WARNING: point of view change, from third person to first person. This chapter will be told from Catherine's point of view.

AN: You should go back and check out chapter 3 if you read it after Saturday. When I updated chapter 4, I accidentally updated chapter 3 instead.

AN2: Letters are in italics and separated from the rest of the story by a line.

AN3: Jessie's dreams are not prophetic. She is not a seer. Jessie is just a perceptive fifteen-year-old girl who desperately wants what she dreams about to come true, to be real.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

To the living we owe respect,

but to the dead,

we owe only the truth.

- Voltaire

I cannot see Emily's face but I know that she is crying. I can hear the sobs just as easily as I can see her shaking form in the dim light coming from the nightlight in the bathroom. I wrap my arms around Emily; I hope this makes her feel better, or at least calmer. I don't expect a response from Emily but I get one. Emily uncurls from her fetal position and wraps her arms around me, burrowing her tearstained face in my hair, sobs wracking her body.

I don't offer to talk about Emily's dream with her because I know that Emily will turn me down. She has already shared a lot about Matthew tonight and just as I am unwilling to talk about what happened to me, I know that right now, she isn't willing to share anymore either. I just hold on tightly and wait out her sobbing.

Once Emily calms down a little bit, I run through a bunch of ideas for distractions. Jen always has distractions ready for me when I wake up from a nightmare. I feel like a horrible sister for not remembering sooner. My mind gets stuck on one thing; though I am loathe to ask my question because I'm not sure that it will make Emily feel better. In fact, I'm pretty sure it will bring back sad memories, but my mind is stuck. I take a deep breath, pull slightly away from Emily so that I can look at her face and ask my question: "Emmy, do you still have any of the letters Jessie wrote to you?"

She hiccups and looks down at me, "Yes I do. Why?"

I bite my lip nervously, "Would you mind letting me read some of them?"

Emily hesitates, "I don't know Catherine."

I am so desperate for another opinion that I actually beg, "Just one? Please Emmy! Please?"

She frowns at me, "This obsession isn't healthy."

I roll my eyes, "Please Emily, I have been raised on stories of Jessie and Jenny doesn't have letters from her."

"She should-" Emily cuts herself off.

"She should what Emmy?" I ask, my curiously has been piqued.

Emily looks exceedingly nervous, "JJ should have at least one letter from Jessie."

I wrinkle my nose in confusion, "What? Why would she have-" It clicks, "Oh, you mean Jessie left a letter for Jen. How do you know that she would do that?"

Emily sighs, "I know that Jessie left a letter for JJ because Jessie wrote a letter to me."

My breath exits my lungs with a whooshing sound. "Jessie wrote you a goodbye letter Emmy?"

Emily looks up at the ceiling before answering. "Yes she did."

"I'm sorry," slips out before I can think to censure my thoughts.

"It's alright Catherine." Emily says. "You do have a right to know about Jessie and I am the only other person with information. So I am going to let you read one letter."

"Are you sure Emmy?" I ask, suddenly uncertain of my question and the possible answers it might bring to light.

"Yes," says Emily simply, as if there is nothing to sharing what must be a cherished memory if she's kept Jessie's letters for so long.

Emily untangles herself before rising from her bed and walking across the room to her huge cabinet. She bends down, opens the bottom cupboard and unlocks the safe. I probably shouldn't know the combination, but I do. Just like I shouldn't know the combo to Jen's safe or Derek's, Penelope's or Spencer's. From inside the safe Emily withdraws a small dark green box. She stands up slowly before walking back to the bed where I am waiting and fidgeting impatiently. Emily sits down on the edge of the bed, rather far away from me and I frown at her. She takes a few deep breaths, I wonder if this is more painful for her than I originally thought.

Emily opens the box and tilts it towards me so that I can see inside, it is completely filled with letters.

"You kept them all?" I ask in an awed whisper.

Emily snaps the lid shut, "I kept every single letter." Emily says, running her fingers over the lid in a repetitive motion.

I inch closer to Emily, wanting to see better in the dim light.

"There is one letter that I want you to read Creirwy (kree-ree)."

"Which one Emmy?" I ask instantly curious.

"The last one," whispers Emily.

I bite my lip when Emily doesn't move, "Oh Emmy, are you sure?"

"Yes I am sure Creirwy (kree-ree)." She turns on the table lamp before opening the box again. Emily withdraws the bottommost letter with care and hands it to me.

I take it with as much consideration as I can before settling back against the headboard. Emily sits down beside me but she doesn't look at me nor does she look at the letter cradled in my hands.

I gasp in recognition, at the adult like handwriting on the letter. Jessie wasn't more than fifteen years old and yet her handwriting is almost identical to Jen's. I wonder if Jen copied it so many times that it just became a part of her, like Jessie and me.

I open the envelope cautious of Emily's reaction because from what I can tell, she is not breathing. The handwritten letter I withdraw is on pale green paper and the ink is lavender. I take a deep breath before I start to read. I can already tell that reading this letter is going to be exhausting.

July 23, 1989

Emily,

I am truly sorry that our one and only opportunity to meet did not go as well as we intended. Again, I am so sorry; I didn't mean to make you cry. I really am doing what I believe is best for me. I cannot continue to live like this. My medication drags me down even more than any voice I might possibly have heard in my head. I am glad that I got to meet you. Your friendship over the past two and a half years has meant so much to me. I am glad that I had a chance to write to you, know you and meet you in person.

Don't worry about what happened in Italy; I am quite sure that Matthew will figure everything out. You haven't heard from him in a while, maybe he got better in time for graduation. If he was held back because of how much school he missed, he will have lots of time to be better by the time he graduates next year.

Don't hate yourself for what you did, Emily, you survived and now you have a chance to live, so live. Go to University, graduate, get a job, save lives, have a family, save more lives. You are going to be even more amazing than you already are. What you are going to achieve is so much more that what I could ever hope to accomplish. I am drowning Emily. I am barely surviving as it is and only knowing that I have chosen a failsafe date, which is quickly approaching, gets me through the day.

I had a dream a while back that one day you would meet my little sister Jenny and that the two of you will be great friends. I am so happy for both of you, but what makes me even happier is the other dream that I had: You, my dear Emily, are going to meet my faerie princess. I know you know about whom I am speaking. You will know her when you meet her Emily, just like Jenny will know her when she first holds her. Jenny will look so very familiar to you and when you meet the princess, you will understand everything that I have told you. She is so very important Emily. She will be there when you need her most but you won't be there when she falls apart. Being away from your family, unable to help will eat at you but your return will help everyone. You always come back Emily. You are a survivor.

Your daughter will be gorgeous Emily, a true sea goddess. She will look just like you, nothing of her father in her, I promise. She is going to love you so much Emily, for a long time, you will be her whole world.

I want you to know that I am leaving a letter for Jenny. It is rather pitiful, but I don't know how to explain myself to Jenny in a way that won't irreparably damage her. She needs to be strong. Eventually she will be strong, I am sure of it, a white phantom warrior. She will protect the faerie princess just like she promised.

I am going to trust you with something important Emily: please keep the enclosed letter for the faerie princess. You can read it if you want to, but know that I would prefer that she read it first. So you might have to wait a rather long while.

Don't forget to always keep your promises. Never make one that you are not one hundred percent certain you can keep.

I also want to thank you for trying to save me. It was really very sweet of you, but some of us are just not meant to survive.

Thank you for being my friend.

All my love,

Jessica Joy, JJ, Jessie

After I finish the letter, I notice that Emily has started breathing again. We are silent for a few minutes, I am digesting everything that I've read and Emily is chewing her nails while looking everywhere but at me. She stops biting her nails long enough to blurt out, "You're not going to ask me why I didn't save your sister?"

When I don't break down in tears or start screaming, Emily appears to relax a little bit.

It takes me a moment to process Emily's rushed question. I frown at her, "Emily, if she wanted to die that badly, there was no way you could have saved her."

Emily smiles humorlessly, "Yes, she was rather determined."

I bite my lip nervously, "Emily, do you know how long she waited?"

"What do you mean?" Emily asks confusion evident on her face.

I am almost calm when I try to explain, "Jessie's failsafe date was July 23rd 1989."

"Yes. What of it?" asks Emily in dubiety.

"How long before that had Jessie decided that she was going to kill herself?"

My name is long and drawn out warning, "Catherine."

I am not fazed by the use of my name and so I answer in kind, "Emily." When Emily doesn't say anything I try again. "Emily, you must know something."

Emily looks very pale when she answers, "One hundred and eighty one days."

I frown, puzzled, "That is a long time to wait. How long would you have waited?"

Emily snaps, "Catherine."

I slump down against the headboard, "I'm sorry Emmy."

She looks at me and raises one eyebrow.

"Really, really sorry." I do my best to look contrite. It is not much of a stretch. In fact, I am sorry for letting my mouth get ahead of my brain. Trying to get away from the topic of failsafe dates, I ask Emily the first question that pops into my head, "Emily do you have the letter for me that Jessie mentioned in her letter to you?"

Emily looks exhausted, "Yes I do Creirwy (kree-ree). Are you sure you want to read it tonight?"

"Yes Emmy, but only if you're up for it. You haven't read it have you?" I have to make sure.

Emily sighs, "No Creirwy (kree-ree), I haven't read your letter."

"Well, can I have it then?" Finally, something tangible about my eldest sister, something first hand. I want solid proof that she existed, that she knew about me, that she wanted me. I want to know why she decided to die.

Emily reaches back into the little green box and pops out the inside cover for the lid. Inside is an envelope which Emily hands to me as if touching it has burned her fingers. The first thing I notice about the envelope is that it is not pale green like Emily's but a dark midnight blue with a pair of intricate wings drawn in the bottom left-hand corner. I open the envelope carefully; the flap has not been sealed shut, just tucked in. I am struck by the realization of just how much Jessie must have trusted Emily. Not only did she leave Emily a letter for me, someone she could not have been sure Emily would ever meet, but she didn't seal said letter. She trusted Emily enough to respect her wishes.

The next thing that I notice about the letter is that the paper is a light blue and the writing is in silver. The third final thing that I notice about the letter before reading it is that unlike Emily's letter, mine has no date. This is a curious difference.

My Faerie Princess,

I am writing this to you on what I expect will be your birthday next year. However I might be wrong since it is so very difficult to predict an accurate due date.

I have been waiting such a long time, possibly my entire life to meet you, but I know that I shan't. I want you to know that I have wanted you to exist ever since I knew who you were. You are going to be amazing. I know you'll be even smarter than Jenny and me. You're going to be so important to Jenny, so please let her take care of you. She is the white phantom warrior and she knows just what to do.

If you are actually receiving this letter then you have met Emily. I am so happy for both of you. If things had gone, as they should have, I might have been attacked and I would not have been sick. I would have been able to eventually deal with the trauma. Our parents should have raised you and you could be a ballerina. Mama has always wanted a dancer in the family; Jenny and I aren't capable of any form of classical dancing at the moment.

I think you should know that Emily would have been important in your life, another sister, even if I had lived. Emily has always wanted a true family and we could have been that for her. So I apologize to both of you. I am sorry.

I am going to mess everything up and for that I am so very sorry, but I just can hold on anymore. I'm drowning my princess and I have no raft or life preserver within reach, not that I would want one. I promise you that Emily tried very hard to save my life. It is exceedingly difficult for someone to be saved when they don't want to be. So please don't blame Emily. It is my fault, all my fault. I wish I could have stuck it out to meet you and then leave but it was not meant to be. I am so very tired my little faerie princess.

I am resigned to my fate; I broke a geis, but you do not share my fate. If you do not know what that means, look it up or ask Emily or Jenny. Please don't ever give up, no matter what happens. It will take time but I know that you will have a wonderful life.

I would like to leave you with a few pieces of advice since I won't get a change to raise you. Always keep your promises and do not ever make a promise that you cannot keep. Trust in genius and your family but be wary of dogs and sharks. Oh, I almost forgot, eat lots of blueberry pancakes but don't forget the chocolate chips if Jenny is eating with you.

I love you so much Princess. I loved you before you were born, before you were even conceived. I loved you as soon as I knew who you were: my angel, my faerie princess. Take care of your family, of Emily and Jenny and whomever else you choose to include in that list.

All my love,

Your big sister,

Jessica Joy Jareau

After I have read and reread my letter, I hand it wordlessly to Emily. Who puts the letter down before she reads it this puzzles me. I thought she would want to read it the instant she was allowed. Instead Emily is reaching towards the bedside table and picking up a box of tissues. Why does Emily need tissues?

Emily wipes my cheeks and dabs at my eyes with the tissues.

Oh, they're not for Emily, they're for me. Apparently I have been crying and I didn't notice.

I guess I'm a little out of it. Jessie was real. I know that, I have known that all my life. But here is proof, an actual letter in Jessie's handwriting; one for Emily and one addressed to me. Even if I never knew Jessie, it is still nice to be wanted and now I know that she really did want me to exist.

I am puzzled by some of the things Jessie has said about me, but mostly about Emily. She wasn't completely accurate so maybe she was just a precocious teenager who dreamed of what might be, of what she wanted to happen.

I have no idea at the moment what the warnings are for but I do know what a geis is, it means a 'bond' or a prohibition. It is something like a curse or a blessing. A geis is tied in with one's fate or destiny, if you violate your geis, there are consequences, usually death. It is fictional, but if Jessie truly believed that she had broken a geis placed upon her, it is possible that she would have been unable to draw another conclusion but her death. This makes me feel unbearably sad. I don't know what to think anymore. I have some answers now, but still more questions.

I break out of my musings and look over at Emily. She has silent tears falling down her face after she reads Jessie's letter to me. I briefly hesitate before wiping hers tears away with a tissue, just as gently as she wiped mine away. She gently wraps me in her arms and I hug her fiercely, we both need this.

Emily folds both letters and puts them back in their rightful place before locking them up in the safe. I have become so tangled up between the blankets and the mess that is my mind, I almost don't let Emily get out of bed. Emily represents comfort, but not comfort that I would get from Spence or the calmness that comes from being around my sister. This is different. The way Emily comes back to bed slides my unresponsive body down and tucks me in under the covers; it seems almost parental.

When Emily climbs into bed and lies down next to me, the first and only movement I make is reach for her hand.

Emily grasps my hand tightly. "Good night Creirwy (kree-ree)," she says, "Goodnight little faerie princess."

I want to respond but I'm so tired that I can't get the words out of my mouth, so I just squeeze Emily's hand.

She squeezes back and I know that everything is going to be all right.

Sometimes there are no words,

no clever quotes to sum up what's happened that day.

Sometimes, the day just... ends.

- Aaron Hotchner, Season 4 Episodes 25x26 To Hell… And Back

AN4: I have an extra scene that didn't end up fitting in. If you would like to read it, please let me know.