I don't want to be away from you. You're the most caring and handsome dog I have ever met and I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you too," he replied, "I love you Aniu, but I was afraid to admit it because I thought you'd be gone soon. I love everything about you. You're the most beautiful sight I've ever seen and you have a wonderful spirit to match," he said, "I wasn't sure about how you would react, but ever since that night we first watched the lights, I've been feeling like we were meant to be together."
"I wasn't sure how you would react either," she continued, "I didn't want to say it, only to leave you so soon."
"Well, now we've said it, and we don't have to worry about being apart," he said. Once they had both gotten what they wanted to say off their chests, they both breathed in a huge sigh of relief. Aniu no longer felt conflicted and Amak was no longer anxious about holding in what he wanted to say. She continued to nuzzle into his chest and he returned it with his own.
"So, what now?" she asked, "What do we do now?"
"I know what we should do. We should make sure that our love doesn't fall apart. If you want to find my home town, you have to follow this riverbed to the south," he instructed, while pointing his head in the proper direction, "The riverbed will eventually lead to a wide open plain. The town will be smack in the middle of it, so it won't be hard to find from there," he said, "Now, I won't be there for the next several days, as I'm going to be in the race, but once I come back, we can visit each other as much as we want."
"When will you be back?" she asked.
"Let me think… we're not leaving for another couple of days. It'll take us some time to get there, but we'll be booking it to get back. I'd say about ten days before we come back home for the finish," he said.
"I'll be cheering for you there," she replied. They remained there, leaning against each other, and Aniu felt as though a large weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She had been able to tell him how she felt, and he had returned her feelings. Better yet, even after she had returned to her pack, she could continue to see Amak in town. Everything she had prayed for had come true, "Thank you, to whoever or whatever was looking out for me."
Suddenly, a howl cut through the woods. It was quite distant but Aniu recognized it as Atka's; they were close to her pack.
"Is that a friend of yours?" Amak asked.
"Yes, it is, I really should go now. I guess that this is goodbye," she said.
"Hey, at least it's not goodbye forever," Amak replied and Aniu gave him a parting lick on the cheek before she dashed away in the direction of the howl, "Remember, south along the riverbed to the town in ten days!" Amak called out.
"I won't forget if you don't," Aniu replied. Amak chuckled and after seeing her disappear in the brush, he turned back towards his own team, "With her watching, I'll make sure I finish first. I'll be a champion for you Aniu."
Aniu continued to trot through the woods and soon she picked up the scent markers of her pack. As she got closer to them, she wondered what she would tell them. The most obvious thing would be to tell the truth, but would they believe it? Their old pack had been hunted by humans and dogs, so the idea of a dog saving her and keeping her safe would sound preposterous to them. She thought about telling them everything she had learned from Amak, from the time she spent with him…
"We must never associate with them. They are almost as dangerous as the humans themselves!"
She stopped running and realized that her pack would probably look down on her if she told them she had made friends with a husky. She might even be banished, just like how Sierra was banished when she was found with a wolf, "Would that happen to me? Would I be labeled a 'husky-lover' and cast out from the pack, or would they attack Amak to ensure I would never be able to see him again?" It was clear that in order for her and him to stay safe, she couldn't tell them about her time with Amak, "Maybe I could tell them what had happened, but remove any mention of Amak. I could tell them that I had been injured by a moose, and had to wait a few days to recover, and that it took me some more time to track them down," That story was still mostly true, and it didn't make any mention of Amak. She continued running, but another thought came to her. How would she cover her time when she left to see Amak's race? Getting lost and injured is easy enough to explain, but running off for no reason would be much harder to cover. Packs always stayed together, and if she disappeared again, they might start to get suspicious. However, Amak did say that he wouldn't reach the town for another ten days; hopefully by then she could think of something.
She knew that she would have to announce her presence sooner or later, so she let out a howl to try to get their attention. After a short pause, she heard a reply as all four of them howled back. They were dead ahead, so she ran towards them, needing only a few more minutes to find them. Mayak was the first to meet her, "Aniu, where have you been?" he snapped.
"Trying to find you," she replied. Now she would see if her story would hold, "I was injured by a moose during that storm and I had to wait a few days to recover. It took me some more time to track down the caribou in order to find you guys."
"Are you sure there isn't anything else?" asked Faro.
"Why would there be?" she asked.
"Well, it's just that after the storm, we looked around for you," Mayak continued, "The winds had scattered most of your scent, but there were still traces. In one spot, we found traces of your scent along with another; a dog's scent to be exact. Can you shed any light on this?"
"Um, no. I didn't meet any dogs. It could have been there, but not when I was there," she replied, growing a little nervous.
"Well, you were curious about them before. Maybe you found one?" Atka suggested.
"Nope. It's not like I would try to be friends with them, after what I've heard from you," she said, trying to steer the conversation away from anything related to Amak.
"Good. I'd hate for you to fall prey to their lies," Mayak growled.
"Oh Mayak, if only you knew how kind they could be. If you could put your bitterness behind you, you would see much more than a threat," she thought. "I can take care of myself."
"I'm sure you can, but I don't want to lose you again," Mayak said, this time much softer, "Actually, Aniu, there's something I want to ask you."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Could you three leave us alone for a moment?" he said to the others. They moved away, leaving just the two of them in the area, "Alright, this is something I don't want them to hear yet, but Aniu, I've been thinking. You and I, we make a great pair, don't you think?"
"Well, we do work together quite well……"
"I'm not just talking about hunting together. I mean us, together," he said.
"What are you getting at?"
"Aniu, how would you feel if this year we became… mates?" he asked.
This was definitely a shock for her. Normally, this wouldn't be much of a problem, as it is customary in a wolf pack for the alpha male to become mates with the alpha female. However, in this case, there was a complication. Just minutes ago, she had professed her love for Amak. However, Mayak knew nothing of the husky. She had to keep her love for Amak a secret from him, but she couldn't simply turn her back on the one she loved in order to keep her cover. Besides, Mayak hadn't exactly done anything to impress her the way Amak did, "I… I don't know. It's all a little much," she replied.
"I know it is, but I want you to think about it," he said and came in closer to whisper in her ear, "Though, I'm sure you know that you don't have much of a choice here. I'm the alpha, so it's either me or one of those mangy dogs out there," he tried to lean in to nuzzle her, but she pulled away from him. He seemed a little surprised by her reluctance.
"I'll think about it," she said and ran off. Her face didn't show it, but she was starting to panic. Mayak wanted to be her mate, yet there was Amak. After everything Mayak had said, it was obvious that her love for Amak would be forbidden. She couldn't tell any of her pack or they might exile her... or worse. She knew that she was supposed to have a wolf mate, but the thought of being with Mayak made it feel as though she would be cheating on Amak.
"It's either me or one of those mangy dogs out there."
What did Mayak mean by that? Was he just trying to convince her to be his mate, or did he know something? Was he suspicious of her being with a husky? If he was, he didn't say anything about it, but there was something about his voice. Aniu didn't know exactly what it was, but something about it frightened her a little.
She knew that her love for Amak wouldn't be accepted by the others, but it was only now that she realized just how much trouble she would be in if she were caught. She could be exiled, or Mayak could make efforts to ensure that Aniu would be his; he might hurt Amak to stop him from being with her. However, she couldn't turn her back on Amak, not after all he had done for her and all the time they had spent together. She loved him, and there was nothing that anyone, not even Mayak, could do to change that.