Hello my readers, before you read this chapter, I want you all to know that I AM female and not a sexist jerk! Um, second, I AM part of the LGBT community and this is a historical Fanfiction. So, forgive all the people in the 1900's for living under a rock. Thank you and thanks to Timothy27 for beta-ing this chapter! Thank you, thank you, you are awesome!(And my computer screen is giving out, so forgive any spelling mistakes, I will fix it when I can see!)Onwards with the story! Cheers, Aceidia

London − 1900

Three years later

And how is one to do that? How do I learn from you Ceion, when you dare not to speak to me? Alair sighed and shut the door of his bedroom, hearing the faint chatter from below from supper where Ceion was still taking his time to complain to Daniel about university. Even now? It is honestly not such a difficult task only a few words, or am I invisible? I suppose that is true. Alair thought as he stood up to glance out the window at the young boy lighting the lamps as he went along down the cobblestone street. I… Don't want to live anymore. I… I am not needed, so I shall die. Wait, no. And I… I don't want to die. He glanced at the clock. It was time for sleeping. I truly don't and yet, the day has gone away. It's so dark out… so dark.

Akin to my mind.

He hated the sound of Cieon's complaining, but it could not be helped. Not that Alair-Damn it, what can I do to be better? God, I want to be better. I… I cannot keep doing this. Wanted to attend as well, but being middle-class, their father decided it was best to- It… It goes on forever and ever. I cannot get my thoughts to stop! It was best for Ceion to attend, being the heir to the family name and far more im-. Maybe I should take a stroll. Alair decided. Yet, it is dark out and I…I don't wish to go downstai-

The knife sank into his chest.

The darkened room around him silent as everyone was sleeping.

And he-

No. I… I cannot go downstairs. Downstairs is where the knives are. Oh, someone help me. Please…Alair walked over to his dresser, pulling one of the drawers open. I just want to rest. Rest? Do you mean die? Um… interesting. There are- He closed his eyes and decided it were best for him to do the one thing he could.

Live for something.

But what? There is nothing and-

A faint whistling echoed in his ears.

The lamp-lighter boy.

Hah.

I shall live for the lamp-lighter boy and his song.

There.

I have a reason. Alair smiled to himself, his worries behind him after a final decision. He finished getting ready for that night's slumber and crawled under the covers of his bed, the sounds of speaking from the room below, bringing a slight comfort he was not alone. And if I am not alone, none of my fears can come to pass. Correct? Yes, that is right... Alair wished he were not so foolish for his fifteen-years-of-age, but no one needed to know of his hopes. And of his fears.

Besides… it would be suitable for a young gentleman such as myself to reveal such petty things. No, I will be all right. I always am. Even if my mind decides it's life and death by the week. With this, he let his thoughts rest and listened to the conversation in the dinning room below where Ceion was speaking of something not of educational standards.

"Is quite nice, don't you think?"

"No, no," Daniel had to interject, seeing that his friend was not thinking correctly, "do not be such a fool! You have to read these books, not dream of Evalyn."

"But, Daniel, my dearest friend, it is all I can keep my mind upon these last two days since we met behind a rock in the drug store!"

"Perhaps, but if you wish to think of her more, think of her while you read for her sake."

"Fine, if I must die, then I shall."

Alair froze. What had he suddenly spoken of?

"Well, you will need a flower for that."

"But which kind, I die, the florist down the street-" No. No! I thought I rid of you! I did! I-

"But she is so sweet. Did you not see her smile? The fall killed him, you know."

Please, stop. Stop… Die, die, you must die…Alair put his pillow over his head as the sound of the street-sweeper's broom began to speak to him. The voice being joined by the sound of carriages walking towards their death down the street. Heading towards the graveyard where he belonged. Just as he slept in his bed, he would sleep forever.

Until his eyes caught sight of the light on the table beside his bed.

You. Alair knew it were a foolish thing to do, but I shall live for you. I promised I would. For your little song you little song that sings me to sleep….

And sleep he did. Safe away from the darkness around him, his own little sanctuary. And the next day, feeling more brave, he crept downstairs to find his brother asleep in the dinning room, a touch of… what was it again, drool on the table next to his head.

Alair found a smile and tapped his brother on the shoulder. "Ceion, it is time to wake if you-"

"Ugh…" The blond muttered, still half-way in the land of, "Evalyn…."

Alair sighed and nailed his brother in the shin with his foot, waking Ceion with such a start, he fell over backwards in his chair.

"Excuse me!" he yelled, sitting up and rubbing the back of his now sore head, "what on earth was that for? I was sleeping and-"

"Get me some tea," Alair demanded, not daring to make it himself as… oh, he didn't wish to-The knife sank into his chest.

The darkened room aro- leave me, go back to-

"Alair?"

He looked up and found Ceion staring at him with a curious glance. "What?"

"Are you well? On your face is that rather panicked stare you give me every so often," Ceion noted, much to his younger brother's displeasure. "And you are free to get the tea yourself."

"Well," Alair falsified a pained smile and voice, "I do not feel so well today, if I am honest."

Ceion's mouth frowned a tad, wondering what happened to be his brother's illness as he was fine the previous day. "Is… that so?"

Alair nodded.

Hating to lie, but,

Anything.

Anything not to step in that room.

"What, may I ask is wrong as of now?" Ceion wished that his brother was not being foolish like he were last month when he feigned sickness not to attend a social event their father were so kind invite them to. "Are you hoping to get into university as well as a test subject?" he laughed, receiving a glare from his younger brother.

"No, I am not," Alair stated, offended he would suggest such stunt. Once again. "In honesty, my stomach does not feel well."

Much to his surprise, Ceion smiled widely and put his hand over his shoulder. "Well, well, well… Let me guess… and dare I say that I am quite pleased to hear you say that."

Alair glanced at the hand on his shoulder and up at Ceion. What?

"What are you pleased to hear?" he asked, unsure of what Ceion was speaking of.

"I am pleased to hear that…" Ceion glanced around the dinning roo, glad to see their mother was out attending to her sewing club as her mending basket were nowhere to be seen and their father were at work. "That my dear younger brother has been stuck by Cupid's arrow. So, tell me," he said, sitting Alair down in a chair at the dinning table, "who is the lovely lady you so fancy it makes you sick?"

"Um…" Alair wished he would not say such a thing as it were hardly true, "none to be-"

"Oh, do not deny the matters of the heart! It is the worst thing a man can do when he is sneaking a glance at a lady from across the room, even if he must not gaze in her direction!"

Alair sighed, glancing of the dinning room across the hallway into the living room. If.. If only he could speak of his feelings on the matter of women, however… It… no. No it must leave my mind as well. You have no place, lovely gentleman I…I dream of. He sighed again, knowing that the handsome man of his dreams with deep brown hair, a mischievous smile and two strong arms to keep him safe fro-

"Are you even listening to what I am attempting to inform you on?" Cein demanded to know of his younger brother who had once again, drifted off to his dreams of such a fine lady. "No, I suppose not. But I suppose, you are lost in love. Just as I am with… ah… Evalyn… and Alair!"

He looked up and blinked, "Yes, Ceion?"

"Alair, if you wish to win a woman's heart, one must be graceful and yet strong, do you understand?"

Alair decided it were best to smile a bit and nod slightly. "I understand."

"Now, if you would be so kind and this is of the most strict confidence," Ceion began, another smile crossing his face, "who, may I ask his the lovely lady you have your eyes and your heart set upon?"

"Um…" Alair did not know what he should speak of. "I am unsure of her name," he settled with, and his older brother thankfully decided it were to be a guessing game.

"I see," he began, gently stroking his chin which Alair found made old by the blonde beard, but never dared speak against the fashion. "So, allow me to make a guess. It it Eva Wentworth? Jillian Paddox or, I know, she has attend every party you have not attended. Ah, the avoidance tactic, does not work in the long run, but, Heather Schreiber Now, lovely brunette, love to give her one."

Alair made a face.

He was yet to have tea and his brother was declaring yet another woman he wished to have sex with. Which honestly confused Alair as Ceion seemed to talk only of Evalyn and yet… never said a thing about giving her one.

Oh, the matters of physical relationships are quite confusing… Alair finally concluded five minutes later as Ceion decided to inform him of all he needed to know of the subject and what a lady liked and not and this and that and-

"Ceion, the tea." Alair finally cut in just as his brother was about to inquire something Alair was sure he wished not to reply to. Ever. "If you would not mind. "

"Oh, yes, the tea.." Ceion smiled rather foolishly, leaving the room so Alair could wonder how his brother, of all respectable gentlemen, knew such lewd details. Even if Darwin did speak of such things in his works, Alair would never dare speak of them aloud; even if they were from a scientific view-point.

Not in the manner of which Ceion was,

"Pouring the tea…" Alair muttered, over the quite lewd, not even lewd, comments his brother was stating as he prepared the drink, "I do not find it needed to…" He glanced down at the cup of steeping tea Ceion placed in front of him at the table. "I do not believe I can drink that now that you state such… facts."

"Why?" Ceion asked with a spark in his eye, "I find nothing wrong with a bit of-my god! Why are you crying?"

"I…" Alair felt as if he were dying and all his brother could speak about was making love to a slew of women and it was the last thing he wanted to hear as his chest ached from the emotional strain, "I… I am so sad! Ceion, I am so-"

"It's that bad, now is it?"

Alair nodded, hearing a slight change of tone in his brother's voice he hope was that of compassion. "I… I want to kill m-"

"I find it in my heart to understand your pain, " Ceion stated with strange arm movements, " I would want to kill the man who stole my woman from me, but have no fear, dear brother for I have a solution."

Alair sighed and wondered for a spare moment if it were worth it to even taste the tea that Ceion had been so kind to make, despite his normal objections to any kitchen work. "No, Ceion, it is not that-"

"Of course it's not that as you are not getting any!"

Alair sighed again as he wished to say he did not care in the least that, "Wait a moment, Ceion…. Mum would murder you!"

His older brother glanced his way, "And who, may I ask, is telling her? I do not see any-"

"I will." Alair stated, keeping his own until Ceion dared to speak of something one must never know: "Will, you now? Or shall I recall the, what was it? The time you were stared perhaps a bit too much at William Masterson about a year ago?"

"No, I was-" Alair stammered, only to see a smirk cross his brother's face.

"Even I noticed a slight stammering as he introduced himself. " Ceion continued, leaning over his brother at the table, their eyes meeting. "Tell our mother of my slight but rather… delightful shortcomings and the mad house will have a new guest if the priest doesn't beat it out of you. Is that understood? I wouldn't be surprised if he hung you in the church! Go on, cry all you want, it's not going to change my mind. I do as I wish with my life and you are not going to stop me."

"Ceion," Alair sobbed, "I honestly and I truly do not care what you do with your life. Please… though, please take that back!"

"Why?" Ceion stared down at the oddity with in their house, "How could it ever hurt a sinner like you? Already corrupted b-" "Stop!" Alair shrieked, the tea cup shattering as it hit the wooden floor. "Stop! I … I hate you!"

"Go on! Hate me!" Ceion cried, laughing at the sorry sight before him, legs curled up to his chin and hand over ears, "Because I have you on a string and you are going to stay that way until you come to your senses!"

Alair closed his eyes and did his best to ignore the tears sliding down his face and the ever calling voice in the back of his head trying to convince him death waited for him. Waited for him with open and loving arms. "Ce.. Ceion… Please, do not speak of this… I… I will do as you say for yes, I… I have sinned."

Ceion fixed his hair and smiled. "How wonderful. Alair, you seemed to have dropped your tea on the floor, shall I get you another?" he inquired politely.

"N..no…" Alair muttered, reaching down to pick up the sha-

Blood. So much blood poured from his hands onto the wooden floor, th-

"And since I do not feel like making another pot of tea, " Ceion continued in his frighteningly normal tone, "let us head down to the pub for some brew instead."

"Are you-"

"Yes, Alair, do not worry so, it will be a fine time to be had. On our way, we can see if Daniel wishes to join us."

"If you do not mind, I would rather stay here…" Alair whispered, eyes starting at the shards of broken china on the floor."I… I don't feel very-"

"I have been informed of your ills, but it is nothing a simple brew cannot fix." Ceion stated, leaving the room for a moment to retrieve their hats and coats from the rack by the door, "Here, we shall leave ."

"I said I do-"

Ceion frowned and Alair knew by the look in his eyes, he had no choice but to obey.

Merely an hour later, he, Daniel and Ceion were sitting in the back corner of the small corner pub, and Ceion was being as annoying as one could ever be. Not that Alair did not enjoy a drink once and a while, but he already had two.

"One more is not going to do much harm, besides," Ceion stated, not wishing to be the only one drinking nor have no one to toast with. "You drink a lot more come night, Daniel."

"Well, I do have a job to attend later today, so I am being wise and not having too much." Daniel replied, pleased that his way of life had been vastly improved and Emily was happily married with three children so far. "So no, Ceion, I will not have another."

"Well…" He smiled a bit and turned to his younger brother, "And you?"

"I am fine with what I have," Alair replied, not daring to tell Ceion that this drink was far stronger than he had ever had before. "So, Daniel, if I may be so bold to inquire, but have you not been speaking of a Miss Ingrid quite fondly as of lately?"

Daniel turned his attention away from the table, "Yes, in fact I have. I wish, someday, to be married to her. We shall move out into the country and have our own land on which to farm. And yourself, Alair? I have not spoken much to you in recent times."

"How about another drink?" Ceion interrupted much to both of their surprise, "Why? For I wish to toast a fact."

Alair and Daniel shared an exasperated glance. If he kept up his so wonderful drinking habits, Ceion would be London's newest drunkard.

"Um, no," Alair found himself having to refuse once more, "I wish not to. As for myself, Daniel, I am far too young to have my eyes upon any lady, being fifteen years of age."

"My, my, you are quite the gentleman," Daniel had to admit to the fact the younger of the two brothers was far more refined. "But that does not mean one must not find a slight fancy in a beautiful lady, but I under-Ceion, you are not in need of another drink,you have been drinking far too much as of late and I-"

"Yes, I, in the most desperate terms, need another." he replied, slightly desperate in his tone, making Alair and Daniel share a questioning glance.

"And…" Alair took a moment of his time to look around at the other patrons in the pub. Thankfully, most, if not all, were quite intoxicated and so, would not notice a small conversation in the back corner. "What is so wrong with your life you find a need to… have too many brews? If anything-"

Ceion stared at his younger brother, "Evalyn. I… I have a problem with Evalyn."

"Fair enough," Daniel said, "And wha-"

"Why can you not just speak with her and resolve the matter?" Alair cut in, not seeing why Daniel would dare agree to Ceion's excuse for drinking too much following a stern chasting. "It must not be so horrid if she is still speaking with you, Ceion."

"Are you trying to make a fool of me?" Ceion muttered.

"No," Alair frowned, "I am not. I am just stating the facts."

"I see… But... this problem we have cannot really be solved."

"Yes, it can be." Alair was not going to hear it. "Anything can be solved."

"Not when…" Ceion sighed again, it was such a shame Evalyn was so scared of doctors… "Um, this problem is not truly a problem."

"Then, why the hell are you being such a-"

"Alair, calm down," Daniel reached over and took away the near empty glass of brew in front of the younger Grant. Anymore and this may not end so well, now that he thought of it. "I advise you to listen. Now, Ceion, continue on."

"Well, I said, it's not a problem, more of a… a… person."

Alair stared at his brother, so damn glad this drink had dared to make him at least a bit less depressed than he was before, "Sh...and you-" Daniel's hand went over the young man's mouth before he said something he would regret.

"And so, " Daniel continued knocking the other glasses off the table with a sweep of his arm just as Alair reached for one of which, he suspected, was going to be used to hit Ceion, "It is simple. Marry her."

"But.." Ceion took another long drink, "I… I don't know if I love her…"

Daniel sighed and turned to Alair, "Please, you've had a little too much to drink and I know what he did was… quite wrong."

"Quite wrong!" Alair managed to state, wanting to murder his brother for all he said. It was not wrong in the least after what he had gone and done. It was just something that wasn't accepted by society, like the notion of women voting or attending university to become nurses. Alair could care less about that and more about how handsome William Masterson looked. No, correction, looks. "Tell him off, Daniel!"

"I.. I do not think that it is my job to do that… as I…" Daniel sighed, hating to do this to his best friend he ever had; who even did not care he was from Scotland, but this situation was far too dire, "I am going to inform your parents and this will all sweep over quite swift-"

"You would not dare do such a thing," Ceion stated, starting to rise, only to have Daniel sit him back down in his chair by force. "Or… You would and I will sit here and thank you for doing something that I could never do on my own."

"Exactly." Daniel grinned an impish grin, "And that is what best friends are for."

"Well," Alair began, with a laugh, "Too bad I don't have any. Why? Because no one likes me!"

Daniel sighed once again and placed his hand on the other's shoulder, "Alair, I think you're quite nice when you have not had too much to drink all thanks to your older brother. "

Alair paused, "You do? I… I have had too much to drink?" Daniel nodded.

"Oh…" Alair rather liked it but, "Why do I still feel like I am playing Russian Roulette with myself… does... Does someone have a gun?"

"No," Daniel wished he could help this young man, but he had no idea where to start, "I don't. No one does. Guns have.. " What was the best way to state this lie, "are not allowed in the pub."

"That's a shame…" Alair grinned coldly, "because I… I swear I won't make a mess. Anyhow, Daniel, I… I am just so sad all the time and yet… sometimes I'm not…because I am good at everything and I can't stop, but it's not worth the pain...It really is not-"

"I know, I know…" Daniel truly wished Alair had not drunk two very strong drinks, "And now, why don't we leave and Ceion, come with us as we have to all go talk to your parents and have all of these matters sorte-"

"Do not tell the about this," Alair stated, slowly standing up, "I… I do not wish to be sent to the mad house.. please, Daniel. If you care for me at all…"

"Yes, I will make sure you are not sent to the madhouse and," He lead the two out of the pub and down the street as he talked, "I will figure out the best wedding chapel or my friend."

"Daniel," Ceion laughed as the three marched down the street, "Brother, can we forget about all this? No one of this happened? I like being single…"

"No, we can't," Alair stated. "Why? Because you are a-"

Daniel returned the favour and kicked Alair in the shin. "No insults."

"But he deserves it!" Alair cried, hardly feeling the pain."Why? Because he's a-"

Daniel nailed him once more, baffled why he did not seem to notice this one either. So, he added a third for good measure. "And we make a left turn and we are home and inside your house, now you two sit down at the table."

The brothers shared a look and did as they were told.

Alair sat down on the right side of the table near the middle and Ceion sat at the first chair on the left, both far away from one another.

"Now," Alair began a smirk creeping onto his face, "may I take a moment to state that my brother is a whore."

Daniel looked up at the ceiling and sat down at the end of the table, wishing that he did not have to be the one to sort these two out. Although, he did have a matter to speak to of with Ceion- why did he even think of bringing his brother to the pub? It was a nice gesture, but Daniel was not expecting Alair-rather quiet and reserved- to be such a foul-mouthed young man, not to mention slightly sadistic in his words. If Alair was any more intoxicated, Daniel would not be surprised if he attacked someone.

"Did I tell you I think my brother's a whore?" Alair asked once again, hearing nothing but silence for a few minutes. "Did I?"

"Yes," Daniel said, "You did. Now, you should head upstairs and perhaps take a bath to alleviate the effects of the drinks."

"I… I do not wish to as I may drown," Alair stated, only to hear Ceion laugh at him from across the table."Be quite, you-"

"Gentlemen!" Daniel cried as their mother walked into through the front door, "Please be civil here and, hello Mrs Grants, did you have a lovely outing?"

"Yes, I did, thank you, Daniel," she said, addressing the family friend as invited years back, "And what, may I ask is going on in this household?"

Daniel glanced at Alair who had fallen silent and Ceion who looked as if he were about to pass out. "Well, I have a few suggestions to make as Ceion seems to not be in the best state to speak for himself…"

"And what does Alair have to do with this?" she asked.

"Ceion thought it would be polite to invite Alair to the pub, that is all." Daniel said, "And he seemed to have a bit too much, I suggest that you leave, now Alair...a damp cloth to the head should be enough."

Alair nodded and swiftly left the room, smirking to himself as he headed up stairs. Pleased his brother was going to receive what he deserved. And for that alone, he would live another day.

Auhtor's Note: Thanks for reading and just talk to someone if you are feeling sad. Please do. Why? Because we all love you. Even if you don't think we don't. To put it short, I adore you!

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