As he unlocked his car door, Al heard the insistent buzz of his cellular. The moment he entered the vehicle, he stashed the small bag in the back seat and snapped up the phone.
"Where the hell have you been?"
Sam. Damn it all. He leaned on the steering wheel, just the sound of his voice draining the tension from him. He'd been so worried, what with his abrupt hang up the night before. "I'm in Alamagordo, Sam," he said carefully, closing the door and kicking aside a can as he set his legs in front of him. "Doing some shopping. Where are you?"
"In Cleveland. We hit some lousy weather and I've been trying to call you for the past two hours. I thought you'd left again, or been hurt."
The anxiety in Sam's voice came through loud and clear. "Just shopping, kid. I can't carry this damn phone with me everywhere I go. How long are you held up there?"
"Tony is getting clearance now. I'm in the VIP lounge trying to maintain a low profile. No reporters, just nosy civilians. They recognize my face, Al. I'm not in the best of moods and I really needed to hear your voice."
"You stay right where you are. Where's Tony?"
"He's coming now. You were right - he's keeping his eye on me. I'm scared to death, exposed like this. That guy, the picture - "
"All right, let me talk to your pilot, Sam. Just give him the phone and settle down."
"Okay." The phone was handed off to the other man.
"Hello?"
"Tony, get that kid out of there. Those nozzles will eat him alive."
"I'm doing precisely that, Admiral. We'll be off the ground and home - just an hour later. The weather stinks; lousy flying. Cleveland was out of the way and a real bitch, but we made it. Straight away to New Mexico from here and I just got clearance. I got some guys from airport security to watch out for over-interested people, and keep them away. We're not that far from our plane, and I'll take care of him, Al."
"See to it." His voice held all the spank of the Admiral. "No mistakes, Tony. Put Sam back on."
"No problem, Al. Here's Sam."
"Al?"
"You'll be home before you know it. I'm waiting here for you. Call me if you want, but not while you're up in the air. Somehow it's easier to monitor a call up there. I don't know why, but they can. Just get out of the damned airport. If you have to land, just call me and let me know you're safe. Understand?"
"Okay." The voice was less panicked. "I'll be home soon, Al. Thanks. And, by the way," he said, his voice teasing. "What are you doing shopping in Alamagordo? Maybe meeting an old friend?"
"Watch it, Sam. Tony is sitting there..."
"With a smirk across his face. Who's the friend, Al?"
"There's no friend here, Sam. Nobody. Just shopping, like I said."
"You couldn't get it in Carizzozo?"
"Uh, not really, Sam. Just drop it, okay? I'm not catting around, damn it." His voice was on the edge of frustration, not really knowing if Sam was kidding or not.
"I'll see you later, Admiral."
Al laid the phone on the rest and leaned back in the seat. He had the beginnings of a stress headache and his stomach was killing him. That damned ulcer Swann was constantly lecturing him about. He knew for a fact the pain would be a constant until Sam was safely in his arms at home.
The house was so silent. It was nearly seven p.m., and no phone call from Sam forthcoming. Nothing since that call from Cleveland. Either, Al thought, watching the drive from the living room window, he's had a smooth flight with no problems, or they've crashed and died. That thought made his stomach twinge again, despite the medication.
For the millionth time he lifted the phone, thinking about dialing Sam. Why not? His fingers punched in the number automatically. After the tenth ring, the operator came on the line and informed him. that the customer on the other end was off line. Disconnected. His thank you was perfunctional. All he could do was wait. With the weather as bad as it had been maybe their service had been disrupted, or the phone was deep in Sam's bag and he was unable to answer it.
Imagined sounds came to his straining ears. Every time he thought he heard a car, and then, nothing. No appearance o£ Tony's old Mazda. He slumped down on the couch, his face buried in his hands.
Suddenly, he heard the unmistakable sound of wheels on gravel and Sam's breezy, "See you later, and thanks!"
After releasing the breath he'd been holding, Al said a quick thank you to whoever and remained seated on the couch, waiting for Sam to come to him. The kid was holding the cards now, and Al had to play his hand out.
"Al?" Sam frowned as he entered through the garage door. He'd expected Al out in front, a big emotional reunion. Not the silence of a seemingly empty home. Dumping his luggage by the door, he closed it and caned his way through the hall and into the living room.
The slender, dark form was seated on the couch. "I'm home, Al. Are you okay?" His voice was full of hope, overjoyed at the sight of his friend. "I know I'm a little late, but..."
"It's okay, Sam. Sit by me. Don't ask a lot of questions now." Al let his eyes come up and gaze at Sam's face for a moment. His nose was a little red, his eyes so wide and just a little teary.
Sitting down, Sam gazed at Al, noticing the weary lines that were drawn on his face; some fresh and desperately disguised by the hand rubbed across them. "I would have called, but the phone was messed up," he said, his words rapid and desperate. "It wasn't the best flight I've taken, but certainly not the worst."
"Hear me out, Sam. I don't know how you'll feel about this." He leaned back against the couch, half-smiling.
"What?" Sam's curiosity was getting the best of him. Al didn't seem intrusive, or angry at all.
"You keep bringing up this thing about commitment." Al stirred uncomfortably on the couch. "Look, Sam, I don't know how to go about this. You've been gone a week, and, yeah, it's been hard on me. Scared the hell out of everyone when that picture appeared out of nowhere. Well, out of Indiana. Still haven't found the guy, and when I do..-"
"Hedging, Al." Sam slumped, crossing his arms over his chest. "Just say it."
The red rimmed dark eyes shot up at that, catching Sam's, a mixture of fear, reluctance, and some unspoken emotion warring for supremacy. Then they closed, and he could read them no longer. When he spoke, it was so soft that Sam had to lean close to hear the words. "When you...left this week, it was almost like when you were leaping. I couldn't really be there-not that you couldn't handle it by yourself, but I'm used to..-being there, too."
"But, Al... that's the point. You could have been there, should have-"
"No." The response was quick, firm and brooked no arguing.
Sam decided to leave that alone, for now. His friend was struggling to say something, and he was not going to give him the easy out of another argument to provide a distraction. Whatever it was, it was hard to say; the normally neat hair was swept in wayward waves by the admiral's restlessly moving hands.
"Okay." Sam prodded patiently. "So?"
"So...I need to do something...for us. Something important, something that's sort of... well, at the risk of sounding corny... I want you to make love to me tonight." The last two sentences were spoken in a breathless, nearly incoherent rush, as though he had to get it out before his courage faltered, or he changed his mind.
Sam's brow wrinkled in its familiar puzzled look. Looking at the vulnerable, open face of his dearest friend, he saw only an acceptance without reservation, a plea for something only he, Sam Beckett, could provide. As he came to realize the implications of what his lover was saying, he was alternately stunned, frightened and humbled. Al wanted this from him, was offering himself, committing himself to their relationship in the most profound way he knew.
He came out with the oldest response in the book. "Are you sure?"
"Hell, no I'm not sure. This makes it sort of.. .different. I mean, I'll belong to you in a way I've never belonged to anyone before, in a way I never even wanted before. And I'm scared, Sam. Damn scared."
Beckett sighed, not sure what to say. He got up, started to pace in the now familiar pattern, his stride hardly off at all, in spite of the cane he used. Finally, he stopped abruptly and simply sank to his knees in front of the man on the couch, and taking his face tenderly in both large hands, spoke softly.
"Listen, I...don't know if I'm ready for such a big step myself, but if that's what you want, we'll figure this out together. I do want you, and I'm scared, too. But I love you, and that's all that matters, and I love you for what you're offering me." His grip tightened briefly on the softly smiling face. The worry lines had smoothed, and the dark eyes were calm now and filled to overflowing with what Sam knew was Al's unspoken love. A tingle of excitement vibrated his nerve endings as he contemplated the new-found pleasures of the night ahead.
The room lay in shadow when he entered, the last faded pastels of a desert sunset filling the frame of the bedroom window. Sam had showered and donned faded sweatpants, bare-chested and hair barely tousled dry. His lover was wrapped in his bath blanket, seated on the edge of the bed. Kneeling in front of him once again, his eyes drank in the sight of Al's face, the freshly shaved skin gleaming with drops of moisture, the eyes dark and mysterious as a primordial forest. An aura of quiet anticipation surrounded him, its edges catching and calming the younger man with it's soothing assurance. Outside the sounds of nocturnal desert beings stirring to life created a muted natural symphony, and as he watched, his lover shivered in the cool night breeze that sifted through the open doors.
Swept by an undefinable tenderness, he carefully raised the damp terrycloth round the older man's shoulders, watching him huddle slightly into it's warmth, and was touched by the acceptance of his nurturing.
When did he become so fragile? He marveled, noting for the first time the fine tracery of lines around the dark eyes, the permanent furrows on the high forehead. Swathed in the depths of white cloth, he appeared nearly childlike, the small face turned to his in a gesture of trusting acceptance. This was the one who had been with him always, larger than life, battling committees, bullying the military into accepting his theories, fiercely pushing him when he faltered, there every single day he was leaping, confidant, advisor, protector and friend.
Reaching out to brush the damply curled hair from the baby soft skin of Al's temple, his eye caught the glint of silver in the precisely trimmed sideburns, and he bent to kiss the mute evidence of his lover's mortality.
"What?" Came the gently puzzled question.
"Nothing. . .just that I love you." Beckett's voice was a low tremble of emotion, and he sighed as his words were rewarded by a smile of indefinable sweetness, his eyes crinkling as the full lips lifted wistfully. One small hand freed itself from the white toweling to lightly finger the curve of the younger man's face, and Beckett's eyes fluttered shut at the contact. He sat still, drinking in the light touches, sighing as the butterfly tracing moved to his lips, and he felt the sensitive tissues tingle with the subtle electricity of the whisper soft touch.
Moving as though in a dream, he felt his own arms raise slowly and encircle his lover, pushing the towel away from the cool skin, impatient now to know with hands, lips and tongue this man that he loved. His hands mapped the smaller body, smoothing over the lightly haired arms and deceptively strong hands that held his shoulders, down the compact chest, raising prickled nubs with teasing fingers, down to the soft warmth of downy haired belly.
Al had raised his legs as Sam knelt between them, and his hands smoothed up and down the solid length of thigh, with long warming strokes, and was rewarded by his lover's quickening breaths. He finally bent to greet the arching length of yearning manhood, and heard his lover's low helpless moan. He made love slowly, delicately, each tongue stroke and caress a form of erotic worship, his hands nestling Al's aching cock in careful hands, lightly tracing every inch of him with lips and tongue. He reached down to cup the fragile testicles, simply warming them in his palm, one hand lightly gripping and releasing tufts of musky pubic hair, and Al half sat up, moaning, begging Sam with urgent hands to finish the act of love. Sam complied, gently pushing the other man down, engulfing him completely in the warm depths of his mouth, hands reaching to encourage the thrusting hips. Al came with soft breathless cries, his face contorting as the spasms of release swept through him, then he propped himself up, shaking, and tugged at the chestnut hair of the man still bent over him.
Sam's head rose, face flushed, lips swollen and glistening from their lovemaking, expressive eyes darkened with passion and need, and a sense of yearning that touched the older man deeply, making him long to fill that need. Sitting up, he spread his legs wide and reached down between them where Sam knelt, running stroking fingers over the heavy length of male arousal that swelled even more at his touch. Reaching to kiss Sam's lips, he tried to convey his own sense of acceptance and anticipation to his trembling young lover. He was filled with a quiet excitement, and his own hand fumbled briefly as he reached in the drawer for the special lubricant he had purchased while Sam was gone. He pressed the tube into his hand, then lay face down on the rumpled bed, feeling a faint prickle of anticipation chase down his spine as he felt Sam's large warm hands gently cup each buttock in turn, then bend to press soft kisses on the sensitive skin. He tensed, briefly, and tried to relax.
Sam froze, feeling the sudden tightness in his lover's body, and simply pressed the length of his heated body against him, his mouth close to the older man's ear, close enough to hear the quick intake of breath, and wrapped soothing arms around the stiff shoulders.
"It's okay if we don't." He breathed hoarsely, trying to hide the uncontrollable tremors of need. He made an attempt to quiet his breathing, willing to wait if necessary, till the older man was more certain. He felt rather then heard the denial as the dark head moved back and forth, then Al's whispered protest.
"No...I want this...just give me a little more time."
"We have all night." Came the tender reply. Al felt Sam's lips start a slow, tantalizing journey at the exact point where his carotid pulsed beneath the thin layer of skin, continuing in unhurried abandon across his shoulder blades, with a brief foray to tease the sensitive skin where arm and shoulder met. Simultaneously, two large hands swept in warming strokes up and down his back, brushing firm caresses that brought the blood rushing to the surface, relaxing the taut muscles and leaving a tingling awareness of their presence after they moved on. Al had never felt so vulnerable, or so cherished. He basked unabandonedly in the heat of his love's arousal.
Sam didn't hesitate as his caressing hands finally brushed over the softly rounded swell of his lover's ass. His eyes tenderly noted the light down of hair at the small of Al's back, and he impulsively pressed a soft, lingering kiss there, feeling the other man shiver. Al raised himself slightly, looking back at him, dark eyes heavy-lidded with reawakening passion. Holding his eyes, Sam deliberately repeated the gesture, watching as the dark eyes closed and his lover made a soft sound of assent. He bent and delicately traced each curve of heated flesh with tongue and lips, hands settling over the taut globes in possession, then he was parting the unresisting flesh, thumbs lightly tracing the velvety inner skin. It was warm and dark and intoxicatingly forbidden, and all his. He inhaled the sweet smell of just washed skin and faint musk, as his tongue replaced his fingers, lightly exploring the damp cleft. Al moaned faintly as the curious tongue delved deeper, touching his center, and Sam felt the muscles tauten briefly, then relax as the erotic exploration continued. His groping fingers found the tube of gel, and he quickly warmed it in his palm, then rubbed it generously up and down the inviting crack, fingers drawn unerringly to the hidden opening to his lover's body, and he tried to control his eagerness to simply push inside, teasing his lover with circling fingers until he groaned impatiently and pushed up against the tormenting digit.
"Dammit, Sam, stop teasing me." Al gasped.
"I want to make sure you're ready."
"If I were any more ready, I'd launch like a missile," came the aggravated reply.
"All right, lover."
Sam's finger slid deeply inside the pucker of flesh, and Al arched back in greeting. Encouraged, he pulled it out and pushed in again, feeling the strong muscles clutch his finger as he slid in again. Soon, he was able to wrestle two fingers into the virginal opening, and his fear of hurting his lover abated somewhat. Al relaxed further, pushing back encouragingly against his hand, and Sam felt himself barely able to contain his own excitement. When the older man raised himself to his knees, Sam knew it was time. Coating himself with shaking hands, he took a deep breath and fitted himself carefully to the waiting opening. Al grunted softly at the first press of hard flesh against his untried orifice, and Sam backed off, gritting his teeth, then Al pushed back determinedly, and Sam cried out as he felt the head of his cock glide slowly into the other man's body. Al's short muffled groan stopped him, but the other man pushed back again, and Sam held still, not willing to hurt his friend.
"Just keep going, Sam." Al gasped out. "There's no way this isn't going to hurt, so just do it." Sam bent and pressed a reassuring kiss on the sweat damp neck, then holding the narrow hips, he began a slow, careful entry into the reluctantly yielding flesh. When he was halfway in, he stopped, letting his lover rest and get used to the unaccustomed pressure. Al breathed in shallow gasps, feeling the unbearable sensation of being stretched beyond capacity ease a little as his body adjusted, and he pushed back a little, surprised at the ease of accommodating Sam once he was past the initial clench of guardian muscles. Sam moaned as he pushed back again, and Al repeated the movement, fascinated with the power he wielded over the younger man. He pushed back and Sam responded, his own hips beginning a slow in and out glide that Al felt along every inch of his newly sensitized body. The push and pull created a tantalizing friction, Sam's presence inside him like a living extension of his own body, the warm press of hard thighs against his, hands roaming up and down his sweat damp flanks, then circling his waist intimately, finally reaching to greet his newly awakened cock, one hand pressed warmly against his stomach, tenderly possessive. Al knew that he had never felt owned before as he did at this moment, locked in the most intimate way imaginable to another man, and he felt hot tears sting his eyes as Sam gave one last thrust, his involuntary shout mingling with Al's as both men released simultaneously, Al feeling the warmth of Sam's seed fill him as his own body shuddered in climax. He fell to the rumpled sheets, feeling Sam's body heavy against his own, the other man's heart a thudding rumble against his back. Sam's short staccato breaths ruffled the hairs of his neck, and he heard a faint "Love you."
Gentle lips caressed his neck, soft words of love and worry touching Al' s heart. "I'm okay, Sam," he said quietly, his voice reassuring. "It'll be better the next time, I promise. Trust me."
Sam rolled off of him, keeping one an-, around his shoulders. Al pulled him to his chest, gently cradling his lover close, playing his fingers through his tawny hair, soothing the passion tense lines into softness and rest. Rocking gently, he held Sam until he felt the tremors ease down and his own need to use the bathroom became so great he could remain in the comfortable position no longer. Sam's arms released him and Al left the warmth of the bed to pad into the bath.
When he returned, he frowned, noticing the empty bed. "Sam?" he questioned.
"I'm out here." Sam's voice filtered in from the patio. Pulling on a robe, Al wandered to where his lover stood, framed by the dying sunlight, deep blue sky against his dark, robed silhouette. The green eyes, still lazy from passion, stared out towards the horizon, taking in the expanse of desert beyond the wall that surrounded the pool. It was his favorite time, the night creeping over the desert, touching and changing everything in it's path. A gentle smile touched his face as Al came to his side, circling his waist with his arm.
Al gazed up at the much loved face, taking in every nuance of sweet satisfaction there.
"I dreamed about you every night, Al," Sam said, finally breaking his reverie. "You said you weren't with me, but you were. The thought of you kept me strong. It's so good to be home."
"It's damn good to have you here, kid." Al pulled Sam close, kissing his lips gently before releasing him. "It was good, Sam," he said, keeping his eyes locked with the other man's gaze. "Worth everything."
"Al..." Sam squinted, turning away for a moment.
"You told me once that you loved me." Al had a good idea what was on Sam's mind, and what was making his shoulders stiffen with tension. He moved his hand up, gently massaging Sam's back with his palm, rubbing through the soft velour. "That's all I need, Sam. You made this commitment long before I did. God, I wanted you, I've... loved you a long time and probably..."
"You said it."
"Uh?"
"The 'L' word. You said it."
"Oh, that. Well, Christ, Sam you knew, didn't you? I can't come out sounding like a Hallmark card every five minutes."
Sam bent and kissed the dark head at his shoulder, pulling the older man close. He took in a long shiver of breath before speaking. "I'll be ready someday, Al. When you need me to be."
"I know, Sam." Al closed his eyes, taking in every scent that wafted from his partner; clean soap, musk, the mint of his breath as his mouth moved over his. A moment to savor, serene and peaceful in the midst of chaos.